¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Wednesday, 30 April 2008


The thought of a SHATTERED soul of a GAY man battling HIV brings tears to my eyes. So imagine how I felt when a friend of mine confessed to me that he was NO longer taking his medication. An OVERWHELMING feeling of sorrow took over as I realized that I cannot do anything for him other than offer him encouragement AND prayer. It is @ that moment that I realized that I could say BE STRONG, KEEP FIGHTING; yet the reality is this disease takes so much out of person. In addition, to a certain extent, I was ANGRY at the universe because the REAL killer is NOT the possibility of a PHYSICAL DEATH, it is a SOCIAL one. Hearing something like this made me realize that recess is OVER and WE need STOP playing around with this disease. I find it VERY interesting how we do not think about LIFE until DEATH comes knocking in the neighborhood; yet WE ignore the countless amount of GAY men that fighting this fight. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP-LOSS & TAKE OUR GAY BROTHERS IN HAND & GIVE THEM A REASON TO WANT TO BE ON THIS PLANET? We have given okay for this disease to take over OUR lives AND run over the community and this needs to change. HIV does NOT care about who OR what it hurts, so why do we display the same action? We look @ them as if they are NO longer ACCEPTABLE for society as if WE the POWER to approve of each other. HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO SEGREGATE OURSELVES FROM EACH OTHER WHEN WE LIVE IN A WORLD DIVIDED? IN THIS BATTLE WE NEED TO REMEMBER ONE THING, TODAY FOR HIM BUT TOMORROW MIGHT BE YOU…

Tears Fallen

Marvin, RN

Tears Fallen

My eyes are troubled

By the sea, I looked up and cursed

HIV gave me a big fright

I shy away from the light

He saw the pain in my eyes from above

Jesus, I sought no more love

Having HIV brought me down to my knees

I cried for help and peace

I tried my best to remain calm

My sorrows laid in both palms

Where’s my life going?

Somewhere out there, coming to a end soon

Tomorrow may never come

Borrowed time I need

My work in this world isn’t done

My soul is empty of you, I’m alone

With HIV, it’s hard to cope

You’re my last hope

From my spirit, you released everything negative

Strength came upon me to live HIV positive

Thanks for the gift of life

Against suicide, I put down the knife

You moved me so deeply

Joyful tears fallen

Tuesday, 29 April 2008


WHO AM I – WHAT AM I? Many of us have struggled with this question, especially as GAY MEN, when we were trying to make sense of our sexual needs, and seeking reassurance through identification of our sexuality. I am of the notion that in this world to make sense of things, we should look @ those that came before us for answers. However I realizing that this thought is just that… A THOUGHT; for we do NOT have a situation where POSITIVE energy is being passed down from one generation to the next within the GAY community. Nonetheless, for US to get somewhere in this community, we need to start from somewhere. SEX IS FUN, IT IS SATISFYING and GIVES GREAT JOY TO BOTH OURSELVES and OTHERS. However, there needs to be a DEEPER understanding of OUR sexuality so we can really have a community that WE are proud of. We are literally up against the wall, fighting a system that is devouring us. When one honestly realizes the depth of the dilemma, one can choose to ACT or NOT. However WE all have been silent for too long and it is just making things worst. If WE are convinced that WE are headed in the right direction, then so be it. But in the process WE are giving ourselves such an unfair advantage AND digging a hole for ourselves that WE may never get out of. However I am of the opinion that if one simply exams the two crucial elements within the community, which are THE GAY YOUTH and THE GAY ELDER, one just may find the way to unravel this ever tangle thread.

HAVE MATURE GAY MEN GIVEN UP ON THE MALE GAY YOUTH? DO THEY EVEN CARE? With the YOUNG GAY MALE growing up in this time, how can GAY MATURE simply let them fall by the way side? How did they go from F&CKING in the dark of night, catching a piece of ASS here n’ there to leaving that behind only to come back to that? How is possible that the MATURE GAY MALE simply see the GAY YOUTH as their modern-day BATHHOUSES and GLORY HOLES? I SAY THIS PHENOMENON EXISTS SIMPLY BECAUSE OUR MATUREGAY STILL HAS NOT COME TO THE UNDERSTAND OF THEIR SEXUALITY. It AMAZES how earlier in their lives, they may have consciously suppressed their feelings AND knack around corners AND bushes to get off. I would think that when they GREW up they would NOT allow their D!CKS to force them to find some YOUNG GAY ASS to relieve themselves. This is the MAJOR problem in the community; ALL every seems to be concern about is SEX and nothing else. With that said I will have to admit that I cannot place the blame totally on them. However, they are NOT helping the situation. I get that they met this cycle in place so how can they change it? I get that they were taught to see their lives as inferior to that of HETEROS. I get that this was the most devasting thing to the community. However this frighteningly element is but a blind charm; if ONLY WE ALL can see that. How can a SAME~GENDER~LOVING~MAN that wants to be with another male be the one thing that is wrong? One would think that they should AND would know better. Aren’t they the ones that are living a life that they are trying so hard not to? They brand themselves the enemy who has abandoned the status quo of what a man is all about. Hence this idea that he is his own enemy makes him feel vulnerable AND forces him to NOT make the connection with the GAY MALE YOUTH beyond his D!CK in his ASS. It is obvious that the GAY MALE has NO real definition of HIS manhood. Not only does HE allow society to CLEARLY DEFINE him, he does an even better job by NOT mentoring the GAY MALE YOUTH that comes his way.


I am sure that there are a lot of US that are GAY and CONFUSED as to what this life really means. It is a TRAGEDY that even in the 21st Century, many YOUNG GAY MEN experience prejudice AND discrimination from their families AND communities. Moreover, it is a much sadder situation when they come across another GAY male that is older AND he F&CKS him, but NOT in a good way. This is extremely difficult AND painful for a YOUNG GAY MAN in this position because he is unknowingly conforming to some rules that he doesn’t is in place. He is @ a point in his life where he is looking for something…someone who can shine a light in the dark places. AND HOW CAN HE NOT? WHY SHOULDN’T HE LOOK TO THE MATURE GAY MALE FOR GUIDENCE? He knows the ropes, he paved the way…yet it seems that they are both in need of some REAL LOVE and ACCEPTANCE. It puzzles me how there is NO MENTORSHIP within the GAY community beyond what takes place sexually. I can’t see how it is something so accepted AND tolerable. HOW CAN WE NOT SEE HOW THIS IS HURTING THE COMMUNITY? When a BOY becomes a MAN and has to deal with the taboo subject of HIS sexuality, isn’t it obvious that he is largely ignorant of what HIS sexuality is all about? There is a HEIGHTEN anxiety around sex AND HIS sexuality which result in him seeking answers to questions that seems to elude him. Here’s a thought…¿HOW ABOUT MENTORING OUR YOUNG GAY MEN INSTEAD OF JUS' F&CKING THEM? You have come before them so shouldn’t you have some doors open AND make life a little easier for a YOUNG GAY MAN to walk through? The longer this issue stays AND the truth is NOT revealed, the more PAIN and AGONY WE will suffer.

When it is all said and done, it simply boils down to one thing…WE ARE NOT MEN! It is as if WE are IMPOTENT and this impotence is MOSTLY self-inflicted SOLELY based on OUR decision to stand in the shadow of a master that will FOREVER try to keep US back. The resurgence of OUR sexuality is directly related to our willingness to SPEAK and ACT out, against this oppression and NOT exploit each other. For if we ACTUALLY felt WE were men AND live it no matter what, WE would be a better people. Instead what WE really have is a community with NON-MEN that falsify AND degrade US. I can NEVER understand why WE want to bring this FALSE manhood to fruition. It is NON-FUNCTIONAL and to put it mildly WE ARE TRYING TO BE SOMEONE, BUT WHEN WE GET SOMEONE IN OUR BEDS WE CANNOT FIND SOMETHING OUR THAN INTERCOURSE TO SHOW HOW WE CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. WHEN WILL THE PARADOX BE CLARIFIED? IT IS NOT THE GAY MAN THAT I AM ATTACKING, BUT THE GAY MAN THAT TRIES TO BE EVERYTHING BUT A MAN! The painful realization is that even before WE become the men we want to be, WE are attacked for being what in fact WE are not. WE NEED TO FACE THE FACT THAT WE ARE OUR OWN OPPRESSORS, WE ARE EXACTLY LIKE THE ONES THAT TRY DEFINE WHO WE ARE AS MEN…HENCE WE CAN NEVER HOPE TO BE A MAN…The psycho-social dilemma that we label as HOMOPHOBIA, but INTERNALLY WE know the truth…Too much time is wasted on defending ourselves against perceived notions about the GAY man that WE loose the battle long before the war starts. WE know the system is NOT working yet WE carry on as if it is; HOW CUTE IS THAT? WHAT DOES IT PROFIT THE GAY TO WIN HIS MANHOOD IF THE COST IS MANAGING THE BREAK DOWN OF THE COMMUNITY? AREN’T WE MARGINALIZED ENOUGH? WHY CAN’T WE ADDRESS THE DEPTH OF OUR PAIN RATHER THAN SUFFER IN SILENCE? IS IT ANY WONDER WE OFTEN END UP MARGINALIZE INTO A POSITION OF VERY LIMITED, IF ANY, EFFECTIVENESS?

Sunday, 27 April 2008


Pseudo-CHRISTIAN & HOMOPHOBES use the bible as a primer for hatred. Hatred is their most revered GODLY value. Homosexuals are their favorite persons to hate. The following are ten reasons not to be fooled by such biblical trickery. Refer to these items to silence any blasphemous hater, INSTANTLY! Most have never even read their bibles. It is difficult to read any book while it is closed and being used as a club, so read on…
  1. There is no word for homosexuality in the original, ancient Hebrew text. The bible makes NO reference to homosexuals as we know them today, nor as they exist in every living species. From The Church and the Homosexual: “Malakoi and arsenokotai are not synonymous with homosexual. The former were simply debauched individuals, and the latter were probably male prostitutes or those given to anal intercourse, which is not necessarily or exclusively homosexual activity.” From The Good Book: “The King James version of the 1611 text makes no mention of homosexuality or any of its cognates. The first use of the term in an English bible is to be found in the Revised Standard of 1946.”
  2. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah has NOTHING to do with homosexuality. You will not even find the word “homosexual” in any version of this text. The angels came to destroy the city BEFORE they met the evil mob. Lot offers his virgin daughters to that same mob. Later, these same girls rape Lot. Lot’s wife was destroyed. If this story condemns homosexuality, then it also condones incest and gang rape. And, Lot’s wife was a lesbian. NONE of which is true. From The Good Book: “The Hebrew verb “to know” is rarely used in a sexual sense. It occurs 943 times in the Old Testament and in only 10 of those does it have the sense of carnal knowledge. Sodom is referred to throughout the Old Testament as a place of wickedness and is synonymous with it. But, nowhere does it state that homosexuality was the wickedness in question...Sodomite refers almost exclusively to a male prostitute.. .to say that homosexual conduct is wrong because the bible says it is, is not to answer, but to dismiss the question.... Sex can be productive without being reproductive. Homosexual rape is never to be condoned. It is indeed, like heterosexual rape, an abomination before God. David’s sin of adultery with Bathsheba does not make all heterosexual expressions sinful!” From The Bible, Ezekiel 17:48-50: “The Lord says ‘Your sister Sodom’s sins were pride and laziness and too much food. While the poor and needy suffered outside her door, she insolently worshipped many idols as I watched. Therefore, I crushed her.’” From What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality: “The sin of Sodom was abuse and offense to strangers-insult to the traveler, inhospitality to the needy. The story is no more about sex than it is about pounding on someone’s front door. The bible offers NO valid conclusion whatsoever about homosexuality.”
  3. Leviticus, Romans, and Corinthians all refer to “unnatural sex” for HETEROSEXUALS. It is NATURAL for HOMOSEXUALS to engage in homosexual sex. (Also see WHAT IS REAL SEX herein.) Yet, heterosexuals sin daily as gay prostitutes, porno film stars, lewd voyeurs, prison rapists, etc.... From The Good Book: “In Romans...Paul did not discuss gay persons but heterosexual people who performed homosexual acts. To suggest that Paul’s references to excesses of sexual indulgence, involving homosexual behavior, are indicative of a general position in opposition to same-sex eroticism, is as unfounded as arguing that his condemnation of drunkenness implies opposition to the drinking of wine. In Corinthians 1:7, Paul discusses the conjugal relations that ought to obtain between Christian husbands and wives. For those whom celibacy was too high a price, he issued his famous edict that it was ‘better to marry than to burn’- not in hell. But with desire for the satisfaction of sex. Nowhere does he mention the sole purpose of such conjugality is the procreation of children.”
  4. In Leviticus, homosexuality is an abomination not because it is inherently evil, but because the Gentiles do it. It is, therefore, ritually impure. From What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality: “Leviticus condemns sex as a religious crime of idolatry-not as a sexual offense. Romans suggest that sex acts have no ethical significance whatsoever. Corinthians and Timothy object to specific forms of male prostitution. These books do not refer to homosexuality. They make a general condemnation of moral looseness, lewd, lustful, and lascivious behavior.”
  5. “Love Thy Neighbor” is a commandment. For the record, millions of your neighbors are homosexuals.
  6. The bible is written by human men. They are not God. They never quote God or Jesus as saying ANYTHING about homosexuals. Jesus makes only one statement that can even be remotely viewed as a reference to homosexuality. Matthew 19:12: “Jesus said ‘Some are born without the ability to marry.’”
  7. God is love. Homosexuals are consenting adults who love each other. Gay love is invisible to gay bashers. They see only gay sex. They hunt it down, exclusively, obscenely, curiously, and passionately. Many gay bashers are homosexuals. They will love us when they learn to love themselves.
  8. God loves EVERYONE who is GOOD. Some of the best persons in the world are homosexuals. From Dr. Cornel West, in the film "All God’s Children" “If I have one word for fellow Christians, I would ask them to keep their eyes on the love of Jesus, and to not confuse the blood at Calvary with the Kool-Aid of homophobia in America. Kool-Aid is thin and shallow and it’s linked to scapegoating and trashing other people...But the blood, as thick as it is, is open enough for everybody.”
  9. There are thousands of REAL SINS in the bible that gay bashers ignore/commit. Selective smoke and blasphemous mirrors will never save their souls or mask their hypocrisy. Unlike the misinterpretations and exaggerations regarding homosexuality, the bible makes SPECIFIC references to many actual sins that gay bashers habitually ignore. (See NUMEROUS biblical references to adultery, lying, judging, dietary laws, gossiping, infidelity, disrespecting authority, betraying family etc....)
  10. The bible is not a primer for hatred. The bible is “the good book”. Gay bashers use it exclusively as an evil bat; one they use exclusively to bash the skulls of homosexuals. Religion has destroyed spirituality. Religion is man-made and divisive. Spirituality is divine and unifying. Religion selects the designated few. Spirituality embraces the divine in us all.

Religion has destroyed spirituality. Religion is man-made and divisive. Spirituality is divine and unifying. Religion selects the designated few. Spirituality embraces the divine in us all.

Saturday, 26 April 2008


For we SAME GENDER LOVING INDIVIDUALS, it is important that we feel like we belong to a community that is international, and not feeling alone in our world of SEXUALITY, SEXUAL PREFERENCES OR SEXUAL NEEDS. In modern times, there have been more than enough criticism on the HOMOSEXUAL lifestyle and it has taken its toll on the GAY man. However, I feel that it is important for the GAY man to find some way to raise above all the things he has going against him AND ensure that he feels SECURE in this world in which he lives. It does not matter who you are OR where you are from; if you are a GAY man you have a right to say to the world that I have a right to be who I am AND I deserve to belong to something that is RIGHT, GOOD, BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL & PERPETUAL. Now the crazy thing for me is that MOST of us that are GAY does NOT feel this way about who he is AND he shows it in a way that is so WRONGLY, POORLY, UGLY, UNATURALLY & FLEETINGLY demeaning. This kind of sentiment only serves the interests of an enemy that is seeking to carry out their vicious repression AND create a reactionary atmosphere, in fortifying the oppression of GAY men. Now I know that this statement may raise a few eyebrows AND some would say that LESBIANS don’t have a cake walk either, I do agree with that notion. However, whether it is admitted OR not, they are somewhat ACCEPTED by society which in my opinion means that they are half way there. We see many GAY men divided AND pitted against their families in haze of confusion. Society seems to relish in this sentiment that the general social isolation AND the closeting of homosexuality gives rise to the personal pain AND torment of the GAY man. We see this reflected within the suicide rates of young GAY males all around the world. WHY CAN’T THE MALE-TO-MALE SEXUAL EXPLORATION BE SEEN AS SOMETHING THAT IS NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD BY THE GAY MAN? WHY IS THAT MOST OF US HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING THAT GIVES US SOME REASSURANCE TO MAKE US FEEL GOOD ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY? I THANK GOD THAT VENUES SUCH AS THIS ARE AVAILABLE & I CAN SHOWCASE THE SECURITY THAT I FEEL IN BEING GAY. THERE WAS A TIME IN ALL OF OUR LIVES WHEN WE FELT AS IF WE WERE THE ONLY GAY ONES & NO ONE ELSE OUT THERE HAD TO STRUGGLE WITH HIS SEXUALITY. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO CELEBRATE OUR SEXUAL REALITY & CONTINUE TO STRIVE FOR SELF-DETERMINATION, SELF RESPECT, HUMAN RIGHTS & EQUALITY? HOWEVER, ONE ABOUT OUR SEXUALITY, IT IS WRONG FOR US TO REDUCE WHO WE ARE SEXUALLY TO AN ERROR OR QUESTION WHETHER IT IS A CHOICE OR NOT. THERE WAY TOO MANY VARIATIONS OF GAY MEN FOR US SIMPLY AMOUNT WHO WE ARE TO CERTAIN IDEAS, WE ARE MORE THAN THAT! MY POINT IS FOR US AS GAY TO FEEL SECURE ABOUT THIS “LIFE” & NOTE THAT OUR STRUGGLE SHOULD NOT BE A MATTER OF CHOICE, IT SHOULD BE ABOUT WHETHER SOCIETY HAS THE RIGHT TO DETERMINE WHO ARE BECAUSE OF IT…

Friday, 25 April 2008


So often when we enter into a relationship we allow our emotions to lead us forward without thinking more deeply about what true commitment involves. I understand that sharing our lives with another person is not just based on love, but also on the hard work of being able to compromise and meet each other halfway. So many of us have yet experience OR entertain the notion of being in commitment with another. ON THIS DAY, I WANT ACKNOWLEDGE THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT I GOT TO SPEND WITH THE MAN THAT I WILL MARRY. We began this SPIRITUAL process six months ago and I look forward to having @ least six hundred more months with him. From the moment I first laid eyes on him, something told me that there was something UNIQUE about this man AND I knew that I could not live my life until I found out that was. He made me realized that I was EXPOSED to the idea of love. With him, I get to see the true test of LOVE; I get see that it comes from OUR willingness to explore not only the delights that we encounter but also to negotiate the bumps in the road together. I have always known that a relationship is based on two, but this is first time in my life that I can say that I can feel the other person. I am NOT afraid of LOVING him AND he me. HE IS THE MAN THAT FELT THAT I WAS Missing WHENEVER I FELT LONELY. HE IS THE REASON LOVE MAKE SENSE TO ME & WOULD NOT TRADE HIM FOR ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD…

Thursday, 24 April 2008


What is TYPICAL GAY MALE behavior? I ask this question because if it posed to a variety of persons, you would hear most of them say that GAY MEN are promiscuous. I cannot say this theory is invalid OR untrue; however, it does HURT! IT IS SO SAD THAT THE PARAMOUNT ELEMENT IN OUR LIFE IS HOOKING UP. YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO SAD; BOTH GAY & STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE SEXUAL BEINGS. HOWEVER, WE ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE THIS BEHAVIOR CONNECTED TO OUR SEXUAL IDENTITIES. The mere fact that WE are singled out should send SHOCK WAVES throughout the GAY community. BUT IT DOES NOT! WE just continue the search through the jungle as if getting a HOOK UP will sustain us. I am curious though, WHAT IS IT ABOUT SEX THAT MAKES US IT’S PREY? I say the answer resides in OUR mentality AND I think that this energy is infectious AND psychological. We GAY MEN need a change of mentality AND stop striving to live this unrealistic AND destructive life. I wonder if WE could TRULY be happy if WE were not able to get on A4A or BGC again? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THE COMMUNITY IF WE COULD NOT F&CK EACH OTHER @ WILL? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I CHALLENGE GAY MEN TO BE MORE THAN WHERE THEY PUT THEIR D!CKS & WHAT GOES INTO THEIR ASSES? Is not SAD that it is SO difficult to find a GAY man that is looking for just conversation with NO sex attach? There is a price to pay for every lifestyle choice; and it seems as if WE either do not know this OR totally ignores this notion. AS A GAY MEN, HOW CAN WE LOOK OURSELVES IN THE MIRROR & NOT ASK WHY WE ARE HOOKING OUR WAY THROUGH THE COMMUNITY? HOW IS THAT WE ONLY ASPIRE TO BE A MERE ENTITY FOR PHYSICAL & SEXUAL GRATIFICATION? DOES THE HOOKING UP SCENARIO EVER GET OLD & BORING? I GUESS NOT…THIS CONSTANT YEARNING FOR A MAN WITH A STIFF HUGE ROCK-HARD D!CK & A TIGHT ASS SHOWS HOW SHALLOW GAY MEN ARE. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT BECOMES OF US AS TIME PASSES? I GET SO SCARED FOR US & I SEE NO END IN SIGHT…IT IS AS IF WE REALLY ARE WHAT SOCIETY THINKS WE ARE…

Wednesday, 23 April 2008


Our homes serve as sanctuaries in which we are protected from what is potentially harmful. If we are not careful, however, we can inadvertently surround ourselves with substances that can be toxic to our bodies. It is precisely because we rely on our private spaces to serve as refuges from the world that we must exercise great care when choosing how we build, furnish, cleanse, and decorate our homes. Here are some suggestions for creating a healthier home:
  1. Be a conscious consumer. If you buy products that contain wholesome, organic, and inert components, you will avoid most common household toxins. Read labels.
  2. Your spaces will be as healthy as they are clean when you use natural cleansers and detergents. Almost everything in the home can be cleaned and disinfected using varying combinations of baking soda, vinegar, salt, tea tree oil, herbs, and gentle castile soap. Organic cotton slipcovers can be washed regularly to keep dust mites at bay and to keep us from close contact with furniture that may be off-gassing toxins.
  3. Plants clean and add oxygen to the air you breathe when you place them in your personal spaces. Two plants in each room of your dwelling will rid the air of toxins and pollutants while balancing indoor humidity levels. Air purifiers are an easy way to have clean air and are especially useful in a bedroom. Try and clean your air ducts and furnace and change filters regularly.
  4. Natural décor that incorporates pesticide-free wood and fibers, organically grown materials, and nontoxic paints and varnishes adds beauty to your house or apartment while lowering your exposure to unsafe chemicals.
  5. Scents can help you maintain a hazard-free home. As you enter your home after an absence, pay close attention to the dominant fragrance you perceive. You may discover toxins that might otherwise have gone unrecognized.
  6. Be aware of the water you drink and bathe in and consider adding a whole-house filter system.
  7. Getting a good night’s rest is easier when your bedding is comprised of natural materials. Organic cotton sheets, down comforters, and wool fiber mattresses offer a wonderful alternative to standard bedclothes.
  8. Negative ions are invisible molecules that promote whole-self wellness found in the clean air atop mountains and near rushing water. Equipping your home with a negative-ion generator or salt lamp will ensure that you feel alert and refreshed whenever you are at home.
  9. If building a new home, consider carefully the materials you choose and research how much they off-gas toxins. You may not be aware of many glues and hidden substances. Choosing sustainable wood floors over wall-to-wall carpeting can be very beneficial to those with allergies and sensitivities.

Making a few easy changes in your home can provide years of healthy living for you. A healthy home is a good foundation for living. And whether you use these suggestions or others, the best thing you can do is be aware.

Tuesday, 22 April 2008



Monday, 21 April 2008


Ever notice how GAY men pretty much size each other up WITHOUT knowing a thing about each other? It amazes me how WE LABEL each other with no ingredients; and define who WE are via the lines drawn in the sand…TALK ABOUT THE LINES THAT DIVIDE? It is such a sad world when we CANNOT accept TRUE DIVERSITY within the community. How poignant is that WE GAY men exclude certain others in the community because of SOCIAL STATUS, LOOKS, FASHION SENSE & SEXUALITY? Now I am very much aware that society on a whole does this, my problem is that we should NOT aim to be like them. How can WE ever have a community united if WE cannot talk to another GAY man because he is NOT like you? Can someone please tell me when is the TRUE nature of reality going to consume us? We all emanate from the SAME source, essentially making us one; yet we act as if we are NOT on this earth to LOVE one another. I GUESS IF A GAY MAN WERE TO UNDERSTAND THIS CONCEPT, HE WOULD HAVE TO BE AWAKENED TO THE TRUE NATURE OF SELF…& WHO THE F&CK WANTS THAT? MOREOVER, WHO THE HELL REALLY CARES? I find it frustrating AND painful to watch them behave SO unconsciously, just bodies WITHOUT souls. If only I could live in a world AND pretend they do not exist, but…I know to separate myself from them would force me to live the same delusional life that they live. I read somewhere that in a situation such as this, I should think of us all as different parts of ONE psyche AND for the sake of OUR humanity, I think it makes a lot of sense. HOW CAN IT NOT? Within our hearts AND minds we have shadowy places that need healing; thus the strength of the whole organism depends upon the relative health of the individuals within it. Therefore, if harmony is increased when we hold onto each other, how can we let go? How about we, I don’t know just care about each other despite each other? I KNOW THAT THIS HARD & NOT EVERY GAY MAN IS GOING TO BE YOUR CUP OF TEA. HOWEVER, WE CAN ACCOMPLISH SO MUCH MORE IF WE DO NOT FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE QUALITIES & FOCUS ON THE CONCEPT OF HE IS I & I IS HE…WHEN DEALING WITH A GAY MAN WHO IS NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA, IT HELPS TO REMEMBER THAT WE ALL MUST FIND OUR OWN WAY TO OUR AWAKENING. THE GAY MAN THAT IS THE APPARENT OUTCAST IS APART OF THE PROCESS & HOLDING HIM IN THE GLOW OF OUR ENERGY MAY BE THE BEST WAY TO FIX THE THINGS THAT ARE WRONG WITH THE GAY COMMUNITY. SO WHEN WE ARE @ A CLUB OR HOUSE PARTY & WE SEE THAT PERSON THAT WE WISH WASN’T THERE, REMEMBER THAT HE JUST LIKE YOU HAVE A PLACE ON THIS PLANET…IF ONLY YOU WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT FLAVOR HIS CUP OF TEA IS.

Sunday, 20 April 2008


I think that most of you would agree with me when I say that a peaceful world would be an ideal situation for all living creatures. However, we often seem stumped as to how to bring this ideal situation into being and I find that most of us get so caught up in the idea of going to heaven that we never realize that HEAVEN IS JUST A MOMENT. The earth is crammed with little bits of heaven here N’ there if only we would open up take in the moments AND seize life. But in order to find this MOMENT, we need to make the connection to the eternal part of ourselves that nourishes the soul. Ironically, in order for one to find HEAVEN, it is important to understand the many tendencies AND passions that threaten the ability to find it. THE TRUE MOMENT OF HEAVEN BEGINS WITH A WILLINGNESS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR HUMANITY SO THAT WE MIGHT ULTIMATELY TRANSFORM IT IN THE LIGHT OF LOVE.

Saturday, 19 April 2008


It always surprises me how each day is different from next; and today is unlike any other. The day was ALL about FRIENDSHIP of course and we were given the opportunity to say HELLO to a friend that decided to step away from the forum because there were certain issues that she could not handle and deal with. Of course it was a surprise to get her call inviting everyone for a dinner @ her place later that evening (I GUESS SHE MISSED OUR ENERGY). I would be hard press to say that her energy was NOT missed though it was felt, it is just that she made a personal decision, which is well respected; but sometimes I am of the opinion that LIFE is BIGGER than all of us…BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I am a mere man whose rose colored glasses maybe in a need for a little cleaning. Nonetheless, the dinner was VERY pleasant AND the company was divine; it felt as she did not a break OR was absent from the group. And I am sure that ALL of us in attendance felt this way…THERE IS APART OF ME THAT HOPES THAT SHE WOULD MOVE BEYOND THE THINGS THAT ARE BLOCKING HER FROM MAKING MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME. SHE IS MISSING OUT ON LIFE BASICALLY & WE ALL KNOW THAT ONCE TIME HAS PASSED…SO AS THESE WORDS PRESENT THEMSELVES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, I WANT TO SAY THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY HELLO TO AN OLD FRIEND & HOPE THAT SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY SHE WILL RETURN TO THE ROUND TABLE & INDULGE HERSELF IN FRIENDSHIP ONCE MORE…

Friday, 18 April 2008


Life is a theater so invite your audiences carefully. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships, friendships, fellowships and family! SO WATCH OUT FOR THE FOLLOWING WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS:

  1. Which ones lift and which ones lean?
  2. Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
  3. Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are just going uphill?
  4. When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse?
  5. Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

DID YOU KNOW…The more you seek God and the things of God, the more you seek quality, the more you seek not just the hand of GOD but the face of GOD, the more you seek things honorable, the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. PLEASE BEAR IN MIND…You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Remember that FRONT ROW seats are for special and deserving people and those who sit in the FRONT ROW should be chosen carefully. Relationships work best when they are balanced.

Thursday, 17 April 2008


Why some individuals BECOME principally HOMOSEXUAL while others BECOME principally heterosexual continues to be a subject of great debate and controversy. Some homosexuals say that there is an important element of conscious choice involved in the development of their sexual orientation and this widely ACCEPTED by most GAY men AND women. From a young age, many came to their sexual awakening and finding themselves sexually attracted only to members of their sex. This is all fine and good, but when the waters of sexuality gets muddled even further when HOMOSEXUALS decides to dress up as members of the opposite sex, SEXUALITY takes an interesting turn. Moreover this IGNORANCE expressed to those that dress up in clothing that are considered feminine is CRAZY! We all know that the human body is merely a material entity that has material limits. Thus SEXUALITY cannot AND is not defined by gender alone; hence the blank slates that society affords us actually are legitimate. Thought the developmental processes of human beings are not equally flexible at all stages, and around all things; it does NOT give society the right to define that which is MASCULINE or FEMININE. The dominant societal approach that pertains to HOMOSEXUALITY has to change and the negativity needs to cease. Who OR what defines what is MASCULINE or FEMININE CLOTHING? What act determines the TRUE nature of SEXUAL behavior? I love it when some folks say things like MASCULINITY IS BEING BORN A MAN & ACTING AS SUCH & THE SAME GOES FOR WOMEN…IF HETEROSEXUALS DON’T HAVE TO DEFINE whether THEY ARE MASCULINE OR FEMININE, WHY DO HOMOSEXUALS HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE EVEN IF THEY DON’T DRESS UP IN WHAT IS DETERMINED AS CLOTHING FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX? DOESN’T THIS NOTION HAVE SOME UNUSUAL DIMENSIONS? The idea that HOMOSEXUAL men AND women actually want to transition from MALE to FEMALE and vice versa is scary for people. WHY? Is it the thought of a man having any outward traits of a woman that bad? Why is it if a female dressing up as man AND having his machismo is a BIG no no for society? Although philosophically this shouldn't matter, it does. This just shows that ALL males MUST position themselves in a MASCULINE way AND females MUST do the opposite. I FEEL THAT IF SOCIETY SIMPLY ALLOWS SEXUALITY TO TAKE its TRUE FORM FROM CHILDHOOD, THERE WOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM WITH SEXUALITY LATER ON IN LIFE. FROM CHILDHOOD, BOYS & GIRLS ARE STEERED AWAY FROM THINGS THAT ARE NOT GENDER APPROPRIATE. YES IT IS IMPORTANT FOR A BOY TO KNOW THAT HE IS DIFFERENT FROM A GIRL, BUT @ WHAT COST? OH HOW CAN I FORGET? WE MUST MAINTAIN THE SOCIAL ORDER FOR HOMOSEXUALITY IS DISRUPTIVE & IT ENDANGERS SOCIETY. IT SO AMAZING HOW HOMOSEXUAL MALE/FEMALE EXPRESSING THEMSELVES IN THIS FASHION IS SEEN AS SOMETHING SO EVIL & VILE. I WONDER WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO THIS WORLD IF THIS HOMOPHOBIC MALE-DOMINATED SOCIETY TRULY CHANGED & ACCEPTED HOMOSEXUALITY? I GUESS IT WOULD HAVE TO EXAME & CHANGE THE WAY IT DEFINES GENDER ROLES & REMOVE THE GLASS CEILING…& WHO WANTS THAT? DOESN’T MATTER I SAY BECAUSE GENDER IS A SPECTRUM THAT IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN SEX; GENDER HAS IT’S OWN PERSONALITY & TEMPERAMENT, IT IS MORE THAN A MAN OR WOMAN WANTING TO PLAY DRESS UP; IT IS EVEN MORE THAN SAME~SEX INDIVIDUALS HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER…IT IS ABOUT BEING WHO YOU ARE & ACCEPTING THAT SEXUALITY IS FLUID, IT EVLOVES & FLUCTUATES & WE SHOULD NEVER QUESTION IT IN ORDER TO FIT IN WITH THE MORE TYPICAL SOCIETAL EXPRESSION OF SEXUALITY.

Wednesday, 16 April 2008


¿Ain’t it a damn shame?
A man that wants to F&CK
Without knowing my name
¿Should I tell him is out of luck?
Thinking he can have his way
Who can it damage?
It’s just a quick roll in the hay
He is so sure this I can manage…
Says he wants me to turn him inside out
And on his chest he can nutt
As he screams n’ shout!
So damn desperate to get out of this sexless rut
Told me that he’ll sit on my D!CK
And give it a good suck
Says he’ll show me a few tricks
That will hit me like a truck
Says he has no time play
He is jus’ so horny
And fate must have brought me his way
But I guess I will cum off corny
Cause I don’t get down like that
I looking for a man that is ONE team
And that’s a fact
All he wants is to be taken from a whisper to a scream
Go toe to toe
Tells me if I am up for it we can flip the script
And really rock to and froe
As we use tones that are encrypt
So sad that he is not about the meeting of the mind
All he cares about is having his legs in the air
And get down to the bump n’ grind
As his ass feasts on my tool without a care
He is such a fool
Laying on his back
Thinking it is so cool
That I take his crack
How could I NOT treat him like a whore?
How could I be that cold?
C’mon this merely a boy doing a household chore
Sorry but stupid is that bold
I have to decline
For I have found
That I am NOT incline
To get some of his brown n’ round
© tgk

Tuesday, 15 April 2008


WHO HASN’T EITHER BEEN IN AN UNWHOLESOME RELATIONSHIP OR KNOWS SOMEONE WHO HAS? WHO HASN’T BEEN IN OR KNOWS SOMEONE WHO’S STILL ANGRY ABOUT WHAT HIS EX HAS DONE TO HIM? ISN’T IT INTERESTING THAT WHEN A RELATIONSHIP IS OVER, WE MAY STILL CARE ABOUT THE PERSON EVEN THOUGH HE IS LONG GONE? Even though there's nothing wrong with caring about an ex-lover, it is just that it impedes the movement into a relationship that could be the ONE. I know that it is difficult to move on to a new relationship when one doesn’t have REAL closure with the last one. I read somewhere on net that says that one should see the end of a relationship as a death of a love one. Others advised that one must go through the 7 stages of grief (shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope). In my experiences, I have come across a number of GAY men who have not gotten over their ex and don't really know it. As I listen to a guy talk, it is just a matter to time before he brings up his past relationships. It amazed me how most GAY men would go out of their way to inform an ex about a potential relationship AND I have seen it taking place because I was in the situation. HOW CAN WE WANT OR ASK ANOTHER TO BE A BARGAINING CHIP OR PUT HIMSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS A THREESOME FROM THE START? It is SO obvious that he has NOT gotten over him AND that I will be in competition with his ex. I AM ALL FOR FOLKS BEING THE BEST THEY CAN & DEALING WITH THINGS THAT TAKE SUCH A TOLL ON THEM SUCH AS GETTING PAST SOMETHING THAT HAS PASSED. WE ALL HAD A RELATIONSHIP OR TWO THAT APPEARS TO MAKE US FEEL AS THE CHAOS BEING EXPERIENCE WILL NEVER END. THOUGH IT MAY SEEM AS IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT CANNOT BE DONE WITH, I SAY GAY MEN PLEASE STOP LIVNG THE MANTRA! ONE MUST REMEMBER THAT A RELATIONSHIP GONE BAD, LIKE SO MANY HAS, CAN BE A GIFT. HAVING A RELATIONSHIP GONE SOUR CAN SHOW ONE THAT IT IS TIME TO SLOW DOWN, CHANGE COURSE, OR LIGHTEN UP. THOUGH MANY MAY SEE THIS AS GOOD ADVICE, THERE ARE STILL SO MANY GAY MEN THAT SIMPLY ISN’T ACCEPTING IT. SO MANY GAY MEN LIVE THEIR LIVES CLINGING TO THE LONG-TERM NEGATIVE EFFECT OF A RELATIONSHIP GONE BAD. BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THEY NEED CLOSURE IN ORDER TO EVEN ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT THE POSSIBILITY OF A FUTURE ONE.

Monday, 14 April 2008

F&CK 4

When dick meets ass
And life comes @ you fast
Hoping that he will last…
What are you F&CKING 4?
Amidst the sweetness
Listening to the sounds of tenderness
Verging on the verge of nothingness
What are you F&CKING 4?
Sitting on top feeling so refine
I guess seeing the horizontal line
Causes you to miss that OH illusive dead line
What are you F&CKING 4?
You bury and morn
For your ASS is NOT the only thing that’s torn…
Jus’ a life of shame and scorn
What are you F&CKING 4?
In the absence of light
In a sightless sight
Why are you in this fight?
What are you F&CKING 4?
History is repeating as this man disappears
Leaving your heart in tears
That highlights your fears
What are you F&CKING 4?
From yourself you are exile
Feeling as if nothing is worthwhile
And you feel its ok to smile…
What are you F&CKING 4?
For you have turned the universe
With an inverse
How many songs have ended in this verse?
What are you F&CKING 4?
Now you end your glory
Of this your story
But I need not worry
For I know you will tell me…
What are you F&CKING 4?

Sunday, 13 April 2008


I have come to realize that for far too long I have allowed others to determine my salvation; for way too long I have allowed others to me feel as if I was not worthy. As I aged I soon realized that GOD isn't the way people try to make him out to be AND the opinions that were expressed to say otherwise are just that…OPINIONS! I KNOW THAT GOD IS LOVE & LOVE CAN’T BE CAPTURED OR ENSLAVED IN THE WORDS OF A BOOK, NOT EVEN THE BIBLE! 
I find it very interesting AND tongue N’ cheek that I a ‘SISSY’ is instructing those that are GOD FEARING on the ways of being human. One would think that these OPPRESSORS would have a better leg to stand on this department since they are Christians and all but…SO: PLEASE PERMIT ME TO CARRY OUT THE HUMAN VIRTUE OF INSTRUCTING THE IGNORANT. ONE SHOULD READ THE BIBLE (BOOK OF FAIRY-TALE  IN DEPTH, & IN CONTEXT, NOT VERSE-BY-VERSE SEEKING OUT THAT WHICH AFFIRMS THE BIASES & HATEFUL PREJUDICES OF THE READER. Being GAY is hard enough AND for us NOT to have some access to the creator is demoralizing. It is so sad that the world that the world is filled with SO many persons that write their own version of the GOOD book AND are VERY selective in how it is decipher are HELL BENT on persecuting HOMOSEXUALS.
DO THEY KNOW THAT THOSE WHO USE THE BIBLE IN THIS WAY DISRESPECT IT? The mere fact that Christians would have a problem with a HOMOSEXUAL praying shows me that they have TURNED OFF THEIR GOD-GIVEN BRAIN AND INTELLECT. HOW HORRIBLE OF THEM, HOW NEGLIGENT, HOW LAZY! Do they realize that they fall into the trap of PRIDEFUL-NESS, HATE & SPIRITUAL ARROGANCE?

Saturday, 12 April 2008


Hanging with my friends today made me realize that life is filled with growing pains and I need to NOT be so hard on myself when things seem to go in reverse. So today I have learned that I should forgive myself for not feeling like being in certain situations around certain people.

The song Wings of Forgiveness by India Arie

I just want you to know after everything that we've been through I just want you to know

that I still love you

That I still love you

Had to go across the water

Just to find what was here in my heart all along

Spent so much time trying to be right

That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run to the arms of curiosity

Just to find what was here in my life all along

I have found that the art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I searched for romance, flowers, and affection

What I found is a lesson on what love really is

And how the game of love isn't

Bout how much you can take

But that authentic love is about how much you can give

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I forgive you

(thank you for teaching me how to give)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to give

I took a swim in the sea of guilt and misery

To find myself on an island in the middle of nowhere

In my solitude I asked in all the highest truth

And what I was told was to thine own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion then surely we can survive and find a resolution

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high (and fly high)

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of commitment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I still love you

(let's fly high)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to giveI still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I always will love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

I just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

I want to let you know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

Friday, 11 April 2008


Anyone who has asked for divine guidance knows that it can be challenging to trust it when it comes. This is because divine guidance comes in many forms and it is sometimes hard to locate it. We aren’t sure if we are meant to trust our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams, or our intuitions to be the carriers of divine wisdom. We are not sure if advice from a friend is the form in which the guidance has come into the world, or if our own opinion is the source of wisdom we need to take seriously. The ability to sort all this out comes with trial and error, and the best way to learn to recognize divine guidance is to engage in the process of asking and receiving. Sometimes when we ask for guidance, we already have a sense of what we want to hear. At such times, receiving guidance can be difficult, because we don’t want to hear anything that appears to be in opposition to our desire. Therefore, one of the most important qualities we need to cultivate if we are to receive guidance is an open mind. It helps to acknowledge what we want, and then to symbolically set it aside, making room for whatever wisdom comes through to us. Cultivating an active relationship with the divine is the essential ingredient to being able to receive and trust guidance when it comes our way. We can make a daily practice of this by using a set of runes, a deck of cards, or a pendulum. We can also use our journals, developing a relationship with the divine through the written word. As we request and receive guidance, we might take notes on our experiences. Over time we will begin to recognize when we were able to hear correctly and when we were not. In this way, we will gradually attune ourselves to our particular relationship with the divine. Begin to trust the guidance you are receiving and soon you will find it flowing with ease.

Thursday, 10 April 2008


It always amazes me how the PULSE of the GAY community is on the streets N’ sidewalk and NOT in the lives of the everyday GAY man. Never had this statement been more true than when the topic of GAY MARRIAGE or CIVIL UNIONS come about. We hear the church and politicians speak about it, even community leaders have their say. For me I find it sad that no matter WHO or WHAT we are, we seem to have this need to belong AND be like the rest of the when we are NOT!

THERE ARE NO TWO PERSONS THAT ARE ALIKE! Though NOT all GAY men are the same, how is that MOST of us are NOT fit to be in a relationship much less a commitment such as marriage? I find it a bit comical listening to HETEROS foam @ the mouth about the sanctity of marriage AND how we are about to destroy that; I expect that from them. However when GAY men take on this same idea AND run with it, it makes me fume! HOW CAN THEY DO THIS TO THEMSELVES? DON’T THEY KNOW BETTER?

ISN’T IT CRAZY TO BE GAY & NOT BE OKAY WITH WHO YOU ARE? How could they NOT see that their denial of WHO they are is @ the very least a mild form of HOMOPHOBIA? FOR ME MARRIAGE SYMBOLIZES THE HIGHTST FORM OF ROMANTIC LOVE; FOR IT TO BE PERMITTED TO ONLY THOSE THAT HAVE UNMATCHED GENITALS IS CRAZY! But then again, so many GAY men are not marriage material because they aren’t even human material; @ least in the ways in which it counts.


Wednesday, 09 April 2008


The HIV viral load is the number of copies of the human immunodeficiency virus in your blood and other parts of your body. The HIV viral load test involves taking a blood sample from a vein in your arm. The amount of HIV in your blood is then measured. Along with other tests, the HIV viral load test helps monitor your disease, guide HIV therapy, and predict how your disease may progress. Keeping your viral load low can reduce complications of HIV disease and extend your life.

1. WHEN TO HAVE A VIRAL LOAD TEST. The different times you need a viral load test include:

  • Right after diagnosis. This gives what’s called a baseline measurement. Future results can be measured against it.
  • Every two to eight weeks at the start of treatment or with a change in treatment.
  • This helps to evaluate how well medication is working.
  • Every three to six months or as your doctor directs if treatment is effective

Do not have the HIV viral load test within four weeks of any infection or immunization. That’s because these things can throw off your test results.

2. HOW HIV VIRAL LOAD IS MEASURED? There are several different methods for measuring your HIV viral load. It is best to stay with the same method each time because different tests can produce slightly different results. New, more sensitive methods are constantly being developed. These are the three common tests currently used to detect HIV viral load:

  • PCR (polymerase chain reaction) uses an enzyme to multiply the HIV RNA in the blood sample. (RNA is the part of HIV that knows how to make copies of HIV.) This makes it easier to measure the amount of HIV RNA in the blood sample. A new ultra sensitive PCR test can measure down to 50 copies of HIV RNA.
  • B-DNA (branched-chain DNA) creates a light signal whose brightness depends on the amount of viral RNA present.
  • NASBA (nucleic acid sequence based amplification) amplifies the viral proteins, making HIV viral load easier to measure.

3. WHAT HIV VIRAL LOAD TEST RESULTS MEAN? The HIV viral load test measures the number of HIV copies in a milliliter of blood.

  • If your HIV viral load is high, HIV is reproducing and the disease may progress more quickly. A high HIV viral load is between 5,000 and 10,000 copies. It can be as high as 1 million or more.
  • If your HIV viral load is low, HIV may not be actively reproducing and the disease may progress more slowly. A low viral load is between 200 and 500 copies.
  • If your HIV viral load can’t be detected, this does not mean you are cured. The level of HIV virus may be so low that the test can’t pick it up. A more sensitive test may be able to detect it. It’s important to also know that the HIV viral load test does not measure HIV in other parts of the body, where HIV may be present. Only about 2% of HIV is in the blood.

Remember: Even if your HIV viral load is undetectable, you can still infect others.

4. HOW THE HIV VIRAL LOAD TEST IS USED? The tests results have been helpful in many ways.

  • Medical research. The HIV viral load test confirms that HIV is present even when CD4 counts are high and no symptoms are present. This means that HIV is not inactive (called latent).
  • Diagnosis. The HIV viral load test can detect a viral load a few days after HIV infection and may be useful for early diagnosis. This is quicker than the standard HIV antibody test, which can be falsely negative for two to six months after infection.
  • Disease management. Public health guidelines recommend starting antiretroviral therapy if HIV viral loads are higher than 30,000 copies per milliliter of blood with the BDNA test or more than 55,000 copies with the PCR test. These guidelines are for people without symptoms. Other factors will also influence this decision, which you need to discuss with your doctor. For example, if you have symptoms, your doctor may suggest you begin treatment earlier. The HIV viral load test also shows how well medications are controlling the virus. If a drug is working well, it lowers the HIV viral load by 90% within weeks. Within six months, it should continue to drop to fewer than 50 copies.
  • Prognosis. HIV viral load results can help predict how long you will stay healthy. The lower your number, the better your prognosis. Some studies show that HIV viral load tests are better than other tests, such as the CD4 count, at predicting the course of the disease. The CD4 count indicates how healthy your immune system is.
  • Prevention. The higher your HIV viral load, the greater your chance of transmitting HIV to someone else. In this way, the HIV viral load test has been helpful in predicting risk.


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