¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Monday, 31 May 2010



Sunday, 30 May 2010


Spiritually speaking we must always remember to exercise our greatest tool of faith regardless of how dire the circumstances may appear. We must also use our faith as a tool of creativity in order to remake ourselves for brand new career and job opportunities that will reveal itself to us but only when we muster the courage to persevere and to not give up.

For those currently unemployed or individuals seeking greater job and career opportunities, remember these three spiritual Truths.

1. It's Not Too Late to Succeed. Society would have you believe that if you haven't reached a certain job or income level by a certain age that the sun has set over your career. And if you're unemployed that your chances of getting a job similar to what you had before will be slim to none.

But as people-of-faith we must reject these notions of fear and negativity. You must recognize that you and God are a majority and that your future is far greater than your past. It's never too late to bounce back and to soar regardless of what Wall Street may tell us about our financial and job situations.

2. Everything You Need to Succeed Is Inside of You. We're often told that it's not what you know but who know that opens doors to job and career success. Well as people-of-faith, we know God and that's more than enough to open doors even during a recession. We have the power and force of the Universe inside of us waiting to give us all that we need. We just have to recognize it and embrace it. We are not alone, we have a comforter. You do not have to go through your situation alone. What is inside of you is far greater than the recession. God's children are not in a recession or in a depression. We are thriving no matter what.

3. You're not a Victim! Yes you may have been fired or laid off, but count that as a set up for something brilliant in your life right around the corner. Praise God for setting you loose from that job you didn't really like so that you can pursue your ordained passions utilizing your spiritual gifts. Use this down time to learn from your past situation then listen to the Creator in order to see where your footsteps should be ordered and when you should show up! But remember you are a victor not a victim! 

Saturday, 29 May 2010


More Than a Woman is the fourth studio album by the First Lady of LaFace Toni Braxton, released in the United States on November 19, 2002 by Arista Records. It was certified gold by the RIAA in late 2002.

Most of the songs were written by Braxton, her husband Keri Lewis, and her sister Tamar Braxton. The album was produced by Braxton, Lewis, and Antonio "L.A." Reid. It sold around three million copies worldwide.

Originally, the first single was said to be a sample-heavy track called "No More Love", produced by and featuring Irv Gotti. However, after Gotti had leaked the song to radio, Braxton and Arista decided not to include the song on the final track listing.

The official first single released from the album was "Hit the Freeway" featuring rapper Loon. It peaked at number eighty-six on Billboard Hot 100, number thirty-two on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs, and number two on the Hot Dance Club Play.

The second single was set to be "Lies, Lies, Lies" (with an unreleased video shot as well), but it was switched to "A Better Man". No video was ever made for the song (since Braxton's second pregnancy was occurring at this time), although promotional CDs were made available for radio.

Additionally, to service radio shows, a double A-side vinyl for "Give It Back" and "Let Me Show You the Way (Out)" was released.

"Me & My Boyfriend" (a cover of Tupac Shakur's 1996 song "Me and My Girlfriend") was set to be a single at some point, but Jay-Z and Beyoncé released the single "'03 Bonnie & Clyde" around the same time, which is based on the same song, and Braxton refrained from releasing her version as a single, accusing Jay-Z of stealing her idea (although it should be pointed out that "How Much", a duet between Mariah Carey and Usher on Carey's 1999 album Rainbow, uses the same Shakur sample).

A few years after the album's release, a dance remix of "Lies, Lies, Lies" was leaked online on the fansite Toni-Online.
 "Hit the Freeway" is the only single from American R&B singer Toni Braxton's fourth studio album, More Than a Woman (2002), featuring American rapper Loon. As a result of the poor chart performance of "Hit the Freeway", no more singles from More Than a Woman were released. The beat of the song was sampled by South Korean pop-R&B singer U;Nee for her 2005 song "Call Call Call".

The music video, directed by Charles Infante and Dave Meyers, tells the story of a woman leaving her cheating boyfriend. There are several shots of Braxton driving down the freeway while her ex follows her, trying to rekindle the relationship.
Libra is the fifth studio album by American R&B singer–songwriter Toni Braxton, released in the United States on September 27, 2005 by Blackground Records. The album's title is a reference to Braxton's astrological sign, Libra.

The album debuted at number four on the Billboard 200 and number two on the Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums, selling 114,000 copies in its first week.[1] Only three singles were released from the album, and due to lack of promotion from Blackground Records, Braxton's then-record label, all of them failed to chart on the Billboard Hot 100, subsequently causing Braxton to terminate her contract with Blackground. 

Nonetheless, as a result of the European success of "The Time of Our Lives"—Braxton's collaboration with the group Il Divo, which served as the official 2006 FIFA World Cup theme song—, German label Edel Records re-released the album in continental Europe in late June 2006 including "The Time of Our Lives" as well as a brand-new cover art. Previously, the regular European edition of the album had included three bonus tracks: "Suddenly", "I Hate You", and "Long Way Home".

Libra gained gold status by the Recording Industry Association of America on November 4, 2005,[2] having sold over 445,000 copies within the U.S. to date, according to Nielsen SoundScan.[3] The album cover was included on Maxim's list of Sexiest Album Covers.
"Please" is a song by American R&B singer Toni Braxton. It was written by Scott Storch, Makeba Riddick, Vincent Herbert, and Kameron Houff and produced by Storch for Braxton's fifth studio album, Libra (2005).

The track was released as the album's lead single to U.S. rhythmic and urban AC radio formats on May 30, 2005.[1][2] While "Please" reached number thirty-six on the U.S. Billboard Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, it failed to chart on the Billboard Hot 100 but instead, reached number four on the Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles chart, making it one of Braxton's lowest-charting singles of her career. "Please" was the only single from Libra for which a music video was shot, directed by Chris Robinson.

Friday, 28 May 2010


We all have preferences when it comes to SEX n’ MEN and depending on where we are in our lives, OUR options fall within three general areas. Therefore I began to consider something a friend of mine said to me in regards to MEN & HOW BY DESIGN THEY ARE NOT MONOGAMOUS CREATURES & HOW THERE IS DIFFICULTY IN STAYING FAITHFUL. So I thought to myself, is it better to MASTURBATE, HAVE F&CK BUDDIES or A BOYFRIEND? I know that when one thinks of finding a partner be it short OR long term, WE are entering a battle zone that involves that HEART n’ MIND.

I am of the opinion that NO one can F&CK you like you, so I do NOT see anything wrong a little self love. Moreover, we are living in a time where MEN are too afraid to openly discuss their HIV status and this alone would make such an activity seem like heaven. However SAFE MASTURBATION is it is a LONELY activity that deprives one of the warm AND delicate touch of another. However the hassle of trying to locate another human to AID some SEXUAL HEALING can be more trouble than it is worth. In meantime MASTURBATION may make SEXUAL INTERCOURSE more enjoyable because you will already know what it takes to please you. Instead of keeping all that SEXUAL energy caged you can alleviate STRESS and RELEASE endorphins in to the system making one relax. However according to studies, the only real problems that come with MASTURBATION are psychological and are the result of unhealthy OR weary attitudes toward doing it or abnormal practices. BUT WHAT DO THEY KNOW? I SAY PULL ON YOUR SH!T UNTIL IT GET’S SORE…L(O)L!

I find that a F&CK BUDDY (FB) or FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB) are the best route to take when one seeks the TENDERNESS and do NOT want any LONG TERM attachments. This is when the fear of COMMITMENT or a BROKEN HEART forces one to take their time in getting back out there. So a FB or FWB place themselves in a position that gives them more than MASTURBATION, however they take on the risk that comes with having sex. Nevertheless, this is GREAT for the HEART because it is in a place of BALANCE n’ COMFORT with an IF IT HAPPENS IT HAPPENS ATTITUDE. This is where that group of SINGLE GAY MEN who don't plan to be in another relationship anytime soon can occasionally date HERE n' THERE. There are going for the SEX, just to satisfy that urge every NOW n’ THEN and getting COMFORT @ the same time. So is it better to have some MAN to GET OFF with?

If the GAY LIFE is OUR REAL LIFE why do WE lie to ourselves about it? Why can’t WE ACCEPT that WE are MEN and need to act like a MAN to be with another MAN? Why do we NOT attempt to change the rules of game? I say that when this happens WE will be able to meet GAY MALES that are good for us. The other options that I mentioned earlier only exist as TEMPORARY things that should eventually lead to finding a GOOD man and becoming each other’s BOYFRIENS. I know that the GRASS seems GREENER with what they represent but why NOT WATER your own yard and cultivate someone that is all your own? Nourishing a relationship with someone that deserves the title of BOYFRIEND can make us look beyond the instant gratification of SEX and experience a SOUL connection. This option gives US HOPE that GOD created US this way; thus HE has provided an adequate amount of MEN for OUR liking. Nonetheless, WE jus F&CK our way through them, ignoring HIS true intensions for us. Why can’t we allow ourselves to find someone special since we are drawn SEXUALLY and EMOTIONALLY to each other?

Thursday, 27 May 2010


Assume you are locked in a room with a perfect clone of yourself. NO one will see what you do and the clone will COMPLETELY disappear in one hour. Would you go for it and find out what it is like to sex with yourself or would you do nothing?

Wednesday, 26 May 2010


Anger is healthy...Yet when we don’t go beneath the anger, to acknowledge the pain that is there we end up staying with the anger and often ending up directing it inwardly-as depression; or outwardly; as rage. Hurting ourselves, or re-creating the cycle on someone else. 

Most of us have not, and so much of this is about class, been exposed to or given tools with which to help us process our anger. Most of us have not even been offered the opportunity to express our rage and pain; we are so often silenced by communities and society. So today, I wanted to share some beliefs and ideas that help me with my anger and with not being bitter-with the hope that maybe one of them may be helpful to you. 

1) Check your perspective- Check the narratives you tell yourself about who you are. Are you kind to yourself? Or harsh? Do you berate yourself, or lift yourself with compassionate accountability? Do you forgive yourself for what you couldn’t do, didn’t know how to do, or weren’t able to do at the time? Do you see your relationships, failed or otherwise, as opportunities to learn and grow, or just spaces where you were "done wrong" as if you played no part in the chaos of it?
What decision did you make that created the situation, or the situations you are in now? How can u be accountable enough to let go?

2) Stop the comparisons- There is only one you. And if you were meant to look like, be like, be shaped like, and be smart like anyone else, well then you wouldn’t be you. And considering the divine creator of all this made you the way she/he/it did-then it must have thought you were damn good. And you are. YOU are your own standard!! There is no comparison. Comparison is a tool used by those with lack of imagination and disrespect the divine order. Like who you are. In fact, love who you are. How you look, and how you are, at whatever place you are, love yourself. And if you want to work on things about you-don’t start with judgment and hate, it doesn’t help. Your body responds and all you do is slow down your ability to shift. Be loving to yourself and the rest will follow. 

3) Face your fears- too many of us are held hostage by fear in our lives. We have created all these imaginary monsters that we think are going to have all these horrible things happen to us. Fear of following our dreams, fear of facing our truth, etc. Take the time to face your fears intelligently head on. Remember "Fear is faith in reverse."

4) Learn Yourself. Learn your wounds, your issues and challenges. And don’t just justify them-find a way to have a different relationship to them that does not hinder you in the present. Find a therapist, or a counselor. Except help from others. If you we were meant to do it all alone, or to figure it all out by yourself, god/goddess would have just dropped you on an isolated rock somewhere in a remote part of the galaxy as opposed to this rock which is actually teeming with people who can and would love to help you. Seek them out. 

5) Make your life what you desire; brick by brick: A large part of our reality is about interpretation. It's about how you choose to see what’s happening around you. We all witness the same phenomena everyday, and both have a totally different idea about what is happening. This "interpretation of reality" does not mean crazy shit won’t happen to you, or unfair shit won’t happen, it says instead that how you look at it makes a big difference in what you can learn!

6) S.I.N = Self Inflicted Nonsense: You were not born, nor are of evil or wrongdoing. You were born into circumstances and situations, systems and societies with ideas and beliefs that created a reality for the people who brought you here...Anything that happened to you is not a reflection of your worth, only a commentary on how the world is ignorant to your beauty and value as a human being. Don’t let their neglect become your own.

7) Trust that the relationship you need will find you; and celebrate the relationships you have. Too often we devalue our good friends, who, like lovers, are often our emotional supporters. We also can be self defeating in thinking that; I’ll never find someone, or there aint no good guys..yadda yadda. Let that talk go. Trust you deserve to have a partner that you love. 

Monday, 24 May 2010



Sunday, 23 May 2010


This Sunday is going to be a pretty important day. Yes, it's the series finale of Lost. But in the religious world, it's also known as Pentecost Sunday, and for the Rainbow Sash Movement, that's a day dedicated to challenging the institutional Catholic Church's opposition to gay rights.

Their plan? Well, much like their name asserts, scores of LGBT people of faith around the globe will show up to their local Catholic cathedral, dawn a rainbow sash during the liturgy, and try to spark dialogue with both people in the pews, and local clergy, including bishops. Some may even try to take Communion, which in the past has worked out well (Los Angeles, Detroit), and at other times has worked out not so well (Minneapolis/St. Paul).

As the Rainbow Sash Movement notes, the goal is not to protest church services, but to show religious leaders that LGBT people exist within their parishes, and won't stand to be made invisible any longer.

"We can no longer bury our heads and remain silent," the Rainbow Sash Movement writes, "nor can we promote the ideal that somehow our own spiritual comfort is more important than civil rights of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender community."

The thinking goes that if people of faith know we're in their midst, it's a whole lot harder to use theology as a wedge to divide us. Of course, tell that to a few Catholic bishops, particularly the head of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Cardinal Francis George. The good Cardinal doesn't really appreciate the Rainbow Sash Movement, or their work to get people talking about sexual orientation and religion.

Saturday, 22 May 2010


The Heat is the third studio album by American R&B singer–songwriter Toni Braxton, released in the United States on April 25, 2000 by LaFace Records. This album marked Braxton's departure from her ballads in favor of a more urban sound. Most of the songs (including the nearly instrumental "The Art of Love") were written and produced by Braxton and her husband Keri Lewis (the former member of Mint Condition), two ballads were penned by Diane Warren, and collaborations featured rappers Dr. Dre and Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. The album opened at number two on the Billboard 200 selling 199,000 units its first week. To date, the album has been certified double platinum by the RIAA and has sold over two million copies in the U.S.
"He Wasn't Man Enough" is the lead single from Toni Braxton's third studio album, The Heat (2000). It reached number two on the Billboard Hot 100 the week of May 6, 2000, where it stood for several weeks, as well as number one on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs for four weeks. The song earned Braxton her fourth Grammy Award for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance in 2001.

The video directed by Bille Woodruff from February 25-26, 2000[3], starts out with Braxton as an animated superhero who unzips her shirt to ward off villains. Next, she is shown dancing in a red cylinder-like hallway. The shot turns to a club where her ex (played by Braxton's husband) and his current wife (played by Robin Givens) walk in. Givens looks Braxton up and down and flashes her wedding ring at her. Braxton scoffs because she'd had him first and knows what a cheat he is.

The video flashes between Braxton dancing in the hallway and the club scene. At one point, the two women are in the bathroom of the club and Braxton lets her know why she dumped her husband. They set up an act where Braxton goes into a private room with him, and gets him to drop his pants; all the while he is on camera, and everyone at the club, including his current wife, is watching. At the end, Givens busts in and throws the ring at him, and the two women give each other a high five.

The video also features cameo appearances by Rodney Chester, Dawnn Lewis, and Tamar Braxton.
"Just Be a Man About It" is the second single from Toni Braxton's third studio album, The Heat (2000). It was released as a DVD single in the United States on November 21, 2000 and in Canada on February 6, 2001, including the music video for the song as well as the video for "Spanish Guitar".

The single's music video, directed by Bille Woodruff, opens with Braxton's boyfriend (played by rapper Dr. Dre, who also provides additional vocals to the track) leaving a Hawthorne, California strip club named Bare Elegance, accompanied by a woman. He stops at a payphone to call up Braxton, who is in their apartment. She looks happy at first, but as he tells her not to wait up for him that night alleging he needs space, her facial expression suddenly changes. The following scenes show Braxton wandering about the apartment, talking on the phone, standing next to the balcony, lying on a couch, and throwing objects such as a picture frame containing a photo of Dre and vases. At one point, Dre hangs up on Braxton, which infuriates her. Toward the end of the video, a man (Q-Tip) shows up to visit Braxton; they hug each other and proceed to cuddle on the couch, much to Dre's annoyance by the time he arrives home. When Dre questions Braxton about the man, she remains indifferent, causing him to give her the finger and then walk away.
"Spanish Guitar" is the third single from Toni Braxton's third studio album, The Heat (2000). Released in 2000, the song was written by Diane Warren and produced by David Foster, the same team behind Braxton's 1996 smash hit "Un-Break My Heart". It was never released as a commercial single in the United States, causing the song to chart outside the top ninety-five of the Billboard Hot 100. This song remains a fan favorite as Braxton often performs the dance version live.

In 2010, the song was recorded by flamenco guitarist Benise (with Kimberley Locke providing vocals) for his album also entitled "Spanish Guitar".

The video opens with Braxton floating on top of the water. The scene quickly changes to a crowded cafe and centers on a Latin man, Kamar de los Reyes, playing the guitar. The scene changes to a modern white and red room where Braxton, wearing a red dress, sings her longing to be in his arms. There are several shots of him playing the guitar than the guitar morphing into Braxton in his arms. Towards the end, he and Braxton have a dance scene together. This video was directed by Billie Woodruff, who also directed the videos for "Un-Break My Heart", "He Wasn't Man Enough", and "Just Be a Man About It".

Friday, 21 May 2010


If you look up "HOMOPHOBIA" in the dictionary, it will probably tell you that it is the fear of homosexuals. While I take issue with this definition, it is nevertheless true that in many ways, it really is a fear of homosexuality or at least homosexuals. But if one analyzes what a phobia is one would see that it doesn’t correlate with the meaning of homophobia. Phobia refers to a mental illness related to fear. Therefore, so-called homophobia should refer to a mental illness related to the fear of homosexuals or homosexuality. It is hard to imagine people being scared of homosexuals. Fear need not follow from hatred or vice versa.

For instance, one could fear riding a motorcycle, but one need not hate motorcycles because one is scared of riding one. If homophobia was treated as a phobia countless of MEN and WOMEN that are SAME-SEX-PRONE would be living lives that were peaceful and humane. But society does the opposite of what the word HOMOPHOBIA truly stands for, they confront and try to destroy that which they fear. Homophobia is widespread in on this planet; especially in the Caribbean Nations with Jamaica being the ‘FRONT RUNNER’ in this game of hatred. This hatred touches the lives of many, not just in Jamaica but all over the world. There are countless persons world-wide that commit suicide yearly because of being a direct victim of how homosexuals are treated by society. When one lives with rejection day after day, and society discounts one's value constantly, it is difficult to maintain perspective and realize that the problem is OTHER’S perceptions, not one's own.

When you live your life thinking of believing that the SEXUAL side of yourself is unnatural; how then do you cope? Homosexuality is found in all cultures and cultural norms seem to have little influence on the incidence of homosexual behavior. So the claim that it isn't natural becomes rather difficult to support. There are many things that go on in society that we would consider disgusting, but we don't outlaw them just because of that. So it’s US VS. THEM! And as difficult as it seems to admit society has a stronger reaction to the male-to-male relationships that they do to the female-to-female relationships…meaning that the homophobic person feels threatened by the perceived notion of the ‘SEXUAL ROLES’ in male-to-male sexual activity. Male heterosexuality is defined not only by the desire for women but also, and more importantly, by the denial of desire for men.

Therefore, expressions of homophobia serve as a means of limiting those who they view as displaced in the realm of sexuality. It’s not clear why male heterosexuals would need or even fear homosexuals in order to affirm maleness…unless their sexuality was already experienced as threatened by some other cause. This brings about the instinctual fear of infection that they feel will happen if they are not shunning the fear that exists within them. It all has to do with the fear of losing control, dominance and status. Well, straight men, you can relax. The vast majority of gay men don't want you. We F&CK for the same reason you do - as a part of the expression of love, caring, concern and commitment. Since we're not likely to get it from you, you're not attractive to us and you have nothing to fear from us. There are however a small minority of gay men who actually do enjoy seducing you. However such encounters are conducted in an atmosphere of equality of the shared emotional experience, and a recognition and respect for the straight man's need for discretion. But all in all ‘HOMOPHOBIA’ is negative cost on society and this cost is enormous. This cost doesn’t affect just the gay person, but his family, his acquaintances, his employers, and to society as a whole. This outright fear is a simple matter of sex and shows how society deals with SEX and SEXUALITY; causing a great deal of SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION.

Thursday, 20 May 2010


The six months temporary job program that I am currently employed under is set to end sometime in June. There are twelve of us that started this program in December last year and out of that number they are keeping about 5 persons to fill positions that are available. Now it has been rumored that 3 out of the positions will go to the 3 males that are employed under the program and the other two will go to two females in the program and the remaining 7 ladies would be left out in the cold. As I sat and thought about the prospect of being employed again, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed that I am a man. You see working for the Government in the Treasury Department; the women here seem to NOT get along with each other. They back bite and do all sort of things to each other…it is almost as if they want the other to grovel and beg for some sort of human kindness.

I’ve worked in 3 different areas in my short time @ the Treasury and no matter where I went there were females that didn’t like each other. It could be one supervisor to the other; it did NOT matter because as long as two vaginas occupy the same office space there will be tension! One of the areas I worked in, I had to deal with a supervisor that was petty… (Though not as petty as the supervisor in another area I worked), she still got on my nerves. One day she gave me an assignment to complete I did and I did more than she asked for and she was upset. Now before I took on the project, I asked her 3 times what she wanted and I even repeated to her what she said and she replied, ‘okay you got it.’ So imagine my surprise when I came back from lunch and she told me that I didn’t do the work she wanted and then asked me if I have a communication problem. I explained to her what she wanted and that was that…or so I thought. She kept going on and on about it and asked if I agreed with her that I have a communication problem? I looked her dead in the eyes and said, NO I DON’T! Of course this FRUSTRATED her to NO end, but she did ask me the question…

So the next day we came to work and she tells me how she couldn’t sleep all night because the work place was on her mind. She went on to tell me that her not wanting to take bread out of anyone’s mouth was keeping her up because @ the same time she HAD to be honest when it came time for them to review our performance over the past few months. I told her, ‘not to worry and do what she must and make sure she is honest in her reports.’ That was that and we went on with our working day…The next day the other temp person that worked in the same area with me told me that she was told by the same supervisor that she was NOT IMPRESSED WITH HER @ ALL! Now imagine my surprise when I heard this because this young lady works VERY hard and does things the supervisor CANNOT! I thought well if she thinks this about her what would she say about me? Well I soon found out…we were in the office all alone and she told me that she was impressed with me and apart from our misunderstanding the other day, she has NO problems with me and my work ethic. You could have knocked me out with a feather because I could NOT believe she was saying this to me.

After taking in what was said to me, I soon realized why she felt the way she did. She told me that there are TOO many females in the service and they are NOT adding anything to the process and she finds that men tend to work a whole lot better. I was SO stunned that I just sat there and took it all in. A few minutes later one of the deputy treasurers came into her office and she saw me there. She asked why I was in this department and after being told she said that I make it a point to remember the names of the males in the program because we need more men in this place. I just stood there looked @ her in amazement and I realized that this “men over women sentiment’’ comes from the top. I find this SO crazy because ALL of the top positions in this place are held by WOMEN! How do I sit @ a desk in this place when I know that the females in this program worked just as hard as I did to secure a job? Isn’t it sad that because I happen to be a man, that I have TWO BALLS N’ A BAT that I am one of the chosen few?

Wednesday, 19 May 2010


You know when you haven’t seen or spent time with a certain person in a while, then you do and they make you realize why. Well a few weeks ago, I invited a long time friend of mine to spend a weekend here with me as I was in the house alone. The weekend went fine…he cooked; we caught up and had a few laughs. After the weekend he decided that he didn’t want to go home just yet and I was okay with that. He isn’t working and I know what that is like and I know that where I live is such an oasis, so it was no problem. Talk about a sanctuary turning into an insane asylum…

First off I lent him my car and it came back smelling like smoke! He swore up and down that he didn’t smoke inside the car, but near it as he hung out with a few friends of his. I let that slide because I know that as a non-smoker, I would be able to pick up that scent with relative ease. Well not only did I pick up the smoke scent, it made me sick with the flu…(I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it did). So here I am in my room trying to sleep while fighting the flu and after I finally fell asleep, I felt this tap on my shoulder by my friend. He wanted to know if I could take him to a BOOTY CALL! Now I stood up, tried to make sure that I heard correctly and when I got myself together, I told him NO! I mean come on, how could I have taken anyone anywhere in the state I was in? This is the same guy that constantly feels sorry for himself because he can’t seem to find anyone to be with long-term. This man beats himself to death with questions about being destined to be alone. That is okay with me to an extent because the thing about him that gets me is the FACT that he HATES being - - -! He often tells me how he would change this about himself and live a normal life because he doesn’t want to go to hell. Now I understand where he is coming from, but I always say if something is bothering you, take the steps you need to change it. I mean how much of a bother is it when you are wishing for a man to hold you? How much of pain can it be to wake up a sick person to take your ass to get some dick? 

What is SO interesting about our relationship is that he thinks that I am an atheist because I question the bible and constantly tell him that I don’t believe in the god that he believes in. He wishes that he could have a relationship like the one I have with Noel, and I often ask him -what God is going to allow the man you need to come into your life when you have a problem with yourself? Of course he sees that as a cheap shot from me because I am just trying to keep him from evolving. I think that he is doing such a marvelous job @ that! But all things aside, thinking about him and others out there that are doing this to themselves HURTS me like NOTHING on this planet because I CANNOT take that evolutionary step for them; they have to do it themselves. I just see him becoming this old, bitter n’ jaded human being…I’ve met many men that are this way and so many fall into this pattern when they don’t have to. 

Why can’t he realize that his various sexual activities won’t yield the relationship he wants? I learned a while back that "single" doesn’t mean I can’t have a brilliant, beautiful and productive life. So sad that reality is, that he MUST learn to be happy with himself, much less someone else…Shit I feel that a - - - man in this day and time has so much more to offer when you think about how many of us have lived and are living through the HIV/ AIDS crisis that has taken so many friends and lovers. How can he not see that living in a world where relationships are often competitions for control and power, we - - - men have been socialized to "read" each other instead of communicating our concerns compassionately. His focus is the six pack abs, thug masculinity, economic superficiality and all the other unrealistic markers of this world. As gay men on very different levels of experience, I get the struggle…I get that the world that he has created is scary, but I still believe he can make a choice to face the darkness, grow in confidence that he is taking himself in the right direction and EVOLVE ALREADY!

Tuesday, 18 May 2010



Monday, 17 May 2010


This year for the International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia, YOUR help is needed in organizing kiss-ins around the world between May 14-17!

Gay, straight, black, white -- whatever you look like and whatever your political stripes are -- as long as you believe in love and equality for ALL people everywhere, you are invited to  join in a kiss-in near where you.

Here's how you do it:

Just get in front of a video camera, smile and say:

“Hi, my name is…I come from…”


Upload your video OR email it to idaho@gays.com

Spread the word and get your friends to take part!

* For best results, film outdoors in the daytime
* Go to your national or local monument
* Always be mindful of what’s in your background
* Wave your national flag (or the rainbow flag!)
* Wear your national costume
* Film this with your partner, family or friends
* Deliver your message in your own language or dialect
* If you’re hearing impaired, feel free to sign it!
* If filming indoors, ensure you have adequate lighting!


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