¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Wednesday, 30 April 2008


The thought of a SHATTERED soul of a GAY man battling HIV brings tears to my eyes. So imagine how I felt when a friend of mine confessed to me that he was NO longer taking his medication. An OVERWHELMING feeling of sorrow took over as I realized that I cannot do anything for him other than offer him encouragement AND prayer. It is @ that moment that I realized that I could say BE STRONG, KEEP FIGHTING; yet the reality is this disease takes so much out of person. In addition, to a certain extent, I was ANGRY at the universe because the REAL killer is NOT the possibility of a PHYSICAL DEATH, it is a SOCIAL one. Hearing something like this made me realize that recess is OVER and WE need STOP playing around with this disease. I find it VERY interesting how we do not think about LIFE until DEATH comes knocking in the neighborhood; yet WE ignore the countless amount of GAY men that fighting this fight. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP-LOSS & TAKE OUR GAY BROTHERS IN HAND & GIVE THEM A REASON TO WANT TO BE ON THIS PLANET? We have given okay for this disease to take over OUR lives AND run over the community and this needs to change. HIV does NOT care about who OR what it hurts, so why do we display the same action? We look @ them as if they are NO longer ACCEPTABLE for society as if WE the POWER to approve of each other. HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO SEGREGATE OURSELVES FROM EACH OTHER WHEN WE LIVE IN A WORLD DIVIDED? IN THIS BATTLE WE NEED TO REMEMBER ONE THING, TODAY FOR HIM BUT TOMORROW MIGHT BE YOU…

Tears Fallen

Marvin, RN

Tears Fallen

My eyes are troubled

By the sea, I looked up and cursed

HIV gave me a big fright

I shy away from the light

He saw the pain in my eyes from above

Jesus, I sought no more love

Having HIV brought me down to my knees

I cried for help and peace

I tried my best to remain calm

My sorrows laid in both palms

Where’s my life going?

Somewhere out there, coming to a end soon

Tomorrow may never come

Borrowed time I need

My work in this world isn’t done

My soul is empty of you, I’m alone

With HIV, it’s hard to cope

You’re my last hope

From my spirit, you released everything negative

Strength came upon me to live HIV positive

Thanks for the gift of life

Against suicide, I put down the knife

You moved me so deeply

Joyful tears fallen


  1. Oh my God, what a way to capture these words that lay silent in my heart and mind. Fighting so much, I wanted not to feel this way, but so alone I felt. Wondering who would care if I was gone. Where are they now, that I feel so empty and alone. Hearing in the back of mind, telling me to fight. But here I sit alone, ready to take these pills that will end my tonight. I'm not sure how hopelessness has crept in this head of mine, but it feels like it's here to stay and kiss my face goodnight. Some say that it's all in my mind, but no it's not when tonight feels like a lifetime. We all carry around the pain we choose not to recongnize, please help me GOD by healing the pain I carry inside. Knowing is a positive thing, but to who I just want to scream and say. Finding the will to carry on is a personal thing and I hope one day everyone wakes up and realizes that battle with HIV is a contant ring. You can never forget that you know, but who you tell, will they understand your plight and say it's ok to go.

  2. This is one of the hardest things for me to read. I had a friend that just committed suicide because he could not fight the disease or at least he feel as though he could not and now I am faced with another that does not want to carry on now because somehow reality has set in and no i know that he has not been taken his meds for almost three months now. How do I find the words to tell, him, what do I say to him when I am not sure how to answer the questions. I wish I could give him the strength I have in my spirit to fight, But it seems as though he has already given up. He talks about dieing, and every day he says he is ready to go. I hide the tears, but I cant anymore. I hate this disease, I hate how it takes control, I hate how people push their heads in the sand. I am afraid@!

  3. Can you understand?
    Can you understand, I find a way to say.
    I struggle so hard to figure out why I feel this way.
    Reaching down so deep inside, finding a way to run and hide.
    For if one day, I could feel the way I use to.
    Can you really understand why I feel so sad and blue.
    This is not the person I imagined myself to be,
    Emotion causes me to stop seeing the forest because of this one tree.
    The phone doesn’t ring the way it use to, except hearing from a telemarketer who doesn’t know me from Adam #1 or Adam #2.
    I know I’m not the only person to feel this way,
    Hearing the words I Love You is something I wish to hear someone say.
    When was this last time that you put your arms out to embrace,
    Expecting nothing more than a simple smile on a sad and teary face.
    Time is the greatest gift we have to give, share it with those who struggle with a reason to live.

  4. Since finding out 3 years ago about my status of being positive. And eventhough i haven't had to be put on meds (thank God) there is never a day when I am not reminded that I carry this virus inside me. It's hard when people look at u different and make u feel like ur life just isn't worth too much of anything anymore. People seem to be afraid of me....to even be my friend. But I haven't let that stop me from wanting to have real relationships with people who can accept me for who i am...not judge me for what I have. Thanks so much for ur words.




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