¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Showing posts with label ¿BLOGGER SAID WHAT?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ¿BLOGGER SAID WHAT?. Show all posts

Wednesday 24 October 2012


How many times have you heard someone say, “Your life is in your hands?”  What is your reaction?  Do you ignore it and keep lamenting how terrible your life is or do you say, “Yes, it is, and I am going to change it.”

What if many people all at once decided to change their lives? What do you think would happen if people decided to focus on the same thing and made a decision to change something collectively for the better?

The power of the mind is an awesome force. To have the power of many minds the result could have a profound effect on society. We attract what we think, both good and bad.  Not only does this happen individually, but also collectively. If a nation of people think circumstances are horrible, does it not follow that things become horrible?

We see this in terms of the economy. If we continually hear that the economy is bad, it then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that the economy sours. Why?  Because the collective force of many minds decided to believe the notion that conditions were bad. If they hear it, it must be so. Actions then occur accordingly to stop buying things, and to begin to worry about what will happen in the future.

Let’s apply this to the queer community.  Individually there are many closeted people who simply resign themselves to staying in the closet because they feel they cannot come out. This happens because society constantly drums it into their heads that they can’t; that their way of life is sinful and dire consequences will ensue if they come out.

Collectively, when the queer community believes this same thing, progress forward toward fulfilling equality for all is elusive, since the force of many minds believing it cannot be so, will influence what the universe delivers.

If many minds begin to believe that change can come, it will come. The belief that equality for all is achievable now, in our lifetimes, is creating a situation where the power of the queer community has influenced change for the better. It has begun to eliminate the shackles of prejudice, hate and ignorance.

Be part of a unified force of change. Believe change can come and that equality for all is a done deal already. If collectively we believe it, then it shall be so.


Wednesday 19 September 2012


I found this gem of an entry over on DISCREET CITY and I had to share this with you guys here. 

TBS has announced a new black gay male comedy-drama starting Spring 2013titled “Tony and Dave” which will be produced by Tyler Perry.

The setting is Houston, Texas where Tony (Omari Hardwick) is a very successful Networking Engineer Director and Dave (Mel Jackson) is an Aircraft Mechanic.  The two are in a 3 year relationship.

The supporting cast is Robert (played by Jon Michael Hill) and Steven (played by Ian Kahn). They are an interracial couple that are friends with Tony and Dave and have been together for over 10 years. They also have a 12 year old son.   There will be another gay friend to Tony and Dave named Jamal (played by Omar Benson Miller).

The show will also star Justin (played by Henry Simmons) who is Dave’s straight fraternity brother.  Elisa (played by Essence Atkins) who is also friends of Tony and Dave and use to date Justin.  

Rounding out the supporting cast will be Tony’s older brother Andre (played by Rockmond Dunbar) who struggles with his brother’s sexuality.

The writers and producers stated... 

the goal of the show was to display the normality of regular everyday gay men of color and to show the real image of the black gay male vs. the stereotypical    images of reality TV and other mediums”.

The pilot show opens with Tony and Dave just getting settled after moving in together when bad news strikes that Dave has lost his job.  The first season will follow their ups and downs in this new chapter of their relationship.

It sounds like Hollywood has come to their senses and will produce a show that finally counters the over abundance of effeminate homosexuals (95% white) that are currently on the small screen.  
Are you excited?   Well guess what?   Don’t be because I just made the whole thing up.  Yeah sorry about that.  I know I am an asshole for getting you all worked up.  But I did this to prove a point.  A reason you may have gotten so excited was because currently there are no positive functional homosexual black or minority male couples on television. NONE

No positive examples to showcase who we really are.  No examples to show other black gays of what a secure, functional, stable, happy relationship looks like. No examples for the black gay male youth to strive towards when it comes to what a positive gay long term relationship resembles.

Do you remember the criticism when “
The Cosby Show” first hit the airwaves?  Black folk said the show (a comedy) was not realistic.  How can a black family have both a doctor and a lawyer as parents?  The spin off show, “A Different World”, was the first of its kind with a setting at a historically black college or university. 

These were some of our first modern examples of blacks on both the big and small screens, being progressive, educated, and successful.  Wanting to achieve and striving to better themselves and the community. While “The Cosby Show” rarely had any controversial topics; “A Different World” had shows that dealt with domestic violence, pregnancy and drugs to name a few. 

Media has the power to influence whether some want to admit this or not.  Many can tell you that “A Different World” made so many young black men and women want to go to college.  I
even remember in the early 90’s many rap videos using college campuses as there backdrops. 

Wouldn’t it be great to have a television show to inspire and influence gay black men (young and old) to want something better for ourselves?

Before you bombard the feedback section listing all the black gay male characters or relationships that have sprinkled the small screen throughout the years while highlighting “Noah’s Arc” (oh god no); ask yourself what black gay male couple/s that you know of had a starring or reoccurring whole on any particular cable or broadcast network series?

HBO’s Oz black homosexuality was mostly rape or intimidation. Six Feet Under was a dysfunctional interracial relationship. The Wire had a homosexual ex-con / robber. True Blood has a drug dealing, cross dressing homo-thug queen in a interracial relationship.

Right now there are no alternatives on television to the stereotypes that black gays are just gossiping, partying, promiscuous, HIV infected, vain, materialistic effeminate men who can’t maintain a relationship more than 3 months.

I strongly believe if there were more positive representations of homosexual black men in relationships in the media; it could eventually lead to a reduction in the spread of STD’s and lessen promiscuity, even if only by a small percentage.  It could lead to more of us thinking highly of ourselves and not viewing our homo or bisexuality as something that is unnatural and can be prayed away. 

But I do think there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.   On the LA Complex, even though the relationship between the two black male characters is still very dysfunctional; it’s the first time starring roles featuring two black male characters have been seen together in an intimate relationship on any major broadcast television channel.

Who knows what can happen within the next 5 years.  Maybe the fictional comedy that I describe in the opening of this post can get the green light and become reality. Who knows? In the words of Jesse Jackson, “Keep Hope Alive”!

Monday 10 September 2012


The Adonis Factor attempts to cover the topic of the obsession of body images, how gay men view themselves and how gay men type casts each other in the gay community.  Muscle Heads, bears, chubs, twinks, etc.

I first saw the documentary film about a year ago.  I had my opinions and have been meaning to write a review about it for some time. Because so much time had pass, I decided to re-watch it, just to see if there was anything I may have forgotten or issues that may have stood out.

Before my re-viewing, I got online to see what some of the critics and other viewers had to say about the documentary. I wanted to know if they shared my initial thoughts.

Interestingly the majority of viewers and critics don’t like the movie. They feel the documentary is a slickly put together film, filled with “Eye Candy”, gay public displays of affection and to many quick snippet interviews from mostly superficial gay men dealing with or not properly dealing with serious (or not serious enough) issues.

They feel the film does not go in depth to really address the pressing concerns affecting the gay community concerning body images, superficial-ness and self development.

Well for the most part I agree but I am not as critical. This is the first documentary I have seen to ever attempt to cover these issues.  For that I give this film high praises!

Wednesday 11 July 2012


Black Gay Men’s Blog explores denial and the effect it has on the psychological, spiritual and physical well-being of black gay men. When one thinks about denial, as it relates to black gay men, it is easy to focus on accepting one’s sexuality and coming out. However, it runs much deeper than that. The purpose of this blog post is not to suggest that we all fly rainbow flags. This article aims to explore how not accepting the totality of who you are (and your current situation) can negatively impact one’s life. In my opinion, denial is a silent killer. A pandemic, which is devastating our community at much higher rates than HIV, diabetes, cancer and addiction. In fact, denial might just be the cause of some of the illnesses and issues ravaging the black gay community and the black community at large. Of course, denial affects us all, regardless of race, gender or sexuality, but as I always say, this is Black Gay Men’s Blog, so I am addressing black gay men.

Friday 18 May 2012


While written for a heterosexual audience, we can certainly adapt this information to our gay partnerships as the following content illustrates issues that are universal to all relationship styles. Hopefully you will find it useful as it applies to evaluating your own relationship for maximizing its success.

Top 10 Reasons Relationships Work

Sunday 22 April 2012


“Parents are our blessing; parents are our burden.”  Whenever I make a new connection with a gay individual one of the questions I usually ask is if they have told their parents that they are gay and if so how did their parents react.  I am amazed at the variety of responses that people share.  The reactions from parents are varied, insane, and are as numerous as the drops of water in the ocean.  Some parents could care less about their child’s gayness- they were hippies in their own time, believe in free love, and just want their child to be happy.  Other parents completely ignore the idea that their child is Gay- they know it but they don’t acknowledge it. These parents just try to convince themselves that everything is going to be ok as long as they never talk about it.  Some ultra Christian parents plead the blood of Jesus all over the place and pray that their child is “healed” or “delivered” from being gay.  The angry parents try to force their child to just stop being gay and frown upon or even forbid certain mannerisms, clothes, or anything else they deem “too gay.”  My mother’s way of dealing with my coming out to her was convenient amnesia.  She acts like she forgets that I’m gay.  Some parents experience a combination of the aforementioned responses and the child must deal with their reaction accordingly.  As a parent, no matter how you respond to your child’s coming out one thing I know for sure is that you can never “Un-say” any negative statement once you have said it.  Spoken words are concrete.  So I offer the following advice to parents.  
Think before you speak.   I understand that you are worried about your child, you fear the bullies in the classroom as youth and in the board room as adults.  I realize that the gay life for your child is not the plan you had for them.  I know that you are worried about depression, HIV/Aids, and perhaps their souls or relationship with their faith.  I know that in your mind you have their best interests at heart and are concerned about what people will say.  I’m sure you question the idea of grandchildren.  I get that you are confused and lost because you have no idea what it means to be gay.  You have watched too many news stories, read too many articles, and have held too many prejudices to try to be content with your child’s gayness.  I know that you are hurt, upset, worried, afraid, and confused.  I also know that you love your child and that one day the love for your child will strengthen you to see past their sexuality.  When that day comes your relationship with your child will be hindered because of the negativity you spoke.  Don’t speak rashly, think before you speak!  Think of the courage it takes for them to live their truth.  Think of the worry, the guilt, and the fear that your son has had to overcome as he tries to figure out if you will still love him.  Imagine the thoughts that he constantly endures as he wonders if he is allowed to come to family functions and how he will be treated once there.  Close your eyes and visualize him crying every night beating himself emotionally because he doesn’t have the power to change who he is.  Picture him begging God to change him.  See him trying to figure out why he is being punished.  Think of how alone and afraid he is as he determines that the very people who should love him unconditionally seemingly don’t.  Put yourself in his shoes and think of how you would feel at his age having to tell your parents the same thing.  Think, feel, and imagine your child’s pain, grief, and worry.  It is pathetic that we live in a world that would rather see someone sacrifice their own happiness so that others could feel better about themselves.  

Moreover, it is sad that some parents have expressed more hate to their children than a stranger ever could.  If you have already talked crazy to your child please remember exactly what you said.  Not what you intended or meant- REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID.  Remember how you said it.  Remember the moment you said it.  Unless it was positive, unless in substance it reflected unconditional love and acceptance you were wrong.  If you said anything mean, hurtful, or hateful to your child- you were wrong!  If you have ever called him a sissy or worse yet a faggot-you were wrong!  If you ever told your son to stop walking a certain way, or saying things a certain way- you were wrong!  If you ever allowed a family member to berate or belittle your child- you were wrong!  If you ever told him that God hates him- you were wrong!  If you ever told your child you did not or would not support him in this “lifestyle”- you were wrong!  If you called him nasty or unnatural- you were wrong!  If you told him that he needs to be straight and change- you were wrong!  If you told him that being gay is a choice- you were wrong!  As a parent your job is to love your child.  Your job is not to like or even agree with everything they do but it is your job to love the way no one else can.  It is wrong to hurt them and say you are trying to protect them.  Love is patient.  Love is kind.  You are wrong if you purposely hurt someone in the name of love.  Your words cut deep and cannot be taken back once you have said them.  I do suggest you apologize and pray that they forgive you.  Unfortunately, while they may forgive they will never EVER forget- they always remember what you said, how you said and when you said it.  Speak responsibly.  1Luv, DL 

Tuesday 27 March 2012


When your favorite boy toy, sex partner, or hook up calls you late at night, or comes over for a hook up, are you always aware of what you are getting yourself into? In this video, we discuss methods that one must use to be aware of issues that could exist with his penis, and how to check them out. Taking the time to do so, could help prevent many issues, could help you eliminate a jackass, and most of all avoid the drama of what could give you STDs.

 If you think you might have been exposed to an STD then you should go to see a doctor. Many sexually transmitted diseases can be easily cured, but if left untreated, they may cause unpleasant symptoms and could lead to long-term damage such as infertility. It is important that anyone diagnosed with an STD informs everyone they have had sex with within the past year (or everyone following the partner they believe may have infected them).

by: Sampson McCormick

Sunday 29 January 2012


We're shocked and sad and angry every time the news breaks about another tragedy. We share the news on Facebook. We hold candlelight memorials. We speak out against bullying. We donate to The Trevor Projecthttp://www.previewshots.com/images/v1.3/t.gif.

Now, let's also focus our SPIRITUAL POWER on ending this suffering.
Each of us who believes in the Power of Prayer (or The Secrethttp://www.previewshots.com/images/v1.3/t.gifcreative visualizationhttp://www.previewshots.com/images/v1.3/t.giftonglenhttp://www.previewshots.com/images/v1.3/t.gif, or Ho'oponoponohttp://www.previewshots.com/images/v1.3/t.gif) must now dedicate some portion of our practice to LGBT young people.

What does this mean?

We live in a creative universe. What we think about creates our individual experience, but those of us who believe in prayer also believe that what we pray about effects the world.

Prayer and similar practices are creative - you get more of what you put energy toward. "Whatsoever you ask in my Name, that will I do." (John 14:13)

So when you do your spiritual work around this issue, do not pray from your grief, your anger, your compassion. Do not pray about the tragedy. Do not pray for this epidemic to stop. These would be negative prayers.

Instead, use positive prayer.

Pray for peace and healing and protection and Light and angels and Love to surround and lift up LGBT youth.

See it in your mind while you practice.

Imagine every LGBT teen laughing, living in joy, receiving love and support from all directions.

If you can't wipe the memory of these tragedies from your spiritual practice: close your eyes; consciously witness the lost child's experience of bullying or loneliness - like a movie; and then, do it again, but make different choices. That is, imagine what the scenerio would have been if everything had gone right - if they'd found the strength, known what to say, who to tell, where to turn, how to get through it. Focus on this new sequence, and send it out into the universe as the new story of How Things Go.


But we have to do it together.

And we have to do it NOW!

Wednesday 23 November 2011


I thought I'd share this blog entry that I found on MORPHOSIS's blog:

Maybe it's all the "True Blood" we've marinated in this summer, but between Eric and Alcide frolicking half-naked on the small screen, superhero after superhero displaying their superwaxed superchests, and the increasingly lascivious casting announcements for Steven Soderbergh's male-stripper movie "Magic Mike", it's time to notice that we may be entering a new Golden Age in American entertainment : the Golden Age of Male Objectification.

For decades, while film and television have gotten progressively racier, the objects of the camera's increasingly lurid gaze had largely been women. The reasons for this are so unofficially official they're like unwritten laws, habits that have been codified into "common sense" even if they don't make much sense : Hollywood's a boys' club and male audiences want sex and violence, while women want hearts and flowers. So women are lusted after by the cameras, while audiences looking for a little bit of dude to ogle had to be content with tame rom-coms, subtext, and the dreaded "Comedy Penis".

But no more ! The summer of 2011 officially became the season that the male gaze was reflected back at itself -and with enthusiasm ! In the summer's superhero movies, a supremely buff body became part of what made these heroes so super. The "Captain America" trailer had Dominic Cooper doing the old look-over-the-top-of-my-sunglasses move to get a load of the newly pumped up Chris Evans. In "Thor", Kat Dennings's audience-surrogate character spends half the movie talking about how nutso everything is and the other half pointing out that this blond god from the heavens is massively pumped. Fourteen years ago, America lost it when Batman's costume included rubber nipples. Now we've got a Spider-Man whose costume lifts and separates. 

Sunday 25 September 2011


Through the windows of the set, I can see flocks of birds flying over the backdrop of Central Park, and their freedom seems a tragic juxtaposition against yours. You suddenly seem to me a man who’s trapped – caged in that metal-and-glass backed set overlooking Columbus Circle, frantically running up into the audience for one last question that was actually just a gift: a ragged-looking woman in gold pleather gives you a rosary and a plastic vial of holy water – the significance of which no one seems quite able, or willing, to grasp. I don’t know what you made of the present – was it her effort to save you from a certain unnamed lifestyle? A simple, genuine gift of faith? A public push to accept Jesus Christ as your one and only savior? You received it graciously before literally running off the set with a wave, on to save the world in more important arenas perhaps.

When I return home that night, I turn on your AC360 show on CNN, where you are more formal in jacket and tie. You open by reporting on another suicide due to bullying – a 14-year-old child has killed himself after being bullied for his sexuality. It is not the first time you have drawn worthy attention to the issue, even if means being ridiculously perceived as pushing a “gay agenda” – and that’s admirable of you – but it’s not enough.

You talk of the loneliness and desperation and how heartbreaking it is. You showed the video that the boy – Jamey Rodemeyer – made for the ‘It Gets Better’ project – and I wait for some flicker of whether this is personal to you. There are some things that only another gay person who has been through that fear can understand and access. Is that you? Are you one of us?

Friday 23 September 2011


My oldest son is six years old and in love for the first time.  He is in love with Blaine from Glee. 
For those who don’t know Blaine is a boy…a gay boy, the boyfriend of one of the main characters, Kurt.
This isn’t a ‘he thinks Blaine is really cool’ kind of love.  It is a mooning at a picture of Blaine’s face for a half hour followed by a wistful “He’s so pretty” kind of love.

He loves the episode where two boys kiss.  My son will call people in from other parts of the house to make sure they don’t miss his ‘favorite part.’  He’s been known to rewind it and watch it over again…and force other to, as well, if he doesn’t think people have been paying enough attention.

Wednesday 24 August 2011


I found this entry on Sexy Muscle Guys and I thought I'd share it with you and get your say on the matter…

So, come on boys, is arrogance sexy? I know a few guys who are big and built like this guy, and they don’t have an attitude to go with it. But I also know (or have known) one or two who are real assholes and think that because they spend a lot of time working out that somehow makes them better than everyone else.

Wednesday 27 July 2011


“Oh, baby, you’re the best!” In our fantasies, we’re always in bed with a guy who knows just how to push our buttons. He’s neither too rough nor too cautious. He knows all our hot spots.Maybe he even shows us some nerve endings we didn’t know we had. He knows just what to do. It’s as if he can read our mind.
“OW! Watch the teeth, okay?” In everyday reality, we find ourselves in bed with someone who can’t read our mind and who doesn’t know where our hot buttons are unless we tell him.  He makes missteps – just like we do. If we’re lucky he’s enthusiastic and attentive. Sometimes were not so lucky. If getting your erotic needs met feels like going to a pot-luck dinner – you take what you get; maybe it will be better next time – it’s time to learn new ways of communicating your desires with your partner....

Talking about sex can seem…unsexy. If we embarrass easily or if we don’t really know just what we want, the whole topic can make us anxious. We worry about sounding stupid or demanding. Worst of all, we worry that talking about sex will spoil the mood. Instead of getting what we want, we may not get anything at all.
Some conversations are easiest to have away from the bedroom and well before you and the object of your affection are naked.  “I always talk about safer sex stuff before we get to my place,” Joe says. “It’s easier to ask about how he feels about condoms over dinner than when we’re between the sheets.” Joe’s other tip: he lowers his voice, looks his partner in the eye and tells him how much he wants to ride his partner’s dick all night long – if they can wrap that rascal first. Who could resist an invitation like that?
It’s easier to talk about problems outside the bedroom. “I would really like us to take it slower” is easy to hear over a glass of chardonnay at dinner. “Hey, slow down!” in an irritated voice when you’re getting pounded in bed is more likely to bruise your guy’s feelings. No one wants to feel like a klutz in bed.
Feelings are easy to bruise, especially around sex. Be kind rather than accusatory. See if you can frame requests in a way that is positive. “You know what would drive me crazy? I’d love for you to…” Try to make only one request at a time. If you bombard your partner with suggestions he may feel you are telling him he’s sexually incompetent. No one wants to hear that. Instead, be encouraging. Give him compliments if they are sincere. Sit close; maybe touch him gently and reassuringly.
And when you are getting it on and you get what you want, let him know it. Tell him “Yeah, that’s it!” or moan and sigh, move around, smile. Psychologists like to say when a certain behavior is rewarded, it happens more often. Compliment your partner often (without going overboard). Catch him doing something right, and let him know you love it. Building up his erotic self-confidence is good for you, too. This is one time when it can be very good manners to talk with your mouth full!
Take responsibility for your desires. Make “I” statements rather than “You” statements. There is a big difference between “I’d love you to get more forceful with me” and “You aren’t aggressive enough.”
Almost every man has had the experience of losing an erection during lovemaking. This is not fun. It can be pretty embarrassing. Talking about it is difficult, but discussing your concerns with your partner can be the path to resolving the issue. “I decided I shouldn’t be having sex with anyone if I was afraid to lose an erection with him,” Jorge says. “If I couldn’t feel secure enough for that, I was putting to much performance pressure on myself.” Letting his partners know that his body was sometimes slow to respond even if he was really enjoying himself helped him relax and be less distracted.
Ever heard the advice that to be considered a good conversationalist, you really need to be a good listener? It’s the same with sex. Often we give someone what we hope he’ll give us. We like having our nipples played with, so we play with his – even though it seems to annoy him. This isn’t likely to get you what you want, and it’s also not the way to be the most skilled lover around. You would be much better off telling him what you want and touching him the way he wants to be touched.
Ah, touch. There are so many ways to make physical contact with someone. Touching or being touched in exactly the same manner all the time can become irritating. Enough of exactly the same touch and our brains shut down – you will stop feeling the touch altogether. This is not pleasant. Better to vary how you make physical contact, alternating light touch with firmer, fingernail scratches with holding, teasing with squeezing.
If you are going to try to get more of what you want, it’s only fair that you give your partner more of what he wants, too. Ask him about particular turn-ons or fantasies. What gets him going? What turns him off? Don’t be defensive. You might even see if you can be sexy or playful when you initiate this conversation. You are telling him that he’s important and you want to give him pleasure. This is can be very different from a clichéd what-are-you-into conversation.
Don’t be afraid. Speak up. You will be imperfect and make mistakes. So what? Taking the initiative is masculine and sexy, and makes it much more likely that you will get what you want and deserve.

Tuesday 19 July 2011


People like to surround themselves with fun friends—the guys and gals who can keep our spirits high in good times and support us when we're down. Unfortunately, some of us are so desperate to feel popular, or to simply feel like we have friends, that we invite toxic people into our lives.
This can be especially true for gays. After all, we come from a world where we're told we're less-than-normal, and in our fear of rejection we sometimes befriend people who don't have our best interests at heart. This may not be deliberate, but these influences can hold us back from larger, more positive goals. So while these folks can help us to stand out in a crowd and that makes us feel good on the surface, the truth is that they're not helping us grow and really stand out in the right ways.
With that in mind we turned to life coach Michael Monitz and compiled a list of friend archetypes. We then offered reasons why they may be keeping you from creating positive changes in your life, and what to do so you can be yourself in a positive way.
Cool Club Kids
You're always popular with these guys, but it's mainly around the party scene. With so much of queer culture centered around clubbing that makes sense. But is it healthy?

That depends on what happens outside of the club. Real friends stand by you during tough times, so ask yourself if these guys will be there when a loved one dies, if you need a place to crash, or if your car breaks down at the side of the road.
If so, great! But if you suspect they'll only be there to party, then they're not the kind of people you need for a support network.
Annoying Eeyore
He may be a sadly sweet and adorable character in Winnie the Pooh stories, but do you really want someone in your life who always looks at life like it's a glass half empty?

First, make sure that this guy is really one of your good friends. If so, and if you suspect that he's really suffering from depression, then help him get professional counseling. It's not your job to heal him.
However, this guy may only be a "friend" in quotes—we all seem to have one or two of them in our lives—who is always down for the sake of getting attention. In that case Monitz warns that this guy could end up bringing you down, too. "There is a point when a friend has to stop being a victim to life and start being a survivor," he says. "You can't help him make this change. He has to be willing to do it on his own. Be careful not to get too sucked into it. Misery does love company."
Users Are Losers
You have a kind heart but your friends should be helping and supporting you just as much as you help them. If they're constantly using you then it's going to build up resentment. Take a realistic look at your friendships and see if certain people only call you when they need something. If so, it may be time to reevaluate their role in your life.

Single Stud
When it comes to hitting the clubs, traveling, or doing any social activity, it's great to have a partner in crime. Just make sure your relationship transcends neediness. You're investing time and energy into this friendship, and you don't want to be dumped whenever your friend meets a hottie.

Now it's time to look in the mirror. If you're the guy who forgets his friends when he starts dating someone new, stop it! As Monitz says, "There is nothing wrong with having friends when you have a boyfriend."
Some men also have a hard time dealing with their cruising buddy going off the market. A real friend supports you on your journey—or helps you see things clearly when you start dating a loser. If you're faced with a buddy who's not supporting you, talk to him. Any genuine friend will want to resolve the issue.
Finally, Monitz sums things up like this: "To help you decide if your friend is toxic, simply ask yourself, 'When I hang out with my friend, does life (overall life, not just the moments you are together) get better or does it get worse?'" If life gets better then you're on the right track. If not, then it's time to make some changes.

Tuesday 05 July 2011


When I die give what’s left of me away
to children and old men who want to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the street beside you.
and when you need me, put your arm around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds,
look for me in the people I have known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.
You can love me better by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn’t die, people do
so  when all that is left of me is love,
give me away. 

Thursday 30 June 2011


From Judy Garland to Britney Spears there have been many women over the years who have been branded with the title “gay icon.” Some, such as Joan Crawford, gained an early gay following due to her struggles both on and off screen, likening her to an underdog with whom many gay men of the time felt they could relate. Others, such as Madonna and Kylie Minogue, have openly embraced their queer fan base performing at LGBT events, supporting gay issues and incorporating queer themes into their videos and live performances.

However, in the short time she has been on the pop music scene, Lady Gaga seems to have set a new standard for those who would wish to qualify as a future gay icon.

Since her first album was released in 2008, Lady Gaga has embraced the gay community and been an advocate for LGBT rights like no other diva before her. In the liner notes of her debut album she wrote, “I will always fight for the gay community…” This was a bold move on her part as many celebrities have shied away from being linked to the gay community at early points of their careers. But Gaga has made her allegiance clear from the beginning and even performed at several LGBT events, such as the NewNowNext Awards and San Francisco Pride in the early months after the release of her first album.

In the days that followed, she promoted the album with live performances in many smaller venues, including gay and lesbian dance clubs.  Her genuine affection for her gay fans was obvious and any who believed otherwise would soon be forced to reevaluate their opinion when Gaga later revealed that she was bisexual in an interview for Rolling Stone. Turns out, Gaga was not only a supporter, but a part of the LGBT community as well. Though some were quick to label her coming out as a publicity stunt, the pop princess only intensified her advocacy in the years that followed and proved that her statements were more than lip service.

If visibility is the first step then Lady Gaga is running a marathon for equality. She has taken every available opportunity to voice her support for gays and lesbians in interviews, during acceptance speeches, and even televised performances.

In 2010 Gaga took a fierce stand against the military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) policy. Dressed in a frock made of meat, Gaga attended the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards accompanied by four members of the US Military who had each been prohibited from serving due to DADT. When interviewed Gaga stated, “If we don't stand up for what we believe in and if we don't fight for our rights, pretty soon we're going to have as much rights as the meat on our own bones.”

The songstress could have stopped there, but she continued her stance against the discriminatory law by releasing 3 videos on YouTube shortly after the awards show. In the videos she encouraged others to contact their senators and urge them to overturn DADT. She then took the fight even further by speaking at the “4the14K”Rally in Portland, Maine where she urged members of the US Senate to repeal the DADT policy.

Since then, Gaga has shown no signs of slowing down her support of the LGBT community. Her latest number-one hit, “Born This Way” is undeniably pro-LGBT and is the first hit song in the US to use the word “transgendered” in its lyrics. She’s also put her money where her mouth is by donating proceeds from the single to anti-bullying charities.

Recently, Gaga has made even more headlines in the crusade for equality by walking away from a lucrative deal with retail giant Target due to the company’s previous donations to an antigay political campaign. And just last week, she encouraged fans to voice their support for marriage equality by contacting state senator Mark Grisanti, who has wavered on supporting marriage equality, with “2000 emails” during an appearance in Buffalo, New York.

Lady Gaga hasn’t merely raised the bar for those who would claim the status of gay icon, she’s completely reinvented the criteria. No longer can a celebrity simply state, “I love my gay fans” and expect the LGBT community to call them an icon. A new standard has been set. And while this shouldn’t detract from those who have worn the title in the past, Lady Gaga has worn it best.



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