REDEFINDING BEING A MAN

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What is a man? This is a question that haunts all men—straight, gay, bi, and transsexual. We strive to answer it as best we can, given whatever role models we grew up with. Many years ago, when I was managing convenience stores, I had a handsome Latino vendor that came in one day and announced that his girlfriend was pregnant, and that he was now a man. One of society’s prejudices against gay men is that they do not procreate, and since they don’t, gay men are not really men.

You will have to decide what it means for yourself. I think that as a whole, we have moved beyond the "John Wayne, strong, tough, unfeeling" manhood stereotype, but each man must find his own way in life. Can you be a man and get anally penetrated, or perform oral sex on a man? To accept or come to terms with what it means to be a gay man, may, and probably will, mean grieving what you thought made a man. As we let go of our fantasies and ideas about who we are, then grief is a natural process that follows.

For most, being with another man emotionally, sexually, and physically means that you do not have the defined gender roles of a man and woman, either sexually or practically, in a relationship. Most men are, to some degree, sexually versatile, and who cooks, washes the dishes, cleans the house, or does the yard work has to all be negotiated. It is not just assumed, based upon gender, what each man’s role is going to be. So does trading roles make you a partial man? Personally, I think that being a man is about knowing and expressing all the parts of you, the masculine as well as the feminine, the top and the bottom, all defined as a fully integrated you and how you choose to express that. Being gay is an interesting journey, one with less societal rules, and thus more room for creative exploration.

SOURCE: MYOST

GRIEVING YOUR HETEROSEXUAL LIFE/IDENTITY

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Coming out means potentially losing a lot. It is possible to lose one’s family (both immediate and extended), friends, home, job, etc. Coming out is never done without cost. At the very least, one’s self-image must be reinvented. This reinvention requires that part of one’s self-image must be changed, and part of that process is to grieve one or more losses. Each person grieves in his own way, but the stages of grief apply to most:

I MUST BE GAY BECAUSE...

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I FIND THAT WHEN IT COMES TO OUR OWN SEXUALITY, MANY OF US HAVE SO MANY MISCONCEPTIONS OF WHO WE ARE & WHO WE SHOULD BE. I’VE HEARD MANY SAY THEY ARE GAY BECAUSE OF THIS OR BECAUSE OF THAT, SO THIS ENTRY ABOUT THE REASONS MANY OF US GIVE FOR BEING WHO WE ARE.

(SO FILL IN THE BLANK) I MUST BE GAY BECAUSE ________________.

REASON GAY GUYS MARRY WOMEN AND/OR PATHS TO DELAYED COMING OUT

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1) Kids/babies have one big job while growing up. They have to figure out how the world works. So they try to understand and make sense out of what they encounter and see. One of the big ways they do that is to swallow the values and beliefs that their families, teachers and society tell them about being an adult. The good kid who downloaded all the programming about who he was supposed to be in life is typical of a man who comes out late in life. Not being a questioning or introspective type of guy, he will either stumble over a guy that he falls in love with, or have a mid-life-like crisis. It will be at this point in his life that he finally figures out that he is unhappy. Suddenly, his life will not be fulfilling, and it is then that he really starts to search inside of himself and starts the process where he hopefully will figure out what is missing.

2) Some men acknowledge that they have had feelings for other boys and men while growing up, may have even had several sexual experiences, but feel that they cannot still be loved and be gay. They may continue to have sex on the side or not, but they feels like imposters as they act and do what is expected of them, even as they die inside.

3) Another possibility is that, as a boy, he was sexually abused. Whether he identified what happened as abuse or not, he uses those feelings as the basis for the belief that he would not be having those feelings towards men if it had not happened to him. This man is deeply ashamed and full of self-loathing. He desperately wants to be normal, and is angry about what was done to him as child and how it is keeping him from feeling/being normal.

4) Any and all of the above maybe tied to a religious belief that homosexuality is wrong. A common part of the self-hatred that makes up the core of how a gay man or boy may see himself is due to buying into the belief system that who one is, or what one does, is bad. While religion can and does play a positive role in many people’s lives, when a religion tells its believers to hate themselves for being who they are, it is criminal, and creates unnecessary pain in the world.

SOURCE: MYOST

MEETING YOUR SEXUALITY....

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Myths and stereotypes, lies and truths, religious and social patterns consciously and unconsciously influence our choices in all aspects of life and sexuality.

¿Why are gay; 

lesbian 

OR straight?

LABEL OVER ATTRACTION...

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What do you do when you meet a man that wears his bisexuality as a badge of sexually honor? He tells you how many gay men he got with because he ‘labels’ himself as “bi” and he shows you his photo, you have to wonder if telling the truth or are gay men just desperate because you are sure that 99.9% of the gay men you know wouldn’t give him the time of day. He even tells you that most of the men he chats with tell him he isn’t their type but the bisexual label makes them look pass that. Now I get that bisexuality is an enigma for many us, yet I can’t help but wonder for those of us that ‘entertain’ a ‘bisexual’ guy in this vain, does he have to have some sex appeal to get some or does have to be just bi?

WE are a culture that is consumed by the notion of HETEROSEXUALITY and I can see why many gay men tend to embrace the bisexual man; but does the very existence of this guy that I was chatting with jab holes in the conventional wisdom of the sexuality of the men he was chatting because he is showing that they are NOT greater than the sum of their parts? Don’t you find it scary that some gay men sorting each other by such a simple label? When a gay man get that itch and go after that guy that has a wife/girlfriend because in many of his mind him being bi gives him that extra something, something, is he just getting merely what he deserves if he sleeps with him when he is more than likely NOT attracted to him?  

Acceptance is the BIGGEST issue for all gay men; many of us spend a lifetime being who others want us to be. In an attempt to fit in and be accepted by society, we have to reject who they are. In my honest opinion, I feel that if any gay man accept another man just because he says he is bi ONLY perpetuate what many think about the sexuality of gay men, TALK ABOUT LABEL OVER ATTRACTION. 

9 GOOD REASONS STRAIGHT MEN SHOULD EXPLORE HOMOSEXUALITY

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Frustrated heterosexual males: are you tired of being alone? Sick of hearing "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? Well, up to now, you’ve only ever considered half the fish that are even out there, haven't you? What about the other half? What about the fish that are gay?

If there's a little gay in all of us, then here are nine good reasons why letting that flag fly could work if your hetero single life is in the dumps. Get ready to open your mind, among other things, to new horizons.

THE ONE MISTAKE YOU'RE MAKING WITH FAMILY & FRIENDS

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For many of us before and after coming out, we become fixated with seeking acceptance from family, friend and even strangers. We look for confirmation that the choice we made to be ourselves in the open was the "right" one or, at the very least, worth the effort. Our fear of rejection leads us to overcompensate with needs of confirmation and excessive praise. 

Unchecked, we are in danger of collecting affirmations from our family and friends like sea shells saved in a bowl where they sit just in case we need them. This is great in times of duress, but we can become dependent on that acceptance when we don't start self-soothing. Otherwise, we come out and wait in silence for others to respond, then link the response directly to our sense of self-worth. If affirmative, we hug with power to move forward. If they throw us under the bus, or sometimes literally out in the streets, we squash any sense of self-esteem that led to the action of coming out. 

Although family acceptance can give us strength to overcome life's obstacle against our identity—as research shows—when we look to others to approve of who we are we give our individual power over to them. We hand them the keys to our self-worth. In this way they get the power over how we view our identity, when it's us that have come to realize who we truly are. 

In any other societal, cultural and political situation, this sort of power shift would be deemed oppressive, inhumane and worthy of revolution or public outcry. As we've seen with recent international turmoil, each individual is entitled to care for their own sense of power and purpose, not authoritative interests that determine peoples' significance. 

The same holds for our personal identity as LGBT people. Our voices are ours and we have a right to carry them how we choose, as long as we do not infringe on the well-being of others. In this case, well-being does not mean being 100 percent comfortable with a person's identity, but respecting that we each have boundaries that internally protect our sense of self.

Don't get me wrong, acceptance helps (big time!), but real freedom and self-assurance comes when we hold our own power of self-acceptance. When we do this we develop our own moral codes and sense of what's good and bad for us. We come out not on the schedule of our family and friend's comfort, but in our own time. And when we wake in the morning and decide to tell others of our identity, their answers are just icing on a cake that's already been loved and accepted.

SOURCE: GAY LIFE

THE GAY YOU: ¿WHO ARE YOU?

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What is your 'gay' clique?

Are you a twink? 

A bear, 

gym bunny, 

wolf, 

or hybrid of all or a few mentioned above?

Is there a standard gay "clique" that you identify with most, or do you prefer to avoid labels altogether?

JUST ONE OF THE "GUYS"

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THIS BLOG ENTRY IS FOR THOSE GAY MEN THAT HANG WITH ‘STRAIGHT’ MEN WHETHER THEY KNOW ABOUT THEIR SEXUALITY OR NOT. WE ALL KNOW THAT ‘STRAIGHT’ MEN DO CERTAIN THINGS (E.G. HIT ON WOMEN TO SHOW MASCULINITY) & AS AS A GAY MAN, WHAT DO YOU DO TO FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ‘ONE OF THE GUYS?’

SEXUAL PARTNERS, NOT JUST A PREFERENCE...

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We’ve all been there. You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s profile and are confronted with the list: THE, you to be not on ‘the scene’  and on and on. But what are we REALLY getting? What I find is a lot of hate when all we want to do is ‘get off’.

I always thought that the one thing we gay had down to a science was sex, but from the various ‘hookup’ sites it seems that we’ve forgotten how to have sex. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off. The negative language so prevalent signals that the culture of sexual liberation has been replaced by sexual segregation.

Now I get the “sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “no hard feelings, it’s just my preference” and I get that we have the RIGHT to say what attracts us, however I FIRMLY believe that we have the RESPONSIBILITY to watch how we say it. Having preferences is fine, but are they neutral terms? If we were living in a culture where everything was the same...It just isn’t intelligible to look at someone and say, 'I want to reach orgasm by being f*cked, but only f*cked by a person this ethnicity or race.' Does this connection make sense?

Sexual desire is universal, but how we shape that desire is based on our willingness to pursue it. Who is to say that desire just naturally happens? Who is to say that the terms “straight-acting” or “masculine” are possible? When I’m online and someone says, ‘Are you masc/fem?’ my usual response is, ‘What do you mean by that?’ after all, aren’t those terms merely culturally relative?

I get it but I don’t understand why it is so important that we find a masculine, DL, buff man? If you’re just trying to hook up, indiscriminate promiscuity is about letting go of our notions that we should measure someone’s sexual worth based on scripted notions of race, class, gender expression and body. When you go onto your hookup site today, we MUST remember that words can beat us down and it’s within our power to change how we frame our desires. So logon and be indiscriminately promiscuous and deny that bigoted ‘masc’ guy a hookup because of his prejudiced profile. Just make sure you tell him there are no hard feelings, it’s just a preference.

WITHOUT LABELS, WHO ARE YOU?

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Research today suggests that the differences between men and women isn't found in the solar system or even in our brains, but in the way we view the world around us. The problem with theories that place men in one corner and women in the other is that they assume all men (or women) are alike. 

These thoughts limit our thinking about gender and what it means to be a man. Like a jackhammer, they pound into our psyches beliefs about how men are "supposed" to behave. Usually it's defined as simply the opposite of how women are perceived. 

Without labels we don't know who we are. We're uncomfortable with the idea that men show feminine emotion or women behave in masculine ways. It's better accepted when gender-bending behavior is over the top or characterized in drag, but more than a few eyebrows are raised when men behave in ways that don't typical fit male behavior. Without expectations of classic gender roles, who are we and how do we define ourselves? 

BI-SEXUALITY: ¿WILL YOU EVER ACCEPT IT?

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Can someone tell me how SO many gay folks can take pride in the things that divide us and no comfort in the things that define us? As a gay man living in one of the most socially liberal times, I’m often amazed by other gay men’s reactions whenever an individual dare admit to being physically and emotionally attracted to both men and women. How can we gay men have that “I’ve had the nerve to come out and be fully gay, why can’t you attitude?”

There’s a common misconception about bisexuality, that it’s merely a two way station on the journey to self-acceptance. And for some that may be true; and while the term “bisexual” may be transitional or temporary for MANY questioning, contemplating, exploring or fearing their sexuality, for many it’s a lasting identity. So why is the concept met with such resistance from both gay and straight communities? It’s seen throughout history. In ancient Greek society boys commonly slept with other boys until they married women, and many scholars consider Dionysus to be the bisexual archetype.

But even with those facts in hand, people cannot get beyond the need to see people as one thing or the other. This is ironic, because while bisexuality as a concept may seem vague, many bisexuals are absolutely clear about their orientation. Consider how some straight people say they just don’t understand how one man can be sexually attracted to another man, and yet that doesn’t matter; straight people don’t have to “get it,” the fact is that homosexuals exist. The same argument can be used for bisexuals. Just because a gay person doesn’t understand how a man/woman could be attracted to both a man and a woman, doesn’t matter; I feel those feelings do exist. When will you?

¿HOW ABOUT SOME DIVERSITY RECOGNITION AMONG GAY N' STRAIGHT MEN?

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What do you do when you cannot be your gay self and you are forced to accept the decrepit abyss around you called masculinity by hetero men? The hetero man’s idea about being a man is not varied in the least bit and they are not about accepting the debilitating evaluation of the male potential by accepting the gay man on his terms. I know some would say, that isn’t fair to gay/straight relationships that work, but those are far few and in-between. I speak to the gay/straight relationship where the gay is pushed to dance with a female, spank the stripper on her ass or indulge in a conversation where men talk  about women they want to get with.

For what it's worth, I've always held the notion that one day we as men will realize that we are all the same yet different; and that homosexuality will no longer come @ the expense of manhood, but until that day…I don’t pretend to be anyone other than me and I’ve been told by others they weren’t sure if I am gay or not. I guess in the over all scheme of things, we still have the same masculine tendencies; however I think we gay men are MORE balanced. Therefore in the spirit of MALE unity and with all due respect to the male gender, I submit that it is absolutely amazing how so MANY of us gullibly accept something simply because it exists.

Unfortunately a large segment of gay men will embrace and put their energy into a male bonding with a ‘straight’ man without ever really analyzing the impact, for better or for worse, it may have upon them and their posterity for generations to come. We cannot seriously do irrelevant activities or believe that if we are a certain way with the ‘straight’ men we keep company with that it will somehow lead to the forgetfulness of our homosexuality. Tell me: how can we find our way home by forgetting how we got to where we are now? How can we find our way home without figuring out how we got lost in the first place?

I do not have gay male pride although I am gay, male and prideful; I believe we MUST take accountability for manhood on an individual AND collective level. As the world evolves, I believe it is time to retool what we feel a man is. I find it impossible to take pride in being ‘straight’ because it is not something that I worked for and I get that it is the same for hetero men. However, we all need to find a way to be SECURE in our existence. I can stand behind any movement that celebrates diversity but find it strange that we cannot/will not find a way to incorporate DIVERSITY RECOGNITION into this thing we call masculinity. 

¿CAN YOU BE GAY WITHOUT BEING ‘GAY’?

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Ever had the feeling that life would be much better if you weren't gay? That if you'd just been raised differently or born in other circumstances, your present life would be different, in more ways than one? In my experience, most gay men feel like they have to ascribe to some sort of pre-determined lifestyle. From the way we go about sex, to our musical and artistic tastes, physical appearance and ideas of beauty, even where we should live, work or eat, being ‘gay’ just seems to traverse all aspects of our lives; but what about those gay men that don’t get caught in all of that? You know the ones that women go ape shit when they find out he is gay, yeah him? What about him? ¿CAN YOU BE GAY WITHOUT BEING ‘GAY’?

THE SUPERIOR ‘MAN’, THE INFERIOR ‘GAY MAN’

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Humans tend to make simple issues complex. Each of us can subscribe to some minority, and some majority element that exist in today’s society. There is probably something about each of us that can fit into almost every box we create and we have the option of defining ourselves as we choose. With this being the case, why can’t men that like men and those that don’t get along? Now I know that I am asking for these men to define themselves against their choosing, but humor me.

Sexuality is a variation of human existence but never a deviation. We are all cut out from the same cloth, however like snowflakes no two cloths will ever be the same and I find it SO amazing that the sexual preference that defines us also divide us. Sexuality is a source of strength, but without all the variances that divide us, what is left of us once we subtract all the man-made symbols, labels, and definitions that we’ve attach to ourselves? Moreover, how does man not divide himself by the sum of these parts? Is there something we can do so the homosexual aspect of the male being NOT cast us into the category of men that are less? We’ve struggled for years to find a place within this minority and for man to reject the entire homosexual man, can that be considered blasphemy?

I think of those who have fought in the past for our current space we occupy, but I have to wonder @ what point do we tire of this ‘freedom.’ What would it take for man to release liberate the homosexual man? What becomes of that little voice inside of them telling that we are NOT inferior? Without a bright light in the darkness, how many more gay men gets sucked into the emptiness and vice of man? There is far too much emphasis on our differences and very little focus on how much we are all the same. When will a gay man be damned if he’ll feel inferior and man be damned if he’ll feel superior?

A GAY IN THE LIFE...(AMERICA)

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I'VE BEEN WONDERING, WHAT IS A


TYPICAL DAY IN GAY AMERICA FOR MY 


FELLOW BLOGGERS, CARE TO SHARE?

¿WHO WAS YOUR FIRST 'GAY' CRUSH?

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I find myself reading the daily entries on the blog My First Gay Crush and I LOVE what they do there. Reading the stories of various men and women who reveal their first same-sex crush when they didn’t know what sexuality was all about. Ever since I started reading this blog, I’ve wondered who my first gay crush was. I keep going to the best friends that I had in various levels of my school life, but I can’t be sure who the first was. So how about you, who was your FIRST GAY CRUSH? Who was that male you found yourself fascinated with? 

¿WOULD YOU CHOOSE THIS LIFE? PART III

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Regardless of what answer you come up with, the young man in the barbershop NOT wanting to drink solely from the homosexual straw, lifting the glass of milkshake to his lips WILL result in vanilla ice cream dripping off his chin, which only serves to reinforce his initial concern, right? Do you think he knows that he is on a journey into darkness when he kissed that girl? For a few surreal seconds his homosexuality simply melted away. It was as if he was in an athletic competition for the "you're not gay" trophy. But something else was happening while he kissed her with ‘homosexual’ lips, something both he and I know. We both know that he could NEVER enter her with a sense of devotion that dissolves all the fear that drew her to him.

And when he figures out that sexuality is TRULY an illusion, he will be in for a shock! Makes me think of that age old question: when a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? For there to be a sound, his ear, brain and heart MUST be connected to answer the question: what was that? Otherwise the sound might as well be a boy~ish looking girl who enjoys kissing a girl~ish boy.

Until he (and many of us) feel compassion AND understanding of self the pain of loneliness and the fear of hatred remain. There are no separate forms of life. Life is just wandering around looking @ itself, loving itself while we try to kill it. One day this boy will unravel this (un)mysterious element that has baffled the greatest minds. Does it take a GREAT mind to see behind the veil of this illusion?

¿WOULD YOU CHOOSE THIS LIFE? - PART II

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Before you answer the question in PART I of this entry, riddle me this: what is this young man to do when he is trying to create his idea of a gay man when MANY of us struggle with a variety of generic, off-the-rack prototypes? What does it mean when you reflect on this question and realize that perception is a bitch? Many of our actions are either self-serving, thoughtless, shallow, cowardly, vain, vengeful, manipulative or all of the above; too many of us go through life thinking that the hetero man is the leading man. We buy into the stereotypes of who we are. The perception that gay men are weak man-less men, has become a reality for too many of us. I know, because I used to be that way and get why he is that way as well.

But contrary to popular belief gay men do NOT want to be women. Many of us like being male DESPITE what society says! The same society that will continue to live in the light of darkness until they open their minds and hearts and engage in an intelligent, unbiased conversation about same-gender-loving people. Doesn’t this young man’s action(s) display the trickle-down effect of homo hatred on our gay folks? I wonder which is better his effort to try to accept his sexuality and he potentially kills himself or  pretending to be ‘straight’. The societal sanctioned homophobia that has been a festering wound on us needs to be disinfected @ its core and heal once and for all. Because if they REALLY feel that we chose our sexual orientation, ask yourself did you choose yours? Gays, lesbians and bisexuals do not choose their orientation any more than do heterosexuals.

It is VERY sad that people have such hatred towards us; it’s as if LOVE is somewhat against their basic instincts. They believe they're better than homosexuals because they are heterosexuals…I guess they NEED to believe they are the higher life form.  But in the end, the ONE thing we all have in common is that OUR sexual orientation AND their personal identities are in conflict with the strict demands of traditional gender limited behavior. While it is clear that we all make up a highly diverse community, the hatred society has for us keeps many of us prisoners. How can this young man feel like it is okay to be with men when we have VERY little shining moments of optimism? In his mind, we are a small minority of the population. On our own we cannot force society to give us the equality that we deserve. Or can we?

¿WOULD YOU CHOOSE THIS LIFE? - PART I

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I believe that there are two forces struggling to dominate our identity; reinvention and nostalgia. The first seeks to imagine and work toward a better future by changing the status quo. The second insists that things were better in the past and works to undo change. Oddly, the opposing forces have come to be represented by sexuality; gay OR straight. It's no secret where my sympathies lie; I am a BIG fan of reinvention. My life and this blog are testaments of that! Of course it helps that I didn't have a rosy past to feel nostalgic towards.  This brings me to the point of this entry; I'm confused by people who seek to return to a life that isn’t authentic.

I imagine someone living an unauthentic life waking one morning to a world in which their family is not like them and the relationships they seek are unlike any other. The public image of romance and love is not like theirs. They were raised believing that gay people are revolting, immoral, sick and even evil even though they know they didn’t choose their sexual orientation. All of these thoughts often play out in my mind, but what brought it to this place was a simple boy @ the barbershop. I’ve seen this young man @ ‘the club’ bumping N’ grinding his way to someone’s place for a ‘night cap.’ This young man dated a gay co-worker of his (said co-worker was on the chubby side and I know he was over the moon that someone took an interest in him sexually) while still holding onto his heterosexuality. How I know he was trying to hold onto his hetero-ness? Well @ the barbershop he brought a girl who I can assume is his gf and they were all over each other and he kept looking in my direction to see if I was watching.

I sat there thinking to myself how sad this boy must be inside because he feels forced to hide who he is as a result of society's condemnation. He is tormented by a yearning that presumably requires a lot of lubrication (I kid or do I?) because he loves the freedom ‘the club’ gave him. I imagine that his sexual orientation was shaped @ an early age. How can he picture himself in a world where is the subject of verbal and even physical abuse? This is the world gay, lesbian and bisexual persons find themselves in each day. If you were him, would you choose this life if you didn't have to do so?

¿JUST GAY HUH?

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A gay man's journey towards self-acceptance is something VERY few can appreciate. So when I think of a gay man that has managed to overcome all obstacles of his youth, rising above and beyond the pain of physical and emotional abuse to firmly realize his place as a gay man in today's world; I can’t help being bothered by headlines that read, ‘Gay producer found dead after suspected drugs overdose’ and ‘Gay intern credited with helping to save Giffords’ life following Arizona shooting?’ Now I know that I don’t know these men personally, but is it fair or right to label them the ‘gay’ this or that? 

THE BI-SEXAUL BLACK MAN…CAN HE EXIST?

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Many of us have the notion that if a man does anything sexual with another that he is gay and rightly so, but what happens if that same man express himself sexually with a woman? Would we consider him to be bi-sexual or confused? Now ask yourself what if that man happened to black…Can he or rather would he have the balls to let females know how he gets ‘down?’ Moreover, can both the homo and hetero community allow him to be that?

¿WHY SO ROUGH ON A 'BOTTOM'?

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To us gay men being called ‘a big ole bottom’ is usually a put-down in the form of joke. Imagine being @ a club and resident drag queen working the crowd picks out an audience member and asks, ‘are you a top or a bottom?” And before her target has gotten two words out, she howls, “Bottom!” The essence of the joke is: Don’t kid yourself, honey. Nobody thinks you’re a man; you’re just a big girl. Now imagine that very same man approaching you with a come on like, ‘what time is it?’ So you look @ your wrist but you can tell for some reason or another that he's not interested in the time, he wants to F&CK! You're not TOO keen on getting with him because he was in the spotlight and you’d consider fooling around with him if it wasn’t SO obvious what role he would play sexually but...Isn’t it something how most guys that take on the role as a bottom would say that it is one of THE PRIME JOYS OF A GAY MAN’S SEX LIFE? They make it the center of their erotic universe no matter how you want it serve. However, if one were to do a survey on how gay men feel about taking a dick, most would make you feel as if you asked them if they have HIV or something because in the gay community taking a dick is the last thing most gay men want to admit they do.

But why is that? Why is there shame attached to bottoming? I know that there are MANY myths and fears about anal sex, and it’s normal to feel them, but…Humans are the only animal that can face each other in sex. I think we have this ability so we can create a potential bond. Do you think we as gay men could ever have sex with each other without the psychological pleasure n’ pain attached? To see another gay man as less than because you ‘top’ him sexually means we are making something that is natural, feel unnatural. If we continue to believe that the only REAL man is the one who gets hard and does the work, then that keeps the fear I’m not a man ALIVE! Condemning a gay man for ‘bottoming’ causes repression that will seep out into the community in less than desirable ways that only agitate our psyche; and I find it SO stupid to bask in pleasure of ‘topping’ a ‘bottom’ only to hand out shame as soon as you ejaculate.

IT IS BETTER TO BUILD SOFT BOYS THAN TO REPAIR BROKEN MEN...

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How did SO many of the men on this planet become SO impressed with the pseudo manhood of acting as if they know what it takes to be a man when they have NO idea how it is done? I ask this question because MANY have said to me both gay and straight that I am gay because a female (my mother) doesn’t have it in her to teach me how to be a man. Granted she may not be swinging a dick, but the woman that raised me has more balls N’ courage than most men I know.

I’ve heard over and over how a boy needs a man to teach him how to be a man and a girl needs vice versa. I grew up in single parent home and the fact that I am gay has brought MANY to say, ‘what can my family expect from me? After all there were NO men in the home to rear me.’ Now I grew up in a household with my sister, aunt and TWO uncles (meaning men) and I still am who I am…I did all sort of ‘’boyish’’ things with my uncle, yet still I am who I am…Moreover, I have friends and family who are homosexually inclined, who were raised in homes with both a mother AND a father yet they are just like me who was raised by a female that couldn’t teach me how to be a man. I suppose we all assume things about situations that we NO idea how they came to be.

I know that when you look around today, you barely see men setting ‘manly’ examples for the ones that come behind them. Why should gay men yearn to be like straight men? Moreover, why should young boys yearn to be like them? All the hyper-masculinity, misogyny, sexism AND violence that dominate our place on this planet is just degrading who we are as human beings. I feel that a boy becomes a man through introspection and NOT by another male teaching him how to become himself. But to bring change we have to examine and understand that the world’s mind has been controlled by men who put themselves in the position to be in control (i.e. politicians and ‘religious salesmen’).

Nonetheless I smile because to ‘know’ from experience and positive wisdom is quite different than ‘intellect babbling’. Better to spend time examining the inner and seeing the results of manifestation than spending life wondering when  we as a society are going to understand that responsibility MUST be taken before blame can be cast? From where I am sitting, I’d rather a world filled with soft boys than a world with hard broken men…

¡GENDER IS JUST AN ACT!

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Do you know that the societal practice of teaching the roles of masculinity, femininity AND gender is an act that is dangerous? Male and female are two of the sexes and scientists have confirmed that it’s quite natural and healthy to be both male and female. As far as I know, we come from both a male and female combination, so it’s not surprising to find some who exemplify strong characteristics of both in their thinking and behavior. In fact, it seems far healthier than being ‘too male or too female’. However, the world is out of balance in that males are too male and females too female. Females, sadly, likely confirm to male domination and suggestion.

But how did it come to this when you think about it, there is NO such thing as a man? What SOCIETY does is put people into one of two categories and ascribe certain roles to them. These roles aren't natural, they are social constructions; and we do a GREAT DANGER to ourselves by holding men AND women to such strict AND impossible social roles. Look at the hyper masculinity in Hip Hop, which is the extreme version of how men are expected to behave. It’s hard for women to find a man who is actually worth having around because in her eyes "soft” men are not "real" men. So when one looks @ a homosexual relationship, one then blurs the roles of men and women. It has NOTHING to do with sex! What are same-sex individuals to do when the ‘man’ LOVES cooking and cleaning and taking care of the home and turns around to top his partner? Or when a female gets outside and fixes her partner’s car and then penetrates her partner? I get that a "male" and a “female” by so-called traditional standards aren’t supposed to do those things, (except the fucking part), but doesn’t that show us why so many gay relationships don’t work out?  We want our partners to fit strict roles that are basically obliterated the second we put two dicks OR two pussies into the picture.

These roles don't naturally exist. There is and never has been a universal traditional role of how a "man" or "woman" should behave. Just assumptions and expectations that are extremely dangerous and are worsening with a snow ball effect. It is important to stress that men can be WHO they are regardless! Men who act out being masculine in deference to owning their feminine side are a large part of the reason for the world being filled with violence and disorder. Females in general, are still very much submitting to male domination and control for fear and ignorance of owning their position as an equal but different person. Females and males need to exercise their equality without manipulation of the other, particularly male domination.  Males who exhibit domination over females still haven’t let go of their cave man mentality and are insecure about their identity.  A real healthy man accepts and acts out his sensitive female side without any issues.

The FACT that GENDER IS an ACT shows us how control is ‘out of control’ with the heart and awareness of moving in higher consciousness. Low self esteem is common among the ‘deniers’ of being just human with little internal attachment to having to be ‘male’ or ‘female.’ Women no longer need men who ‘need to be men’.  Because @ the end of the day it all comes down  to us accepting that we are CONSCIOUS BEINGS who are above thinking and feeling and being identified with old stereotypes of what the world erroneously think we should be…THE ACT STOPS WHEN ONE IS THE BEST HUMAN HE/SHE CAN BE!