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We’ve all been there. You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s
profile and are confronted with the list: THE, you to be not
on ‘the scene’ and on and on. But what are we REALLY getting? What I find
is a lot of hate when all we want to do is ‘get
off’.
I always thought that the one thing we gay had down to a science
was sex, but from the various ‘hookup’ sites it seems that we’ve forgotten how
to have sex. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off. The
negative language so prevalent signals that the culture of sexual liberation
has been replaced by sexual segregation.
Now I get the “sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “no hard
feelings, it’s just my preference” and I get that we have the RIGHT to say what
attracts us, however I FIRMLY
believe that we have the RESPONSIBILITY
to watch how we say it. Having preferences is fine, but are they neutral terms? If we were living in a culture where
everything was the same...It just isn’t intelligible to look at someone and say, 'I want to reach orgasm by being f*cked, but only f*cked by a person this ethnicity or race.' Does this connection make sense?
Sexual desire is universal, but how we shape that desire is
based on our willingness to pursue it. Who is to say that desire just naturally
happens? Who is to say that the terms “straight-acting” or “masculine” are
possible? When I’m online and someone says, ‘Are you masc/fem?’ my usual
response is, ‘What do you mean by that?’ after all, aren’t those terms merely culturally
relative?
I get it but I don’t understand why it is so important that we find a masculine, DL, buff man? If
you’re just trying to hook up, indiscriminate promiscuity is about letting go
of our notions that we should measure someone’s sexual worth based on scripted
notions of race, class, gender expression and body. When you go onto your
hookup site today, we MUST remember
that words can beat us down and it’s within our power to change how we frame
our desires. So logon and be indiscriminately promiscuous and deny that bigoted
‘masc’ guy a hookup because of his prejudiced profile.
CUTE: I WILL ADD YOUR LINK TO MY BLOG.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I have a type. I've never been overly picky on body type, race, fem or masc. Although I admit I am somewhat picky when it comes to certain things. For the most part I am open to possibilities, and willing to try most things twice before I decide it is not for me. To limit yourself so much seems rather silly. Shit if you type is working for you so well why are you still single. Maybe a step away from your comfort zone, to give others a chance and see what they have to offer is worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Every gay man needs to read this. You are right -- gay men have forgotten how to have sex.
ReplyDeleteAnd its funny the men who demand Dl-ness and masculinity are usually the most feminine out there.
And finally, labels don't matter. Some of the most "hard" guys are the biggest bottoms.
have you ever thought about the fact/possibility that not having the responsibility to say things in a certain way brings a satifaction to our cocks just as much as sex does. when I see the statement "'I want to reach orgasm by being f*cked, but only f*cked by a person this ethnicity or race", what I see is a man who not only wants his cock satisfied, but he wants it satisfied in a certain way or with a certain exclusivity.
ReplyDeleteJAMIES: JAMIES: LIMITATION IS THE DEATH OF US ALL!
ReplyDeleteIMMANUEL: I KNOW A LOT OF 'HARD' BOTTOMS!
ReplyDeleteANON: I GET WHAT YOU ARE SAYING & I HAVE BLOG ENTRIES SUPPORT YOUR POINT. HOWEVER, I TRY TO SHOWCASE ALL SIDES OF AN EQUATION & THIS ENTRY IS ABOUT THAT. I WANTED TO GO IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION & PUT OUT THERE THE WHAT ABOUT THIS PART OF HOW WE HAVE SEX.
ReplyDeleteIt's a big, frightening, unpredictable and often DANGEROUS world out there and indiscriminate promiscuity is just asking for trouble.
ReplyDeleteThe more information you can get on a guy up front, the better off you are. Let the haters, sickos and abusers post all the labels and qualifiers they want so that innocent and trusting guys like me can stay the hell away from them.
JEFF: THAT'S MY APPROACH & FIND OUT AS MUCH AS I CAN THEN GO FROM THERE. IT IS SO FUNNY TO SEE MEN ASK IF I AM MASC/FEM I TELL THEM I BOTH, SHOW THEM A PIC, WHEN THEY SEE ME SAY OH I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GO HERE, BUT YOU CAN TOP ME!
ReplyDeleteI think their is a difference to finding out as much as you can about somebody and limiting yourself to a race/ body type/ fem or masc tendencies. Also, a huge difference in what I look for in a hook up versus relationship.
ReplyDeleteJAMIES: MANY OF US DON'T CARE ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE!
ReplyDeleteThe times I used to spend on those sites analyzing the psychology behind those profiles, both on my end and their end. I'm just happy to be away from it
ReplyDeleteIt can be a toxic environment.
Delete