LOST IN TRANSLATION...

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So today I write about an end of an era, an end of time that brought much joy and pleasure to my life. Today I say goodbye to times that my friends and I shared and though it was over coffee it was so much more than that. This was the time when we got to hear about each other’s week and what is going on in our lives. And it gave me such a GREAT feeling knowing that I was apart of this all…But as of late I have come to realize that there comes a time in all our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down. And I have come to see that my friendships were NOT even OR based on my organizing OUR weekly sessions. Now I am realizing that spent precious time AND energy engaging in friendships that let me down, rather than nourish me nourish along my path. They say that life has many twists, turns AND challenges, hence I find it difficult to entertaining anyone in my inner circle who drains my energy. Moreover, I am surrounding myself with people that does NOT get me OR refuse to see who I truly am…and that is worst than anything I could imagine for my life. Here I am trying to not only show them the path but help them walk it…yet I sit here today with the thoughts that you attract those who reflect what you are and I do NOT feel that is the case. I have an old friend that is carrying negative attitudes OR ideas that need to be let go of in order to move forward, yet she insists that energy is kept alive. Add that to another that insists on being the human bicycle (NOT THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT) it is just that I find it VERY sad that he feels that this is the ONLY way he can get some sort of human touch. Then I have to deal with someone that I have known for 8 years but I still don’t know him. I get that you can NEVER know someone but…I feel that I am waiting for something to come to pass that simply will NOT! I know that EVERY relationship serves its purpose and I feel that the time has come for me to say I have done what I feel I should…now it is up to them…I GUESS IN ORDER TO CHANGE TO THE STATUS QUO IS TO HAVE A HEART TO HEART, BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’VE DONE THAT YET I STILL WRITE THIS BLOG ENTRY? I DON’T SEE THIS PROCESS AS ME ABANDONING MY FRIENDS; IT IS MERELY ABOUT ME SHIFTING OUR RELATIONSHIP SO THAT THEY CAN SUPPORT ME ON MY JOURNEY RATHER THAN HOLD ME BACK…I JUST HOPE THAT I AM NOT LOST IN TRANSLATION…

SECOND CHANCES...

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Today things were back to normal…WHAT EVER THAT IS…Nonetheless, my friends and I spend time with each other like we ALWAYS do over coffee; only this it was the ORIGINAL group that came together to give each other a SECOND CHANCE. I find it interesting how when we meet someone for the first time, we often create a defining image in our minds of who that person is. We may also determine whether OR not that someone is worth getting to know. Sometimes when an initial interaction is particularly uncomfortable or challenging, we can decide to close our hearts to this new acquaintance entirely. But being too quick to judge can cause us to lose out on a potentially wonderful, enriching relationship. First impressions don’t always give the complete picture, so if you meet someone who leaves you less than impressed; consider giving them a second chance. You might be pleasantly surprised. Everyone deserves to be given a second chance and I glad that we did this for each other today. I know from personal experience how painful it can feel to be misunderstood or judged and I know that we all have good hearts and want them to be seen. We have so much to offer each other AND when we shut each other out before they got to see who we REALLY are; it is VERY hurtful AND confusing. Hence, by giving this SECOND CHANCE, we are simply extending the same courtesy we would ask for ourselves. In this way, we set a precedent for OUR relationships: to allow everyone the freedom and safety to simply be human. If WE give each other the room to be who they are, where they are, they will allow the same for us…

TODAY I WILL...

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1. Recognize the beauty that exists within my friends.
2. See beyond the external and see the internal of the beings before me.
3. Know they are not ready for change.
4. Accept that they might not be beyond who they have been.
5. Understand that they are NOT like me.
6. Touch the hurt that exist in them.
7. Listen even when they are NOT speaking.
8. Take a leap of faith and let myself go.
9. Live every moment because they are real.
10. Watch them either swim against the tide or go with the flow.
11. Look @ them go back to come forward.
12. Hold a mirror to their faces and show that they are indeed ALIVE!
13. Show them they are in search for something.
14. Prove they are thirsty AND hungry for LOVE.
15. That I live in sacred place that lets my spirit live freely.
16. Show that they are stronger than they know.
17. Be the evidence for the living truth.
18. Compel them to find peace and joy in their lives.
19. Encourage them to live faithfully.
20. Tell them that the truth of their being is a divine expression of GOD!
21. Protect & honor them in my thoughts and prayer.

HELLO...AGAIN

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It always surprises me how each day is different from next; and today is unlike any other. The day was ALL about FRIENDSHIP of course and we were given the opportunity to say HELLO to a friend that decided to step away from the forum because there were certain issues that she could not handle and deal with. Of course it was a surprise to get her call inviting everyone for a dinner @ her place later that evening (I GUESS SHE MISSED OUR ENERGY). I would be hard press to say that her energy was NOT missed though it was felt, it is just that she made a personal decision, which is well respected; but sometimes I am of the opinion that LIFE is BIGGER than all of us…BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I am a mere man whose rose colored glasses maybe in a need for a little cleaning. Nonetheless, the dinner was VERY pleasant AND the company was divine; it felt as she did not a break OR was absent from the group. And I am sure that ALL of us in attendance felt this way…THERE IS APART OF ME THAT HOPES THAT SHE WOULD MOVE BEYOND THE THINGS THAT ARE BLOCKING HER FROM MAKING MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME. SHE IS MISSING OUT ON LIFE BASICALLY & WE ALL KNOW THAT ONCE TIME HAS PASSED…SO AS THESE WORDS PRESENT THEMSELVES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE, I WANT TO SAY THAT I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY HELLO TO AN OLD FRIEND & HOPE THAT SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY SHE WILL RETURN TO THE ROUND TABLE & INDULGE HERSELF IN FRIENDSHIP ONCE MORE…

FORGIVENESS

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Hanging with my friends today made me realize that life is filled with growing pains and I need to NOT be so hard on myself when things seem to go in reverse. So today I have learned that I should forgive myself for not feeling like being in certain situations around certain people.

The song Wings of Forgiveness by India Arie

I just want you to know after everything that we've been through I just want you to know

that I still love you

That I still love you

Had to go across the water

Just to find what was here in my heart all along

Spent so much time trying to be right

That I was dead wrong

If Nelson Mandela can forgive his oppressors surely I can forgive you for your passion

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

Had to run to the arms of curiosity

Just to find what was here in my life all along

I have found that the art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity

If Gandhi can forgive persecution surely you can forgive me for being so petty

I'm only human

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

I searched for romance, flowers, and affection

What I found is a lesson on what love really is

And how the game of love isn't

Bout how much you can take

But that authentic love is about how much you can give

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I forgive you

(thank you for teaching me how to give)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to give

I took a swim in the sea of guilt and misery

To find myself on an island in the middle of nowhere

In my solitude I asked in all the highest truth

And what I was told was to thine own self be true

If Jesus can forgive crucifixion then surely we can survive and find a resolution

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of resentment and fly high (and fly high)

You're only human

Let's shake free this gravity of judgment and fly high (and fly high)

Let's keep it moving

Let's shake free this gravity of commitment and fly high on the wings of forgiveness

After everything that we've been through I just want you to know that I still love you

Want you to know that I still love you

(let's fly high)

Want to let you know how much you changed my life

Want to let you know you taught me how to fly

And I wrote this song to tell you this

I'm better 'cause you taught me how to giveI still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I always will love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

I just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

I want to let you know I still love you

I want to let you know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Just want you to know I still love you

Want you to know I still love you

And I want to let you know I forgive you

NEW BEGINNINGS

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As I sat in front of my computer today, I contemplated what should be the theme of today’s entry and a very good friend of mine said NEW BEGINNINGS. Obviously I thought it was a PERFECT title because it TOTALLY captured the mood N’ energy of the day…As you know by now, my friends and I go hang @ Starbucks every Saturday. We shoot the shit talking about this N’ that with socializing being the main theme. However today a special one as an old friend was was welcomed back. I got to learn more about my friends AND felt that they are on a GREAT path. Today turned out to be one of those days where time just left and we didn’t even notice…I guess we were so enthralled in conversation AND enjoying each other’s company that it didn’t matter. If this is an indication of what I can expect for our future social events, I SAY BRING THEM ON!

New Beginnings

Our hearts are dancing freely in the night

Unfolding with the possibilities

Of sharing dreams and reaching to new heights

Transforming life and choosing differently

Who is this woman standing here revealed?

Her storm has calmed and beauty fills within

Uncloaked of armor and her heavy shield

Empowered and content within her skin

Your endless light shines deep inside of me

Inspiring seeds implanted in my soul

Believe in who I am and choose to be

Your roots are strong and worth their weight in gold

New wings are offered giving us our flight

Our hearts are dancing freely in the night

JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

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Today was a LAZY day that turned out to be a GREAT day…After coming home from the gym I felt extremely tired, it was @ this time that I was reminded of the physical activities that I partake in a few minutes before heading to the gym. I felt especially calm AND easy coming off a CRAZY week @ work and looked forward to hanging out with my friends. This was NOT our typical MOVIE, STARBUCKS & DINNER day, this was a day where we just focused on the MORE important part of our socializing, that encompasses just coffee AND us. It ALWAYS surprises me how much I learn about my friends from the various topics that we discuss, I get to see the vulnerable side of them which is quite rare. I LOVE the range of emotions that they invoke within me, not that it is ALL about me…it is just nice that I get to connect with them in this way. I am ALWAYS grateful for the memories that we create, just think next year this time so things will different…LIFE WOUD HAVE MOVED & THINGS WILL CHANGE YET REMAIN THE SAME…NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I KNOW THAT I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL FOR A DAY LIKE TODAY…THANK YOU GUYS & I LOVE YOU!

ON SABBATICAL...

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So the real reason I haven't been hanging with my friends is that they have been pretty frustrating lately. I am cycled between them AND their problems and things are not all good. I DID NOT WANT TO HEAR HOW LIFE IS SO THIS N’ THAT, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BE APART OF THEIR FATALISTIC VIEW ON LIFE. YES I know that LIFE is HARD! YES I know that things are NOT all they are cracked up to be! YES I know that LOVE is something that does NOT come easy! However, those things are NO excuse for them to live as if LIFE is punishing them. Nevertheless, I am in the process of tearing down to rebuild…just rethinking my position in the life of my friends…Every Saturday my friends and I spend the day together. However, for the past 3 weeks I have decided NOT to hang with my friends; I guess one can say I am taking a SABBATICAL. I am merely taking SMALL steps to the BIG change that is coming for me. I just need to get away; I need some time for me. I want to be the one that does NOT care; I want to be the one that is the central focus. In this vain I can allow myself to grow into a new habit AND make it a permanent part of my life. Life has placed me on a path that focuses on me AND my happiness, no longer will I place my wants AND needs on the back burner. My inner voice has been telling for a while now that I ought to be better to myself, so I have taken heed. This is for my alignment with the rhythm of the universe.

ONE STEP FORWARD...TWO STEPS BACK!

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So today I ended my weekly coffee event with my FRIENDS a bit early. Today I went there with a renewed sense of HOW my FRIENDS were doing, thinking that they were ACTUALLY on the path of making things better for themselves. Now the funny thing is that I had something else in mind for what this entry was going to be about. However, I decided to wait N' see what the atmosphere was like first then come back and write on it. NOW AS I SIT HERE N’ WRITE THIS ENTRY I AM NOW SEEING THAT IT WAS A GOOD THING I CHOSE TO PLAY THE WAITING GAME…I wonder if I had actually posted the entry that I originally wanted if that would somehow send out POSITIVE vibes and show a different turn of events? Nonetheless, I am NOT in the business of telling my FRIENDS how they should live OR what they should do. And I did NOT write the entry which is EXACTLY how it should have been done. There were things that I said that were HURTFULL. However, they do NOT come a place of MALICE or ANGER. In fact I am the total opposite, if I argue with someone that means that I care and want them to fix whatever is bothering them; when I keep my mouth shut AND not say a word…I find it difficult to know that I am in the company of persons that I care about that are doing things that are obviously HURTING them. Me being who I am, I feel the liberty to express such thoughts AND let them know what I feel. I AM NOT GOD NOR DO I WANT TO BE HIM! I however, think that I care WAY too much AND I am fighting for things that are NOT important to them…THINGS THAT ARE FOR THEIR WELL-BEING. I PUT THEM FIRST & ME SECOND & PLACE MYSELF IN THEIR SHOES. However, things go I only want the BEST for them and as time passes by I realize that I have to simply allowing them to be in the mess AND hope that they would take themselves out of it…FOR THEY TELL ME THAT HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL…The fool in me is GIVING them the HOPE n’ LOVE and all they need is the FAITH! And as much as I would LOVE to change that, IT IS NOT MY PLACE and I won’t even attempt to make it mine. We are ALL on our path AND there are times when they will cross…I JUST HOPE THAT WE ARE @ A GREAT PLACE WHEN IT DOES…

THE PLANTATION IS THE MIND

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Today @ coffee I was greeted with the energetic feeling that my friends were in place that had them thinking AND feeling that in order for them to live the lives that they were meant to, they have to live as if the mind is the body. And I found this on the internet and I thought it would somehow aid them on their journey…

50 Lessons in Life

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously.
5. No one else does.
6. Pay off your credit cards every month.
7. You don't have to win every argument.
8. Agree to disagree.
9. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
10. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
11. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
12. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
14. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
15. Don't compare your life to others.
16. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
17. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
18. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
19. Life is too short for long pity parties.
20. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
21. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
22. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
23. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
24. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
25. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie.
26. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
27. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
28. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
29. The most important sex organ is the brain.
30. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
31. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
32. Always choose life.
33. Forgive everyone everything.
34. What other people think of you is none of your business.
35. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
36. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
37. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
38. Believe in miracles.
39. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
40. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
41. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
42. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
43. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
44. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
45. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
46. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
47. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
48. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
49. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
50. Yield. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

FIRST SATURDAY

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I know this is the first time that my friends and I got together since the year began. However, I cannot help but notice certain things about life when I am in their company. I find it funny how life is AND always will be more of the same yet different in many ways. I appreciate that WE are very different from each other and OUR wants N’ needs vary from situation to situation. Nonetheless, I sometimes wonder if I am the one that is living his life in contrast to what is RIGHT and TRUE! Now please know that I am in NO way self righteous OR above my friends. It is just that WE all know what OUR TRUTH is, but we cannot hide from the ULTIMATE truth…IT SOON FINDS IT WAY…I cannot get pass the fact that LIFE is so precious AND tender that I actually had to face the fact that I have a friend that cannot get pass herself to grace us with her presence. I get that life is hard @ times, but I think that a few hours once a week would NOT hurt OR break her…IF ONLY SHE COULD GET BEYOND EXTERNAL FORCES OF THIS WORLD…I just wish with ALL of my might that she could live up her potential. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…I LOVE each AND every one of my friends and I would die for them. However that self sacrificing statement is NOT necessary because I find that within my own crew that I have a friend that is DEAD already and it just a matter of time before it becomes official. It is hard when life has given up on you, but life is what you make it. I know that I am NOT he, but I am the next best thing…ME! BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…I cannot hide how I feel nor do I want to and I get GREAT pleasure in knowing that those that I call friend are okay with themselves. I know that is hard most times especially when life has dealt you a deadly disease and all you can do is live with it…OR CAN YOU? Strange thing how life alters one state of being and pulls him out of the shell of himself and I must say that I was VERY pleased to see that materialize in front of my eyes…Go on now take your steps, it all will work out TRUST ME…BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING… When one takes a swim in unchartered waters, one must bear in mind that as you go left others go right. Hence, there are times I have to let you swim even if I think you are going to drown. Does that make me a bad person? I THINK NOT! BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…

AMIGOS Y CAFÉ

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When things in your life seem

almost too much to handle,

when 24 Hours in a day is not enough,

remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class

and had some items in front of him.

When the class began,

wordlessly, he picked up a very large

and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open

areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full...

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table

And poured the entire contentsinto the jar,

effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed."Now," said the professor,

as the laughter subsided,

"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things -

God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions

-- things that if everything else was lost

and only they remained,

your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first,"

he continued,

"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,

you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your partner out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

"One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

"I'm glad you asked."

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,

there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."