¿WHY DON'T LESBIANS HAVE SEX WITH IF THEY LIKE DILDOS?

Tweet

Question: Why Don't Lesbians Have Sex with Men if They like Dildos?

Dear Lesbian Life
I watched Real Sex on HBO today about lesbians wearing strap ons. If you are lesbian and into woman why wear a strap on instead of being with a man?
Chuck Cox

Answer:

Dear Chuck:

The simple answer is because a woman is wearing it. Sexual attraction is about more than the physical act of sex, it's about the person you're doing it with.

Let’s face it. Penetration feels good. At least to those who enjoy penetration. Just because a woman wants to experience penetration does not mean she wants to have sex with a man. Actually, that is one of the biggest sexual myths about lesbians. Another myth is that the female partner who wears a dildo wants to “be” a man. Not true.

Think about it this way. You’re a man. Either a man or a woman could perform oral sex on you. Although both might feel good, I bet there is one you would prefer to have sex with.

Sexuality and sexual attraction is about so much more than the pieces and parts that touch one another when we make out or make love. What makes someone lesbian, bisexual, gay or straight is still not understood.

Also, I should point out that sexual behavior is not the same as sexual orientation. Just because you let another man give you oral sex would not necessarily mean you are gay. Likewise, there are women who identify as lesbian who do sometimes have sex with men. Some do it for survival, some do it for pay and some do it because they enjoy it. Regardless, they are still lesbian.

SOURCE: LESBIAN LIFE

¡NO PRIDE THERE!

Tweet

Isn't it AMAZING how the various pride events bring us all together? There is no us against them, gay men and lesbians party and celebrate pride side by side. Now when the glitter is all washed off and the parade is over, what happens to that togetherness? It’s as if many gay man growing up and coming into my own as a gay men, tend to be influenced by many factors that make them believe that lesbians are butch, angry women who HATE gay men. And this belief seems to fill them with fear about being around lesbians. Yeah many of us mock how quickly lesbians move in together after the second date, but I somehow suspect that deep down that comes from a place of jealously. But all of this aside, can someone tell me once and for all, why gay men have such a hatred for lesbians?

¿WHO IS AFRAID OF A 'NIGGA BITCH'?

Tweet

Ever notice how the world suffers from turmoil because of ignorance? Ever notice how big the turmoil is because of the ‘straight’ male obliviousness? Well I’ve seen the turmoil ‘straight’ men cause and it was in full action @ work the other day. There are some guys that wash cars weekly in the parking lot so I decided to get my car washed; and I was pleasantly surprised to see a few minutes later that the person cleaning my car was a female. Upon seeing this, I showed this to a co-worker of mine and IMMEDIATELY his ‘straight’ witlessness came flying through. His reaction was one of disgust with him labeling her a ‘NIGGA BITCH’. He went onto say ‘I bet her girlfriend is a pie and she is wasting her time with a wannabe man instead of getting the real thing.’ Doesn’t he make you think that some men are just lumps of flesh hanging from a dick?

¿HOW DO YOU DEFINE A LESBIAN?

Tweet

What does it mean to be a lesbian today? How can lesbians consciously express their masculinity/feminity without being seen as TOO manish on the one hand…or TOO womanly to be a lesbian on the other? What's the most loving way for a conscious Lesbian to express herself?

10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A LESBIAN

Tweet

(I DEDICATE THIS POST TO MY BARBER!)

Lesbians are great for hanging out with, talking to about sports and beating you in arm wresting. Unfortunately, the porn industry has also done a pretty good job of convincing you lesbians also want to have sex with you.

Luckily, this real, flesh-and-blood lesbian to set you straight (heh). Without further ado, here are a few lines that are almost certain to get you ousted from lesbian ladies night at your local pool hall.  

10. "You just haven't met the right guy yet." No, but I certainly seem to be talking to the wrong one right now. Maybe you haven't met the right guy.

9. "Wanna have a threesome?" No, but I'll take your girl home and teach her a thing or two about what she's been missing.

8. "Lesbians can't have sex." Oh yeah? You just keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel better

7. "So who's the man in your relationship?" Maybe you didn't notice but there is no man in this relationship because we're both girls. That's sorta the point of being gay.

6. "You don't look gay." What is that supposed to mean? Just because I'm not wearing a bandanna and baggy jeans and riding in a pickup truck doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you. Go away.

5. "How do you know you're gay? Are you sure?" If you want me to answer this honestly, you'd better sit down because it's going to take a while. See, I have to tell you about the painful realization that started when I was 14, and the agonizing coming-out process. But I probably don't want to share this with a complete stranger, so it's likely I'll just tell you that, if I had any doubts before I met you, they're gone now.

4. "I think they should just give gay people civil unions." Gee, thanks so much for your support! Separate But Equal is always the way to go, right?

3. "But you've been with a man, right?" Yes, take a deep breath. I know what I'm "missing," and I gotta tell you, fellas, it's not much. Also, don't take the fact that I've been with a dude as an invitation to question my sexuality.

2. "Dyke." Don't use this word. Somehow it has snuck into everyday vernacular, but it's derogatory and offensive. File it under "homophobic" and shut up.

1. "Can I watch?" No.

SOURCE

IN THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY: ¿DO LESBIANS EPITOMIZE THE HETERO-STEREOTYPE?

Tweet

Was there ever a time when lesbians were just lesbians? In the homosexual community most HATE labels, but lesbians tend to use them so often and follow the attributes of such labels to the point where they imitate a heterosexual relationship in a lot of ways. I pose this question, because I’ve been wondering if we are SO stuck in our own stereotypes that we have a misconstrued idea of what a relationship actually is?

A relationship is two individuals who relate to each other and grow into whatever they want it to be. If two women choose to be in a relationship with each other, and one of them is perceived as masculine and the other feminine, shouldn’t we ask ourselves what EXACTLY is masculine and feminine? Moreover, shouldn’t we ask who decides what is masculine OR feminine? Aren’t you tired of likening such a relationship to that of one that is heterosexual? In their quest to feel normal, do they need to be like heterosexuals to validate their relationship?

That masculine/feminine energy that we feel is needed is the same reason why SO many of us can’t sustain worthwhile relationships because we keep questioning ourselves when we know who we are AND who we want to be with. Aren’t we doing enough harm to our community? Aren’t we creating a taboo within a taboo? Can we stop bashing each other to the point of no return?

I am not a lesbian, but I can safely say that part of being a lesbian is about having a sexual attraction to women. I don't know when the labels or types of lesbian women started, but when you're attracted to a woman, whether masculine/feminine, she is still a woman…RIGHT? There is NOTHING written in stone that anyone should place themselves in roles that control what they should be in the relationship. And if we are to ever have a CLEAR understanding of what should be in a lesbian relationship, let us REMEMBER that a man can NEVER be in a lesbian relationship!

¿WHY DO LESBIANS WATCH GAY PORN?

Tweet

Now that I have me, myself and I to get me past the 3 months that Noel isn’t here, I find myself looking for the porno DVDs that always hit the right spot for me. After looking up down the house for them, I remembered that they are in the hands of a lesbian friend of mine. Hence I ask the question, why do lesbians watch gay porn? I mean why would women who love women watch sex between two men?   It’s a head-scratcher but the phenomenon is true. Ask any lesbian and she’ll tell you, if she doesn’t watch gay porn she knows a lesbian who does. Here’s what I came across when I researched this fact: Most lesbians have a heightened awareness of how men have oppressed women and straight porn is often Exhibit A in that exploitation.  In gay porn, the bottoms (traditionally like women, receivers) are often just as POWERFUL as tops (traditionally, like men, givers).  So while it’s still male-on-male sex, there’s a power dynamic at work that appeals to lesbian political and personal sensibilities. So when I asked her this question her response was SHE ISN’T LOOKING @ THE PLAYERS IN THE PLAY, BUT THE ROLES THEY’RE PLAYING. I can accept that (I think) but when I think about the impatient angle due to the fact that lesbian porn takes FOREVER to get to the sex, I understand where she is coming from. When I think about the about how the intimacy AND emotional connections takes up half the DVD, my dildo would loose it’s erection as well…As she SO eloquently puts it, I LIKE GAY PORN BECAUSE THE ACTORS HAVING SEX F&CK or KILL IT, WHEREAS LESBIANS JUST PRETTY IT UP…And who wants their porn to be all nicely tied up with a pretty bow? I get that she is one of those lesbians that is turned on by masculine energy and she doesn’t want to have sex with a man, but how is she to learn how to use her various dildos and strap-ons? BUT ALL IN ALL SEX IS SO INTERESTING & WHAT MAKES NO SENSE TO YOU OR ME MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO SOMEONE ELSE…DAMN I NEED MY DVDs BACK!

¿WHAT KIND OF LESBIAN ARE YOU?

Tweet
Do you know what kind of lesbian you are? Did you know there were different varieties of lesbian? Some people take these labels pretty seriously. Others like to joke about them. Here are the three most common lesbian terms:

A BUTCH – is a woman who is strongly masculine in character and dress, who tops her partners sexually (and sometimes emotionally), and who does not wish to be touched genitally. Not all stone butches identify in female terms, some are known to identify with male pronouns, and many stone butches do not identify themselves with lesbian or within the lesbian community. A common partner for a stone butch is a Femme. Butches are very diverse in emotion and sexual expression.

A STEM – is a woman who exhibits some stereotypical butch lesbian traits without fitting the masculine stereotype associated with butch lesbians. These traits may or may not include short hair, clothing that was designed for men, and masculine mannerisms and behaviors. Soft butches generally appear androgynous, rather than adhering to strictly feminine or masculine norms. In the spectrum of gender expression among lesbians, a soft butch lies closer to a butch lesbian than to a lipstick lesbian.

A FEMME – is a woman that society considers to be a TYPICAL woman—a feminine woman in appearance and behavior. Though @ times she can be seen as AGGRESSIVE, she is still LADYLIKE in persona. She is normally the one that bottoms sexually and does not wish to touch the genitals of her BUTCH partner.

¿WHY ARE WOMEN LESBIAN?

Tweet

As a gay man I have come across other gay men that asked WHY WOULD A WOMAN BE A LESBIAN? And of course I was dumb founded as I am NOT a lesbian and found it quite peculiar AND interesting to say the least. If you think about it from a typical point of view, most lesbians use a phallic  symbol to cap of a sexual encounter after oral sex. Hence comes most of the confusion, with gay men they are giving themselves something that NO woman ever could and there is NOTHING from the opposite sex involved. After doing some reading and research of my own I realized that LESBIANS aren’t just women that couldn’t find a man to satisfy them…nor is it something hormonal. I have come to see that SEX is a case by case bases and each and everyone of us have different things that work for us. It took me a while but I got why a woman would want to be with another woman; after all woman knows what a woman want AND need. So it is PERFECTLY natural that there are women out there that express themselves in this way sexually. It is about their LOVE, ATTRACTION, SEXUAL DESIRE and AFFECTION FOR EACH OTHER. I guess in order to make sense of this we need to ask ourselves WHY ARE WE GAY or STRAIGHT? I would think that it is MORE than NOT wanting a woman if you are gay OR wanting the same-sex if you are not. LOVE is LOVE and lesbians feel emotions just like everyone else on this planet. I FEEL THAT GOD TEST WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW & BELIEVE ALL THE TIME; & LESBIANISM IS VERY MUCH APART OF THAT.  I LOVE THAT THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO CAN FIND THEIR SOUL-MATE IN ANOTHER WOMAN; & THIS SHOWS THAT WE NEED TO REALIZE THAT SEXUALITY GOES BEYOND WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW OR FEEL. IT IS ABOUT TWO PERSONS FINDING EACH OTHER & MAKING A LIFE WITH EACH OTHER, EVEN IF THEY ARE LESBIAN.

AFTER, AFTER ELLEN

Tweet

I feel that we stand @ the edge of what is the end of the GAY community and our ability to sustain life as we know it NO longer exists. I find that we have too much of a mirror thing going on in a sense that we are primarily concerned about what is happening with us and us only. Where this is not a bad thing, it can be damaging. Isn’t it interesting that to note that for all our cleverness, we GAY folks are more ignorant than knowledgeable? I ask this question because I feel that WE the GAY men of this community have somehow been seduced into believing the illusion that we can control a world that is complex AND beyond our ability to understand WITHOUT our female counterparts. It seems that we have commit to an ignorance based view that somehow, someway LESBIANS don’t OR are not significant in this community when in fact they are. So how about we be realistic for once in our lives? All I want is that we avoid living in a world we think exists and pay attention to the world that does. I get that such thought requires a RADICAL way of thinking, but do we have any other choice? Imagine that you are riding comfortably on a sleek train. You look out the window and see that not too far ahead another train headed your way, what would you do? Both trains are going full steam ahead so you can imagine the catastrophe that is awaiting the persons on those trains? Well this is how things are in the GAY community; we are NOT a cohesive unit. Would it be better if we were all on one train traveling in one direction? Instead we are trapped on one of those trains believing this is THE reality when it is NOT! Imagine how much better we can be if GAY men AND women were working in harmony. This unsustainable system can't be sustained if we continue in this manner. The old future and the way we thought things should work, truly is gone. We need to RETHINK a new future, but we first need to understand the present. For we are just living in direct conflict with our common sense which is utter nonsense. The solutions, if there are to be any, will come through a significant shift in how we live and a dramatic acceptance of the ENTIRE community. And I feel that is will first have to come from men such as myself. For a while I have been thinking about we forget to mention OR give thought to the women who are struggling just like us when it comes to their sexuality. We already live in a world where men see women as entities that they derive their sexual pleasure from. Though we GAY men don’t do that, I feel that the denunciation of LESBIANS is just the same. THIS REJECTION JUST SHOULD SHOW US HOW THE MODERN WORLD HAS STRIPPED US OF OUR HUMANITY THAT WE ARE INCAPABLE OF RESPONDING TO THIS COMMUNITY CRISES; HENCE THIS BLOG ENTRY. I TALK ABOUT LOVE & UNITY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF HOMOSEXUALITY & I INTEND ON CHANGING THAT. I KNOW THAT I SPEAK OF BEING ONE COMMUNITY & SOME MAY ASK HOW CAN THAT BE DONE IF I AM GIVING THE LESBIANS THEIR OWN FILING CABINET. TRUTH BE TOLD I AM MERELY SHINING THE SPOT LIGHT ON THEM, GIVING THEM A PLACE @ THE TABLE. AND I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THEY ARE AS WE SEE OURSELVES. I AM AWARE OF THE LIMITATIONS BUT I AM EAGER TO TEST THEM. BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS I WANT TO BE FULLY ALIVE AS POSSIBLE, WHICH MEANS STRUGGLING JOYFULLY AS THE MOVEMENT THAT SEARCHES FOR THE ROAD TO A MORE JUST & SUSTAINABLE WORLD IS FOUND. I GUESS THIS MEANS THAT I LIVE IN A REALITY THAT CANNOT BE COMPREHEND THAT DOES NOT LEAD ME TO FEAR THEIR INSIGNIFICANCE, BUT SENDS ME OFF IN AN ENDLESS SEARCH THAT CELEBRATES ALL HUMAN BEINGS.

¡CENERGÍA LESBIANA!

Tweet

If one was open the door to the other side of the HOMOSEXUAL LIFE, one would come across the REAL persons that are standing in the gap for the community. From the start of the SEXUAL REVOLUTION LESBIANS has been the back-bone of the community; they are the ones that take on the DOUBLE STANDARDS that the world places on women. The things that NON-LESBIAN women cannot do, LESBIAN women can; they are accepted and a desire too many. They can take the GAY message out through the world seeking EQUALITY and JUSTICE for us all. They are the stereotypes that have not faded; they have slipped into something conventional and accepted. The subtle incorporation of butch and femme dualities are now the traditional poles of LESBIAN IDENTITY and this is how OUR COMMUNITY will become MAINSTREAM. We MUST celebrate these WOMEN that play with gender and are accepted. The HOMOSEXUAL IDENTITY is about to cross over in a big way and the day seems not far off when HOMOPHOBIA will get lost in the ABYSS of LIFE.