9/11

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We shall never forget
We shall keep this day,
We shall keep the events and the tears
In our minds, our memory and our hearts
and take them with us as we carry on.

CLOCKS...

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...[H]ISTORY IS A CLOCK THAT TELLS A PEOPLE THEIR HISTORICAL TIME OF DAY. IT IS A COMPASS THAT PEOPLE USE TO LOCATE THEMSELVES ON THE MAP OF HUMAN GEOGRAPHY. A PEOPLE’S HISTORY TELLS A PEOPLE WHERE THEY HAVE BEEN & WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN, WHERE THEY ARE & WHAT THEY ARE. MORE IMPORTANTLY, A PROPER UNDERSTANDING OF HISTORY TELLS A PEOPLE WHAT THEY STILL MUST BE & WHERE THEY STILL MUST GO…


GOODBYE 2011!

SO AS 2011 COME TO A CLOSE, WHERE DOES YOUR [H]ISTORY LEAD YOU?

WE WILL REMEMBER...

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We know time is passing. Yet, for the United States of America, there will be no forgetting September the 11th. We will remember every rescuer who died in honor. We will remember every family that lives in grief. We will remember the fire and ash, the last phone calls, the funerals of the children.

9/11

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9/11/01, DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE THAT MORNING?

FORGIVE WITHOUT KNOWING

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Isn't it amazing how we can carry around dislike for the things others did to us for years on end and not know that it is no longer there? Events from being a young(er) gay male had me in place where I believed that if I get over the fence, I should bring others over as well and I foolishly thought that the others shared this sentiment. I soon found out that I was DEAD wrong!

10.10.10: BEGINNINGS & ENDINGS...

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On Sunday we celebrate the date 10-10-10, a symbol of new beginnings that we are so ready for. We want to find a new life purpose, new relationships, new ways of being and more joy. So we welcome this opportunity with open arms and an open heart. New beginnings are available as long as we are willing to create space for them, which we do by allowing their corresponding endings to occur. Every new beginning we ask for is the door that opens when another closes. We cannot begin without also ending.

Why don't we welcome endings with the same joy as we do beginnings? Because we think they involve sacrifice, suffering, pain and discomfort. When something ends we have to do without, start over or acknowledge a failure. Endings show us how things did not work out, where we could not succeed at something or where our expectations were not met. And endings disrupt the flow of our lives, as they compel us to look in other directions, point out our shortcomings and work on ourselves.

While that is what we may believe, that is not what endings are about. Endings give us closure, confirmation and support on our next steps. They are signs that we are ready for something else and the only painful thing about them is when we do not allow them to occur.

There is a law of physics which states that two things cannot occupy the same space at the same time. And this is so true of endings and beginnings. When we ask for something new, it takes the place of something that already exists. So we have to release the old to make room for the new. That's easy enough to do when it's something we do not care about but when it is important to us, the ending has become personal, a testimonial of who we are and a sign that we failed or lost. Allowing it to end means that a part of us ends too and if we are not ready to detach from it, let it go or have judgments then our endings will be quite disruptive and painful.

On this date and on future dates like it, for there will be more waves of the energy of new beginnings as more shifts occur, we open more energetic portals and step into higher dimensions, we will be asked to make room for new beginnings by allowing endings to occur. Are we as open to the ending as we are the beginning?

Along with any new beginning that you experience on October 10, 2010 and afterwards, give yourself the gift of an ending. This could be an actual ending, a symbolic ending or an affirmation to release something that you know does not serve you. Could you be more confident, positive, happy, grateful, self assured, or loving or appreciative of yourself? Imagine the ending as the closing door that allows the new beginning to enter.

If you want to be more confident or successful, release any guilt, shame or other blocks that prevent you from expressing your full potential.

To be happy, close the door on an unhappy experience that you hold in your memory.

To create love, be grateful for every unloving teacher you have had, for their purpose was to help you find love within yourself.

To know your new life purpose, embrace where you are in this moment and everything you have learned.

To be at peace, be grateful for every experience of chaos and that you have the power to choose the energies that manifest in your life.

Embrace your new potential as you give yourself the gift of the endings that make beginnings possible.

Many blessings in these amazing, miraculous times.

SOURCE: JENNIFER HOFFMAN

9/11

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Think back on the 9 years and tell me what changes have taken place in your

life because of that fateful day....

REMEMBERING 9/11...

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Are you someone that understands the TRUE nature of reality? Can you perceive DEEPLY that we all emanate from the same source, that we are all essentially one? Do you think that we are here on earth to LOVE one another? IF YOU REMEMBER THIS DAY & THIS DAY ALONE THEN YOU HAVEN’T AWAKENED TO THE TRUE NATURE OF LIFE & ITS BLESSINGS…

JUST DESTINY & ME...

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So on April 8^th 2009 I received the following email in reference to the employment prospect that was presented to me…Kishna: I am securing how these arrangement are to be made but I wanted to check your availability to fly into Philadelphia International Airport on Tuesday, April 14th for an early afternoon meeting with SweRaCom?  Is this possible? Of course you know that I took this chance and I was in Philly last week Monday for this interview. Noel accompanied me on this trip which marked for first time flying together. I would have to say this was one for the record books…

1. When we got to the airport we had to change airlines because the current one we booked our flights on were running an hour and thirty minutes late and that mean we would be able to catch our connecting flight to Philadelphia.
2. After sorting that out, we checked security and @ the screening process we found out that our liquids (cologne, mouth wash, eye drops etc.) had to placed in a baggie for safe keeping and they could NOT be taken on the plane with us.
3. So I had to run back take them to be checked in and return to the security screening.
4. It was then I discovered that I misplaced my ticket and the screening officer had to get me a new one.
5. After that got sorted out, we had to wait on the line for @ least thirty minutes to clear US Customs
6. After that we had to clear another screening process which had us taking off our shoes (the first screening didn’t ask for that) and I thoughts of YES, we didn’t have to through that process was met with a NO I was wrong.
7. Now dealing with others for what seemed like forever, I had to get something to eat.
8. So we went to a place called the Café In The Clouds which was a mistake…not only did the food tasted horrible, it was expensive as hell.
9. How expensive? WELL TRY $21.00 FOR A REGULAR CHICKEN N’ FRIES COMBO!
10. After about an hour or so we were called for our plane and on my way there I was pulled over for a random search to which Noel and I thought was racial profiling because we were the only two blacks on the plane and we were stopped…guess we are the only ones that do illegal stuff…BUT HEY I FORGAVE ALL THAT STUFF BECAUSE I WAS ON MY WAY TO MEET MY DESTINY IN PHILLY!
 

Now Philly was the better part of the trip (I suppose I was in better spirits), but this is where things let me know that when you make plans, God always have a say in how things take place. I TRUSTED my life’s rhythm to this point and I wasn’t about to start doubting it now. Being in control led me to feel as if I can take care of everything myself…I had a false sense of security for many years living in the Bahamas that kept the natural process of things @ bay…And by me letting go a few months back, I opened myself to the wonder this trip had to offer…Only I didn’t know how things weren’t going according to my plan…

1. After the two hour direct flight to Philly we had the task of find our bag which took a minute or twenty.
2. We were greeted by the VERY cold weather that was waiting for us, which wasn’t that bad because we prepped for it.
3. Called the hotel and waited for the shuttle.
4. Got to the Aloft Hotel which was LOVELY and the front desk lady was like so you are Mr. Kishna Carey, please give Ms. Carolyn a call (she is the lady that found my resume on career builder).
5. So getting to our room, we decided that we need something to eat because it was late afternoon and the tummy needed attention
6. To the front desk I went and the lady told me that some gentleman was asking for me saying, THAT HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS THERE BECAUSE HE IS INTERVIEWING ME & HE THINKS HE FOUND HIS GUY.
7. Now @ this point I am jumping up and down because I saw him outside…I saw the man that destiny told me that I would be working with.
8. He came inside and the front desk lady told him that she found me and @ that point I introduced myself to him and shook his hand.
9. It was @ this time he asked if I’d eaten and I was like NO…and he invited me to dinner AND the interview.
10. Now picture this (damn I feel like Sophia) I planned to buy a nice suit so that I can be all ready for this interview the NEXT day @ 2pm. I didn’t want to purchase one here because they are crazy expensive and NOT worth it…Nonetheless, what choice did I have? We met about 8:30 or so and after talking to him (the CFO) and the CEO for @ least two hours (my new record for an interview). After the interview I was asked, HOW DID I THINK IT WENT? I was like this a VERY good interview and I was told that it was…

After taking my chance for a better life for myself by going to Philly for this interview, one thing stood out for me and that was when I was told that it is NICE to meet the man behind the resume. Even more so, it was SO self-effacing to be told that the ONE thing they look for in an employee is someone that shows HUMILITY and that was evident from the moment we shook hands @ the front desk. And it was @ this time that my heart became so full because finally someone saw me AND wanted to value my worth not only as an employee, but as a person as well…The moment I got the e-mail that started this process, I knew that this job would be mine and as I sit here and write this today, I draw STRENGTH from the POSITIVE energy from each and everyone of you here in the BLOGOSPHERE…WATCH DESTINY & ME WALK HAND IN HAND AS I TAKE THE PLACE THAT WAS BEING PREPARED FOR ME IN THIS WORLD @ THIS MOMENT IN TIME…

MY STEPS ARE ORDERED...

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…BY GOD, THE UNIVERSE TOLD ME SO…ON MARCH 26, 2009 I RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL: Kishna: I saw your resume on CareerBuilder and I’m very interested in speaking with you regarding a Direct Hire Accounting opportunity with an international company.  Even though I am located in the United States, this position is located in Bermuda.  Based upon your objective and background, it is a position I believe you will have great interest in.  As soon as we connect 'live', I will be able to share specific job details. This would require a re-location.   My contact information is listed below.  I will be in my office all day tomorrow from 8:00AM until 5:00PM EST.  Hope to talk with you soon! Suffice to say I was a bit hesitant to take this e-mail seriously because when I thought about the odds of it being legit I was quick to dismiss it. But of course I decided to @ least find out what this was all about and I am SO glad I did…I came upon the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for my entire professional life AND I realized that ALL roads led me here…I IMMEDIATELY remembered something I read somewhere that said, HUMAN GREATNESS IS MEASURED BY THE DIFFICULTIES THROUGH WHICH A PERSON PASSES WHILE REMAINING STANDING…Lord knows that I wanted to just fall when I thought about the things I dealt with in my past as far as employment is concerned, but I couldn’t…I ALWAYS knew that something GREAT was waiting for me and all I have to do is be still N’ wait…This one e-mail made me see that if didn’t EXERT myself mentally, nature will be hard on me. If I didn’t accept suffering on my path, I will be resistant to life...I now see that if I didn’t STRETCH my life and walk away from my last place of employment, I would be stuck in a rut. And lord knows that for more than a decade I’ve practice being uncomfortable AND have taken myself to edge of resilience, but now…I move into the thrill of my destiny…I NOW HEAR MY TRUE VOICE ECHO IN THE HALLS OF MY MIND BECAUSE AS LIFE MOVED FROM DAY TO DAY, I TOLD MYSELF TO BUILD SOMETHING WITH THE STONES LIFE GAVE ME. NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT…

BEFORE I CAN LEAD, I MUST SERVE…

BEFORE I CAN SERVE, I MUST PREPARE…

BEFORE I CAN PREPARE, I MUST LEARN…

BEFORE I CAN LEARN, I MUST LISTEN…

BEFORE I CAN LISTEN, I MUST BE SILENT…

WANTING SO MUCH MORE...

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Swimming in shallow water,

Riding waves near life’s shore,

My head leans toward the horizon,

Because I want so much more.

And I spy an island

Wait- an archipelago,

That appears to be so inviting,

As I drift to and fro.

The trees are luscious green,

The waves roll gently on shore,

And I can’t help but long,

Because I want so much more.

The distance seems so short,

The water seems so blue,

Not this sea green aqua,

That I am wading through.

And the sun shines so givingly,

Upon its gleaming shore,

And I get hungry with anticipation,

Because I want so much more.

They would hardly notice my absence,

Never miss me at all,

If I disappeared for a moment,

To seek what has enthralled.

And if I chose to stay,

Who could ever blame me for?

Wanting to get away,

Because I wanted so much more…

A VICTORIOUS NIGHT...

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From the moment I woke up yesterday, I wanted to just stay in bed with the covers over my head as I let myself slip into a pitiful state that is my life. However that all changed last night as I was reminded about how good I have it by a lady that asked me for some money @ a stoplight on my way for Noel. So I gave her the dollar that I’ve been saving for such an occasion…she took it with a smile and then asked me IF I HAD ANYTHING TO EAT IN THE CAR I TOLD HER NO…she then asked, IF I’D JUST COME FROM THE GYM OR SOMETHING (and yall if you’d seen me this body ain’t NO gym body)…FAR from it. I told her that I just came from home and she then told me to have A VICTORIOUS NIGHT…I was TOTALLY blown away by that and the smile she placed on my face QUICKLY left as I watched her walked away in rearview mirror while tears fill my eyes. I mean here I am feeling sorry for myself and this lady has NO food to eat, NO roof over her head OR someone to LOVE and keep her till things turn around…I have it better than her AND I THANK GOD for placing her in that spot so I can be reminded of who I am, where I am going AND what’s in store for me…This lady is NO doubt an angel, a keeper of knowledge and the holder of wisdom. In her plight she was able to bring me out of a place I didn’t belong. She was able to get me to LISTEN WITH MY EYES and give myself the undivided attention that I needed because DEEP down I know that there is MORE to life than what I am living @ this moment. And the sense of freedom, peace N’ joy that I crave will come as they are my innate birthright. She reminded me that the words AND ideas that I carry with me can shape my life AND drive me toward success AND happiness or failure AND distress. So when a NEGATIVE thought enters my mind, I will immediately replace it with a constructive OR optimistic one…For I know that with persistence, I can condition my mind to judge fleeting, self-defeating thoughts as trivial AND dismiss them…THOSE MERE WORDS UTTERED TO ME BY A LADY ON THE STREETS SHOWED ME THAT I HAVE THE POWER TO BE HAPPY & SUCCESSFUL AS I MAKE UP MY MIND TO BE…EVEN THOUGH STAYING POSITIVE WILL NOT HAVE AN IMMEDIATE EFFECT ON MY SITUATION, IT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HAVE A PROFOUND & IMMEDIATE EFFECT ON MY MOOD…SO HERE’S TO ME HAVING A VICTORIOUS NIGHT THAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY LEAD TO A WONDERFUL FUTURE…

THIS YEAR'S END...

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My formula for living this year is quite simple…I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night; and In between, I occupy myself as best as I can…The year that is about to past was all about me adjusting to the better angel of my nature AND living the best life possible. I feel a sense of balance AND happiness that I’ve NEVER felt in my life which is interesting since I’ve been without a job for a few months, had my car repossessed AND fell behind in my bills…ALL THINGS TO GET YOU TO THE NEXT PHASE OF YOUR IS HOW I SEE THINGS. I TAKE THE GOOD WITH THE BAD & CALL IT LIFE! This year has taught me some INTERESTING things and some people, places AND things were left behind and I am sure that they don’t understand, but all things in time…For a while I wondered if it’s all worth while, will things change? Then I realized that CHANGE has to start with me. There were some things wrong that I couldn’t see right in front of my face AND all I had to do was open my eyes. I wonder if I hadn’t done this, where would I be? I mean I’m already a product of a stifling society that chooses to SUFFOCATE me between walls of rules AND stereotypes; and if one doesn’t have a STRONG support system of family AND friends then…I felt like a triangle that was being made into a square little by little, day by day. This HURT because I knew that I was capable of SO much more and this year proved that to me is SO many ways. I knew that couldn’t OR wouldn’t be content as I am a free spirit that is looking for answers far beyond the comfort of my soul. This year I was NO longer that man STRUGGLING with confines and REBELLING against constraints for they are apart of me. It is like Alanis Morissette says in her song THANK U…THE MOMENT I LET GO OF IT WAS THE MOMENT I GOT MORE THAN I COULD HANDLE. THE MOMENT I JUMPED OFF OF IT WAS THE MOMENT I TOUCHED DOWN…THESE WORDS GAVE ME SUCH CLARITY & IT MADE ME SEE THAT I COULD BE MY OWN WORST ENEMY BY GOING AGAINST MY TRUTH…BUT ALL IN ALL I AM GLAD THAT I AM THAT WARRIOR THAT REFUSES TO LOOSE, KNOWING THAT THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST ME. I WILL FOREVER TAKE ON EVERY CHALLENGE THAT COMES MY WAY IN 2009 AS IF IT IS MY LAST GREAT BATTLE. THIS YEAR MARKED THE BEGINNING OF ME NOT HOLDING BACK ANYTHING FOR TOMORROW FOR I KNOW THE POWER OF THE PRESENT. AND THE CONFIDENCE THAT I HAVE IN MY PERSONAL POWER, THE FAITH IN THE RIGHTEOUSNESS OF MY STRUGGLES SAYS THAT I WILL WIN EVERY BATTLE BEFORE IT IS FOUGHT. LIFE FOR ME IS ALL ABOUT EVALUATION, PREPARATION & EXECUTION. THIS ATTITUDE WILL TAKE ME BEYOND THE NORMAL LIMITS, MAKING ME MORE POWERFUL EACH TIME I OVERCOME MY STRUGGLES…INTERNALLY, EXTERNALLY, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY & SPIRITUALLY…THANK YOU 2008 YOU’VE BEEN A SOURCE OF GREAT THINGS…

NEW BEGINNINGS...

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This day marks the beginning of so many things in my life; a life that so many times felt that it was placed on hold. I find life INTERESTING when events fit together PERFECTLY in my life. I’ve been without a job for about 2 months and needless to say things have been bit difficult. Nonetheless, I NEVER let go of my belief that I would find a job that could AND would satisfy me. So today I am starting a NEW job that means SO much to me on SO many levels. I will get to finally sink my teeth into something that is challenging for me AND I can start the process on OPERATION MOVE TO U. S. A. For the past few weeks and months Noel and I have been planning to move to the U. S. A. I know that this move would take a lot of planning AND preparation but we are ready. This would mean SO much for us because getting married AND trying to live in the Caribbean isn’t an option…especially since we plan on having kids…can you see the pain on our children’s faces? We are VERY much aware that we are LIVING in place that we both can appreciate but it can’t AND won’t do the same for us. I know that the U. S. A. is NOT perfect but it is 100 times better than where we are now. So my goal is to succeed @ my new job, make as much money as possible and get to the next phase of our lives…WISH ME A HAPPY FIRST DAY ON MY NEW JOB…

For as long as I remembered I’ve had this dream of transcending my reality as far as where live, my health and putting things in perspective. So here I am on two paths that are SO different yet they have me in common. I have been wanting, hoping AND praying that I would get a chance to make a difference in my life. I know that is strange for me to say but it is true nonetheless. So many of us live but our lives are NOT our own. We are made by people, places AND things that exist in our lives which can be the BIGGEST stumbling block in one’s life. Hence as of late my stumbling block has been my weight. I can sit here and say I don’t know OR why I’ve gained weight but that would be a lie. Instead I am going to own the fact that I have done this to myself AND I am lodging an attack against the things I did that got me here. So imagine my surprise when I came across a WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE. You could have guessed that I jumped @ the chance to get myself under control in the weight department. It has been crazy because over the past 2 years I have put on a considerable amount of weight AND the strange thing is that it does NOT bother. I guess I have put those superficial things behind me when it comes to looking good AND sexy as per the GAY scene. Nonetheless, I am going to CHANCE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD because it is NOT healthy AND it would be good for me. So today I am FULLY embracing MY journey and NOT exclude a thing. I am initiating the process of looking inside my psyche to find the things that encourage me to eat certain things that I know would inevitably harm me…SO WISH ME LUCK…

Today is about my taking those small steps for a BIG change. I find that small steps allow us to grow into a new habit and make it a permanent part of our lives, which is what I am aiming for. Even though I am two different journeys, I know that I am on one path because they both have the same goals that will only enrich AND enhance my existence. LIFE DOESN’T ALWAYS GIVE US THE US THE CHANCE TO SEE THAT TIME IS RIGHT FOR US TO MAKE CHANGES IN OUR LIVES. SO I AM OVERJOYED THAT I GET TO EXPERIENCE THIS @ THIS MOMENT IN TIME…

9/11

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I REMEMBER...

If I Knew

If I knew it would be the last time

That I'd see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly

And pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time

That I see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and kiss

And call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time

I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would video tape each action and word,

So I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,

I could spare an extra minute

To stop and say "I love you,"

Instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would be there to share your day,

Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,

So I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow

To make up for an oversight,

And we always get a second chance

To make everything just right.

There will always be another day

To say "I love you,"

And certainly there's another chance

To say our "Anything I can do?"

But just in case I might be wrong,

And today is all I get,

I'd like to say how much I love you

And I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,

Young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance

You get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,

Why not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes,

You'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time

For a smile, a hug, or a kiss

And you were too busy to grant someone,

What turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,

And whisper in their ear,

Tell them how much you love them

And that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say "I'm sorry,"

"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."

And if tomorrow never comes,

You'll have no regrets about today.

"MAY" SURPRISE!

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For as long as I can remember, I have been asking my friends to have a surprise party for me. Now I know there are persons out there that would say if they did it wouldn’t be much of a surprise; I guess for me it was just the thought of it that made me ask for year after year. Now flash forward to the present I knew my EARTH~DAY was on the horizon and like clock work I mentioned…OKAY I talked about having a surprise party every chance I got. So when my EARTH~DAY arrived I didn’t really expect a party, but I @ least expected my friends to @ least hang out with me…BUT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN! From being told they were too tired OR didn’t have enough time to think of anything that they could do to mark this momentous occasion I was left on my own. Naturally I felt let down AND disappointed because I felt that my friends were behaving in a way that was selfish AND uncaring. So I decided to keep my distance AND not bother anyone I guess it was my way of processing my disappointment without sinking into despondency. As with any emotional response, I honor my feelings by feeling them fully, without acting on them…most of the time…They say that with age comes wisdom but today proved how wrong that quotation is when it comes to me. One would think that I should know better and that my friends wouldn’t forget me on this special day, but what can I say? I was so disenchanted by my friends that I couldn’t enjoy THE surprise party that they had for me because I was surprised @ myself for not seeing this coming. And I guess this is way they say that life is a circular journey through our issues and processes, because somehow this event was technically new yet it seemed very familiar. But after all is said and done, they achieved their goal of making me feel left out AND forgotten. ALL-IN-ALL it was a GREAT party and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I CAN TRULY SAY THAT I HAVE COME FULL CIRCLE & THAT I HAVE ARRIVED IN A FAMILIAR PLACE THAT SHOWS THAT I HAVE GROWN & MY LIFE ISN’T LOST ON MY FRIENDS. WITH THIS LIFE CHANGING EVENT I HAVE STEPPED INTO A CLEARING THAT SHOWS WHERE I CAME FROM & WHERE I STAND @ THE SAME TIME. SO I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE THAT TOOK THE TIME & ENERGY TO DO THIS FOR ME, IT IS A GREAT WAY TO START ANOTHER DECADE OF MY LIFE…