TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 4, EPISODE 12 - AND WHEN I DIE

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I'm confused: On paper, this episode has the makings of a killer season finale: Multiple deaths, a hot Jason and Jessica sex scene, a moment of Bill and Eric shirtlessness, and Pam lines we'll be quoting for days to come. So why am I underwhelmed? I think it's because Marnie walking off with the other spirits like it was the end of Field of Dreams was anticlimactic. We all guessed Sookie would choose to be with no one after Gran told her there was nothing to be afraid of being alone. We didn't get an answer to why that fairy wanted to have sex with Andy last week. And while other teases -- Russell's escape, vampire Steve Newlin's arrival, and Rene's warning -- have us looking forward to season 5, they were equally vague and unsatisfying in the present. Let's dig in...

Over breakfast, Jesus told Lafayette that if he wanted to live a magic-free life, he was cool with that. Jesus finally figured out Lafayette was possessed by Marnie, and Larnie stabbed him in the hand with her fork. Next we saw Jesus, he was tied up in the living room and trying to tell Lafayette, whose magic Marnie called potent but clumsy, to fight her. "Call me bitch again, boy, and I’ll cut out your eyeball and feed it to you," Marnie told Lafayette, holding a knife to his face. He'd feel the pain, she wouldn't. She wanted Jesus' magic, which he said he'd gladly give her, but he didn't know how: "You can’t trade magic like f---in' Pokémon cards." When she took the knife to Lafayette's chest, he suddenly remembered. When his face changed to the demon, Larnie stabbed him, licked the knife, and the demon head was on Lafayette's body.

Over a morning cup of coffee with Tara -- it was nice to see them behave like two normal friends, if only for a minute -- Sookie talked about wanting to sit on the porch with her grandbabies on her lap, and Tara said she hoped she could sit on the porch, too. I'm usually so attune to foreshadowing like that, but after seeing Terry Bellefleur live through episodes after spouting ominous lines, I guess I gave up. I didn't think the episode would end with Tara getting shot in that kitchen. Sookie went to Merlotte's, and we found out it was Halloween when Terry and Arlene proudly showed off their zombie costumes and Arlene's daughter revealed she was dressed as Jenelle from Teen Mom 2. Arlene's kids are still my favorite on the show, but Emma earned points for how she answered Arlene's question about what she was: She was either a shapeshifter like her mommy or a werewolf like her father, who’s dead. Sam and Sookie made up when he realized she hadn't been showing up for work because skinwalker Tommy had fired her. I guess Sam's been busy, too, and didn't have time to fill the position. But seriously, Merlotte's is like the only restaurant in town, and we know there's a lot of women in Bon Temps since Jason Stackhouse has slept with them all, so Sam should be able to hire someone more reliable than Sookie Stackhouse.

Anyway, Sookie put on her bunny ears and a low-cut T-shirt and went back to work -- until Alcide showed up and she took a break. He was thinking about that conversation they'd had before about how if they were each smart, they'd have fallen for each other. What if their hearts can't be trusted, and to keep from making the same mistakes, they should listen to their heads? I see nothing wrong with following your head when what's behind door No. 3 looks like that, Sookie. He wants them both to be done with the drama (which would be bad for the show) and her to think about what he said while doing her best not to get herself killed. He also wanted to steal a glance at her cleavage. Alcide got a call and had to go to one of his construction sites -- which is when we saw a hole in the cement floor of a parking garage and a chain that had been around Russell. See you in season 5, Denis O'Hare!

Outside Merlotte's, Sookie ran into Holly, who insisted there was nothing scary about a fairy, which she was dressed as. A high Holly explained that Halloween, witches' new year, was the day that the veil between the living and the dead was the thinnest. Tara had found Jesus dead and drove to Merlotte's to pick up Sookie and Holly so they could find Lafayette, who she suspected was possessed by Marnie. Sookie couldn't reach Bill or Eric, so she assumed Larnie had already found them. While seeing Bill and Eric tied shirtless to each other on a stake is a welcome surprise that had been blown in the promo, it did feel awfully convenient not to show how Larnie got to them. They still had their wits about them, explaining to us why they weren't summoning Jessica and Pam to rescue them (too dangerous). "I liked you better when you were brain-damaged," Bill cracked. Bill's dialogue has gotten better since he became King.

Larnie was so easily distracted, she didn't notice Holly was setting a protective circle around Bill, Eric, Sookie, Tara, and herself. The ladies grabbed hands and started chanting and called forth spirits of like everyone in the cemetery, including Gran. Antonia also showed. Antonia blew out the fire that was burning Bill and Eric, and Gran reached in and pulled Marnie out of Lafayette -- go Gran! We had to listen to Marnie whine again, and finally, Antonia made her see that crossing over would bring her peace. Immortal vampires will never have that. Existing isn't winning. After some screaming and swearing, Marnie left. Sookie didn't want Gran to go with the others, she wanted her to stay. That's when Gran told Sookie she wouldn't tell her what to do because the answer was where it always was -- in her heart -- but then proceeded to tell her there's nothing scary about being alone. We're all alone in the end. I think that implied you thought Sookie should go solo, Gran.

While Tara saw to Lafayette ("Bitch, talk to me"), Sookie tended to Eric and Bill ("Excuse me, we’re feeling a little crispy up here," Eric said). They needed her blood to help them heal. At Bill's place, she sat on a couch with one of them attached to each wrist. I guess Bill and Eric were wearing matching robes because a loose robe would be the most comfortable on their burns, and it made you think back to Sookie's threesome dream and the fact that she'd been wearing a robe before they got busy on the sofa. This did not turn into a ménage à trois. Pity. Sookie couldn't do this any longer. Bill, proving again that he's a decent man, said he just wanted Sookie to be happy. If that meant she was with Eric, they had his blessing. Sookie told Bill she believed that he'd always loved her as much as she loved him, that she forgave him for lying, and that she knew she'd hurt him just as deeply as he'd hurt her. Then she admitted to Eric that a part of her had always wanted him, even when he was at his most badass (paraphrasing). But it was over between them as well. Not being with either of them was the right thing for all of them. They took it well, don't you think? Maybe it's because she'd just saved their lives, and trusted them both to feed on her, so they believed she truly loved them both. Maybe it's because they knew their night wasn't over...

Eventually Nan showed up at Bill's place with armed guards. "Hi, Nan. And gay stormtroopers," Eric said. Nan told them she'd quit the AVL and Authority (or had been fired, same thing), and her last order was to make sure both Bill and Eric met the true death. Nan knew she'd be the next to go and wanted them to join her team. She'd figured out what Sookie was, and had seen the love in Bill and Eric's puppy dog eyes, and wasn't afraid to threaten Sookie. Eric cut off the heads of the three guards, and Bill staked Nan. "We are not f---ing puppy dogs," Bill said. Eric eyed the mound of blood that used to be Nan -- the effects department peaked there! -- and sighed. "What a bitch."

Sookie went home and called for Tara. Instead, she found Debbie in her kitchen with a large gun. Someone tell me why Sookie didn't shoot light from her hands to knock Debbie down before she could fire. Maybe she had used all her juice knocking down Larnie. Tara threw herself in front of the bullet, and that was a particularly awesome blood splatter when she got nailed in the right side of the head. Sookie tackled Debbie, got the gun, put it under Debbie's chin and fired. From that angle, it's safe to assume Debbie is dead. From the amount of blood on the floor, you'd think Tara was dead, but she can't be, can she? I mean, it's poetic that a woman so afraid of vampires and the supernatural in general finally gets taken out by something as human as a gunshot, and right after she found her strength again and told a grief and guilt stricken Lafayette that they'd get through Jesus' death together like they have everything else. Even if Sookie is "alone," wouldn't Bill and Eric have sensed her fear, anger, and cry for help and be a second away from darting through her door? Wouldn't Lafayette have heard the gun shot and come running downstairs? I think we're past Jesus, who visited Lafayette in spirit form and told him he'd always be with him since he's dead and Lafayette's a medium, possessing Lafayette and saving her with his nursing skills. Can Tio Luca make another appearance? I'm hoping she lives and that it's because of Bill or Eric giving her his blood. Also poetic would be Tara, who's hated vampires (for good reason), suddenly lusting after one.

Speaking of lusting after a vampire, how many people talked to their TV when Jason decided to tell Hoyt about him and Jessica when Hoyt was operating a power tool? Technically, Jason asked Hoyt to put down the chainsaw before he blurted out "I had sex with Jessica," but still, that mission would have been aborted if I drove up and saw Hoyt holding that. Jason, however, had already given himself his pep talk in the rear view mirror, so it was go time. Hoyt thought Jason was joking and laughed. When Jason told him he wasn't, Hoyt asked "How?" Jason thought it was a weird question, but if Hoyt wanted to know, "Missionary, then doggy, then her on top. I mean, it was nothin’ too kinky," Jason answered. And punch! Hoyt had wanted to know how Jason could break the guy code. Jason tried to blame it on drinking Jessica's blood, but Hoyt knew Jason had a choice. He punched him again and literally kicked Jason when he was down. Hoyt told Jason he'd never have what he'd had with Jessica because there's something missing inside him.

Next we saw Jason, he was icing his eye with a popsicle. That was brilliant. Jessica showed up at his door as sexy Little Red Riding Hood in a red hooded cape and lingerie. They had sex (missionary) on the couch, and it was her turn to blurt out something: "I don’t want to be your girlfriend." She'd just gotten out of her first real relationship and she wasn't looking for another one. Jason said he'd wished he known that before he got his ass kicked for her, but that he would have told Hoyt the truth anyway because it's the right thing to do. Jessica asked since when is Jason Stackhouse concerned with doing the right thing, and he was actually offended enough to stop having sex. She doesn't know him, he said. He's right, she agreed, but then she barely knows herself. That's her point. She wanted to be honest with him so she didn't hurt him as she'd hurt Hoyt. She hoped sex is enough for him because she doesn't want it to stop. He called her dangerous and rose to the occasion.

Afterward, as Jessica dressed, Jason sat naked on the couch with a Miller Lite pillow on his lap. Again, brilliant. We found out that Jessica would like to try oral sex next time because Hoyt had always been afraid of her fangs. Ha. Jason was afraid Jessica wasn't spending the night because of what Hoyt said -- part of him was missing. There is something, honestly. Most of the time when you describe someone you really like, the word "smart" is somewhere on the list of adjectives. Not for Jason! Jessica told him he was funny, exciting, and had the sexiest hip bones she'd ever seen. She was leaving because sex with him made her hungry and she wasn't ready for the intimacy of drinking his blood. She was going to feed on and glamour a stranger. That Jason understood -- it's like a prostitute not wanting to kiss on the lips. I assume that's knowledge he learned from Pretty Woman and not real life. After Jessica hinted that she'd be up for role-playing next season -- fun! -- Jason said she's unlike any woman he's been with, and he's been with a lot of women. Maybe these two are meant for each other because she took that as the compliment he intended it to be. Then her fangs popped out, and she blamed low blood sugar and was gone. When someone showed up at the door seconds later, he assumed it was her coming back for more, but it was missing Steve Newlin, who popped his own fangs. What's gonna happen there?

As for the other cliffhangers: One of Terry's military buddies, whose life he had saved twice, arrived at Merlotte's. Terry had heard the guy (played by Scott Foley) was dead, and the guy had heard Terry was crazy -- could both of them be right? I guess not since Terry hugged the guy and he was solid. Taking out the garbage, Arlene got surprised by ghost Rene who warned her that Terry's past wasn't behind him and she should run. Maybe Terry will get a real story line in season 5, and Foley will be evil -- two equally exciting ideas...

Maxine showed up at Tommy's funeral. He was a "devious little son of a bitch," she told Sam, "but somewhere in there, he had a good heart." She said she thought of Tommy like a son, which means they're the only family each other has left, so Sam should call her mama now. Really? Still, her "We all do the best we can with what we got" speech was nice. Luna and Emma also came to Tommy's funeral and though Sam wanted them to spend the night, Luna thought it was too soon for Emma to see them have a sleepover. Luna left, and Sam turned around to see a wolf. Am I the only one who actually finds the wolves more frightening in human form? I guess we're not supposed to know who that wolf is: is it one of Marcus' pack out for revenge (you'd think they'd be coming in larger numbers), or ghost Marcus?

Andy showed up after the Larnie dust had settled and offered Holly flowers that she could actually keep this time. He told her that he'd been on V, and why. She wasn't in the mood for a date. "I just wanted to say that I’m sober, and I’m lonely, and I can be good to someone if they let me. Night," he said. His honesty, composure, and uniform made him totally doable at that moment. Holly stopped him and said after the day she'd had, she could use a hug. I bet Andy is a good hugger. Well done, Bellefleur. I look forward to the fairy-witch-cop love triangle. I'm betting on Holly. I've grown to really like her. Let's keep her around for awhile.

Last but not least, we get to Pam, who showed up at Fangtasia looking for Eric and lost her s--- when Ginger (wearing a sexy nurse Halloween costume, obviously) told her Sookie had called looking for him as well. Pam had the line of the night: "I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name. F--- Sookie." Pam threw some stuff then broke down. She's watched Eric seduce supermodels and princesses and "spit out their bones when he is finished." How can someone named Sookie take him away from her, she wondered. As Pam cried, Ginger tried to comfort her. Pam said she didn't want to be touched, but in the end, she accepted Ginger's hug as they sat on the floor. What a great moment: You knew how much Eric meant to Pam for her to be that vulnerable. Will Eric make up with Pam, or will she want to make him hurt the way she's been hurt? It could be fun to see Pam team up with Russell, but Russell's plan will have to involve killing Eric, and I just don't buy that Pam is there yet. Do you?

Your turn. What did you think of the season finale? Which of the cliffhangers left you most excited for season 5? Will Tara live or die? And are you envisioning a war between Russell and the fairies?