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We've all heard that simplistic definition of insanity. That
it’s “doing the same thing over and over
and expecting different results.” And the lunacy is especially
ridiculous when those repetitive results are damaging. So while we may
use that rule at work or in the home, why
don’t we apply that philosophy to the men that we date?
Many
of us have friends that date a different man every other month or so, he would
bring in a new boyfriend for an introduction and then immediately begin to
complain about him the ‘relationship’ when he is with just his friends. He
would give us the same ole story. He didn’t do this or he isn’t good @
that, yada, yada…The same basic assessment for about every man he has dated.
Yet
he always seemed genuinely surprised when his current ‘boyfriend’ end up exactly
like the last one did. But
why? Why does he expect a different result from the men that he dates
when they’re nothing more than carbon copies of the ones who came before?
Insanity.
And until you do something, or date someone different, you’ll repeat the same
sorry results over and over again.
So
here are a few tips you can use to try to break the cycle:
Identify Your Type
Most
men end up with the same kind of guy over and over again because they refuse to
deviate from the shallow characteristics that qualify their “type.” Tall,
muscular, six pack, we all know our physical stipulations, but what about the
personality traits we’re attracted too? Nonchalant? Aggressive?
Arrogant? Figure out if these are qualities that catch your attention. It may be a part of the problem.
Go For The Exact Opposite
Force
yourself out of your comfort zone. Have you figured out you like the
boisterous type? Go out with the quiet guy. Normally go for light-skinned
men, give the dark-skinned guy a chance. No, you probably won’t be
attracted right away, but you never know what could develop if you just give it
a chance. It’s not like you have to marry the man.
Ask HIM out
Are you an old fashion man who refuses to make the first
move? Stop it. The reason that you end up with the same kind of
guy could be that you unknowingly and unwillingly attract the same
kind of guy. You’re somebody’s type in the same way that you have a type
of your own. So single out that exact opposite guy and strike up a conversation. Besides,
by always waiting for him to make a move, you’re giving strangers control over
your destiny. If you initiate, you have the power.
Swirl
Ever
been curious about dating a white guy? Now’s the time.
Make It An Adventure
If you’re stuck in a dating rut,
chances are there’s some monotony going on in other areas of your life
too. Do you always go to the same hangout spots? The same clubs,
bars, or restaurants? Try something new! Make it a point to go to a
different venue once a month or even once a week. Take short trips to
different areas or different parts of your city. Not only could it be fun
and rejuvenating, but new experiences bring new people. You never know who you
might meet.
These are excellent suggestions, my friend! Good ideas that make sense. Unfortunately, love doesn't always make sense or follow a specific pattern. Every once in a proverbial "blue moon," you simply have to take a chance and let love take control. I did. And now, almost four years later, it's just as good as that first night!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I will be celebrating 5 years next month
DeleteI've tried giving men i wasn't attracted to who approached me a chance. It was a very much a "lets see where this goes" type of thing. I am very much the old fashioned type you mentioned. They all ended up in the same sort of way. So getting out of my comfort zone would be going after men im attracted to and hoping for the best. My only issue with approaching first is i don't want to set the standard that i will be doing ALL of the initiating and subsequently being the dominant one in a relationship. That role is not who I'd like to be. Plus, i find that approaching men, as a beta male, often makes alpha men assume you are "thirsty" or "desperate." Perhaps in the black gay world at least...
ReplyDeleteAlso, in going to different venues, i question whether gay black men will be there. Spending time in places they do not often frequent sounds counter-productive to me. And perhaps it isn't just going to a different venue as it is going to places and approaching people as well. Even thats tricky as your gaydar will need to be set on high sensitivity.
@ least you gave it the ole college try :-)
DeleteI son't think I've ever had a type. Though the where was mostly the same. 2 gay bars in my entire city.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, even to this day I have various type of men that appeal to me. Just had a convo with friend on how he can't stand the thought of kissing a white guy. I was like here we go, here we go.
Delete