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Last summer
I met Luke, who's 40. I'd just turned 25, was having fun at the bars, but then
I met him and he was super hot. We started dating, and it was pretty great.
He'd take me to cool things, he's smart, and the sex is amazing. Like some
weekends we don't even leave the bedroom. Without saying too much, Luke's
taught me a lot.
The tough part was both our sets of friends, who would tease us about the
15 year age difference. All the little jokes kind of annoyed me. I'd try to
brush them off, but after a while I was more into us not hanging out with them
because it got old. I don't want to be that needy boyfriend who says he can't
hang out with his friends, and he's not the kind of guy who'd accept that
anyway, so we both spend time with our friends when we're not together.
Then a couple weeks ago my friends and I were out clubbing and this
really hot guy hit on me. I was drunk and we ended up sleeping together. I felt
like crap and told Luke. He said he understood, that I was young and needed to
play around. That kind of pissed me off, because it felt like he didn't
appreciate how guilty I felt. I also feel like I should be able to say no to temptation like
that. Then last night I said I wanted us to be officially boyfriends and he
said he wanted to also, but if I ever wanted it to "open up" the
relationship that he understood and he'd be cool with that. He said he's fine
keeping it closed for now, but it's up to me.
I don't think I want that, and I've never said I wanted that, so why is
he assuming it? Is he trying to tell me something? Or is this just because I
cheated on him that one time?
I don't know how old you are, but I'm hoping to talk to an older guy who
might have some ideas on what's happening with Luke and what I should do?
Young
and (Possibly) Restless
I don't think it is unique to relationships with large age differences. I would personally be fine if my boyfriend wanted to open it up, but I'm cool with the fact that he won't. He's much more old fashioned. It's just sex. I think so long as a couple is honest about their expectations and what they are doing it can work.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you take on this subject. I was asked the other day if I'd consider it in my relationship with Noel and I said no. Though we've been twogether for almost 5 years, I am not there yet.
Deleteyet?? why do you have to
Deletebe there at all??
I am not there in the least bit, Noel is more than enough for me.
DeleteCommunication is the key! Obviously, both want a stronger relationship. Discuss your expectations and desires together and exactly what your BF means by "opening up" the partnership. If it's comfortable for you, decide. If not, negotiate and then make a decision.
ReplyDeleteOpen relationships are such a slippery slope and they REALLY bring the truth about relationships and like you said above communication is KEY!
DeleteOlder guys always have a PHD in screwing up with peoples' minds but we love them all the same. He's giving you control in the relationship and it's wrong coz when it gets to a rough patch you'll be the one to blame buddy.
ReplyDeleteVERY interesting take on this entry.
DeleteI wonder if maybe I don't think like anybody (everybody?) else in that WTF does AGE have to do with 'permission to play'? Of all the players I've met, only one couple truly had an open relationship that continues to be a success. The rest of them give THEMSELVES permission to play and call that okay while they are cheating on their partners.
ReplyDeleteAs far as older/younger is concerned, eventually the 25 yr old will be 40 and the older guy 55, and as time marches on.. when the younger guy is 55, the older guy will be 70 and probably look/act 70 or maybe 80 if he's still alive at all. Then, 'younger' finds himself suddenly all washed up and not fit for the dating scene unless of course, his partner left him with a bundle of cash, which always helps in attracting a 'younger'.
These are the guys I 'dated' and I consider myself lucky as Hell for having found a decent man in that swamp. BTW, he was the younger in a 20 year older/younger relationship and found himself out on his ass when he hit 47 when his BF had a heart attack and dumped him 'for his own good'..
I don't think age has anything to do with relationships. I think it is about the connections we make with each other.
DeleteI am an mature man who met a 23 yr. old on adam. He says he's into older guys. I wanted to be friends. He wanted a relationship or nothing at all. I found this strange. I haven't heard a word from him since.
DeleteI wonder if his silence is a blessing?
DeleteHow about you stop being a complete and utter WHORE!!!???
ReplyDeleteYou go out and cheat, t-h-e-n have the gall to get pissed
because your partner does not act sufficiently upset enough to validate the guilty feelings you so rightfully should have.
What a prize you are. He should kick you to the streets
immediately, and find someone who deserves him!!!!
Did this entry hit TOO close to home? I get what you are saying though, stuff like this can be upsetting.
DeleteThese types of relationships are no more than a train wreck waiting to happen. It may work for some couples, but over all it spells diaster! I speak from experience, but I once laid on those very same train tracks, I thought I was strong enough to take the age difference, but quickly learned a man much younger than myself needs more than a fifty year old man can give.
ReplyDeleteI think age is just a number. Saying that, my parents have an almost 20 year age gap. Like anyone else I guess it depends on the people in the relationship. 50 does not look the same on anyone.
DeleteI agree with you Jamie, it is about the people in the relationship.
DeleteAge has nothing to do with it at all. I'm 25, and the guy I love very much is 40 (this post is not about me though lol). However, things are somewhat similar. He came from an open relationship that was more confusing then anything else. Our foundation is built on open communication. It's worked for us. We've voiced our concerns ranging from age difference to life goals. We promised to each other to openly communicate our feelings so that neither one is left in the dark and/or hurt. All is strong as long as the communication is strong.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't do open relationships. I made that very clear. We've both come to the conclusion that we are all each other needs right now in our life. If there's a riff, we talk about it, but it's been a good two years. Just riding it out with much love on my heart.
DeleteGO BOY!
Delete:-D
Delete