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Want to make a fire with
two sticks? Did you bait the fishing rods properly? Questions I wasn’t ask but
a man that imagined started his questions with a smile on his face that showed
how proud of me he was. His obsession about being the best ‘father’ he could
was all he cared about. Those moments are lost to us and I can only wonder,
what would my ‘father’ do or say after our personas traded places. Would he
allow me to embrace my sexuality and my ‘misfit’ charms with pride? Or would he
be the ‘father’ that struggle to understand my life?
Regardless of his presence
in my life, I am sure that I would be the ‘man’ he didn’t raise. I will FOREVER
be the ‘man’ who do dumb and embarrassing things, the ‘man’ that knows DEEP in
himself that if he wants to soar, he MUST risk the occasional, spectacular
crash. Though hasn’t been in my life from the start, I often wonder how can he
feel ashamed of the gay man that I am; the gay man that lives positively ‘queer’
for all with ‘human’ eyes to see.
So very true. I will never understand fathers who walk away from their children then have the gall to criticize ANYTHING, let alone their sexuality.
ReplyDeleteI remember when my father found out, he seemed upset, but I didn't care nor wanted to know for sure.
DeleteYeah, I never much gave a shit what my biological father thought. I've seen him seven times in the seven years since I came out, every time he still asks if I am still doing the "gay thing".
DeleteThe "gay thing" huh? I am sure you are more man than he ever could be.
DeleteHis opinion of me means nothing to me. I have found the only way not to be disappointed in him Is to expect nothing. I take opportunities to see him when offered, but they have to be offered, I no longer run around wishing I mattered to him. At some point I came to peace with who he is. And that is absent.
DeletePeace with something like this is ALWAYS the best option.
Delete