OLDIE, BUT GOODIE: DEAR GOD…

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So as I was going through all the blog entries that brought me thus far; and I realized that I had some good stuff that didn’t get their fair share. So I’ve decided to start a new category titled OLDIE, BUT GOODIE. So I thought that I’d get things started with one of my faves that was written during the beginning stages of my blog. The title IF GAY MEANS HAPPY, WHY ARE WE SO SAD…caught my attention as I watching an episode of WILL & GRACE and I thought hmmm…That would make an EXCELLENT blog entry. SO IN READING THIS AGAIN, I MADE A FEW CHANGES…CALL IT ME TRYING TO MAKE IT PERFECT…(crazy huh, how can you PERFECT PERFECTION?) So here it is back again for the first time…I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT…Is it the illusion of THE LIFE, living an existence that is impaired to society? I am not my gender or my sexual orientation. However, I recognize THIS ILLUSION FOR WHAT IT IS. I see us as people behave in ways that quite possibly go against our TRUTH! Whether we are at the sex party, the bar/club, we see him (a stranger) and we must have HIM. Everything hinges on him responding, and if he does not, we may act out in other ways all in the hopes of capturing that ILLUSION. THE ILLUSION could last from a few minutes to spending the weekend or lifetime together. Enjoying each other sexually funny how at that very moment you are wishing that this was not with a stranger, hoping this is the MAN GOD send for you. But you're in that moment so you fall into the ILLUSION. The truth has been revealed…So I say, be the VICTOR not the victim...I am a part of this community and I embrace it. I embrace that we have sex parties, we have the bars & clubs, and frequent by effeminate men. That men will not date others because they are HIV positive. That I am no thug, that there are thugs, that there are men who identify as tops, bottoms, and versatile and through it all we are THE LIFE. I am Opened to THE LIFE! I may not know completely who I am, but I do know who I am not. I am not my body or my clothing. I am not my emotions or my feelings. I am not my thoughts or my desires. I am not my job or my money. I am not my partner or my family. I am not my past. I am not my future. I am not even my present. Who am I? I am who I am. Who are you? Think outside THE LIFE! Don’t’ be a 24-HOUR SISSY you know the ones that are into cat-walking stealing and gal-ish dealings…just prisoners. Men that are wasted just living for the thrill & pleasure, without a F&CKING hope in the world. Never realizing that a gal-ish man is a shattered being, blocking the reality that only comes from deep inside, after all self-actualization is something they don’t need. RIGHT? Not respecting himself, not realizing…The beauty that is MAN. Just being selfish…disgracing being, a beauty that can’t be harness. We are making SO many dumb choices that we are NOT wining, we are losing as a matter of fact, WE ARE LOST! WHEN I THINK OF THE LOST DREAMS…SO MANY MEN WASTED THAT CAN’T STAND UP & SAY I AM GAY N’ PROUD…BUT WHO NEEDS STRENGTH & PRIDE WITH A MINI-SKIRT, PENIS TUCKED & 6” PUMPS ON YOUR FEET? BUT I DIGRESS…I MEAN WE ARE BUT A STAIN IN THE UNCERTAINNESS & THIS REALITY IS A BIT TOO REAL…JUST TRYING TO FEEL, ACT & BE…ANYTHING…NOTHING…JUST LIVING A LIFE THAT TOTALLY GOES AGAINST WHAT BEING GAY REALLY STANDS FOR…