NOTEVENCLOSE

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I think that the ULTIMATE form of intimacy I can experience with another is SPIRITUAL intimacy. This kind of intimacy is of the highest order and fuses HEART, SOUL n’ MIND. So imagine how much I yearn for this connection since I have met someone special AND he has made me realize that I am NOT satisfied with just the physicality of my actions; I WANT MORE! Oh sure, all of the right signifiers are there: MISSIONARY POSITION (THIS IS FAVORITE SEX POSITION), GAZING INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES…ENJOYING EACH OTHER…KISSING PASSIONATELY AS OUR BODIES BURN FOR EACH OTHER. Though this is GREAT, I want to connect with a HIM on a SPIRITUAL, MENTAL, & EMOTIONAL level that peaks during SEX. The best SEX can be is a MESSY, UNRESTRAINED & EXPLOSIVE session that leaves me feeling like half the man I am. The other half of me feels CLUMSY, AWKWARD & WEIRD but somewhere in the middle, I find it frustrating AND humbling. Moreover, it is wonderful and I am grateful that I get experience such an event. However, I am @ a stage where I feel as if SEX has robbed me of that which I desire most. The ubiquitous way SEX invades my existence, teasing AND taking me to the edge only NOT to push me off gives the feeling of discontent. SEX is the most exciting experience and the secret to ALL happiness and makes life meaningful; if only I could cross over…My desire to go beyond the act itself is simply my way of fulfilling my humanity and connecting to another. The profound ways I have been negotiating on the sexual playground has thus taken me to new levels but I know there is more. I feel HOLLOW; EMPTY…just a shell that shows various varieties of my imperfections. I WANT THAT LOVE MAKING, SOUL SHAKING…HEART BREAKING KIND OF LOVE WITH A MAN THAT TAKES MY BREATHE AWAY. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE DESTINY FIGHTS WITH ME. THE STRONG MINDED WARROR WITHIN WANTS HIS HEART SEIZED, HIS SOUL LOCKED & HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE ELEVATED…SO TAKE ME OVA!

ON THE RIGHT TRACK...

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I am often presented as the opposite of MAN, but the TRUE man that I am is not the opposite anything. I am far more powerful than any negative element that swims like sharks in the ocean of life. I am ALL things BEAUTIFUL and FEARFUL, UGLY and KIND, POWERFUL and SMALL. I am made of LOVE and the ILLUSION that we are separates us from each does NOT exist for me. In the relative, dualistic world of POSITIVE and NEGATIVE, DARKENSS and LIGHT, MAN and WOMAN, we make choices and we learn from them. Hence, I choose live a life that is full of ALL things POSITIVE and I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing here on this earth. Living in a time of GREAT change, I have come see that HUMANITY and the planet Earth are evolving at a quickened pace, and that this evolution will necessarily be severe and seemingly chaotic at times. Thus, I have come to realize that how LIFE and THINGS work are VITALLY important to our existence. So the care that I feel for ALL of mankind gives me such JOY n’ PLEASURE in being who I am. LONG GONE are the days when I wore a mask, trying to make things in my life seem like everything other than what it truly is. I am so content with I am and I live in such a GREAT place that gives me such an appreciation for life that I often times find it scary. This path that I on allows the world to see the glorious IMPERFECTIONS that make me who I am. Moreover, it does NOT matter because I am living the life GOD intended for me…HOMOSEXUALITY & ALL! I & I ALONE GIVE MYSELF PERMISSION TO APPRECIATE ALL THE UNIVERSE HAS GIVEN TO ME. I & I ALONE AM THE ONE THAT I WAS WAITING FOR. No longer do I spend time looking for ROLE MODELS or MENTORS TO GUIDE MY PATH; for I had the tools that I needed all along. My ROLE MODELS & MENTORS merely pointed out the precious elixir that makes me who I am. Hence, I believe in the TRUE purpose of me. HENCE, THE TRACK THAT I AM ON IS THE PERMANENT ASPECT OF MY INNER SELF. I DO NOT HAVE TO TRAVEL IN TIME or IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE; FOR I AM…I DO NOT ALLOW FEAR PERMEATE MY SOUL n’ MIND. I & I ALONE CHOSE TO BE HERE @ THIS TIME SO I CAN BE APART OF LIFE ENSURING THAT EVERY MOVE THAT I MAKE IN THE UNIVERSE IS A MOVEMENT TOWARDS LOVE.

THE HOMOPHOBIC BATHROOM

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Within REASON I have come to understand that as it stands today, that it is too difficult for SOCIETY to actually think about what goes on in the mind of a HOMOSEXUAL man. Hence my NOT so surprisingly interesting encounter in the bathroom @ my place of work when I found myself confined in a room that brought me within close proximity of another man that couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I smiled as he QUICKLY zipped up his pants and scurried out of there; narrowly missing the chance to piss on the floor OR get his D!CK caught in his zipper. I SUPPOSE HE GOT THE MEMO THAT HOMOSEXUAL AROUSAL IS DIRECTLY LINKED TO HOMOPHOBIA! Nonetheless, HOMOMPHOBIA locks all of us into rigid gender roles that inhibit creativity and self-expression. And this can only compromise the integrity of heterosexuals by pressuring them to treat us with actions that go against our basic humanity. I get that some persons are afraid and that's just all there is to it. However when I come across behavior such as that I cannot help but wonder if he was raised in that way OR was his assumptions based on his life OR his faith. No matter because my liberal beliefs are neither the result of an enlightened upbringing nor a reaction against a repressive upbringing, it is just who I am. Even though I am acutely aware of the fact that HOMOPHOBIA is everywhere, the bathroom is the one place I didn’t think it would lurk. I find it VERY interesting that HOMOPHOBIA has found its way into the bathroom of the work place and living in a country where being GAY is still viewed by as an immoral and a sinful mental disorder, I shouldn’t be puzzled @ all by this @ all. As tempting AND juicy as it sounds, I think that I would have to DECLINE any passes that might come about. Being of sound mind, I can vehemently say that I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH ANY RESTROOM THAT DOES NOT LEAD TO MY BEDROOM! I have found that bathrooms that are for public use are often DIRTY, CROWDED and you can hardly ever accomplish what you set out do to. So the unmitigated gaul that I a HOMOSEXUAL man has some perverse sexual appetite that just wants to devour a man in the restroom is simply outrageous! This DARK cloud of HOMOPHOBIA that has cast a bad feeling over a simple place makes me cringe because far too often we fail to see how HOMOPHOBIA contributes to the vicious cycle of HATRED. Hence, I STRONGLY feel that that the sooner we take this situation and flip it on its head, the sooner we can realize the foolishness of it all. IT IS LUDICROUS FOR ME TO ACCEPT THAT BY SOCIETY’S STANDARDS THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A WIFE N’ KIDS or OPENLY SUBSCRIBE TO SOME FORM OF CHRISTIANITY & SEEK A LIFE WITH A MAN. I am BAFFLED by the AUDACITY and HYPOCRISY of this GAY WITCH HUNT that has found itself standing @ urinal next to me. This BITTER~SWEET event saddens me to think that I live in such a RABIDLY HOMOPHOBIC culture that has the idea that I can look at another man and somehow taint him with the power of proximity. Nonetheless, I do NOT wonder where this widespread paranoia comes from, because life has taught me that HOMOPHOBIA is most often found in uneducated men from rural areas. Oddly enough, this group believes that HOMOSEXUALITY is a freely made choice. This concept cannot help but to display their IGNORANCE and highlights the continuous transmittance of HOMOPHOBIA. I AM AWARE THAT BOTH SIDES OF THIS COIN NEEDS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR PART IN SUCH AN UGLY EVENT. But at the same time, those who insist on subscribing to HOMOPHOBIA needs to recognize the behavior their views propagate. SO OUR REDEFING SEX N’ GENDER ROLES HAS NO BEARING ON WHO WE ARE. IT IS A SAD DAY WHEN PERSONS THAT IS PLAGUED WITH IGNORANCE HAS THE NEED TO IDENTIFY SOME MINORTY THAT THEY CAN HATE & FEEL SUPERIOR TO. A MAN WITH LITTLE or NO COMMON SENSE IS A NATURAL BORN FOLLOWER IN SEARCH OF A LEADER. SO INSTEAD OF EMBRACING HOMOPHOBIA, THEY NEED TO ADHERE TO THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL NOT ALIKE & THERE IS NO GOOD or BAD NECESSARILY INHERENT IN OUR DIFFERENCES. AS NICE AS IT WOULD BE, I WOULD LOVE TO THINK THE CONCEPT OF SEPARATE BUT EQUAL SHOULD APPLY HERE, HOWEVER IT IS JUST NOT PRACTICLE FOR OUR CULTURE. WE ARE SO DEEPLY ROOTED IN A CLASS SYSTEM THAT IT SEEMS AS IF THERE IS SOMETHING IN OUR PSYCHES THAT MAKES IT INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT TO SHOW THEM THE PAIN OF EXCLUSION. IN THE END I FIND IT SAD THAT WE HAVE NOT FOUND ANY NEW SOLUTIONS, I GUESS THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE BECAUSE WE ARE STILL DANCING AROUND THE SAME OLD IDEOLOGIES WHEN IT COMES TO HOMOSEXUALITY. I SAY WE START SMALL & THE BATHROOM IS THE PERFECT PLACE; THE SOONER WE DEAL WITH THIS ISSUE THE BETTER!

STUDY: GAYS MAKE SCENTS

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It is all in the nose. That is what Dr. Ivanka Savic and colleagues at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm say in some phenomenal new research being showcased in The New York Times and numerous other media outlets this week. Their findings—most notably that gay and straight men respond differently to two odors that may be involved in sexual arousal, and that the gay men respond in the same way as women— may open the way to studying human pheromones, as well as the biological basis of sexual orientation, according to the Times story. “This is just one more piece of information that proves what gay and lesbians have known all along—that sexual orientation is not a choice, but has a true biological basis,” said Dr. Stephen Goldstone, FACS, Medical Director of gayhealth.com. “The conservative right’s insistence in preaching that sexual orientation is a choice is not based on scientific proof and is demeaning to gays and lesbians.” Although previous studies were done to investigate the role odor plays in making straight men or women attractive to members of the opposite sex, this is the first study that has looked into its role in sexual orientation. The finding is similar to a report in 1991 by Dr. Simon LeVay that a small region of the hypothalamus is twice as large in straight men as in women or gay men. The brain scanning technique used by the Swedish researchers lacks the resolution to see the region studied by Dr. LeVay, which is a mere millimeter or so across. Nevertheless, both findings suggest that the hypothalamus is organized in a way related to sexual orientation. Most odors cause specific smell-related regions of the human brain to light up when visualized by a form of brain imaging that tracks blood flow in the brain and therefore, by inference, sites where neurons are active. Several years ago, Dr. Savic and colleagues showed that the two chemicals activated the brain in a quite different way from ordinary scents. The estrogen-like compound, though it activated the usual smell-related regions in women, lighted up the hypothalamus in men. This is a region in the central base of the brain that governs sexual behavior and, through its control of the pituitary gland lying just beneath it, the hormonal state of the body. The male sweat chemical, on the other hand, did just the opposite; it activated mostly the hypothalamus in women and the smell-related regions in men. The two chemicals seemed to be leading a double life, playing the role of odor with one sex and of pheromone with another. The new research was recently published in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

WORLD AIDS DAY (KEEP THE PROMISE)

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Started on 1st December 1988, World AIDS Day is not just about raising money, but also about increasing awareness, fighting prejudice and improving education. World AIDS Day is important in reminding people that HIV has not gone away, and that there are many things still to be done. The United Nations says 33 million people are infected with the HIV virus which can cause the disease. During 2007 some 2.5 million people became newly infected with the virus. Around half of all people who become infected with HIV do so before they are 25 and are killed by AIDS before they are 35. Around 95% of people with HIV/AIDS live in developing nations. But HIV today is a threat to men, women and children on all continents around the world.

• EVERY 7 SECONDS SOMEONE CONTRACTS HIV
• EVERY 11 SECONDS SOMEONE DIES FROM AIDS

NUMBER OF PEOEPLE LIVING WITH HIV IN 2007:

TOTAL ~ 33,200.00

ADULTS ~ 30,800.00

WOMEN ~ 15,400.00

CHILDREN ~ 2,500.00

NUMBER OF AIDS DEATHS IN 2007:

TOTAL ~ 2,100.00

ADULTS ~ 330,000

You can help us to get everyone talking about HIV on 1 December 2007. You have a vital role to play on World AIDS Day and there are lots of ways you can make a difference:

• FUNDRAISE: Raise money to support AIDS awareness organizations that work to help people living with HIV.
• GET THE RED RIBBON: Wear a red ribbon for World AIDS Day to help get people talking about HIV. The red ribbon has been an international symbol of HIV for 15 years. Wear one with pride for World AIDS Day to show your support for the 40 million people living with HIV worldwide. Awareness and prevention go hand in hand. Help prevent the spread of HIV and get people talking by making the red ribbon visible.
• JOIN A NETWORK: Become a friend of World AIDS Day on MySpace and Facebook. Social networks are a powerful and effective way to show your support for World AIDS Day and help raise awareness of HIV among your friends and acquaintances. Whether you have 5 or 500 friends in your network, your words can have an impact on others -- and make a difference in the fight to stop the spread of HIV.

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THEM...IT'S ABOUT US! WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE...GET EDUCATED~GET TESTED~GET INVOLVED~GET TREATED. Since the beginning of the epidemic, experience has clearly demonstrated that significant advances in the response to HIV have been achieved when there is strong and committed leadership. Leaders are distinguished by their action, innovation and vision; their personal example and engagement of others; and their perseverance in the face of obstacles and challenges. However, leaders are often not those in the highest offices. Leadership must be demonstrated at every level to get ahead of the disease - in families, in communities, in countries and internationally. Much of the best leadership on AIDS has been demonstrated within civil society organizations challenging the status quo. Making leadership the theme of the next two World AIDS Days will help encourage leadership on AIDS within all levels and sectors of society. We hope it will inspire and foster champions within a range of different groups and networks at local and international levels.