Here are some basic things to
understand about cheating and monogamy:
•What is
considered "cheating" depends on the rules of the relationship
•Monogamy
is something people usually say they want, but different people define it in
different ways
•Cheating
is not limited to gay men
So why do people cheat? You
sometimes hear men use the excuse that they were drunk and not thinking
straight, but that's just an excuse. According to psychologist Dr. Weston
Edwards there are reasons behind the behavior, and a recent journal article
identified four groups of reasons of why people have sex. Here's how he breaks
it down:
Physical
reasons
The guy is looking for some type of
physical payoff that he is not finding in his current relationship. This can
include simply getting off, but it can also be about seeking different
experiences. Another theme is that new person is physically desirable. Finally,
there are physical payoffs such as stress reduction or boredom.
Goal
attainment
In some cases, people have sex to
obtain a goal. Sexual behavior is a means to an end. This might be around
survival sex; "I need a place to live," for example. It can include
the "badge of honor" when a person can brag, "I had sex with
that hot guy." In some cases, it is about getting revenge. Finally, it can
be about getting resources such as money or drugs.
Emotional reasons
For many people, sexual behavior is
about love and commitment. It is the expression of intimacy shared between two
individuals. In our society, monogamy emphasizes this reason for having sex. So
then, the lack of a satisfying emotional relationship may lead to sexual
contact outside the primary relationship. To be fair, in some cases, having an
emotional connection isn't limited to monogamous sexual relationships, and you
will find plenty of men in so-called open relationships who do have emotional
connection and satisfaction.
Insecurity reasons
The final cluster of reasons people
have sex is around insecurity/self-esteem.
"I feel so insecure, I will
have sex with anyone."
"This hot guy wants me."
"I couldn't say no."
Those are the motivations, and when the right trigger
presents itself (being drunk, feeling neglected, or being angry with your
spouse) we act on it. Indeed, chances are good that you have been the cheater
as well. It may or may not have been while you were in a serious relationship,
but it could have been with a new guy who was aiming toward a more serious
relationship when you dabbled on the side. Maybe you've been the man who was
fine hooking up with someone in a relationship, ignoring that your actions
were in some way impacting the unseen partner in your affair.
So rather than asking why gay men
cheat, the real question is this: Why do you cheat?
SOURCE: GAY DOT NET
Dishonesty with themselves and their partners about what they want in a relationship. I don't like cheaters or liars. Two people on a relationship need to communicate their wants and needs out of a partnership. Needs change, but stepping out on the side without your partner knowing... It happens, but I think it is the betrayal of trust that is a bigger issue than sex.
ReplyDeleteI saw a question on a facebook group that asked: what is the 1 thing you won't compromise on in a relationship and honest is the first thing that came to my mind and I am happy to see you mention that from the start.
DeleteExcellent thoughts, my friend! I'm glad that you pointed out the fact that it's not just gay men who cheat. According to many of our critics, that's all we do!
ReplyDeleteThe cheating subject has SO many layers that it might never be solved.
DeleteWell to be honest with you I will answer that question. I don't cheat and I have to say this because of all the venereal diseases out here so I wish to limit any access to that. Now, let me add, its been very hard to keep this pussy out of the hands of other men. Yes, men taunt me all the time trying to get it....AND ONE DAY IM GONNA GET CURIOUS AND IT MAY BECOME AN ADDICTION THAT I CANT STOP. Ok, that's what Im afraid of, but Gayte...I need lots of sex. WILL BE MY REASONINGS FOR CHEATING...if I do!!
ReplyDeleteMen taunting you huh? :-) I get you.
DeleteI TOTALLY get the need for sex all the time, I feel like that 99.99% of the time ;-)