OLDIE, BUT GOODIE: THE MISSING HALF...

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THIS BLOG ENTRY BRINGS TO MIND THE MANY BROKEN GAY MEN & WOMEN THAT I’VE MET OVER THE COURSE OF MY LIFE. I FEEL THEIR PAIN SO DEEPLY THAT THERE ARE TIMES I CANNOT STAND IT. JUST THE OTHER DAY IN THE GYM THIS SUBJECT CAME TO MIND & FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME, I REALIZED THAT A LOT OF LIFE IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE. HOWEVER THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE GAY MEN & WOMEN SHOULDN’T TRY. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GET THERE ONE DAY & I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT GLORIOUS DAY WE ARE ALL WHOLE!

There are many generalizations about being SAME-SEX-PRONE. For us who has chosen to accept that this is our path in life, get everything but a cakewalk. Various stereotypes spread negative notions, thoughts and feelings spawning INSECURITIES, HATRED and REJECTION all around us. From childhood, many if not all of us had to deal with being called OR labeled GAY or HOMOSEXUAL because of things others think they see. Therefore, when the time comes for us to recognize what the name-calling really means we are in no shape OR form to handle OUR SEXUALITY. Nonetheless, we give it our best dealing with things like IT’S JUST A PHASE…ALL GAY MEN WILL DIE OF AIDS…SOMEONE MADE HIM/HER GAY. 

Therefore, we WALK the WALK and TALK the TALK living in a world that deems UNFIT and UNNECESSARY. When this takes place @ that exact moment we SAME-GENDER-LOVING-PEOPLE loose our very foundation that brought us thus far; maybe we never had it to begin with. I FIND IT SAD HOW WE LIVE A LIFE THAT IS HALF OF A WHOLE BECAUSE OF REJECTION BY OUR FAMILY & FRIENDS BECAUSE OF WHO WE ARE SEXUALLY. We have to become a new version of ourselves and accept the choice that came long before we knew about it. In time, we will come to understand why but the world does not make the journey easy and which breaks us @ EVERY twist and turn we make. I really wish that they would understand that SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS NOT DEFINED by BEHAVIOR, the way someone DRESSES or by what they LOOK like. I believe when you are still in the womb your chemistry, the make of your being is already being oriented and it is a SAD fact that the world cannot accept that, especially those that were there with us from the very beginning.

The moment we begin to explore sex that is when we learn and eventually accept who we are. We have accepted the fact that we have more than likely chosen a path that will forever leave us HALF OF OURSELVES. This is such a RISKY STATE OF BEING and is not a pleasant experience, especially when rejected by family or friends. We have to RETREAT and find ourselves a SAFE HARBOUR among those that are just like us. We desperately try to make up for something that was lost to us never being able to feel complete. With part of ourselves missing, we take so much time to heal and need a lot of forgiveness for others and ourselves. I know that it is hard but I feel that the LIBERATION is well worth it. We feel as if we are an island unto ourselves with no chance of escape longing for help and understanding. So many GAY persons are HOMELESS because of this and WE are open to many things that can and will harm us. These things do not take it easy on us and when one feel that there is no LOVE in the world, HE/SHE goes out in search of it. 

NONETHELESS, I SAY IT IS BETTER TO LIVE WITH HALF OF YOURSELF RATHER THAN TO LOOSE YOURSELF ENTIRELY. LIVING WITH HALF OF YOURSELF MAY SEEM LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS CRAZY OR INSANE BUT WHAT OTHER CHOICES ARE THERE? THERE IS A HEALTHY & FULFILLING FUTURE OUT THERE BUT WE HAVE TO LIVE IT WITH HALF OF OURSELVES IF NEED BE. I KNOW IT MAY SEEM AS IF OUR DEFICIENCY IS THEIR GAIN BUT WHAT DO THEY HAVE? WE KNOW THAT WHATEVER WE FEEL OR DO IS NORMAL IT IS SO SAD THAT THEY DO NOT GET THE MISSING HALF…