L'HOMME FRANÇAIS

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Friendship© 1997

Angela

Friendship is the kind of love

that never can grow old.

Warm and cozy it will stay

when other things are cold.

Friendship is a love so true

it won't be denied,

Because a friend will always be

there close by your side.

Boyfriends and lovers come and go

in this game of life we play,

But a true friend, no matter what,

in your heart will always stay.

So hold these friends dear to you,

and never let them go.

Think how much they mean to you,

and make sure to tell them so.

LOVE'S DIVINE

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I have always wanted a LOVE the beget all others, a LOVE that can be seen by the world…& I FEEL WITH EVERYTHING WITHIN ME THAT I HAVE THAT LOVE! I knew this from the moment my heart sent out a message that only HE could answer. The ANGEL that fell into my HEART transcends time because it ALONE knows that it has no bearing on us. I am surprise by this LOVE with every breathe that I take AND I LOVE how HE tingles my soul. This LOVE is SO DIVINE because it has been ordained by GOD and is constantly being blessed AND honoured by FRIENDS and FAMILY. This LOVE is a MYSTERIOUS mystery that only LOVE itself can comprehend…

LOVE’S DIVINE

Then the rainstorm came, over me

And I felt my spirit breakI had lost all of my, belief you see

And realize my mistake

But time through a prayer, to me

And all around me, it came still

I need love, loves divine

Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind

Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came, century

And I felt my spirit fly

I had felt, all of my, reality

I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine

Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind

Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bet), don't bet (don't bet)

Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake

'Cause love can help me know my name

Well I try to say there's nothing wrong

But inside felt that all in all

But the message here was plain to see

Believe:'Cause I need love, love's divine

Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind

Give me love, loves is what I need to help me know my name

Oh I, don't bet (don't bet), don't bet (don't bet)

Show me how to live a promise me you won't forsake

'Cause love can help me know my name

Love can help me know my name.

CENTERING MYSELF

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So the events of this past Saturday has made me take a step back and re-evaluate my place in the lives of others and I have come to realize that I am scattered in so many places that it is impossible for me have anything left for myself. Now I have to ask myself HOW DOES ONE FIX OR REPAIR HIMSELF WHEN THINGS GET TO THIS LEVEL? Firstly, I have to acknowledge that is somewhat STRANGE for me because this means that I have to say that I have spread myself too thin. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? My intensions were GOOD and I want the BEST for everyone but…WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME NOT MAKING IT ABOUT ME? ISN’T BEING HUMAN MEANS THAT ONE HAS TO SACRIFICE FOR THOSE THAT NEED IT? As I have said before I HAVE TO REALIZE THAT, I AM NOT GOD or JESUS and IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO LIVE AS IF I AM. Though being there for others is a GREAT and WONDERFUL thing, it takes it toll on me and sometimes I feel as if I am NOT present in my own body. Moreover, Saturday made me realize that. Hence, I have to CENTER myself and find a way of coming to terms with all the different energies that I give out and draw them back into myself. I read somewhere that when one is in such a predicament, one feels disconnected OR numb is no longer able to care fully for himself. Though this is NOT what I feel is going on with me, I have to admit that I am NOT far from it. @ first it appeared that this was CRAZY, but as time went on…They say that I am the ENDURING one, but I do not know how true that is…HOW IS IT THAT BEING THERE FOR OTHERS CAN BE SUCH A CHALLENGING EVENT WHEN IT COMES TO MAINTAINING A POSITIVE MEASURE OF MYSELF? I guess my thought that if I LOVE the universe AND everyone in it that I would experience LOVE in the form of positive circumstances. GUESS I AM A CHILD @ HEART THAT LISTENS TO THE UNIVERSE WHO IS MY WISE MOTHER THAT TELLS ME TO AID HER IN HER QUEST FOR MANKIND. THERE ARE EXTREME ENERGY CHANGES PULSING THROUGH THE UNIVERSE @ EVERY LEVEL AND, OF COURSE, I AM APART OF its GROWING PROCESS. I MERELY WANT OTHERS TO REALIZE THAT LIFE IS JUST ONE PHASE AFTER ANOTHER AND THAT ANY DIFFICULT TIME WILL INEVITABLY GIVE WAY TO SOMETHING NEW & DIFFERENT. I GUESS I HAVE TAKEN THE SAYING THIS TOO SHALL PASS TO ANOTHER LEVEL BECAUSE I AM MORE THAN THE SPOKEN WORD. THOUGH IT SEEMS SELFISH TO ME, I NOW KNOW THAT I HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILTY FOR THE THINGS THAT I CAN CHANGE & SURRENDER TO MYSELF & PUT ME FIRST…

NO GOING BACK

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…There are times when we feel that we are spinning our wheels in the mud in terms of our spiritual progress. This can be especially true following a period of major growth in which we feel as if we have gained a lot of ground. In fact, this is the way growth goes—periods of intense forward movement give way to periods of what seems like stagnation. In those moments when we feel discouraged, it is helpful to remember that we do not ever really go backward. It may be that we are at a standstill because there is a new obstacle in our paths, or a new layer to get through, but the hard work we have done cannot be undone. Every step on the path is meaningful and even one that seems to take us backward is a forward step in the sense that it is what we must do to move to the next level. In addition, an intense growth spurt requires that we rest for a time in order to fully integrate the new energies that have been liberated by our hard work. When we feel we are not making progress, we can encourage ourselves to take a moment to rest. We can meditate more, feed ourselves well, and get extra sleep. Before we know it, we will be spurred on to work toward the next level of our development, and this rest will make sense then as something, we needed in order to continue. Once the sun rises, it does not go backward but instead follows its path in one direction. It may appear to stand still for a moment in time, or to move more slowly at some point or another, but really, it is steadily moving forward on its path. We are the same way, and once we have moved through something we can never really go back. We may be resting or revisiting issues that seem old, and it is natural to feel stuck, but in truth we are always taking the next important step forward on our path.

¿"DIBS" ON GOD?

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The other day I was driving in town minding my own business and my eyes happen to gaze upon a sign that read BROTHER SO & SO DELI. Now as I drove along my first thoughts were, WHY IS THAT THERE ARE CERTAIN PERSONS OUT THERE FEEL AS IF THEY HAVE DIBS ON GOD? Before I say anything else, please note that I AM ALL FOR PERSONS EXPRESSING THEIR LOVE FOR OUR CREATOR IN THE WAYS THEY FEEL. However, I feel that most if NOT all tend to think that they and they alone have DIBS on GOD and his blessings. Now there is NO need for me mince my words OR use polite euphemisms, so can someone tell me why do the OVERZEALOUS CHRISTIANS or what I commonly referred to as RELIGIOUS FANATICS believe that they are the ONLY ones God will bless?

I REALLY wish that I felt SORRY to burst their SANCTIFIED BUBBLE, but someone needs to knock them down from that pulpit; because I, A GAY MAN HAVE JUST AS MUCH RIGHTS AS THEY HAVE WHEN IT COMES TO ‘GOD!’ Moreover, I think I sooner will see GOD’S face OR his glory LONG before they do because they are NOT operating in the realm HUMANITY and HUMILITY. In my opinion this sort of behavior is like having SEX without seeking the other party’s permission and its result is SPIRITUAL rape.(NOW, I GET THAT THIS CORRELATION MAY SEEM HARSH OR SLIGHTLY EXAGGERATED, BUT IT MAKES MY POINT NONETHELESS). Seeing that sign made me realize that this person is abusing me SPIRITUALLY without my consent AND violating my HUMANITY. 

That DISPLAY signified so much and it is placed there to keep others in a constant state of unworthiness. Like any form of corruption, these FANATICS know that it need only to expose their SO CALL LOVE for ‘GOD’ in this way AND it will take on a life of its own. We all know that ALL religions have their FANATICS and depend on who you ask the response about that sign that I saw may range from IT BEING A SIMPLE SIGN TO IT BEING AN ACT OF UNGODLINESS! Nonetheless, this sign can VIVIDLY show how something simple like this has the potentially to dehumanize persons like me as it SO often does in the name of religion. Me being the OPPRESSED, I will be seen as a COMPLETE objection to their SPIRITUALITY and IDENTITY. However, the threat from this sign does NOT only exist in this state, it is merely the product of the place from which it was born…

ONE STEP FORWARD...TWO STEPS BACK!

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So today I ended my weekly coffee event with my FRIENDS a bit early. Today I went there with a renewed sense of HOW my FRIENDS were doing, thinking that they were ACTUALLY on the path of making things better for themselves. Now the funny thing is that I had something else in mind for what this entry was going to be about. However, I decided to wait N' see what the atmosphere was like first then come back and write on it. NOW AS I SIT HERE N’ WRITE THIS ENTRY I AM NOW SEEING THAT IT WAS A GOOD THING I CHOSE TO PLAY THE WAITING GAME…I wonder if I had actually posted the entry that I originally wanted if that would somehow send out POSITIVE vibes and show a different turn of events? Nonetheless, I am NOT in the business of telling my FRIENDS how they should live OR what they should do. And I did NOT write the entry which is EXACTLY how it should have been done. There were things that I said that were HURTFULL. However, they do NOT come a place of MALICE or ANGER. In fact I am the total opposite, if I argue with someone that means that I care and want them to fix whatever is bothering them; when I keep my mouth shut AND not say a word…I find it difficult to know that I am in the company of persons that I care about that are doing things that are obviously HURTING them. Me being who I am, I feel the liberty to express such thoughts AND let them know what I feel. I AM NOT GOD NOR DO I WANT TO BE HIM! I however, think that I care WAY too much AND I am fighting for things that are NOT important to them…THINGS THAT ARE FOR THEIR WELL-BEING. I PUT THEM FIRST & ME SECOND & PLACE MYSELF IN THEIR SHOES. However, things go I only want the BEST for them and as time passes by I realize that I have to simply allowing them to be in the mess AND hope that they would take themselves out of it…FOR THEY TELL ME THAT HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL…The fool in me is GIVING them the HOPE n’ LOVE and all they need is the FAITH! And as much as I would LOVE to change that, IT IS NOT MY PLACE and I won’t even attempt to make it mine. We are ALL on our path AND there are times when they will cross…I JUST HOPE THAT WE ARE @ A GREAT PLACE WHEN IT DOES…

...I AM...

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1. POLITICS – Anyone that knows me would say I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I seek a political life and would LOVE the opportunity to serve my country and make it a better place. Of course I’ve been met with opposition AND was told that SO many others said EXACTLY the same thing and when they get there…WELL I CAN WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT I HAVE NO INTEREST IN FURTHERING MYSELF @ THE EXPENSE OF MY COUNTRY & THOSE THAT LIVE IN IT! I know that I am here to serve a PURPOSE and FULLFILL my destiny and in the process ENRICH the lives of those I meet. Therefore, for this reason it should NOT be surprising that my wanting to be in politics is born out of a struggle for GREATER need of HUMANITY. I feel that I have the WISDOM and FORESIGHT to recognize that there truly needs to be persons such as myself that is for the SOLE purpose of the democratic principals that will govern a country.
2. SPORTS – Being a man that is on verge of being 30 years of age, I find it VERY important that I get there in the best possible condition. Most think going to the gym is just about getting fit or building muscle. However, I know working out not only helped me build my physical confidence, but my self-confidence as well. Hence, the gym is my most viable option. I find that @ this stage of my life that exercise is a VITAL important part of keeping healthy. My focus is CHANGE my body, CHANGE my life!
3. NUTRITION – There is considerable truth in the saying 'You are what you eat'. The state of the body and how well it works depends largely on how appropriately it is nourished. Though nutritional needs vary even from person to person, according to genetic make-up, level of activity, general state of health and environment it is still up to us how we nourish the body.
4. SEX – The ways people engage in sexual activity is not just something, that individuals "do" in some kind of private isolation. Sexual activity is after all a social practice. Like all other human social practices, what people do, and why, is bound to be influenced by what is going on in the society around them. Though this makes sex in the modern world a tricky proposition, it is easy for me to form positive intimate social and sexual bonds that go against the tide of who the world says I am. I was born and raised in cultures that value the head over the heart and, as a result, we place our own hearts below our heads in a sort of inner hierarchy of which we may not be conscious. When it comes to sex, this simply means that we tend to listen and respond from the neck up, often leaving the rest of our bodies with little or no say in most matters. Sex mostly is a PHYSICAL habit, which sometimes feels as ingrained as the way we breathe or walk. However, with effort and awareness, I have shift the energy into my heart, listening and responding from a much deeper, more echoing place. When I have sex from my heart, the logical grid of my brain softens N’ melt, which enables me to perceive the interconnectedness beneath the divisions of sex. Hence, I understand that just as the heart underlies the brain, this interconnectedness underlies everything. So now I breathe into your heart and NOT my stomach when I have sex and listen N’ feel instead of thinking.

FNM PINEWOOD ELECTION COURT VICTORY MASS RALLY

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Thousands turn out on R.M Bailey Park to show that the FNM's support is as strong as ever. During the Mass Rally, FNM Leader Hubert Ingraham thanked Pinewood's workers for their faithfulness and support during and after the party's successful election campaign.

Voters in The Bahamas who have taken comfort in the fact that The Bahamas has one of the cleanest Voters Registers in our region, including North America, were blind-sided by a wicked PLP plan designed to cause confusion, Prime Minister and FNM Leader Hubert Ingraham told party supporters on R.M Bailey Park Thursday night. Charging PLP Leader and former prime minister Perry Christie with reckless disregard for the country's parliamentary democracy, Mr. Ingraham addressed thousands of party supporters who turned out to celebrate the party's victory in the election court case contesting its win in Pinewood.

¿LIBERATION?

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Freedom may be indivisible, as we are often told, but is it ever given all @ one time for all? Freedom is a practice, and like all practices its methods, modes of operation, and concrete effects evolve strategically in concert with other changes in the social environment. I would LOVE to believe that I live in a world where FREEDOM is NOT increased OR decreased due to some absolute standard of measurement. Within the realms of today’s society, FREEDOM often occurs @ expense of GAY MEN and WOMEN (ESPECIALLY MEN). Though nowadays, the GAY man manifests HIS gay pride, HIS sexual liberation, by keeping his stash of gay porn visibly exposed next to his bed, along with various other erotic accessories; it does NOT mean that the CLOSET has lost its previous function. On the contrary, it just means that the CLOSET is the convenient place in which most GAY men hide from the rest of the world. This concept of FREEDOM has LONG been the standard of the GAY man’s life and it is the SELF-SERVING division that exists between US and THEM. Though this hallow dichotomy is not fact base, the twofold but equal functions of this concept has long been the argument of the GAY man. Nonetheless, there are GAY men out there who are LIBERATED and NOT GROUNDED in LONELINESS, LOVELESSNESS, HOPELESSNESS, ISOLATION and SENTIMENTALITY. On the contrary, we fashion OUR GAY selves by proudly affirming a COMMON, COLLECTIVE GAY IDENTITY that is UNASHAMEDLY and COMMUNALLY constructed on the basis of LIBERATION. The other half conceives LIBERATION in figurative terms. Hence they allow SOCIETY to re-code them and keep them from fulfilling their purpose. This can force the LIBERATED to inhabit an IDENTITY by attuning themselves to GAY aspects of whatever FEMALE singer that graces the stage. Perhaps these men continue to find meaning AND value in these artists that were not created for them because they can make it their own. This allows them to invest in a FREEDOM that is NOT available elsewhere…WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHICH SITS @ THE END OF A LONG CHAIN OF YEARS OF SYSTEMATIC DOMINATION & SUBJUGATION OF GAY MEN BY SOCIETY. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THAT NO ONE CAN HOLD ANOTHER BACK FOREVER. WE ARE MAKING STRIDES, THOUGH THE PACE IS SLOW…SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING & IF WE ARE TO GET FULL LIBERATION IT WILL TAKE NOTHING LESS THAN ALL OF US GAY & STRAIGHT TO SUCCEED IN UNDERCUTTING & ELIMINATING THE SUBJUGATION OF THE GAY MAN & TRANSFER IT INTO THE DUSTBINS OF IGNORANCE…LIBERATION IS WITH OUR REACH, ARE YOU HOLDING IT BACK?

THE DIS~IDENTIFATION OF THE GAY MAN

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Is it NOT strange that almost as soon as WE learn how to be GAY, or perhaps even before, WE also learn how NOT to be GAY? What makes US look MIS-SHAPED and DIS-FORMED is OUR PATHETIC, PITIABLE and DREARY state of being. WE have systematically EXCLUDE ourselves from OUR IDENTIFICATION. Hence, if we approach MALE HOMOSEXUALITY from the perspective of IDENTIFICATION instead of MIS~IDENTIFICATION, WE would NOT be asking WHO or WHAT WE are; rather WE would show the world WHO and WHAT we are. And this is such a pity, because if one pays attention to others that are SAME~SEX~PRONE, one who see that MOST if not ALL seem to NOT have any real identification about whom they are.

I find it rather SAD to find a GAY that says to himself, WELL I MAY BE GAY, BUT @ LEAST I AM NOT LIKE THAT! A statement such as this shows how GAY MEN are constantly being striped by SOCIETY and this is a GAY man’s attempt to promote one version of GAY identity @ the expense of others. Being GAY is NOT about sex OR masculinity, though they are classic identifiers there are PRIMARY features that cultivate who a GAY man is. Therefore if one were to investigate the STAKES in GAY IDENTIFICATIONS and MIS~IDENTIFICATIONS, one will ULTIMATELY create the basis for a wider acceptance for how GAY exists among each other.

Hence the methods of communication AND having a clear understanding of WHO and WHAT we are about is important. This is the only way we can REINFORCE the notion that the GAY man is NOT a contradiction to the idea of man. Masculinity is often over stylized and it is CRAZY how men are expected to show case such behavior. This is the type of behavior makes a GAY man susceptible to stigma. Thus, strengthen the  MIS~IDENTIFICATIONS of the GAY man. GAY men are often expected to have personal characteristics as effeminacy and flamboyance that induces the POWER struggle with SELF IDENTIFICATION. The community’s idea of what a man is and how he comports himself is repeatedly evident in the MAKING of GAY men. More importantly, the function of this idea promotes behavior that goes against the free will of MAN. If only the GAY MALE could be the entity that provides a way where is can be the difference between the cliché AND sexuality…

I CRY

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I cry because…Life eluded him

Made him think

And then of course

Of the discourse

Because he couldn’t save himself

No knight in shinning armor was coming to his rescue

So death be the main course

He tried to reason

But reason left long before logic

And he woke up to world without end

Only to find he is out of his mind

For he can’t miss his illusive dead line

Therefore, he buries and mourns

The loss of time that he thought was so fine

With no way to recover from trying to rescuing himself…

From himself

He had no fight for another day

Couldn’t find another way

To run away

I say

Who was gonna rescue him anyway?

For now, death was his dead line

After being lost in darkness

That runs away from itself

And facing the darkness of his soul

It is better to void the avoidance

And face the abyss

Of that will be missed

He is on the verging on the verge

Turing the universe

Getting ready to make a triumphant return!

As I am lost quietly in thoughtfulness

I see me see you

And I see

The we that is we

And what is beyond me

No more trying to escape the revolving door

No more heart in despair

That need repair

Now he flies in the air

Beyond you, beyond me

Now there is quiet happiness

In his moment of being

He is lost thoughts in times

Timelessness

No more being kidnapped

Thrown here n’ there

I see now life is a merry-go-round

And I’ve found the lost n’ found

When you are no longer around…

©tgk

READY 4 CHANGE...

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There comes a point in most of our lives when we feel ready to experience a change we’ve had trouble carrying out. Maybe we’ve been stuck in a home, a relationship, job, or a town that hasn’t felt right for a long time, but we’ve been unable to shift our circumstances in the direction we want to go. At times like this, it can help to declare to the universe that we are ready for a change. Think of it as informing a helpful friend that you need her assistance to move to the next level in your life. If the time is right, the universe will respond with opportunities and offers designed to help you create the change you wish to see. You can begin the process of making your declaration by getting clear within yourself about what exactly you want to change. Whenever we ask anyone for help, they can assist us that much better if we are specific. The universe also appreciates our clarity and has an easier time answering a direct communication than a vague yearning. When you are clear on what you want, write your declaration on a piece of paper and place it on your altar, if you have one. If you don’t, you can also place it under your pillow or in a box on your nightstand. Set aside a period of time every day to be silent with your wishes for change, repeating your declaration like a mantra. This lets the universe know that you are ready to change and will be receptive to its efforts. Feel free to continue to refine and redefine your declaration, and remember to be open to the many different ways in which the change you seek might come to be. Remember also to be active in your own efforts, taking opportunities that come your way, watching for signs, and always taking responsibility for your intentions. If things don’t happen quickly, try not to be discouraged; it might take time to free up energy that has been blocked and possibly serving a purpose beyond what we can understand. If you continue your conversation with the universe, declaring yourself clearly and openly, you cannot help but experience the magic of changing and being changed.

THE PLANTATION IS THE MIND

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Today @ coffee I was greeted with the energetic feeling that my friends were in place that had them thinking AND feeling that in order for them to live the lives that they were meant to, they have to live as if the mind is the body. And I found this on the internet and I thought it would somehow aid them on their journey…

50 Lessons in Life

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously.
5. No one else does.
6. Pay off your credit cards every month.
7. You don't have to win every argument.
8. Agree to disagree.
9. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
10. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
11. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
12. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
14. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
15. Don't compare your life to others.
16. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
17. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
18. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
19. Life is too short for long pity parties.
20. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
21. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
22. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
23. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
24. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
25. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie.
26. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
27. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
28. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
29. The most important sex organ is the brain.
30. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
31. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
32. Always choose life.
33. Forgive everyone everything.
34. What other people think of you is none of your business.
35. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
36. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
37. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
38. Believe in miracles.
39. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
40. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
41. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
42. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
43. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
44. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
45. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
46. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
47. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.
48. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
49. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
50. Yield. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

LAST~NIGHT

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Sleep does not come easy,

Silently breathing,

A cracked heart.

Only wishing for the moonlight to trickle down on my eyes,

Like delicate tears…

Does the Moon hear my heart cry?

Rage has fallen slightly on me!

It oppresses my mind,

And sleep will not start,

But oh so tired here I'm lying,

Tired of living,

Tired of dying.

In the distance I hear the phone ring

Then there is the shuffle of feet,

And I raise my head,

Hoping that he heard my plea

Because I can’t be without him

And I don’t want to learn how.

So once more to my God I secretly pray,

Praying for him to make a way,

To open his arms, and reveal a path,

That will soften my heart,

Send him to my bed

And end my wrath.

© tgk

¿WHERE DID U GO?

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¿DO YOU EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENS TO love WHEN IT IS NOT THERE ANYMORE? I wondered about this the other day and found it strange that love work the way it does. It is like you wake up to life and find your heart on a journey trying to find the love that once was shared…Walking down memory lane brings a few smiles here N’ there but still NOTHING is the same. ¿WHERE DID IT GO? All that DEVOTION, HUGS N’ KISSES what became of them? The life once shared by two based on love makes me wonder if love is real? ¿DO YOU KNOW WOT I MEAN? And there came a new season…Because now there is a new MAN and HE gets the LOVE that you have within. I wonder if it is love or LOVE? The future talk about love does not hurt because LOVE is there…AND now there is someone to turn to on those nights when you are in need of LOVE. All the smiles AND joy feel GREAT because LOVE makes your heart beat…If only LOVE understood how lonely the world looks when it leaves. Makes me think to myself why suffer such treachery and then leave one feeling fine soon after? LOVE just tears a man between two contrasting worlds…ONE bondage…ONE free…ONE permanent…ONE temporary…DAMN! Only if we could pretend that we are NOT @ home when you visit, ignoring the footprints you leave in our dreams. Memories do NOT bring love back, they are like pictures hung on a wall that makes us stop and think and as soon we are out of the room…I wonder if love falls into the abyss of pain? Why should it NOT? We suffocate in zero air and ejaculate without any feeling all to find that LOVE is REAL and we cannot love anymore. I remember when love embodied my temptation; made me sit and miss the people from yesterday…NOW I can trace the lines that were made AND there is NO familiar vibe to my insides. Sadly I know it is love trying to remind me of what used to be…AND TRYING TO GET MY SOUL! ¿WHERE DID love GO?

WAITING...

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Many persons are unaware about their HIV status and those that take the steps to find out are placed in predicament that is worst than watching paint dry. The waiting game of knowing ones status is grueling AND cruel…IF ONLY THERE WAS A BETTER WAY OF DEALING SUCH A SERIOUS ORDEAL. However, life is what is and there is nothing WE can do about it! HIV has taken a hold of this world and it is NOT letting go. I wish that there was some element in MY blood that would cure this deadly disease. Instead I have to embrace the grief that comes with hearing of others that has come in contact with this syndrome. I get that life changes from day to day, but that does not make it easy. This waiting made realize that nothing is constant and that this change shows some many things lost to us, things that can never be returned. I can imagine how one feels when they are faced with dealing with this virus. This disease takes time out of the lives of those inflicted and weighs them down. Thus waiting to find out if one is infected or not can push one deep into the state of sadness AND anguish. Though this is a very natural process and it allows us to sort through the range of emotions and reflect on our sexual pass, one remembers things that should be forgotten. WHO WANTS TO REMEMBER THE BROKEN CONDOM or THE STUPID ACT OF ENGAGING IN SEX WITHOUT ONE? This waiting makes it hard to live as if nothing is wrong OR life isn’t at stake (NOT THAT HIV MEANS THE END) it just means that life as one know is over and changes has to be made. Waiting just causes one to feel intense and feelings manifest themselves in ways that are like nothing ever felt especially if the results are not favorable. Waiting is the process that keeps us rooted in our thoughts of fear and sadness. Feeling despondent and not being able to cope with HIV is much worst than having HIV.

OFFERING "OUR" GIFT

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It's easy to get caught up in our personal lives and forget that we have an obligation to be responsible members of our communities. For some of us, expressing this responsibility is so interwoven into our personal lives that it is simply a natural extension of who we are. Others may need to take a moment to consider how to be more responsible for the communities in which we live. For those of us who live in large cities, we can start with our neighborhoods. Anything we do on a small level will automatically ripple out into the larger system. Communities thrive on the talents of their members, so one approach to community responsibility is to consider what you have to offer and find ways to bring that into your community. If you have a special gift when it comes to bringing people together, you might agree to throw a party or event once a year that includes the whole community. Even a small open house in an apartment building can accomplish a lot in terms of making people feel more connected and comfortable with each other. If you have a talent for organic gardening, you might offer to help people in your neighborhood plan their own organic gardens. You might be the go to person for neighbors who need someone to water their plants or care for their pets when they're away. You might take an abandoned space in your community and galvanize others to help you transform it into a community garden or a playground for children. In an area where there are many homeless people, starting a soup kitchen or organizing a holiday meal makes a big difference not only to those in need but to those who want to help. All holiday parades, picnics, and ceremonies started somewhere, with someone who wanted to give back to the community in which they lived. It's not too late to propose and execute a new tradition in your own community, whether it’s a block party or an annual picnic. Your particular vision, gifts, and strengths are part of what makes your community unique, so as you recognize them in yourself, feel free to offer them to those who live in your vicinity. Whether your offerings are visionary or practical, they are the very essence of community.

AN INCOMPLETE UNDERSTANDING

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As GAY men, we all have days when we feel lonely, but the very idea of loneliness comes from the false notion that we are separate and isolated parts in a world filled with other separate, isolated parts. In truth, we can no more be separate from our world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims. When we really begin to look at the boundaries we see as so solid, they prove to be, in fact, quite porous. For example, it is not clear exactly where our skin ends and the air begins when we consider how our skin is affected by changes in the quality of the air. When it is dry, our skin becomes dry, and when it is humid, our skin becomes moist and supple. By the same token, it is difficult sometimes to distinguish the boundary between one person and another, especially when our actions tie us together so inextricably. Every move we make has an effect that touches all the people around us. On an even more subtle level, when we share space with another person, we often pick up on their energy, feeling how they feel and attuning to them, whether we mean to or not. This is what we mean when we say a mood or a feeling is contagious. We cannot help but be part of the realities of the people around us because we take form from the same energetic force, and this force unifies all life. This force is the light that all the great mystics and gurus encourage us to move toward, and it is the light we will dissolve into when we move beyond our individual egos. If loneliness is a temporary condition based on an incomplete understanding of what we are made of, we can think of its presence as a catalyst for exploring our ideas about reality. We can respond by testing the boundaries we believe separate us from the life within and all around us. If we test them, we will discover that they are not so solid after all and that we can never really be alone.

FINDING MIRACLES IN EVERY DAY

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It is the everyday aspects of our lives that bring us the most joy, even if at first it may seem natural to expect our feelings of happiness to come from the larger events in our lives. By noticing how small things can fill our days with delight, we are more likely to experience the wonder of living. Once we take the time to look around and witness the beauty, kindness, and laughter that envelop us, what may seem like the ordinariness of the everyday becomes filled with the extraordinary detail of each individual moment. If we bring this sense of awareness to our lives for even a few minutes each day, we will begin to see how just blessed we truly are. Beholding the joy that surrounds us may initially seem easy, but for some it can take a conscious effort to make it a part of a daily routine. When you awake in the morning and set the intention to notice more joy in the world, watch how your day and, eventually, your life is filled with more joy. The more we do this the more apt we will be to notice the sounds of children laughing or the sparkle of dewdrops on a flower petal. Allow this joy to fill your heart fully, and from there it will naturally expand to your entire body and then spread to others, giving them joy as well. Taking in the small joys of each day expands our feeling of being connected with the world, especially once we become more attuned to them. With each passing day, we will find that these small delights, which bring a deeper level of appreciation for everything the universe has given to our lives, are miracles.

FIRST SATURDAY

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I know this is the first time that my friends and I got together since the year began. However, I cannot help but notice certain things about life when I am in their company. I find it funny how life is AND always will be more of the same yet different in many ways. I appreciate that WE are very different from each other and OUR wants N’ needs vary from situation to situation. Nonetheless, I sometimes wonder if I am the one that is living his life in contrast to what is RIGHT and TRUE! Now please know that I am in NO way self righteous OR above my friends. It is just that WE all know what OUR TRUTH is, but we cannot hide from the ULTIMATE truth…IT SOON FINDS IT WAY…I cannot get pass the fact that LIFE is so precious AND tender that I actually had to face the fact that I have a friend that cannot get pass herself to grace us with her presence. I get that life is hard @ times, but I think that a few hours once a week would NOT hurt OR break her…IF ONLY SHE COULD GET BEYOND EXTERNAL FORCES OF THIS WORLD…I just wish with ALL of my might that she could live up her potential. BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…I LOVE each AND every one of my friends and I would die for them. However that self sacrificing statement is NOT necessary because I find that within my own crew that I have a friend that is DEAD already and it just a matter of time before it becomes official. It is hard when life has given up on you, but life is what you make it. I know that I am NOT he, but I am the next best thing…ME! BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…I cannot hide how I feel nor do I want to and I get GREAT pleasure in knowing that those that I call friend are okay with themselves. I know that is hard most times especially when life has dealt you a deadly disease and all you can do is live with it…OR CAN YOU? Strange thing how life alters one state of being and pulls him out of the shell of himself and I must say that I was VERY pleased to see that materialize in front of my eyes…Go on now take your steps, it all will work out TRUST ME…BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING… When one takes a swim in unchartered waters, one must bear in mind that as you go left others go right. Hence, there are times I have to let you swim even if I think you are going to drown. Does that make me a bad person? I THINK NOT! BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I AM JUST WATCHING…

SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY (THE PRISON EFFECT)

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SEXUAL and INTIMATE relations between men and women in society are largely reflective of and DOMINATED by the ideology of male SUPREMACY. However, the lines of SUPREMACY and DOMINATION are blurred when men are placed in SEX-SEGREGATED environments. Within this type of environment, individuals may seek sex with others of their own sex. This is known as SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY; proving that NO one is born HOMOSEXUAL or HETEROSEXUAL. This concept begs one to question what constitutes SEXUALITY. Nonetheless, when one talks about SEXUALITY the topic of HOMOSEXUALITY is an AUTOMATIC association. Hence, does this mean that SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY is either a CHOICE or LEARNED behavior? 

When I think of MEN that are in such a position a particular group of men come to mind. This group consists of MEN that are in PRISON for whatever reason are seen as the THUGS and MAN'S MAN. They are placed in a situation where they cannot run OR hide from the SEXUAL activity that takes place all around them. HENCE, DOES SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY COMPEL & MAKE THEM A PRODUCT OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT BY DICTATING & ALTERING THEIR SEXUALITY VIA THEIR SEXUAL BEHAVIOR? Oddly enough, I could NOT get a definitive answer or whether MEN in prison are STIGMATIZED due to their SEXUAL activity with each other. However, due to the SEXUAL climate I find it hard to believe that DISCRIMINATION is highly tolerated. 

The REPRESSION and VIOLENCE against HOMOSEXUALS that is so prevalent within this CIVILIZED society is TOTALLY reversed because SEX in prison is considered as something of POWER. However, I find it EQUALY fascinating that those involved in such activity would frown upon it once on the outside of the prison walls. In many ways, this outlook on the male GAY culture in SOCIETY is NOT a departure from what ideology of the DOMINANT man. In fact, there are elements that would dictate it as his rights to conduct himself in the bashing of such behavior. In this regard, it is my belief that HOMOSEXUALITY strikes @ the consciousness of IDEOLOGICAL society that has no fundamental OR logical reason for why SEXUALITY is OR is not! 

Homosexuality has often been thought of AND seen a device by which MEN DEVALUE each other (ESPECIALLY THE MALE THAT IS IN THE PASSIVE POSITION). Hence, even though SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY constitutes itself as a viable alternative within the sexuality spectrum, it is still shunned. Furthermore, the PERFECT SEXUALITY picture that sits in its cracked frame just makes understanding SEXUALITY more difficult. SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY aside, sexual practices on their own are odd with a GREATER or LESSER degree of what sexually attracts OR arouses us in the first place. Hence, SITUATIONAL HOMOSEXUALITY shows that SEXUAL ORIENTATION cannot simply be reduced to SEXUAL practices. Add to this the fact that within the categories of what defines SEXUAL ORIENTATION, there are a wide array of different SEXUAL BEHAVIORS, SEXUAL PREFERENCES and SEXUAL ROLES. With all this variety, it is no wonder that it can be difficult to get a precise handle on what it means to HOMOSEXUAL. 

FALSE BELIEFS (SUFFER N' SACRIFICE)

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Many of us have a deep-seated belief that in order to do well in the world, we have to suffer and sacrifice. This commonly held idea stems from a certain mentality, inherited from ancestors who came before us who may have experienced this as true. Beliefs from our own past-life experiences can also make an appearance in this lifetime. This is often the way in which false beliefs take hold and don’t let go, even though they are no longer relevant. We must all live our own lives, in our own time, and learn what is true for us, because very few truths prove valid for all people all the time. Keeping our minds clear of false notions is not an easy task, as it requires us to first know our beliefs. Very often, these beliefs have settled deep in our unconscious minds where they simply sit unquestioned. Nevertheless, they have an effect on our hearts, our minds, and our reality. These beliefs act on us, creating situations and relationships that we regard as fate, when they are, in fact, simply our unconscious minds manifesting in the external world. As a result, we may not even be aware that we are carrying the burden of a poverty mentality, and we may wonder why we are not manifesting abundance, especially if we know we deserve it. If this is the case, it may be time to look deeper within to see if we can discover the obstacle inside ourselves. In order to evolve, it is important that we examine the contents of our minds and hearts and get to the root of what we believe about reality. Generally, our concerns of the moment can be trusted to guide our inquiries. If we are not manifesting and maintaining the abundance we know we deserve, then this issue is calling us to look into the hidden corners of our psyches and root out any remaining beliefs that tell us we must suffer and sacrifice in order to do well. Our efforts will take us one more step away from this energy-sapping belief that we no longer need.

¡U R BEAUTIFUL!

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Many of us do not take the time to notice and acknowledge how beautiful we are as humans. We may be great lovers of beauty, seeing it in the people, places, and things around us, while completely missing it in ourselves. Some of us feel that it is vain to consider our appearance too much, or we may find that when we look at ourselves, all we see are imperfections. Often we come to the mirror with expectations and preconceived notions about beauty that blind us from seeing ourselves clearly. As a result, we miss the beauty that is closest to us, the beauty we are. Sometimes we see our beauty in a shallow way, noticing how well we are conforming to social norms, but failing to see the deeper beauty that shines out from within and that will continue to shine regardless of how we measure up to society’s ideal. If we can cut through all these obstacles and simply appreciate how beautiful we are, we free up so much energy. We also become less dependent upon the opinions and feedback of others since we become our own greatest admirers. Many of us know that after a great yoga practice or a long, deep meditation, we are more able to see how beautiful we are. This is because we have released some of our baggage, thus unburdening ourselves and summoning forth the spirit that dwells within us. It is the heady combination of the divine spirit and the human body that conveys beauty more accurately than anything else. To keep ourselves in touch with our own beauty, we can surround ourselves with images that reflect our beauty back to us—photos of a relative or child who has our eyes, images of teachers who embody spirit, or self-portraits that capture our essence in a way that allows us to see ourselves anew. The best way to keep ourselves in touch with our own beauty is to keep looking deeply into our own souls and opening our eyes to the human being we see in the mirror every day.

¡I HATE U!

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I am of the opinion that relationships, once reaching a certain should take on its SEXUAL form…HEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM! In this day N’ time one has to play the waiting game before SEX can be enjoyed in all of its glory. As of late, it has become somewhat burdensome to deal with the fact that as I enter on the SEXUAL playground that I have to break the mood AND get a condom. Now I do NOT hate condoms, I just hate the fact that I have to wear one in a time that is NOT casual. This bothers me to NO end because this means that HIV~AIDS is holding the cards. IT SEEMS AS IF THIS PARASITIC DISEASE JUST LIE IN WAIT FOR PERSONS LIKE MYSELF! I wish that I could pretend for a moment that I do NOT have to consider it and enjoy my monogamous relationship without worry OR fear. I never thought I would find someone that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life, but now that I have…MAYBE HIV~AIDS IS THE ROOT OF MY SURREALISTICE DREAM, SOMETHING I WANTED SO MUCH THAT HAS COME TO FRUITION. Now being slapped in face by REALITY is REAL and I wonder if somehow things will level off with this disease. Gay men certainly aren't the cause of HIV~AIDS and definitely aren't the only ones spreading it. SO BEING IS SAME~SEX~RELATIONSHIP THAT IS HIV~AIDS FREE, I WONDER WHY WE HAVE TO F&CK & LOOK OVER OUR SHOULDERS? WHO GAVE HIV~AIDS THE RIGHT TO BE THE OTHER ENTITY THAT IS APART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP? WELL I DO HATE YOU & YOU ARE WINNING…FOR NOW! HOWEVER, THE TIDES WILL TURN & I WILL BE THE ONE LAUGHING…LAUGHING AS MY D!CK N’ ASS GOES PLACES THAT DO NOT CONCERN YOU! SO AS TIME GOES ON & I SIT BY THE CLOCK WAITING YOU I MUST THANK YOU IN ALL OF THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVE MADE ME REALIZE THAT THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WORTH THE WAIT…WELL ONE MAN IN PARTICULAR.