TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 5, EPISODE 4 - WE'LL MEET AGAIN

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First things first: Why did we picture Scott Foley, whose character’s name I can’t even remember, when Eric released Pam and Alcide was last seen FINALLY making out with Sookie on her couch? Because this is the only photo spoilerphobic HBO provided of the episode. (I would have settled for a shot of Roman’s blood-splattered face, even.) Let’s dig in.

So as we expected, Pam saved Tara from her suicide mission at Curl Up & Fry. Watching Pam pull off a bit of Tara’s melted skin reminded me of last season when Pam had to have her skin peeled. Like mother like daughter! Tara wanted to finish the job, but Pam pulled an “As your maker, I command you...” on her, so she couldn’t.

Bill and Eric, still rigged with iStakes, were set free and returned to Fangtasia because Eric needed to question Pam about whether she’d help free Russell. As far as the boys know, only four people knew where he was buried -- Bill, Eric, Alcide, and her. After Pam informed Eric he was a grandfather -- hilarious -- Bill took Tara to Eric’s office where she could finally change out of her bloody clothes and into a Fangtasia T-shirt, impersonate Pam’s “As your maker” command (also hilarious), and tell Bill he needs to stop worrying about Sookie above all else. She will always be fine, Tara said, because there will always be a fool willing to take a bullet for Sookie -- and look where it got her. Eric, meanwhile, had Pam pinned to the bar with his hand around her throat.

Pam told Eric she’d gladly die 1,000 deaths for him before she’d ever betray him, but if he couldn’t trust her more than Bill or Alcide, he should just say the words and release her. Eric told Bill he believed Pam, so they have no idea who the leak is. From the way Bill talked -- asking Eric if Nora found out about Russell and wanted to raise him as an ally -- I guess we are supposed to believe she really was helping to plan a coup against Roman. Still, Eric said there’s no way she could have known.

The next night, Pam woke up in her basement coffin wearing a pink track suit and high heels -- naturally. She checked on Tara in her coffin, and Eric came downstairs. I love that this scene -- Eric releasing her not because he didn’t trust or care about her but because he wants to ensure his legacy lives on with her -- took place there. It made me think back to a happier time -- when Lafayette was being held captive in the basement and Eric dismembered that guy and asked Lafayette if he had blood in his hair because

Pam was giving him highlights and would kill him. Eric told Pam that searching for Russell was a suicide mission, and even if he and Bill succeeded, the Authority could still have their heads for treason. He needed her to live when he’s gone. She’s a maker now, so their blood will thrive. Pam accepted it, and they stood on the stairs embracing as she cried. My question: She can still choose to stand by him even though he released her, right? Just because he won’t summon her doesn’t mean she can’t come.

Pam has started to take her maker responsibilities seriously, which should mean Rutina Wesley will finally get something to do other than sulk and rage this season. Pam awoke Tara from her sleep, and you could tell she’d been crying blood recently. She had a woman with her, Melanie, and told Tara she needed to feed. “Seriously, three days old and she has an eating disorder. Why me?” Pam quipped to Melanie. Tara refused to see humans as food, even if Melanie insisted she was delicious, so Pam commanded her to drink. “This is who you are now. Top of the chain. No human can hurt you any longer. They’re yours to savor,” Pam said. “No human can hurt you any longer” -- she may finally be talking Tara’s language. What will Pam and Tara do if they’re not helping Eric and Bill? Ideas?

Tara was right about people always having Sookie’s back. Well, some people. Knowing that she’d told Alcide the truth, even if she’d left his name out of it for now, Lafayette was pissed. There were many times he could have sold her “peach pie ass” out and hadn’t. Sookie told him she had to trust that what Gran taught her was true: If you do the right thing, it will turn out okay. She went to see Jason and confessed about killing Debbie and having Tara turned. She was tired of ruining people’s lives. She wanted him to arrest her before Alcide went to Andy in the morning, but he wouldn’t do it. Jessica was still there and heard everything Sookie said.

The next day at Merlotte’s, Sookie could hear everyone’s thoughts, including Holly’s, and knew they all hated her for what she’d done to Tara. Lafayette, still fuming, went all brujo on her car, chanting as he scratched the hood. (Good thing no customers witnessed that.) On her way home, the car kept accelerating and wouldn’t let her break. She had to jump out of it and roll, right before it slammed into a pole, because it had no airbags. That whole scene looked rather cheesy. Like The Vampire Diaries, True Blood has the vamp-related effects down perfectly, and when they venture outside that (forTVD, it’s explosions), it’s needlessly laughable. How did Sookie survive that with, like, no scrapes? She doesn’t have any vampire blood in her now, right?

Lafayette eventually found Sookie’s car and called to make sure she was okay. She was feelin’ no pain. Who knew she had a full bar in her kitchen cupboard?

I think drunk Sookie lying on her couch, changing the lyrics to “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” -- if you’re not into vampires, if they shot half your brain, if you like making love at or in a cemetery -- is my all-time favorite Sookie scene. Very Bridget Jones, very relatable. Alcide showed up and told Sookie that he’d told Debbie’s parents she was dead. Sookie assumed that meant he’d told them she was her killer, but we’d seen his visit: he told them after he’d broken up with Debbie, Marcus made a move on her and Debbie had resisted. Marcus bragged to him later about killing her, thinking Alcide wouldn’t care and would respect him more as an alpha, and Alcide had then killed Marcus. That last bit, he told the Pelts, any Shreveport wolf would confirm. Pretty solid lie, Alcide. Well done.

He told Sookie he thought they believed him. We know they did because they left town. Andy thought something still felt wrong, so he was going to get a search warrant for every property within 500 yards of where Debbie’s car was found -- which would include Sookie’s place. Luckily, Jessica took it upon herself to visit Andy and glamour him into thinking the case was closed and not even remembering the name Debbie Pelt, her car, or her parents. Gran was right after all.

Sookie said she knew Alcide was probably still furious with her for not telling him about Debbie sooner, but she wanted him to know how grateful she was for the lie he’d told (which really was the best way he could have handled the situation). Do you think, since Sookie said he smelled like Aqua Velva, Alcide came there hoping they’d not only make up but also make out?

Alcide sat down on her couch, which he made look so tiny, and proceeded to drink. Sookie told him she hadn’t felt that good since who knows when. Everyone hated her, but they could just bite her -- those who hadn’t already. She’d killed his ex-girlfriend but Alcide was still talking to her, she noted. He said he was there primarily for the alcohol, and she tried to get him to drink more of the Tara specialty she’d made for him. He didn’t want more because he wasn’t drunk to that point where you can pretty much drink anything regardless of taste. She said he’d do it because he’d do anything for her, he was in love with her.

“Screw you,” he said. “That’s what you think, huh?” And, since she was already in his face, she kissed him. It was definitely hot, but I would have been okay with some low growling on his part. Fingers crossed, we'll get it at the start of next week’s episode -- if Bill and Eric, who were watching from outside through a window, decide not to interrupt them immediately.

Eric: Awkward time for a drop in, Bill.

Bill: Jessica mentioned Sookie had been having a rough go of it.

[Cut to Sookie straddling Alcide on the couch]

Eric: She seems to be recovering nicely.

Bill made it sound like they weren’t going to give Sookie a choice about helping them find Russell -- will they threaten Alcide? -- but I really do hope they let her finish what she started. We’re due for a good sex scene, and Alcide (who’s wanted her for so long) and Sookie (who’s drunker than a birthday girl seeingMagic Mike) could definitely deliver. (Could Alcide be drunk enough to do some body rolls to “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)”? Maybe Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded”? Make it rain, Sook!)

Speaking of sex scenes we’d like to see, we’re still waiting for Roman to do the full monty. At least we got to see him shirtless again in bed, watching Nora be tortured on his MacBook Pro. Sexy! Nora refused to give names of those she’s working with. Roman said Salome would have to get them out of her.

The Chancellors, meanwhile, were still wondering if Bill and Eric were playing them. Why not install bugs into the iStakes? There have been uprisings against the Authority’s mainstreaming movement on four of the seven continents, we learned. They watched Nora praying on her knees in her cell. “Wake up sister, it’s just a book,” Dieter Braun said. “I know the guy who wrote it, and he was high the whole time.” Cougar Town’s Barb said the Guardian doesn’t like them disparaging the book. The little boy-looking Chancellor, Alexander Drew, said Roman was “busy with his own woman on her knees.” Twisted. Loved it.

Roman and Salome went to see Nora, and Roman told her she doesn’t seem like a leader. He wanted the name of the person who had swayed her. She told him to f--- off. She was ready to die the true death, but when Roman threatened to detonate Eric's and Bill’s iStakes, she was slightly more willing to talk. How would she know they’d be spared? Salome performed some kind of blood ritual, marking both their chests with her own blood, and said Bill and Eric would be spared if she gave them a name. Nora broke down crying in Salome’s arms.

I thought she was protecting Salome, and I suppose she still could be, but later, as Roman did more posturing and shouting around the table, we found out it was the kid, Drew. At first, he tried to say the video that had been uncovered of him draining a human was a memento. Then, after Roman pointed out he’d sent it to known enemies of the Authority with the encrypted message “sympathy and solidarity,” he tried to say he was attempting to infiltrate them and gain their trust. Roman didn’t let him finish -- he staked him. Blood went everywhere, especially over Roman’s face. He told the other chancellors to deliver a message to their constituents: “You will fall in line.” Oh, Roman. I know you feel threatened, but why don’t you change out of that blue power suit into a nice cashmere sweater, sit back in front of a fireplace with a glass of Tru Blood, and relax for five minutes. You are going to drive yourself crazy. That will be fun to watch, too, actually, if your wardrobe can have just a bit of variety.

We’ve long been waiting for the payoff of Andy’s little romp in the woods with that fairy, and we finally got it in this episode. That judge who’d asked Andy to take care of his son’s ticket -- “I wish I could bring him to you for all his problems, but uh, you ain’t a gynecologist” -- wanted to take Andy and Jason out to celebrate. He picked them up in a limo with a few girls, who blindfolded the men. They took them to the woods where we saw Jessica chase that male fairy and stepped them through a portal into a strip club straight out of a low-budget Baz Luhrmann film. It turns out the judge comes there every weekend and is a VIP. The judge quickly went off with a lady, and the fairy Andy had been with, Maurella, occupied him. (What about Holly, Andy? Boo.)

Jason was busy getting a lap dance, but the fairy knew he was thinking of someone else -- a vampire. His cousin Hadley was there, working as a waitress. She was surprised to hear Sookie was alive and told Jason they had to bring Sookie to this fairy safe house before the vampires killed her -- just like they’d done his parents. Record scratch. He thought his parents had been killed in the flood. Jason’s dancer told Hadley she’d said enough. Jason and Andy got into a fight with the fae bouncers, who kicked them out. Last we saw Andy and Jason, they were on the ground in the field and were about to get zapped with fairy power. How will they get out of that? Jessica to the rescue again?

Moving on to Terry, he and Patrick (Scott Foley) drove to South Dakota to find their old war buddy Eller. Via flashback, we saw how their team had been celebrating the Fourth of July in Iraq with alcohol and pills in a prayer tower. When an Iraqi man approached Eller, who was supposed to be keeping watch, he shot him dead. More Iraqis came out and gunfire ensued -- maybe with hostiles, maybe they were drug-induced hallucinations. Either way, a whole family of Iraqis had been gunned down.

Terry and Patrick found Eller’s underground hideout, complete with twisted artwork. Last we saw them, Eller had pulled a gun on them. I want to care. I've always liked Terry. But the writers really need to give me more.

Last and least this week, we get to Sam. He got a visit from two of his shifter friends who’d chosen him in the breakup with Luna. He agreed to meet them for a run, and when he showed up, they were seated at a table, both dead from gunshot wounds to the head. Who’d do that? This intrigues me.

Your turn. What did you think of the episode? Which story lines are exciting you? (Tara’s lookin’ badass in the promo for next week’s episode. It appears Alcide will get shirtless before he and Sookie go Scooby Gang with Eric and Bill. Lafayette’s mom returns, which might make that more interesting.) Which story lines are slowing this season down? (HOW HAVEN’T THEY STAKED NORA YET?)

SOURCE: EW