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There's a part of me that yearns to
explore the darkness and tragedy of our lives without resorting to jokes that
lighten or distract from the fundamental horror of the human condition.
Fear,
Brutality,
Greed,
Rage,
Stupidity,
Lust,
Pride,
Grief,
Insanity,
Betrayal.
These are but a few of the words we
use to describe the ugliness that hides in all of our hearts. But how have I, a simple man, used them?
Certainly not to peel away the thin veil of civility that masks the rotting
soul sickness that eats at us from within. NO!
I've been asked to blog about my personal
life more than I do now (cough Jeff), but whenever I attempt to illuminate the pain of existence
I see around me, something like this comes out: "Filled with grief and
rage over his boss’s betrayal, he locked him in the building and set it on fire
then pled insanity." You see my
dilemma? Even when I use the appropriate words, my instinct is always to
undercut the dramatic.
How then shall I write
about the harsh reality that is daily life? The madness and
cruelty which assaults us from cradle to grave? I've come to believe that
my only hope is to embrace the beauty of life N’ tragedy and then go a step
further. In other words, no matter how frightening, I must dive into the
nightmare. I must not flinch from the horror.
One aspect that I've always admired about you is your ability to deal with the issue; no matter the unpleasantness. Continue to do what you do best: reality and truth. Much love, my friend!
ReplyDeleteJust in case the "Jeff" you are coughing about is me, I dont recall urging you to write about your personal life and I dont think you should unless you feel it will help you over the funk you seem to be in. (ie, all the darkness and tragedy).
ReplyDeleteAs for myself, my relationship is very close to taking a swirly down the toilet. I am sitting here both dreading the coming weekend and wondering why I can't bring myself to accept his apology or his excuses again or rehash the same old shit once again and make promises we cant or wont keep (again).
Yes, my world right now is all darkness and tragedy. Maybe that is the real status quo and the good times I remember and long for are meerly intermittant respites from the general torture that Life is. All I know is that I will reinvent myself once again and move forward or backward or up or down. No sense pissing and moaning about it.
If I'm NOT the "Jeff" you mentioned then well, never mind but I'm not into being Pollyanna lately because these days I myself dont believe the usual bullshit I spout about how great it all is. It aint.. it all SUCKs and how's that for Reality TV- Desperate Homos of Vermont?
You are the Jeff and I am sorry that things aren't going well. To read this pains me so because it is such a departure from what you always give me.
DeleteHERE'S TO THE OTHER SIDE OF WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU!