SUNDAY SCHOOL: THINGS THE BIBLE SAYS...

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If you’re in the LGBT community, and you pay attention to why we’re still second class citizens, you undoubtedly have been referred to the Bible, and more specifically the translation of LEVITICUS 18:22 – Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Well, since it’s Sunday, I thought we’d all have a little Sunday School and find out what else the Bible says so we know who else to take away life, liberty, rights and freedoms from.

According to the good book (specifically the King James version) there’s plenty of things that qualify. I’ve summarized these, but trust me, it’s in there:

DEUTERONOMY 22:13-21 – If a man takes a bride who is discovered not to be a virgin, the woman is supposed to stoned to death. (I wonder if Sarah Palin is pre-planning stone baskets instead of rice for Bristol’s wedding?)

DEUTERONOMY 22:22 – If a married person has sex with someone else’s husband or wife (has an extra-marital affair), then both parties are suppose to be put to death.

MARK 10:1-12 – You can’t get a divorce, but if you do, and you marry again, then that’s adultery, so that would mean all parties, the original husband and wife, along with the second marriage parties are to be put to death. (Maybe Liz Taylor is proof that a cat has nine lives?)

LEVITICUS 18:19 – If a woman’s on her period, you’re both gonna be in big trouble if you have sex.

MARK 12:18-27 – If a man dies before he has kids, his widow has to have sex with all his brothers until she has a child, but if she makes her way through all the brothers without having one, then she is to be put to death.

DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12 – If a man gets into a fight with another man and his wife tries to help out by grabbing the other guy by the balls, then her hand is suppose to be cut off and she’s not to be given any pity.

LEVITICUS 19:27 – A man is not allowed to cut his hair, shave or trim his beard.

LEVITICUS 19:16 – If you gossip or tell others what your neighbors been up to, then you’re going to hell.

LEVITICUS 11:10 – Red Lobster is the gateway to hell. You can’t eat shellfish!

LEVITCUS 11:7 – Pork is NOT the other white meat. You eat pig, you’re an abomination!

LEVITICUS 19:19 – You can’t wear poly/cotton blends and you can let an Angus cow mingle with the likes of a Guernsey.

LEVITICUS 15:19-20 – When a woman is on her period, she’s suppose to be locked up for seven days, and if you touch her, then you’re unclean and anything she lays or sits on while she’s on her period is unclean, and has to go!

EPHESIANS 5:4 – You can’t cuss, say anything stupid or joke around.

EXODUS 20:8 – Depending on which day you think is the Sabbath (Saturday or Sunday) You’re not suppose to do anything all day long…Can I sign up for that one?

There’s a lot more, but I thought this should sum it up nicely. If we’re going to make the U.S. the great Christian nation the religious right wants us to be, I think we’re all in a great deal of trouble! Please contact your lawmaker today to make sure we start adhering to these laws of the Bible!

SOURCE: GAYAGENDA