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So the other day I am on MSN and
I got a message from an unknown person. My normal reaction is to chat with
anyone that hit me up and try to establish some sort of communication with
them. As the session moved pass the typical questions…ASL, WHAT AREA YOU LIVE,
ARE YOU A TOP/BOTTOM? Etc. Upon chatting with this young man, I realized
that one of our MAJOR problems is that gay men are NOT IN
CONTROL OF THEIR SEX! After I point out where his questions were leading,
he told me that he isn’t just looking for sex, and he wants the entire man that
comes along with it. Now I understand that, but when I think of the MANY gay
men that wheel N’ deal, it becomes SO obvious that we are
what we repeatedly do…SEX is NOT just an act that takes us to
that mental AND emotional place, it becomes a habit.
Every thought sex makes us think,
every action we take because of it shows that it is controlling us. This shows
that we CANNOT value another because we CANNOT value
ourselves. If we can treat ourselves as a beautiful sexual being, then
and ONLY then we can develop a strong control over sex AND our
sexuality. The sexual encounters we have during our lifetime will ULTIMATELY affect
our lives…it is up to us to decide which outcome we want for ourselves.
Though our intention starts out
purely, we mar the beautiful experience of sex by focusing on what we are
trying to receive in return. To FULLY integrate sex into our lives,
we have to NOT give into it so we can be in control of it. And In a
world of six billion people, it’s easy to believe that the way we do what we do
is okay…but as a gay man, I am tired of sex treating us like stones dropped
into still waters. Yes there is a ripple, but then what? The impact
sends out energy that sex is the master and we are the slave…I know that we are
all @ different stages of life, and I am not telling anyone how much sex they
should have, all I want is that we find ourselves in control as we go through
the motions…
I'd like to think of our love-making as based on the desire for mutual satisfaction, respect and deep affection for our male partner. Yes, we do have sex for the sake of sex, but I hope the above standards also apply, especially consideration for our partner. Otherwise, what separates us from the animals (okay, I know that some men are beasts but...that's a different thought).
ReplyDeleteIs it really different? ;-)
DeleteI, for one, have never felt sex was somehow in charge. Every decision I have ever made, good or bad, was down to me. I think it is more about accountability. When you make a decision, you are also accepting any repercussions. I don't see anything wrong with casual sex. If you want it go get it. But be honest about it. Let the other guy know if you are looking for a one night hook u, or a relationship.
ReplyDeleteYou and I are SO much alike.
DeleteI guess I'm lucky in that I rarely found myself just 'going through the motions' and the few times when the encounter was such that we couldn't connect on any level, I politely finished up and bid my farewells. No need to insult or berate anybody .. lotta fish in the sea and some tunas just dont taste so good and I am sure that on moe than one occasion, I was one of them. :>)~
ReplyDeleteIt is all about knowing where you @ when you having sex. LOVE a man that is aware.
DeleteIt is certainly a balancing act.
ReplyDeleteBalance is good, right?
DeleteIf only I had found this blog post years ago. Good stuff.
ReplyDeleteWhat would this entry do for you?
DeleteI wouldn't have felt so alone in feeling that there has to be more to meeting another gay male without the subject or intention of sex coming into play. At one point in time, I really did believe that in order to have a friend, some type of sex would have to happen, and I just wasn't ready to put myself out there just for the sake of having a friend to talk to. I've since learned otherwise
DeleteGlad you learnt otherwise, SO glad.
Delete