TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 4, EPISODE 5 - ME & THE DEVIL

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I adore Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten), but why couldn't she have lost her loose lips tonight instead of her right ear? If she costs me some Eric-Sookie foreplay, I will be less eager to see that rotting spell reversed. She, too, will have to suffer. How many times did you rewind the Eric and Sookie kiss? I did seven times that I will admit to. But let's back up.

As predicted, the shot of Eric biting Sookie in the promo for this week was from a dream. In it, he opened Sookie's door -- shirtless -- and Godric appeared. Eric watched Godric caress Sookie's leg and sniff her. (Sexier than it sounds!) Godric wanted them to drain her and walk in the sun together. Eric said no, and Godric choked him: "You are incapable of love. You are damned," he said. Eric said Sookie could redeem him. "You cannot be saved. You are a creature of death, and the living are good for only one thing, and it is not love. Drink now. Stop fighting your nature. DRINK." Out popped Eric's fangs and together they bit her. When dream Sookie screamed, real Eric woke up -- fangs extended. He climbed up his cubby, fortunately not taking time to put on a shirt. He entered her bedroom and looked as though he was thinking about climbing up the length of her body when she awoke and his fangs retracted -- probably at the sight of the world's least sexy T-shirt. (I'm resisting the urge to refer to his fangs as "erect" and "flaccid." Sort of.) "Eric, what the hell?" Sookie said. "I had a bad dream," he answered like a child. Alexander Skarsgard is doing such a good job as Nice Eric. He makes him sound so genuine that you can understand why Sookie would let him sleep with her in her bed if he promised to keep his fangs and hands to himself.

That's what ended up happening. Eric lay down on the bed and couldn't understand why he was crying. Sookie explained that Godric was his maker, and that he loved him and missed him. Eric was upset because Godric had said he was evil. "Am I evil?" he asked her. "Well, you’re not Gandhi," she answered, "but no, you’re not evil." Eric put his head on her lap and said, "I like being next to you." As I wondered whether his blood tears would stain her linens, she laughed: If someone had told her a week ago she'd be in bed with Eric Northman stroking his hair... Eric thought she was making fun of him, but she wasn't. Godric would like this gentle and sweet Eric, she said. It was smart writing to have Godric involved in that dream so Sookie would be reminded that Godric was the most human of the vampires she'd met -- and that she saw Eric at his most human when begging Godric not to commit suicide and leave him. Eric said it was strange to miss someone you don't remember -- Nice Eric is still a poet! -- and asked if he could stay with Sookie. He rolled over and gently wrapped her arm around him. "I will never hurt anyone as beautiful as you," he said. I rewound three times. There was no agenda. He meant it. He wasn't after sex. Nice Eric wants company and comfort. I would have been satisfied if that was as close as Eric and Sookie got in the episode, but there was more to come.

The next day, Sookie read Holly's mind at Merlotte's and found out Marnie's name and the name of her shop. Sookie went there and pretended to be into witches. She said her favorite shows to watch when she stayed home from school sick were Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and Charmed. (For those of you doing the math, Charmed repeats began airing on TNT in 2002, so if Sookie is in her mid-20s, that works.) Marnie agreed to give Sookie a reading, but of course it was Sookie who was reading Marnie's mind. At first, Sookie heard a lot of voices. Then, Marnie zeroed in on Gran, who wanted to tell Sookie that she shouldn't give her heart to the new man she has feelings for. "The situation is temporary. It isn’t going to last." Sound advice, but still, I found myself writing "Screw you, Gran!" in my notes. Gran then spoke directly to Sookie, because she knew she'd be listening to Marnie's thoughts. "Sweetheart, this woman poses great danger.... Get away from her. Run, Sookie, run. Get out now," Gran said. Marnie wondered why Sookie was leaving. "Lady, when my Gran tells me to run, I run. Keep the change."

That night, Tara, who was supposed to be headed back to New Orleans, told Sookie about her girlfriend Naomi and how she'd been lying to her about her identity. She'd gotten a call from Naomi wondering who the Tara Thornton was that Toni was getting mail for. Judging from the beer and ice cream Sookie and Tara were consuming, I thought the breakup had already happened over the phone, but I guess not. Sookie told Tara if she loves Naomi, she has to fight for her and be honest with her about the past Tara wants to bury. Tara tried comparing her deception to Bill's, but I think when the lie involves a question of whether your lover wants to drink you to death, forgiveness is allowed to take longer.

Sookie tried to get rid of Tara before Eric emerged from his cubby, but she couldn’t. Eric responded to Tara's fear and aggression upon seeing him and his fangs popped out. She wanted to know why Eric was there, and he told her he lives there. Tara bolted, but not before she told honesty-preaching Sookie she was a hypocrite and ran through all the ways Real Eric had betrayed and tricked Sookie and tortured Lafayette. Later, sitting on the couch, Nice Eric asked Sookie if what her friend had said was true. (Yes.) So if her pain was his fault, why was she letting him stay with her? She told him she'd always known there was something decent in him, even when he was a "smug sarcastic ass." She'd seen him change and she liked it. She liked him. "There’s a light in you. It's beautiful," he said. "I couldn’t bear it if I snuffed it out." He got up and left.

If this were a game, Eric would be playing it masterfully, but again, his concern and appreciation for Sookie was genuine. I don't fault Sookie for calling to him. "Eric, please don't go," she said from the porch. Eric walked to her slowly, and it would have been so easy for the writer to have him sweep her up into his arms. But this Eric is too lost, insecure, and fragile to make that kind of move. It had to be Sookie who reached out her arms to hug him. If you didn't know Sookie was going to end up kissing his mouth after she kissed his cheek, the crescendo in the music gave it away. Building and building and building and YES! Their first real kiss. (Note: I know they kissed when he thought he was going to die last season, but for me, a "real kiss" needs to begin as mutual not just end as such.) When she wrapped her arms around him, I imagined the internal struggle she had deciding whether to move her hands from around his long sexy neck. And that is when I knew it was time to STOP REWINDING. (Another contributing factor: When I tweeted that I couldn't write my True Blood recap because I couldn't stop rewinding one particular scene long enough to type and Covert Affairs' Christopher Gorham tweeted back "Ew. Lol.") Before I move on from this kiss, let me just say that I love how, due to this amnesia story line, the tension will be reset when Eric gets his memory back. We'll get another first kiss if and when Real Eric and Sookie get to that point. Whether or not he remembers their time together, he'll be at least a slightly different person and she'll know it.

How far are you hoping they go before Bill comes bursting in next week? (I hope not all the way. I don't need to wait for Real Eric for that, but part of me would love to see Nice Eric and Sookie do it after she knows that Bill knows about them -- it would make it even hotter somehow knowing it was torturing Bill.) Pam went to see Bill because she had no choice -- her face is rotting and peeling ("Oh good, the world needs more beekeepers," Bill cracked at her black veil) and she wants her own revenge. "I'm through makin' nice, Bill. I can put up with a lot, but you f--- with my face, it's time to die. And I'd like permission to torture and kill the mousey little bitch who cast the spell." That name for Marnie was actually nice. "Convene your sheriffs so we can kill this uppity Wiccan c---, [pause] your majesty," she added. With the AVL making violence on humans punishable by the true death, that's not something Bill can sign off on. But, he promised to do something -- and suggested Pam try more lipstick in the meantime. Such a clueless man thing to say. Pam had tried makeup, but the problem was when she touched the decaying parts of her face, they peeled off. She showed him. She tossed a piece of her chin onto his floor and whimpered. So happy we're seeing more of Pam this year.

Bill's plan was to send his little redheaded security agent back undercover to talk with Marnie so his team could kidnap her. He put Marnie in a cell, and she maintained she doesn't know how to reverse the spells she cast on Pam and Eric. Bill went into the cell and glamoured her to be sure she was telling the truth. Presumably piecing together that another more powerful spirit is using Marnie as a conduit, Bill did convene the four remaining sheriffs. In her cell, Marnie had gotten the vision of the spirit being held captive with other women. Three men of the cloth came in their cell, made you think they were going to perform some sort of ritual on one of the women, and instead, revealed themselves to be vampires and fed on her. It turns out in 1610 Spain, a sorceress named Antonia (aka the spirit) was burning at the stake when she used necromancy to pull all vampires within a 20 mile radius from their sleep and into the daylight. Priests and nuns -- they all burned. Vampires, Bill told us, have always had a hidden presence in humanity's most powerful institutions. Back then it was the Catholic church. "Today, as you all know, it’s Google and Fox News," he said. Ha. One of the sheriffs had been out-of-town in 1610 and survived. He spent weeks glamouring and killing witnesses to keep the existence of vampires secret. When the female sheriff pointed out that Pam was losing her ear, Pam again called for Marnie's murder, or at least torture, after what she did to her and to Eric's memory. Record scratch. Bill told Pam not to lie to her King. She had to tell him where Eric was. After hearing he's at Sookie's, Bill looked hurt and angry. He sped off, and all Pam could do was say, "I'm sorry, Eric." Refer to paragraph one of this recap: She better be.

While we're on the subject of Bill, let's cover the Portia story line. She visited him and tried to kiss him, but he's still hung up on her being his great, great, great, great-granddaughter. Ever the lawyer, she gave him a fact about incest -- 42 states have repealed their anti-incest law -- that may or may only be true in the True Blood world. I Googled incest laws, landed on Wikipedia, and then thought I didn't want more than one "incest" site in my laptop's history, thanks. The bottom line is Portia wanted to continue to bone Bill because there's no way a vampire can reproduce and that's the only reason incest is taboo. Plus, there are married cousins in Bon Temps. Bill, ever the Southern gentleman, glamoured her into not onlynot having feelings for him, but to also be so afraid of him that she has an uncontrollable urge to scream and runaway from him. Making her terrified of him seems a little excessive. I feel like that has to come back and bite him in the ass. Otherwise, what was the point of this Portia story line other than a couple of laughs and one hot sex scene? (Making fans not hate Sookie for moving on with Nice Eric?)

And speaking of sex... someone explain to me why Hoyt and Jessica took Jason back to his place instead of theirs? If I found one of my friends that badly wounded on the side of the road, the last place I'd take him is to his place. What if the person who did that to him wants to find him again? Still, we got to see the local JCPenney is having a run on satin sheets. (Jason's are black, Arlene and Terry's are white.) Hoyt was grateful to Jessica for saving his friend's life and embraced her, but Jessica, still feeling guilty for glamouring Hoyt into forgetting that she fed on another guy, tenses up anytime he touches her. Hoyt said he'd stay with Jason so he didn't have to go home with her. The next day, Jason told Hoyt about being pack-raped at Hot Shot over brunch at Merlotte's -- it's amazing the conversations we'll have at a table in public. Do you think he told him the part about them turning him into a werepanther? From the look on Jason's face when Holly said the next night was a full moon, I'm thinking not. Jason hasn't told Sookie anything. She would be the first person I would tell, with her amount of experience in the supernatural world, but I suppose it's not easy for Jason to admit he'd been used for his seed to his sister. Compared to how a woman would feel if she'd just been violated by a dozen or two people, Jason seems to be handling this allextremely well. Then again, in his own way, he is blaming himself and thinks he's being punished for having had too much sex. Cue Ryan Kwanten's inspired God impersonation: "Jason Stackhouse, you have f---d too many hot women, now let’s see how you like it." Hoyt said maybe Jason wasn't the only one being punished. "Jessica raped you?" Jason asked. Classic Stackhouse. But I'm siding with Jason here: Hoyt not getting affection from his hot vampire girlfriend does not compare to Jason being assaulted by werepanthers.

That night, Jason had a blood-fueled sex dream about Jessica. It wasn't played for hotness -- though Deborah Ann Woll looked stunning in a matching bra and panties. It was played for humor. Jason figured out it was a dream and therefore wanted to enjoy himself. But Jessica kept bringing up Hoyt and calling his name. Hoyt showed up in the room. Then, for one quick second, Hoyt was the one topless on Jason calling his own name. You know extended footage of that will be in the gag reel on the DVD. Anyone sad that sex dream wasn't hotter? There was zero tension between Jessica and Jason before, so I get it. But I'm hoping they create some tension now. Perhaps he'll confide in her as the full moon approaches? Too weird?

Moving on to Lafayette.... After Marnie came to ("Hooker, you pissed off another vampire and then you took a godd--- nap"), he and Jesus decided to take a road trip to Mexico to visit the grandfather Jesus hasn't seen since he was nine. It was then that his grandfather, a brujo and shaman, gave him a pet goat for his birthday... and told him to stab it repeatedly. That was disturbing to say the least. "Take the spirit inside of you,” his grandfather told him as he licked the bloody knife. Jesus' mother saw them and took Jesus away that day. But Jesus had felt a power he'd never felt before or since. That's the power they need to stand up to Eric and Pam. We didn't see them on the road -- I would have liked to have heard what music Lafayette packed along with all that luggage -- but when they arrived, Jesus' grandfather said he'd been expecting them.

Someone who wasn't expecting a visit from a relative this episode: Sam. We picked up where we left off with Joe Lee strangling Tommy with a chain. Tommy pretended to have passed out, and when Joe Lee wasn't paying attention, he wrapped the chain around his neck and ended up beating him to death with a pipe. Tommy's mother tried to stop him. He clocked her, and she died, too. Tommy freaked out and turned to Sam for help with disposing of the bodies. Andy pulled over their van, saw blood on the driver's door, and wanted to search the back, where we thought Tommy was waiting with a shovel in hand. Instead, when Andy opened the door, Tommy had transformed into a gator. Smart move. Sam told Andy he found the gator and was returning it to the swamp. "I ain't killed him," Tommy said proudly, following Sam's orders. "And Jesus wept,” Sam said.

The brothers tossed their parents' wrapped bodies into the swamp, and like Tommy, I was concerned that they weren't sinking. (I was also concerned the boys weren't wearing gloves.) Sam, however, came prepared. He threw some marshmallows near the bodies and within seconds, the bodies were gone. Gators love marshmallows, Sam said. (That I wasn't afraid to investigate -- it's true.) Was I the only one who wondered if the thought ever crossed the brothers' minds to transform into gators and eat their parents' bodies themselves? Ewww. I know. But in a pinch, I'm just sayin'... Tommy was convinced he's going to hell now, but I'm with Sam: Tommy killed in self-defense. I'd argue the reason Tommy murdered was more forgivable than Sam's. Now that Sam has told Tommy about murdering two people, I think the brothers' relationship is officially on the mend. You get rid of bodies together, you're family.

We got some answers this episode, but the doll mystery still remains. Terry had the idea of bringing in Reverend Daniels to rid their house of whatever bad energy/spirit wrote "Baby Not Yours" on the wall. Arlene was nervous. They haven't been to church in awhile, and she doesn't want to look like one of those Christians who only turns to God when they need something. But as Terry said, "Don’t sell God short. He loves love. And we got a lot of love in this family." I love how they got dressed up for the Reverend -- even putting Mikey in a hat. The Reverend brought his wife, Tara's mother, and together, they sang and burned sage. Terry and Arlene had sex that night (white satin sheets!) and enjoyed the silence -- Mikey wasn't crying. You know I get nervous that Terry's going to be killed off every time he expresses his happiness. I got very worried when Arlene said that when she looks at him, she sometimes feels like life won't always kick her in the teeth, and he said when he looks at her, he already feels like things have turned out alright. The last shot of that scene: A book of matches in their bedroom spontaneously burst into flames. Come on! I know Arlene thinks it's Rene trying to get his "ghost hands" on Mikey. But what if the message wasn't about Mikey, and it's the doll that isn't theirs? Could it be someone trying to tell them to give the doll back to Jessica and Hoyt? Why? I still have no clue what's happening there. You have a theory?

Last but not least, we get to Alcide. He got a visit from the werewolf pack master of Shreveport, Marcus Bozeman. He's pissed that Alcide has been living there for about four months and hasn't "registered" with the pack. Alcide prefers to be a free agent (and looks like he could take Marcus in a fight), but Marcus doesn't seem to want to accept that. The best part of that scene was seeing Alcide fill up that doorway in his white tank. If we saw him wearing another button down shirt, I would have written the show's costume designer a letter. Werewolves run hot. He's in Louisiana. You have a legitimate reason to bare arms!

Your turn. What did you think of the episode? What do you think will happen when Bill gets a hold of Nice Eric? Are you hoping Jason turns werepanther on the full moon? What the hell is up with that doll?

SOURCE: EW