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Many gay men are obsessed with looking perfect, doing everything they can to emulate the men they see on websites and in magazines. While on one hand this can be a good thing—hitting the gym and eating right promotes a healthy lifestyle—it can sometimes become destructive. I read a study that showed that heterosexual men are the most satisfied with their bodies, followed by lesbian women, followed by heterosexual women, and the ones who are the toughest on their appearance are gay men. Why do you think we gay men have a problem accepting ourselves without the abs and muscles?
I just attended a motorsports event over the weekend. Straight men galore! Younger, older, middle age - you name it.
ReplyDeleteThere was eye candy to be sure. Many guys had their shirts off due to the heat and they were showing off their "tattoos", their flat chests and such.
Fast forward about a month and I will be attending Gay Pride at the same location as the motorsports event. The men men will be far more attractive, many more of them will have their shirts off and their bodies will be hotter and more defined. The pecs and nipples are more defined, their piercings are more frequent and more prominent, their bumps and bulges are shown to best advantage and their tatts won't look like they were done in prison by a recovering addict using a paperclip and ink from a ballpoint pen.
If straight guys truly are the happiest with their bodies it's because they haven't wandered around a gay pride festival.
Cali P's comment is precisely the reason why straight men embrace their bodies and gay men suffer astoundingly from eating disorders (no offense).
ReplyDeleteWe are just as diverse as any other group yet we're feeling more and more pressure to fit into this unachieveable aesthetic.
As a teen I suffered from an eating disorder (so I can relate). The one thing I learned (having overcome that) is life is too damn short to care about something as trivial as having washboard abs. To me beauty derives from being healthy. When you are healthy it shows and it says something about you too.
My advice is to just be healthy and embrace your own body and appearance (and aspire to something more than just being a BODY). There will be SOMEBODY who finds it beautiful, trust.
We still aren't comfortable with WHO WE REALLY ARE in our OWN SKINS, so we continue to conform to this almost "unachievable aesthetic" to further COMPENSATE for everything we think we've been led to believe we aren't.
ReplyDeleteI've never had an eating disorder, but I have seen up close and personal how it operates in gay men. And there is nothing cute nor ATTRACTIVE about it!
On the other hand, I am guilty of obsessing over my appearance as I age. In my mind's eye, I look the same as I did when I was 30, but that is not the reality. That idea has gotten me into trouble, but guess what - I'm not supposed to look as I did 20 years ago, and I have so much more to offer now as opposed to THEN! Gay men are so immature on so many levels. It's time to grow up and get a clue about what's really important in our lives.
Thank you for this thought-provoking post done in ONE PARAGRAPH! *Wish I could do that! And thank you, Toddy, for saying all that I wish I could articulate. YOU REALLY SAID IT ALL!
I think that part of the problem is with the fact that so many of our gay brothers, once they become aware of their same gender loving nature, immediately become self-hating and self-loathing. Because this event usually occurs during adolescence, when being a "part" of the crowd is so developmentally crucial, many simply never recover from this sense of being on the outside looking in.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, in the world today, so many are coming of age at a time when being queer is really of no major consequence. They can be happy and embrace who they truly are without all the sahme and stigma surrounding who they love.
I truly believe that we are harder on ourselves because we have always had to prove ourselves to others,and along side being the best dressed we must also be smarter than our STR8 brothas this gives us an edge or at least we tend to think it's an edge.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention that we are vain by nature. Besides society tends to think that most gay men are handsome so many gay men work hard to maintain that image.
CALI-P – YOU DO HAVE A POINT THERE.
ReplyDeleteTODDY – I AM GLAD THAT YOU FEEL FREE TO SHARE YOUR PAST WITH US, THANK YOU! I SO AGREE WITH YOU! I AM WORKING ON MY HEALTHY DAILY.
ReplyDeleteCOREY – I LOVE WHEN I SEE PEOPLE & THEY GO YOU PUT ON WEIGHT. I AM LIKE OKAY THIS STOPS YOUR LIFE HOW? I MUST SAY THAT SEEING CHANGES IN THE BODY AS WE AGE IS VERY INTERESTING!
ReplyDeleteROGER – ALWAYS ON POINT HUH?
ReplyDeleteCHET – SOCIETY ALWAYS GET THEIR WAY HUH?
ReplyDelete