OLDIE, BUT GOODIE: ¿SCARED OF U? ¡NOT!

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WHEN I WROTE THIS BLOG ENTRY, I WAS TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO GIVE ALL THIS LOVE I HAD INSIDE OF ME. I TOOK ON THIS YOUNG MAN THAT NEEDED MORE THAN I COULD GIVE HIM, BUT I THOUGHT WE COULD BE GOOD FOR EACH OTHER. HE WAS FRESH OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS VERY ABUSIVE & HE HAD NO WHERE TO GO. I KNEW THAT HE STILL LOVED HIS EX (HOW COULD HE NOT)? I MEAN THEY JUST PARTED WAYS AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR 3 YEARS…AS I READ THIS & REMEMBER THE DESPERATION I HAD WHEN IT CAME TO JUST WANTING SOMEONE, I THINK ABOUT HOW IRONIC LIFE CAN BE BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHOSE HEART WAS @ BAT…

I find myself bouncing along, light in spirit; free from worries and enjoying the moment. That is, until the clouds begin to form turning the skies grey and a fog roll in. Puffs of white take on whimsical, darker shades and my LOVE disappear along with the sunshine...

UMMM NO! FUCK THAT…I'm not scared of you though I let you deceive me and confuse me. Yet I come back each day anew, willing to only see the best in you and now on this day we are through. I have him now, no longer will I worry about your hold on him, you have a one-sided, narrow mind…Why do you have to be? Why don’t I hate you? Why don’t I care? Can you answer me? Well fuck you then!

I LOVE this feeling, to finally see you was so appealing, I am now convinced that things have changed and now our lives have been rearrange. I LOVE HIM! Isn't that what it all comes down to? He has started anew and I can breathe and not even think about you; after all you hurt him, you tore his heart apart. But no more of your lies, no more faulty alibis, you didn’t wish to compromise.

Is it a crazy notion that I am not glad that you hurt him? I think not…If you didn’t then I couldn’t be with him… Should I grieve at the emotions gone? Surely that isn’t within my power to do. Should I go to sleep and think some more? Nope, I now know what I was waiting for. Instead I think I will accept this fact and raise my glass, tip my hat and watch from the bleachers your heart at bat…