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THIS BLOG ENTRY IS ONE OF THE MANY THAT I’VE ABOUT WE GAY MEN & HOW WE GET IN, GET OFF & GET OUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX…I UNDERSTAND THE NEED TO SEEK COMFORT IN ANOTHER, BUT @ WHAT COST? SO I HOPE YOU TAKE THE WORDS IN THIS ENTRY TO HEART…I KNOW I DO…
When two people come together, they each bring their own set of compromises. We seek others (consciously or subconsciously) that match our ideals. So when it comes to SEX with GAY men, there should NOT be any surprise that there are a few of us out there that are NOT into ANAL sex in any form of fashion. A lot of men prefer romance AND intimacy over penetration. However, there seems to be this way of thinking that when the subject of SEX is brought to the table (WHICH IS THE NORM), that it has to be done and that is so unnecessary. Just like sexuality, our ideas of SEX are often blurred; and it is my belief that SEX does NOT make the man. Our strength isn’t dependant upon the act of sex; it lies in our ability to recognize why we are having sex in the first place. I care about companionship and intimacy more than just the act itself. It makes me feel horrible to think that regardless of what I do to with a man; he is NOT satisfied until things become SEXUAL. I think SEX is an important part of a relationship, but if the goal is only SEX then there will be problems. If the average GAY were to look back on past relationships, he would notice that most of them failed. Therefore, I am quite sure that SEX was a MAJOR player in that scenario. SEX is EXTREMELY powerful that WE allow it to sometimes take us outside of a relationship AND seek it with someone else. I feel that GAY men have a distinct advantage when it comes to SEX, but we act as if we are bottom feeders (PUN INTENDED). SEX is so OVER DONE that it seems that it is a situation of FORCED entry. But whether we realize it OR not, we carry around a list of inherent lifestyle priorities; and these choices are what we aid our happiness by. Our lives are based on our values, which can be in the category of LOVE, POLITICS, HEALTH, SOCIAL CAUSES, SEXUALITY and so forth. These values are formed throughout our life under varying circumstances. SO I CANNOT HELP BUT WONDER HOW SEX BECAME MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN OUR LIVES…I GUESS IN THE END IT DOES NOT MATTER I AM TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS BIGGER THAN ME…THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS GETTING OFF; BUT EQUALITY DOES NOT START WITH SEX, IT HASN’T THEN & IT WON’T NOW. EQUALITY IN SEX MEANS EQUAL OPPORTUNITIES TO ENGAGE EMOTIONS & FEELINGS TO ENSURE THAT PASSION & CONNECTION ARE INTACT. I GET THAT SEX IS IMPORTANT & IT SHOULD NOT BE ELIMINATED FROM OUR LIVES…ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT WE SHOULD ALLOW THE INTIMACY TO MEAN SOMETHING BEYOND THE ACT ITSELF…SO HOW ABOUT WE NOT LET IT BE THE SOLE BASIS FOR ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WE ARE EMBARKING UPON?
We usually complain about the reductionist conceptions straight people have about us, but our own so-called gay community seem to dictate a "normality" of homosexual behavior... Some will say: "No anal penetration? That's bromance, not a gay relationship!".
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. Most of the time I just seek intimacy not anal sex.
ReplyDeleteEDUARDO - WHAT DO THEY KNOW? :)
ReplyDeleteJEREMY - INTIMACY IS THE BEST...
Over the years I have come to the realization that most gay men including myself measure our relationships primarily on sex; even when I envision a relationship with someone I envision the sex that I expect or want from such relationship instead of entertaing the companionship and intimacy that could develop within that relationship.
ReplyDeleteAnal sex often validates such relationships, sharing our bodies in the most sexual way. I agree intimacy should rule, but instant gradification takes center stage.
CHET - IT WOULD BE NICE IF WE GAY MEN COULD FIND A BALANCE BETWEEN INTIMACY & INSTANT GRATIFICATION...
ReplyDeletemany just don't want 2 invest in anything more because it actually requires work! intimacy means being totally there and not just enough 2 get off...
ReplyDeleteTHE CAP DOC - SO TRUE...WE LOVE WHAT SEEMS LIKE THE EASY ROAD HUH?
ReplyDeleteRelationships take a lot of work, but make no mistake, sex is another ingredient on the long list of what makes the gumbo of happy partnerships work. First and foremost, we must accept that we are MEN and our psyche includes the need for palpable objects to our affection. That we are MEN who want to be in fulfilling relationships is secondary. I routinely massage the kinks of communication in my relationship, but I also have to be equally skilled at massaging my man’s sexual being as all of this will bring about a healthy relationship. Just as WATER is necessary for survival, but not exclusive to our existence, so is sex in a long-term relationship. I think the greater challenge is learning how to continue to see each other as mutually attractive sexual beings after the comfort of complete intimacy takes over and the friendship pervades.
ReplyDelete