¿SAME-SEX SOUL-MATES?

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As far back as I can remember I have been intrigued by the concept of SOUL-MATES. As I thought about it more and more, I realized that the world @ large had this notion that SOUL-MATES can ONLY be a male and female. Of course this did NOT sit well me because it does NOT include those of us that are a matched pair. Hence my question ¿SAME-SEX SOUL-MATES? To answer this question, let us first understand what SOUL-MATES are, for there are several different definitions of the term. According to the American psychic and prophet, Edgar Cayce, who first spoke about SOUL-MATES in the 1930’s while in deep trance, SOUL-MATES are two souls who, after a series of lifetimes together, become so close to each other that their destinies become intertwined. They help each other evolve to a higher level of soul evolution, until they reach perfection and union with God. From the above definition we can glean that SOUL-MATES are perfect partners who help each other attain a higher level of spiritual development which could not otherwise be achieved by being with another person. The main purpose therefore of a SOUL-MATES encounter is mutual help towards perfection, or union with God. Therefore, I feel that it is INFINITELY possible that a SAME-SEX couple could be each other’s SOUL-MATES. Though we seldom meet our SOUL-MATE, I still feel that it is possible. I am a believer that those that we keep company exist with us in more than one lifetime; and I feel that we get to live OUR lives in each aspect imaginable. Hence we need to UNDERSTAND that it takes many lifetimes of existence on this earth to develop such closeness with another human being. I feel this happens because we still have to work out our karma with other people and our SOUL-MATES also have to work out his OR her karma with other individuals. When they are done with such obligations or have paid off their karmic debts with others, you will definitely meet each other. It is @ that time onwards I believe that they will be together. So the PAST, PRESENT and FUTURE relationships that come your way and does NOT tug @ your soul should be seen as SOUL-MATES IN THE MAKING. They are merely souls that are evolving to be with their ONE TRUE MATE. Therefore, I say do NOT loose heart because you meet men OR women that are NOT worthy of who you are, rather help them help you get to your SOUL-MATE. IT IS SAID THAT LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO AROUND & THAT IT IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO A PERSON. IT IS ALSO SAID THAT EVERYONE HAS A SOUL-MATE & WITH THIS PERSON YOU CAN FIND THE ULTIMATE TRUE LOVE YOU DESIRE. I KNOW THAT MANY OF GAY & STRAIGHT ALIKE WOULD SAY THAT HOMOSEXUALS CANNOT FIND SUCH A PERSON IN EACH OTHER, BUT I BEG TO DIFFER! WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A REAL COMMITTED SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, SEXUAL & ROMANTIC, HOW COULD THIS PERSON NOT BE YOUR SOUL-MATE? SEX ORGANS DO NOT DICTATE FATE & DESTINY, IN FACT DESTINY HAS IT OWN SET OF RULES & US NOT BEING ABLE TO PREDICT OR CONTROL IT SHOWS THAT THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE WORLD & OURSELVES. THINK OF HOW LUCKY YOU ARE WHEN YOU FIND THE ONE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WITH NO MATTER HIS/HER GENDER…

¿HOW SOON IS TOO SOON?

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As many of you may not know, I was planning on getting married in less than month (October 25, 2008 to be precise), but due to situations beyond our control we decided to put it on hold. This day I have foreseen for as long as I can remember and it saddens me that it won’t happen. But as the wedding officiant said, IT IS NOT MARRIAGE WHICH MAKES A RELATIONSHIP STRONG; BUT THE STRENGTH OF THE RELATIONSHIP WHICH MAKES IT A MARRIAGE. Reading those words made me feel okay about things not happening as planned. However reading some other words did NOT! I was sitting down @ my pc trying to figure out what I wanted to blog about today. Not too long after I had this thought a friend of mine hit me up asking how I was doing and how my hubby was? Of course I said that we are fine and it is was @ this time that I told him that wedding was on hold. He expressed his sympathy but also added that maybe it is for the best because he felt that it was TOO soon for us to be talking about getting married. So imagine what my thoughts were when he said that. Nonetheless, I kept my cool because I refuse to allow him OR anyone to make my relationship a threesome. But I would be telling a lie if I say that I didn’t find it VERY interesting AND hilariously funny that this man like SO many other gay men have the nerve to tell others how to go about their relationships, ESPECIALLY if they don’t have a stable one of their own. I mean this guy’s idea of a committed relationship is putting his ass up in the air for some dick while he hope N’ pray that this is the one for him…Now I don’t know about you, but when it comes to relationships I take mine VERY seriously and I do NOT leave LOVE to chance. However I can’t help but feel sorry him and the many others that are just like him. It kills me to know that these men CRAVE LOVE and would rather that I be as they are. Nonetheless, in these trying times, I find that we cannot afford to live as if live doesn’t mean a thing AND that whatever man comes our way is just for the time being. Too many of us are all about the supplementary AND NOT the complimentary; and it is KILLING us. @ THE END OF THE DAY, THIS IS MY LIFE & I AM GOING TO LIVE IT THE WAY MY HEART N’ SOUL DICTATES. MOREOVER, I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT LOVE IS GREAT & SHARING THAT WITH JUST ONE MAN IS PERFECT FOR ME. I GUESS IN THE REALITY OF THINGS I CAN’T BE THAT HARD ON HIM FOR THINKING THE WAY HE DOES, AFTER ALL NOT BEING THE ONE THAT I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH IS A DIFFICULT PILL TO SWALLOW…¿HOW SOON IS TOO SOON YOU MAKE ASK? IT ISN’T SOON ENOUGH FOR ME…I CAN’T WAIT TO STAND IN FRONT THAT ALTER & SAY I DO IN FRONT OF GOD, MAN & THE ELEMENTS…THIS MOMENT WON’T BE TOO SOON FOR ME.

¿WHAT ARE YOUR INNER-DEMONS?

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ARE YOU LIVING A REFLECTION OF YOUR CORE TRUTH? ARE YOU FULLY ALIGNED WITH WHO YOU ARE? DO YOU WANT TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE BUT THERE IS AN ELEMENT BLOCKING YOU? If your answer is NO, NO and YES then I say you must deal with your INNER-DEMONS. Most of the demons that we constantly battle with feed on OUR addictions. These addictions take many forms and so many of us have an UNHEALTHY relationship with them. It seems that when we try to FREE ourselves, something seems to push us further AND further into the abyss; and when this happens we somehow feel that this is life and this is what it is all about. But if one were to interject a counterintuitive, they would realize that we should get the best that life has to offer AND instinctively gravitate toward that. However, being creatures of habit and EASY targets for the elements that invade our lives; we gravitate towards PEOPLE, PLACES and certain PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR that do us NO good. Many of the addictions we form are NOT conscious AND are based instead on learned behavior. Therefore if one is about break his/her addiction, they would have to kick their demons to the curb AND see life in a new light. I know this is difficult, but if we have compassion for ourselves as we work this process we can get there. It is helpful to remember is that in time we can establish NEW, HEALTHIER PATTERNS and a YEARNING for the old ones to disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change will form the basis of a new habit. In the mean time we need to understand that the ONLY way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way. IT IS ALL ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOU & NOT LIVING FOR SOMEONE/SOMETHING ELSE. THOUGH YOUR DEMONS MAY NOT BE LIKE THOSE YOU SEE IN THE MOVIES, THEY MAY AS WELL BE BECAUSE HAVING A LIFE THAT IS NOT HAPPY OR PRODUCTIVE MEANS YOU ARE NOT LIVING UP TO YOUR POTENTIAL. SO BEFORE WE CHOOSE TO TAKE ON LIFE’S ELEMENTS, HOW ABOUT WE MAKE SURE THAT WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH SELF-LOVE, SELF-CARE & THAT WE ARE LIVING OUR TRUTH? WE NEED TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES SO THAT OUR ACATIONS WON’T BETRAY US. AFTER ALL LIFE IS ALL ABOUT LIVING ACCORDING YOUR OWN SET OF HEALTHY RULES & STANDARDS…¿WHAT ARE YOUR INNER-DEMONS & WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THEM?

IF YOU ASKED ME TO

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Céline Dion covered IF YOU ASKED ME TO and released it as the second single from her eponymous album. It was produced by Walter Afanasieff and was released on April 6, 1992 in the United States, and later the same year in the rest of the world. The song was a hit in the United States and Canada. "If You Asked Me To" reached number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 (number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 Airplay and number 11 on the Hot 100 Singles Sales) and did even better on the Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks chart, spending three weeks at number 1. In Canada, it reached number 3 on the singles sales chart and number 1 on the radio chart. The single had moderate success elsewhere. "If You Asked Me To" was released twice in the United Kingdom: first, in June 1992, when it peaked at number 60, and the second time in December 1992, when it reached number 57. According to Nielsen Sound Scan, the single sold 413,000 copies in the U.S. This song in my opinion shows Celine’s classic style and is DEFINITELY a favorite of mine.

¿WHY ARE WOMEN LESBIAN?

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As a gay man I have come across other gay men that asked WHY WOULD A WOMAN BE A LESBIAN? And of course I was dumb founded as I am NOT a lesbian and found it quite peculiar AND interesting to say the least. If you think about it from a typical point of view, most lesbians use a phallic  symbol to cap of a sexual encounter after oral sex. Hence comes most of the confusion, with gay men they are giving themselves something that NO woman ever could and there is NOTHING from the opposite sex involved. After doing some reading and research of my own I realized that LESBIANS aren’t just women that couldn’t find a man to satisfy them…nor is it something hormonal. I have come to see that SEX is a case by case bases and each and everyone of us have different things that work for us. It took me a while but I got why a woman would want to be with another woman; after all woman knows what a woman want AND need. So it is PERFECTLY natural that there are women out there that express themselves in this way sexually. It is about their LOVE, ATTRACTION, SEXUAL DESIRE and AFFECTION FOR EACH OTHER. I guess in order to make sense of this we need to ask ourselves WHY ARE WE GAY or STRAIGHT? I would think that it is MORE than NOT wanting a woman if you are gay OR wanting the same-sex if you are not. LOVE is LOVE and lesbians feel emotions just like everyone else on this planet. I FEEL THAT GOD TEST WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW & BELIEVE ALL THE TIME; & LESBIANISM IS VERY MUCH APART OF THAT.  I LOVE THAT THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO CAN FIND THEIR SOUL-MATE IN ANOTHER WOMAN; & THIS SHOWS THAT WE NEED TO REALIZE THAT SEXUALITY GOES BEYOND WHAT WE THINK WE KNOW OR FEEL. IT IS ABOUT TWO PERSONS FINDING EACH OTHER & MAKING A LIFE WITH EACH OTHER, EVEN IF THEY ARE LESBIAN.

BOYZ PLAY WITH BOYZ

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NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that I was GAY or that my playing with my male friends in that way was such a bad thing. Moreover I didn’t understand until now why I got punished for taking PLAY TIME even further. If only I could have been told that NOTHING was wrong with me by those in charge AND that sexuality is PERFECTLY natural…WISHFUL THINKING I SUPPOSE…They thought that they had caged the monster, but how long can you keep a beast in captivity before it turns on you?

As a result I held a lot inside and I only THANK GOD that I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. But it is hard living and knowing that you are different and that you are something the world doesn’t approve of. I guess those around me found it EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where we do NOT pass any gender stereotypes. Looking back, I suppose @ that time in my life my heart knew that being with my friends in that way was nature and NOT nurture, only my brain couldn’t formulate this. Moreover, I wish that my actions said that being GAY is just a variation in Genes and is NO different from someone having blue OR brown eyes.

I guess my playing with my friends in this way caused them to associate me playing with girl toys AND doing girly things. Nonetheless, I can’t help but to wonder if either of those things are such a bad thing. WHY WERE MY THOUGHTS OF THINKING HOW BEAUTIFUL MY FRIENDS WERE IS SUCH A NO NO? Talk about NOT knowing your place in the world…I guess I was supposed to be a SLAVE and try to be someone that I am NOT! GOD TALK ABOUT PAIN & SUFFERING…CAN YOU IMAGINE JUST LIVING EACH DAY PRAYING THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY & FULFILLED? I wish that so many of us could find that boy again AND experience life without it being seen as good OR bad…right OR wrong…I find it RATHER sad that as we grow up we LOOSE our way AND are continually influenced by the beliefs AND ideas of an unjust society that STEALS OUR FREEDOM.

Homosexuality is frowned upon by so many and those who partake in it are viewed as perverted OR sick. If only those involved would choose to live in a manner which is accepting to them AND NOT the other way around. But I guess through NO fault of their own most grownups live in a world that tells them constantly that a relationship needs to take on a certain look; and that is SHOULD be between a man AND a woman. But the MAN that I am knows that the boy I was that liked playing with others boys was onto something. I MEAN HOW DOES A MAN TRY TO LIVE A LIFE ACCORDING TO THE COMMONLY ACCEPTED BELIEF THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG? Don’t get me wrong, I get that HOMOSEXUALITY is NOT for everyone; but @ the same time, I believe the same goes for traditional relationships. Many of us are IDEALLY suited for HOMOSEXUALITY, yet we succumb to the pressure of society. Submissiveness is a quality that is deemed a sign of weakness and making the choice to ACCEPT ones sexuality opens one to rejection by family and friends. Nevertheless, it is also one that ULTIMATELY leads to the path of FREEDOM. 

MOST OF US CAN REMEMBER THE FEELING OF BEING HOME THINKING BACK TO OUR CHILDHOOD, IF ONLY WE COULD FIND SOMEWAY TO TAP INTO THAT PART OF OURSELVES. LIVING A LIFE ACCORDING TO WHAT IS TRUE FOR ONESELF IS WHAT FREEDOM IS; & THAT IS WHAT I BELIEVE THAT ‘GOD’ MEANT FOR US TO DO. WHEN I THINK ABOUT ME PLAYING WITH OTHER BOYS WHEN I WAS A BOY MYSELF, I CAN ONLY THANK ‘GOD’ THAT I VALUE, APPRECIATE, RESPECT & LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO NEVER TO ALLOW OTHERS TO CAUSE ME TO SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.

BECAUSE I BELIEVE...

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I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

It doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

It doesn't mean they do love each other.

 I Believe...

That we don't have to change friends if

We understand that friends change.

I Believe...

That no matter how good a friend is,

They're going to hurt you every once in a while

And you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...

That true friendship continues to grow, even over

The longest distance…

The same goes for TRUE love.

I Believe....

That you can do something in an instant

That will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...

That you should always leave loved ones with

Loving words…

It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...

That we are responsible for what

We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done

When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...

That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...

That he & I could do anything OR nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you

When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,  

But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had

And what you've learned from them and less to do

With how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...

That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...

That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...

That you shouldn't be so eager to find

Out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I Believe...

Two people can look at the exact same

Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...

That your life can be changed in a matter of

Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...

That even when you think you have no more to give, when

A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...

Those credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...

That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything:

They just make the best of everything they have.

I Believe…

Life is a gift given by the God to us.

I Believe…

Life is like a diamond which makes us beautiful

And shows us how much precious we are.

So fill your life with full of colors.

Don't waste it or spoil it.

Because God will never give you a second chance.

I Believe…

WELCOME TO WELLNESS

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Wellness—as opposed to fitness—is making a comeback among gay men, and with good reason. Where a previous generation thought of wellness as just the absence of illness, these days wellness programs acknowledge that there's a lot more to being well than just not getting sick. And, at different moments of your life, how you assess your wellness, and what you need to do to maintain it, will substantially change. To stay well, you need to be able to gauge your wellness, and take steps to correct imbalances in your life. In this and subsequent pieces, I'll point some potential challenges to wellness at different ages, and direct you to some resources that can help keep you on track. Whether you're in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties or sixties, there are actions you can undertake to keep well. Today we'll start with some introductory wellness tips for guys in their twenties—but if you've already left that decade behind, stay tuned. In the coming weeks, I'll have tips for the more…mature population as well. GETTING STARTED: WHAT IS WELLNESS? If wellness isn't just avoiding getting sick, then what is it? Wellness experts identify six major areas of wellness. Take a look at them and think about the form they take in your life—bearing in mind that there may be overlap between categories. 

• PHYSICAL: Your physical wellness includes all the things you would expect, like your cardiovascular fitness, your strength, and your endurance; but it also includes preventive measures, such as regular testing for diseases, and maintaining a healthy diet, even if you're not overweight. In a traditional wellness program, the physical would be the entire emphasis—notice here that it's only one of six elements. That is because the body's wellness does not exist in a vacuum; it is part of an overall goal of health for the entire individual.

• SOCIAL: Social wellness is not just about having fun. It's also a way of addressing your interdependence with the people around you. You will have a better, healthier life (and body) if you have strong relationships and a sense of community. In fact, studies show that people who have strong social networks tend to live longer. But you will have to actively promote and maintain those relationships, rather than just rely on them to be there when you really need them. 

• SPIRITUAL: We often think of spirituality as necessarily meaning religion. And, for some people, religion will certainly be a key part of a spiritual life. But from a wellness point of view, spiritual fulfillment will more generally mean feeling that there is a purpose to your life. This can range from practicing meditation, to taking up volunteer activities in your community. Anything you do that lets you feel that you are here for a reason, and that you have a connection beyond the purely physical (even in a mind/body sense) will form part of your spiritual life.

• INTELLECTUAL: Your intellectual development doesn't stop after school ends. Later in life you can, of course, pursue another degree—but you can also find other ways of maintaining your intellectual wellness. Creativity can do this, for instance, by stimulating new areas of your mind. Take up a new art, or some writing. Try to find mentally stimulating activities. The idea is to expand your sphere of interest beyond what you already find comfortable. 

• OCCUPATIONAL: You probably spend eight to 10 of your waking hours in a workplace that you hope will be fulfilling, where you are setting and meeting goals, and where you feel a sense of achievement. To get to this state, you want to stay on top of your occupational wellness. Do you do work that you enjoy, and is it satisfying? Do you like both your work and your job, or only one? Does what you do match what you want from life, and how you see yourself? Note that this is not necessarily about financial gain; this is about fulfillment in your job and your profession. 
  

• PSYCHOLOGICAL: Your psychological wellness may be heavily dependent on other areas of your life. Problems elsewhere—in your relationships, or your career—will take a toll on your psychology. That's why you need to be able to assess where you stand emotionally, and have strategies for improving your feelings. What would you need to change in your life to feel better about yourself? Are there habits of mind that are keeping you back in life? Is there a form of therapy that you want to think about taking on to work on your psychological wellness, whether traditional psychotherapy, or hypnosis or other more alternative methods?

I hope that EVERY glance at this list will leave you wondering where to put the various elements of your life. After all, your friendships are part of your social wellness, but if they are work friends they may be part of your occupational situation, and will, sooner or later, cross into your psychological wellness. Most of the elements of your life will not fall sharply into one single category. That's OK—instead of thinking of these as hard-and-fast categories, you want to assess how the elements of your life are interconnected, and how changes in one area bring changes elsewhere. Your goal isn't to separate the pieces of your life into categories, but to try to restore balance when something in your life brings one category out of kilter with the others. Only you know your own life—and so it's up to you to develop a thorough portrait of what things in your life impact which areas of your wellness.

THE CONDOMN CONUNDRUM

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As many as 4 out of 10 HIV-positive black men could be putting their partners at risk by not using condoms, according to research in the Journal of Advanced Nursing. The study found that many of the 40- to 65-year-olds were engaging in high-risk sexual practices, including 38% who didn’t use condoms during oral sex, 25% who had unprotected vaginal sex, and 22% who engaged in unsafe anal sex. The research also showed that men who were single and displayed fewer HIV symptoms were least likely to use condoms during sex. “Despite the worrying number of men not using condoms, 78% of those who took part in the study were able to answer questions about HIV correctly, and 25% claimed to be knowledgeable about the subject but still engaged in risky sex,” says Christopher Lance Coleman, Ph.D., of the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing. The findings are worrying, he adds, particularly in view of rising HIV rates among black Americans. “Health promotion messages have traditionally been targeted at young people,” Coleman points out, “but the increased prevalence of older ethnic males with HIV makes it essential for health professionals to promote safer sex and increased condom use with this group.”

The Trap 

The Trap

I wrapped myself in a mess

Thinking about it caused stress

Which isn’t good for my HIV status

The unhappy mood lowered my t cells

I should escape it by going in a shell

It would put me at ease

I could end up in a decease world

Only I don’t pass the problem

I wished I forget about it

Why dished it out with the problem?

I fished for answers and a solution

It’s causing me no good

A friend gave me food for thought

“Annoy the person and the problem.

Let it work itself out of it.”

Some stupid things get the best of me

I feel for the trap