PLEASE 4GIVE ME :(

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I chose not to LOOK...LISTEN...RESPECT him. I just wanted to get mine; I mean why not he got his? And did he ever...HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO F&CK SOMEONE SO BAD THAT YOU THREW ALL COMMON SENSE OUT OF THE WINDOW? HAVE YOU EVER PUT ANOTHER PERSON @ RISK WITH THEM KNOWING OR CARE IF THEY DID? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A POSITION WHERE A CONDOM JUST KILLED YOUR ERECTION AND ALL YOU COULD THINK ABOUT IS GETTING THAT ASS?...I have...I know what I did was horrible and if I could change it, I wouldn't change a thing. Funny how that works huh? But bear with me, I am just saying that it was a learning experience...I learned that NOT every ASS that comes in my bed has to get my D!CK...I've learned that I have played a very dangerous game and no matter how healthy I am, I don't have the right to F&CK another without a CONDOM. I should know better, I am in a community that says when it cums to sex that I use a condom. Did I pay attention? HELL NO! ALL THAT WAS ON MY MIND WAS HOW THIS NIGGAH F&CKED THE SH!T OUT OF ME AND I COULDN'T GO OUT LIKE THAT! I had to get mine & get mine I did...was it worth it? Thinking about it now I would say NO! I acted immature and didn't use COMMON SENSE, I PUT MY LIFE ON THE LINE 4 ‘EMPTY’ SEX...It would have made sense if I "play unsafe" seeking a human connection instead of fulfilling my sexual psychological addiction. Evidently I am swimming in the shallow end of the mental pool. I understand that impulse...I TOTALLY GET MY NEED FOR REVENGE, I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND MY NEED TO BE STUPID…ESPECIALLY WITH AN ACT SO MECHANICAL…I know now that regardless of the mechanics, I have destroyed an expression of trust and caring (@ least). I in my need to pump my ego and soothe my pride did something so wrong, so bad…so unforgivable…I can’t imagine living with myself…I only hope that when HE finds out that he can FORGIVE ME because GOD knows I can’t forgive myself!