One of my highest values in life is FREEDOM. Many talk about this concept yet few realize it; and this has caused much pain AND suffering for quite a number of us. Most if not ALL of has had the chance to explore OUR sexuality @ the childhood phase. I can remember when I was a little boy playing with other boys AND REALLY, REALLY LOVING IT! I can remember playing COWBOYS N’ INDIANS and DELIBERATELY allowing my friends to capture me. I LOVED the feeling of being handle AND feeling my friend holding me FIRM against his body AND feeling his penis right on my curious behind. That was then, this is now; yet I can’t help but be amazed @ how FREE life seemed @ that time in mylife. I was being me and enjoying it…
NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that I was GAY or that my playing with my male friends in that way was such a bad thing. Moreover I didn’t understand until now why I got punished for taking PLAY TIME even further. If only I could have been told that NOTHING was wrong with me by those in charge AND that sexuality is PERFECTLY natural…WISHFUL THINKING I SUPPOSE…They thought that they had caged the monster, but how long can you keep a beast in captivity before it turns on you?
As a result I held a lot inside and I only THANK GOD that I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. But it is hard living and knowing that you are different and that you are something the world doesn’t approve of. I guess those around me found it EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where we do NOT pass any gender stereotypes. Looking back, I suppose @ that time in my life my heart knew that being with my friends in that way was nature and NOT nurture, only my brain couldn’t formulate this. Moreover, I wish that my actions said that being GAY is just a variation in Genes and is NO different from someone having blue OR brown eyes.
I guess my playing with my friends in this way caused them to associate me playing with girl toys AND doing girly things. Nonetheless, I can’t help but to wonder if either of those things are such a bad thing. WHY WERE MY THOUGHTS OF THINKING HOW BEAUTIFUL MY FRIENDS WERE IS SUCH A NO NO? Talk about NOT knowing your place in the world…I guess I was supposed to be a SLAVE and try to be someone that I am NOT! GOD TALK ABOUT PAIN & SUFFERING…CAN YOU IMAGINE JUST LIVING EACH DAY PRAYING THAT YOU CAN BE HAPPY & FULFILLED? I wish that so many of us could find that boy again AND experience life without it being seen as good OR bad…right OR wrong…I find it RATHER sad that as we grow up we LOOSE our way AND are continually influenced by the beliefs
AND ideas of an unjust society
that STEALS OUR FREEDOM.
Homosexuality is frowned upon by so many and those who partake in it are viewed as perverted OR sick. If only those involved would choose to live in a manner which is accepting to them AND NOT the other way around. But I guess through NO fault of their own most grownups live in a world that tells them constantly that a relationship needs to take on a certain look; and that is SHOULD be between a man AND a woman. But the MAN that I am knows that the boy I was that liked playing with others boys was onto something. I MEAN HOW DOES A MAN TRY TO LIVE A LIFE ACCORDING TO THE COMMONLY ACCEPTED BELIEF THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG? Don’t get me wrong, I get that HOMOSEXUALITY is NOT for everyone; but @ the same time, I believe the same goes for traditional relationships. Many of us are IDEALLY suited for HOMOSEXUALITY, yet we succumb to the pressure of society. Submissiveness is a quality that is deemed a sign of weakness and making the choice to ACCEPT ones sexuality opens one to rejection by family and friends. Nevertheless, it is also one that ULTIMATELY leads to the path of FREEDOM.
MOST OF US CAN REMEMBER THE FEELING OF BEING HOME THINKING BACK TO OUR CHILDHOOD, IF ONLY WE COULD FIND SOMEWAY TO TAP INTO THAT PART OF OURSELVES. LIVING A
LIFE ACCORDING TO WHAT
IS TRUE FOR ONESELF IS WHAT FREEDOM IS; & THAT IS WHAT I BELIEVE THAT ‘GOD’
MEANT FOR US TO DO. WHEN I THINK ABOUT ME PLAYING WITH OTHER BOYS WHEN I WAS A BOY MYSELF,
I CAN ONLY THANK ‘GOD’ THAT I VALUE, APPRECIATE, RESPECT & LOVE MYSELF
ENOUGH TO NEVER TO ALLOW OTHERS TO CAUSE ME TO SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.