¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Friday, 20 February 2009

NEGOTIATING SEX WITH YOUR PARTNER


Dr. Weston Edwards wrote this INTERESTING article and I thought it would be nice to share it with you guys…One of the most difficult tasks in any relationship is being able to comfortably talk about sex with our partners.  The issues can range from simply how often and what to do to whether or not the relationship should be open, monogamous or some variation thereof. The main goal is to be open AND honest about what you want so that you BOTH can be happy @ the end of the day. So THE key component of sexual health is a similarity between your values and your behaviors. As you think about sex with your partner, there are a few things you should make sure that you are doing and they are:

  1. TELL HIM – Have you communicated what you like and don’t like with your partner?   Too many times I’ve run into couples saying to one another “I didn’t know that.”  For any number of reasons (shame, self-esteem, fear of being judged, not wanting to upset their partner), clients won’t talk about their likes and dislikes. Now is not the time to be bashful. 
  2. ASK HIM– Once you know what you like, do you know what your partner likes and dislikes?  It's important not only to know what but why he or she has these interests.   For example, I worked with a couple where one guy wouldn’t bottom because it physically hurt.  It turned out the pain was due to anal warts, and once those were addressed, the problem went away.   
  3. LEARN – Don't be shy if you don't know how to do something. Whether you're a top or a bottom, you need to learn some basics regarding foreplay, stretching the sphincter muscle, proper clean up and so on.   
  4. GET HELP – If after going through the first 3 steps you find you are still having problems, you may want to seek some outside help. This doesn't necessarily mean therapy or counseling, although professional help is a very good option for more challenging problems.  Try having a frank, "out of the box" conversation in which you look at creative outlets and avenues to get your sexual needs met. These could include talking to your spiritual adviser, attending a body electric or similar sexuality workshop, or reading "The Joy of Gay Sex."  Each of these interventions might be helpful in breaking the log jam in your relationship. 
  5. PRIORITIZING – Some relationships are not focused on sex because they are rich in other ways, such as shared values or emotional connections. Consider the importance of your sexual request.  Are you willing to live without it? In looking at the whole picture you might have to agree not to engage in the behavior.  This is often the case in 'kinkier' types of sexual behavior.  If you absolutely are unwilling to live without the type of sexual behavior, consider the next two ideas. 
  6. SUBSTITUTING – If your need or desire is important enough that you choose to not live without it, you and your partner need to negotiate an alternative way to get your sexual needs met.  This can be difficult and elicit significant fear, jealousy and raise other issues.  It may or may not require changes in the type of your relationship. For example, if your partner loves BDSM and you don't, would you be comfortable if your partner visited these kinds of websites in order for him to chat with others so he can indulge in the fantasy?  Or, if you are both "bottoms" you may have to incorporate "toys" into the relationship. 
  7. TRANSITIONING – In my experience, ongoing and significant issues regarding sex can be symptoms of underlying problems with the relationship.  While no one likes to hear it, the failure to arrive at a solution might suggest the relationship may not be a healthy one.  A hard and honest look at your relationship may reveal it isn't healthy and may need to end.  An example of behavior in an unhealthy relationship might include saying things like “Yes I’ll do it” but never intending to follow through.  Or constantly trying to persuade your partner to engage in a behavior is also manipulation and not a healthy sign.  If you are both stuck in this area and don't see a solution, seeking outside professional help may be the best and possibly the last option for you.

Sexual satisfaction is a major component of overall relationship satisfaction.  Research has repeatedly stressed overall health is connected to relationship satisfaction.  If you continue to struggle in this area, I strongly recommend seeking additional help from a qualified professional. 

28 comments:

  1. Great post buddy!!!! TWO THUMBS UP!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ditto deonte'..this is a great post..communication is the key in many areas of relationships....regarding sex, communication can def make it better..in my experiences when there's an open communication about likes/dislikes etc. it makes the overall act more pleasurable for both parties. It also helps develop/strengthen the bond between the individuals.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Strokes beard and nods in approval!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I feel bad saying this Gayte...I aint read this yet (well just the first paragraph)...lol I can't get pass the picture! HOT HOT HOT!
    I promise I'll come back and read the rest of the post.
    Where do you find these picture. As far as I can tell it looks like thats a painting/drawing not a actual photo. Love to find out the artist.

    ReplyDelete
  5. DEONTE' K - HOLD THOSE THUMBS WAAAAYYYY UP!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. JERZEY_REALITY - GLAD TO GET YOUR NOD OF APPROVAL...MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT HE HAS TO NEGOTIATE L(O)L...

    ReplyDelete
  7. PHARAOH - YOU CAN READ IT LATER...I SUPPOSE...

    ReplyDelete
  8. ok ok ok...I like negotiations.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love this photo
    Exchange of saliva is hot
    Arching of the back
    Only question is are these men or some man / beast hybrid?
    What's up with the nipples and the 'top' face
    Everything is bulging - everything & then you have
    such delicate hands

    No tattoos - disappointing :-[

    ReplyDelete
  10. ®‡ø - SO DOES THIS SPARK SOMETHING IN YOU?

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is so true....Learned it when I was 16....And it works!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Waaaaaaaaait...what is that he is spitting in his mouth ewww

    ReplyDelete
  13. REGGIE - ME THINKS ME COULD LEARN A LOT FROM YOU...PASS KNOWLEDGE NOW PLEASE...(^_^)

    ReplyDelete
  14. OYIN - IT'S CALLED NEGOTIATIONS...L(O)L...

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yup - cash and a little sweet talkin can go a long way....

    ReplyDelete
  16. LUIS BLASINI - AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH

    ReplyDelete
  17. I dunno about any of this. I'm a virgin. I'm saving myself till I'm married.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Thumbs up and high fives all around!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. SIR-YELLOW-BONE? - FOUND SOMETHING IN THERE THAT REFLECTS YOU HUH?

    ReplyDelete

THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICE...

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails