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Monday, 01 November 2010

¿WHY SO ROUGH ON A 'BOTTOM'?

To us gay men being called ‘a big ole bottom’ is usually a put-down in the form of joke. Imagine being @ a club and resident drag queen working the crowd picks out an audience member and asks, ‘are you a top or a bottom?” And before her target has gotten two words out, she howls, “Bottom!” The essence of the joke is: Don’t kid yourself, honey. Nobody thinks you’re a man; you’re just a big girl. Now imagine that very same man approaching you with a come on like, ‘what time is it?’ So you look @ your wrist but you can tell for some reason or another that he's not interested in the time, he wants to F&CK! You're not TOO keen on getting with him because he was in the spotlight and you’d consider fooling around with him if it wasn’t SO obvious what role he would play sexually but...Isn’t it something how most guys that take on the role as a bottom would say that it is one of THE PRIME JOYS OF A GAY MAN’S SEX LIFE? They make it the center of their erotic universe no matter how you want it serve. However, if one were to do a survey on how gay men feel about taking a dick, most would make you feel as if you asked them if they have HIV or something because in the gay community taking a dick is the last thing most gay men want to admit they do.
But why is that? Why is there shame attached to bottoming? I know that there are MANY myths and fears about anal sex, and it’s normal to feel them, but…Humans are the only animal that can face each other in sex. I think we have this ability so we can create a potential bond. Do you think we as gay men could ever have sex with each other without the psychological pleasure n’ pain attached? To see another gay man as less than because you ‘top’ him sexually means we are making something that is natural, feel unnatural. If we continue to believe that the only REAL man is the one who gets hard and does the work, then that keeps the fear I’m not a man ALIVE! Condemning a gay man for ‘bottoming’ causes repression that will seep out into the community in less than desirable ways that only agitate our psyche; and I find it SO stupid to bask in pleasure of ‘topping’ a ‘bottom’ only to hand out shame as soon as you ejaculate.

Freedom will continue to elude us as long as we REFUSE to accept that man is man! We are not meant to come to earth to foolishly chasing ‘wants and sexual desires’ without accepting that how we do what we do has a priority that should not be treated as something shameful. We need to be ETERNALLY grateful for having the opportunities to experience each other the way(s) we do. YOU ARE NOT A MAN BECAUSE YOU DON’T TAKE IT UP THE ASS! This homophobia many have towards the gay men they ‘top’ just translates to our inability to really love a man beyond lustful needs. I know that gay porn makes it look like all gay guys are experts @ receiving, but that is fantasy and they are paid to sell that to us!
I often think about my ex and how he would swear that he was NEVER topped by me and he LOVED dick more than I did! People knowing that he ‘bottomed’ in our relationship shows the unexamined attitudes about gender roles, power and desire we gay men don’t deal with. I read somewhere that, ‘what stops men from embracing the pleasure of bottoming almost always have to do with the personal meaning one attaches to the experience.’ So where do those meanings come from? And is it possible to shift them? I SAY YES! But we have to first redefine what it means to ‘get fucked in the ass.’ We need to remove the humiliation AND stigma attached to being a bottom. This way of thinking stems from the clichéd hetero-male’s revulsion (desire in my mind) of being penetrated, which gets associated exclusively with being a pussy or soft.
I get that we all learn negative attitudes toward homosexuality early in life; and it is hard to not to internalize these antigay messages, but if you THEtop’ that penetrates THEbottom’ what does that really make you? I SAY IT MAKES YOU MAN THAT STUPID FOR FEELING THAT A MAN THAT SUBMITS HIMSELF FOR YOUR PLEASURE IS BENEATH YOU & HE LITERALLY IS, BUT EVERYTIME YOU STICK YOUR D!CK IN ANOTHER MAN’S ASS, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT @ THE CORE OF SHAME, HE IS OTHER SIDE OF YOUR COIN THAT IS STRUGGLING TO GET YOUR HUMAN ACCEPTANCE. There’s wisdom in finding a balance to what we do sexually…balance shows us that we harness our natural male power through our asshole, and NOT our dicks!

57 comments:

  1. 1.)Excellent post!
    2.) that picture is hot as hell! I have a new desk top (lol)...I think I get all of my desk tops from you now.
    3.) A lot of this, I believe, stems from internalized homophobia and latent misogyny. We live in a society that prizes machismo. Therefore, by virtue of loving other men that is automatically perceived as an effeminate trait.
    Bottom bashing is so immature (especially after you break up with someone and they bash you for being the receptive partner).

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  2. I often hear men say, "I want a manly man!"

    The men who can take a physical pounding in bed are all bottoms. Not tops. Only the bottoms -- muscular, twinky, young, old, fat, skinny, whatever -- are the ones who really stand up, physically.

    Nor are bottoms submissive and passive. In fact, I find more bottoms are the dominant one, the one with the outgoing and aggressive personality, the one with the strong sense of self. The tops tend to be go-with-the-herd, or the ones who adopt a false front of aggression.

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  3. MR. TODDY - THANK YOU...GLAD TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AWESOME TASTE IN PHOTOS...YOU ARE SO RIGHT, DO YOU THINK THAT MACHISMO ATTITUDE WILL DIE ANYTIME SOON? SO WHERE YOU BOTTOM BASHED?

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  4. TIM - MOST MEN THAT ARE TOPS ARE SO BRAINLESS!

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  5. But why should sex and relationships in the gay community be different that anything else? Man has alway had a thirst for power and domination. Men dominating women in cave times, Romans over the Egyptians, Germans over Jews, Whites over Blacks, no matter what the time, man has forever had a need to dominate and there by put down those who either display weakness or are put in a submissive position. When you look at Tim's comment, can't the same be said of a women? Don't they take our shit stronger than we do? Yet aren't they still perceived as the weaker and more submissive sex? I'm a TOP. Always have been and always will be. I have yet to take a pounding from another man and yes I admit that I don't think that I could. Bottom bashing may be immature, but thats what feeds us. Not saying that it's right, just saying thats the way it is and has always been. It's apart of human nature that I for one cannot see changing.

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  6. This is a really great post! I am going to spread this entry around for the masses!

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  7. Humans are disgusting!
    Any way to separate and demoralize one another and we take at it. Gays, sex is one of the most amazing was to connect with another human. STOP TRYING TO FULFILL THE PORNOGRAPHIC FICTIONAL LIFE. Sex should be exploitative and exciting, and fulfilling. The most bare level you can get at. RESPECT YOURSELF, YOUR PARTNER SHOULD AS WELL. AND WEAR A DAMN CONDOM CAUSE NO DICK OR ASS IS WORTH MY LAST BREATHE. CHECK PLEASE!

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  8. this is my first time on your site. very interesting read. i dont have sex with men anymore, but when i did i was vers. i felt, "why limit yourself?" i kno im gonna get alot of negative feedback but i did say ANYMORE!ive gotten the negative feedback before and i can deal with but anyway. you're rite though. being a bottom isnt a bad thing. the negativity attached to being a "bottom" is just wrong! without the "bottom" there wouldnt be a "top."

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  9. I suppose there is something about being in control or making a lasting impression on the bottom. I can relate to a time when I would deny that I got bottomed, now I have no problem with being bottomed or being the top. It is a give and take situation.

    There may be a feeling of power and control while topping, but if you know what you're doing the bottom is really the one in control. Pound that ass or grip that dick who's really in control?

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  10. I very much agree. We need to change our attitude towards bottoming, and that starts with changing the way we use language associated with it. Just like "that's so gay!"

    Well said. Will definitely share.

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  11. THAWICKEDONE - BOTTOM BASHING HAS ITS PLACE YES, BUT WHEN A BOTTOM BECOMES JUST THAT TO THE COMMUNITY WE HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM.

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  12. KAPRICORN - WELCOME TO MY LITTLE SPOT...NO BASHING HERE FOR YOU MY FRIEND!

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  13. CHET - RIGHT ON GUY...YOU GOT ME HARD BTW!

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  14. THE BLACKOUT BLOG - THANK YOU SIR!

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  15. You held here extreamly nice view on sex. your ideas touched my inner views you have done nice job be continue.

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  16. @gaytekeeper - Yes, I have been bottom bashed. Without fail every time I have ended a relationship it starts. "Oh forget you lil woman" or "that's why yo lil @$$ a bottom" and etc etc. Uhm, but they wasn't saying all that when we were together though. Yet, they act like being a bottom is the worst thing in the world.
    I do it simply because I enjoy it. No more no less. Does not make me less of a man or human being.

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  17. Spot-on post, thanks much. As a bottom, I have far too many times that I care to recall been teased, mocked and held up to ridicule for my open desire to be penetrated.

    What's especially disheartening is to be mocked by a BF as we break up. For months, however long we've been an item, my effeminacy in the bedroom was always a turn-on. Then, as we break up, I'm suddenly a fairy, a queen, an effeminate loser.

    It certainly makes me cautious as I meet new men. When did being gay mean I had to be Clint Eastwood?

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  18. Good post. For me, I've neither topped or bottomed, so it is one of my most hated questions if a guy were to ask me if I'm a top, bottom, or vers.

    Because I'm short, some may think I'm a bottom, because I'm stocky and average masc, I'm a top or vers. I am neither, and at first that used to be an issue for me when I started exploring my sexual curiosities.

    I'm considered an anomly,so when I tell a guy I am neither, it basically gives me a clear view of what his inentions were in talking to me in the first place. It no longer bothers me, it's a good way to filter out the wrong guys. Just because I haven't topped or bottomed, however, doesn't mean that I don't understand the dynamic of what type of "man" one is due to his sexual role. It still baffles how us men can think at times.

    Overall, my general rule is 50/50...so, the best way to uphold that rule is for mutual play (masturbation) and, possibly, frotting; however I have't done much of that either (as far as frotting). . .TMI, but whatevs lol

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  19. Excellent posting, my friend! I've met many who profess to be "total top" but once you close the bedroom doors, they're flat on their backs with their legs up in the air!

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  20. I have never been bashed by a Man I was intimate with.I am too terroristic to be made fun of.I will go before the whole damn neighborhood & call His Ass out.I will talk about His mama & His shit!So I donot do anal,because I was raped in the neighborhood by 15 Dudes,I saw every day.I was coming from church.A lesbian grill set it up.We are raised in a heterosexual community.So we mimick what We learn growing up.Someone is the lesser,& someone is the real Man.That's old shit! It's time to update Our status.To PROUD! yes.& when people diss You try to kick they Ass! maybe You will fail,but they will pay Hell to mess wit You!You soon get a rep! Even so-called straight Men will give You respect.Respect Yourself!it's true,& You will be respected.I know it works for Me.I didn't ask to be Gay,but I accept it.That's what GOD chose Me to be! You can't find one word about homo's in the words of Jesus.He only condemned the holier than thou Hypocrites!Many sins are worse than loving someone who is Your same sex. Amen

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  21. Thanx for this post and all the comments here. It is always great to tap what other people think and feel. The honest truth is sex has become and has always seemed an issue of power and control. That is why we have the labeling tied to our roles in bed. As a bottom, i have learnt to balance out power and control in my relationships so that sex can becoming satisfying not only physically but emotionally and psychologically. But before i got here... i hated myself for being a bottom. I felt trapped and less of a man.

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  22. UNHAPPY CAPPY – LOVE THE TMI BTW!

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  23. ROGER – I’VE MET THEM AS WELL!

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  24. ANONYMOUS – OMG THAT IS AWFUL! ARE YOU OKAY?

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  25. SINIA SAFI – I AM HAPPY TO READ THAT YOU WORKED THROUGH YOUR FEELINGS TO A BETTER YOU!

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  26. WOWWW!!!!!!!! YESSS you TELL IT! Some of these Tops THINK that just because he dickin you, he rule shit and you aint shit cause you gettin fucked...its BULLSHIT!!!! I for one AIN'T ashame of the fact that I wanna feel him IN me and NOT me in HIM, but if HE think HE RUN shit because if THAT, I'LL bite his DICK OFF,LMAO. Bottoms IS believing that shit cause its BEEN BEAT in THEIR BRAINS. Its just like a lotta Tops thinks ITS BENEATH THEM TO SUCK DICK, they THINK, "Oh THAT'S a BOTTOMS job." BULLLSHIT...NEWS FLASH:if I ain't getting sucked up, U ain't either!

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  27. DONN - TELL THEM! A TOP IS ONLY AS STRONG AS A BOTTOM.

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  28. Great article. I mean, I might look at all those guys with those big dicks and their powerful looking bodies and masculine swaggerin the videos and what not,but on the "for real" aint nobody like that gonna be dicking me like I'm the someone who is made for them to take their masculine aggression out on. Un uh. I've never liked sex in that power and authority lane. You fuck, because that's what men do when their dicks get hard. If you're gonna do me, then I am gonna do you. That just has to be understood. If we can't do this, then you are not the man I axtually want to have homosexual expriences with.

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  29. great post. I like this blog. It is a stigma to bottoming like those who are bottom or versatile are not real man. I'm more man than some of these tops because I take pride in that I am able to handle dick and I know that I can handle my affairs well.

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  30. HERSHEY'S KISS - I AM SURE ARE MORE MAN...WE NEED MORE MEN LIKE YOU OUT THERE!

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  31. Why?! Because; They like it ROUGH.
    Btw, niiiiice photo

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  32. TROY MORENO - I SURE THEY LIKE THE PHYSICAL ASPECT, BUT NO THE THE BITTER EMOTIONAL AFTER EFFECT!

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  33. "Bitter emotional after effect"?!
    Tsk, tsk, tsk. I'm not doing Brooke Shields or sissies...I'm doing MEN who LIKE it rough.

    feliz navidad!

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  34. TROY - I GET THAT YOU ARE, BUT THIS ENTRY ISN'T ABOUT MEN THAT LIKE IT ROUGH SEXUALLY. IT IS ABOUT HOW WE SEE THOSE MEN THAT LIKE IT ROUGH.

    MERRY X-MAS!

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  35. Mr Gaytekeeper, your article said it all and so eloquently detailed. As a bottom who enjoys being a bottom and have no problem saying it upfront, when I meet a potential partner I will not accept that bull and made to feel that I am less than. Who made you king of the castle?. Top or bottom we are two equals, enjoying each other when we are in the bed. Why are so many tops so immature when it comes to this aspect of gay sexuality.

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  36. As a bottom who enjoys being a bottom and adores a masterful top, I've also been taken and topped by abusive partners. And this is where it becomes an issue. To be helpless -- I am not strong, I'm no fighter, and very much at the mercy of the man I'm with -- and unable to stop a man as he overpowers me, smacks me around, reams me until I'm like a dishrag ... it is terrifying. I've been battered senseless by abusive tops. It's so humiliating, so degrading, and when the man is so much stronger, you are unable to do anything but take the stomping. I realize this is not the normal top/bottom situation, but it is unfortunately part of the equation.
    Know your oartner!

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  37. The post is on point. It just so happens a buddy of mine and I was discussing this exact same topic at dinner last night.

    As the first posted stated alot of this stems from internalized homophobia which most of us were exposed to as children. Regardless of that fact not everyone can be the TOP. Somebody's going to get fucked eventually. However, versatility is HEAVEN!!!!

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  38. ANONYMOUS - TOP/BOTTOM WE CERTAINLY ARE EQUAL & TOPS NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY CANNOT BE TOPS WITHOUT BOTTOMS!

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  39. DAN - IT IS VERY UNFORTUNATE, BUT I WOULD SAY IF YOU ARE GETTING OFF THEN NO HARM NO FOUL, BUT...

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  40. JOSH - VERSATILITY IS CERTAINLY HEAVEN!

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  41. Gayte-Keeper, regarding:

    ... DAN - IT IS VERY UNFORTUNATE, BUT I WOULD SAY IF YOU ARE GETTING OFF THEN NO HARM NO FOUL, BUT...

    Sure, there's that to add to the equation. But there is residual damage when you've been abused, whether you got off or not (and I'll
    admit, I have gotten off a few times
    when I've been battered. It is the
    aftermath, when you replay the
    humiliation in your mind, the physical beating, the verbal abuse,
    the helplessness you felt as he
    reams you seven ways from Sunday,
    long after you've begged (and, yes,
    I've been reduced to begging and actually crying) for him to stop.
    Days, weeks, months, and I find
    myself reliving my utter shame and humiliation .

    I understand that my rather relaxed, easy-going personality certainly plays a major part in my attraction to the aggressive, masterful and even dominant man. But that doesn't mean I should be beaten and abused solely for his pleasure and amusement.

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  42. DAN - NO HARM NO FOUL INDEED BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF IT IS WORTH IT. IT SEEMS AS IF YOU NEED TO EVALUATE WHAT YOU WANT SEXUALLY FROM A MAN BECAUSE RELIVING SHAME & HUMILIATION ISN'T GOOD.

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  43. So true, Gayte-Keeper. So very true. Have been partnered for a year with a lovely, warm man (check my photo), who is much the same as myself. Easy-going and relaxed, neither of us is a so-called Alpha Male.

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  44. I like being plug in and it feel cool being a bottom.... As for being a top.I love the arousing feelings...........

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