TELL ME WHAT A RELATIONSHIP MEAN...

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Do we share a common life purpose?

Do you feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

Is he/she a refined and sensitive person?

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

Are they serious about improving themselves?

What do they do with their time?

Is this person materialistic?

How does he/she treat other people?

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves

and self-absorbed?

How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi

drivers, etc?

How do they treat their parents and siblings?

Do they gossip and speak badly about others?

Observe the relationships around you, pay attention; which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

Do you really want to be in a relationship?

Can you remain faithful?

Do you believe in soul-mates and if yes are you with yours?

What does loving someone else mean to you?

TO BE HUMAN…PUTTING PEOPLE ON PEDESTALS

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When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise. Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he truly is. We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.

THE 'MOTHERLESS' SON

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OH MY MOTHERLESS SON SING & REJOICE, FORTUNE IS SMILING ON U! U R THE CHOSEN PLACE; THE TIMELESS SON…He is reminding me of a pain I used to know, letting me know that the past won’t let me go. I forgot how hard it was once to live; feeling a lonely that he feels, just letting me know that my senses are real. I like him is waiting for a love I used to see, so that I can take back the best parts of me, I want to tell him that he is wasting his time because the beach that he used to lay on is no more; the tide came in and everything is gone. His beach will never be the same and all that will remain is his name. Damn I remember this pain so well; the same pain I felt a long time ago, the loneliness that told me my life isn’t real. I REMEMBER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER TURN HER BACK AGAINST HER FIRST BORN SON… I know he wonders to himself GOD If everything is supposed to happen for a reason, then tell me why no matter how hard I cry my MOTHER just don’t give a FUCK and I feel lonelier cause there was no one to dry my eyes, but me. He doesn’t’ know where he is going or where he’s been he doesn’t understand the reason for the things he has seen. He wishes that he wasn’t at all and GOD to answer when he wonders why this had to be his life, like why did she had to the one to give him life? Makes him dream of how it could be that there were no world, no people, just HIM. He often hopes for a quick, simple ending but usually finds chaos and then a new beginning, making him wonder if he knows wrong from right…night from day, day from night. Time eats away at his mind, his vision…still he’s stand paralyzed with indecision, wondering if change is in his hand. Do you think his MOTHER knows that when a child looses her love his soul is dying from an overdose of discontent? Does she know that she left her child to fend for himself in a world that is so unkind? I can see it now, the solitary soul sitting upon a still; he is sighing and singing a song of lament. Feel his anguish; I did so, for I know that for all he has done, he knows that he wouldn't know how to unlock these chains of uncertainty. I BLAME THE SUN FOR BREAKING ONE DAY AS ALL; I BLAME THE MOON FOR SHOWING CHANGE CAN COME, I BLAME THE BREEZE FOR SHOWING TRANQUILITY…I BLAME HIS MOTHER. He is so brokenhearted, his mind wondering about what he lacked, so completely wrapped up in himself, that he has forgotten on the still sat he…Knowing not where to begin, his thoughts were flowing like the wind, and his soul was mirrored, against his will…To his heart. I want him to know that he is the continual state of growth and evolution, each stage in his evolution paves the way for the next. Each stage prepares him for the next challenge…the next opportunity. Do you think he knows that we are just passing through on our way to the next level, the next stepping stone…on the journey of our life? I understand that it's often difficult to see our direction in the midst of the journey, but if we could look back on our lives watch them unfold from a higher vantage point…The direction of our growth; we will see the connection between one experience and the next. So as you follow your path, I want you to revisit the same issues, but from a higher, wiser place each time. You may not see how the present situation is serving you or where it may lead, know that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Our soul knows where we're headed. I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO REPLACE YOUR MOTHER BUT I WOULD DIE TRYING TO FILL THAT VOID THAT EXIST IN YOUR HEART…JUST KNOW THAT EVERY BREATHE THAT I TAKE I PRAY THAT GOD HEALS YOUR HEART AND EVERY TEAR I CRY, YOU CRY ONE LESS TEAR…OH MY MOTHERLESS SON THINGS WILL GET BETTER YOU WILL SEE.

I am… EYES: that will always see you for your true self.

EARS: that will always be open, listening to hear what you are saying.

MOUTH: that will always tell you the truth, give you my thoughts.

SHOULDERS: that will be your strength when you can't carry yourself.

ARMS: that will always be wide open, embracing, comforting you.

HANDS: that will always hold yours, giving you a little guidance.

FEET: that will always walk with you throughout life.

HEART: to love you for whom you are.

for Travis

A LIFE OF LEARNING…EARTH SCHOOL

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Life is the province of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence. As we traverse the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in earth school, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life's lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges. There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences. Earth school provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face. When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way. The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in earth school can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed. When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed. Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending earth school is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.

COMING OUT OF HIDING… ISOLATION

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There are times in our lives when withdrawing from our social obligations and taking some time to be alone is necessary to rejuvenate our energy and renew our connection to ourselves. However, there are also times when withdrawal is a red flag, indicating an underlying sense of depression or some other problem. We may not even have consciously decided to isolate ourselves but wake up one day to find that we have been spending most of our time alone. Perhaps it's been a long time since friends who used to call have given up. Without anyone inviting us out, we sink deeper into alienation.

The longer our isolation lasts, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. It is as if we have failed to exercise a particular muscle, and now it is so weak we don't know how to use it. Yet, in order to return to a healthy, balanced state of being, that's exactly what we need to do. If you find yourself in this situation, call an understanding friend who will listen to you with compassion, not a defensive friend who may have taken your withdrawal personally. The last thing you need is to be chided; a negative response could intensity your isolation. If you don't have a kind friend you can rely on, call a spiritual counselor or therapist. They may be able to help you determine the underlying cause of your isolation and help you find your way out of it.

When you've been in a pattern of secluding yourself, it can begin to seem impossible that you could reenter the world of friendships, conversations, and group activities, but with time, you will. Most people will understand if you take the time to explain that you've fallen out of touch and would like to reconnect. Take your time and be gentle with yourself, starting with one person and building from there. Try to reach out to one new person every week. Before you know it, you will find yourself back in the company of friends.