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I would say this was the most
action-packed hour of True Blood’s fifth season. The question is:
Do you like total chaos? Because that’s where we're at now.
They
were summoned to see Nora and Salome, and Russell popped out from behind the
bed’s curtains. “Fangs... you’re such boys,” he told Bill and Eric. “I’m not
gonna hurt you. I just want to make an entrance is all.” God, Denis O’Hare is
great. He couldn’t understand why Eric still wasn’t ready to forgive him for
slaughtering his family. As we suspected, it was Salome who’d freed Russell
from his cement grave. She’d conveniently followed them there the night they
entombed him. Nora didn’t trust that Russell wouldn’t come after Eric, so she
really was trying to save him, she claimed. I’m still a little fuzzy about why
Salome couldn’t just off Roman herself -- something about how he alone had to
determine when his essence flowed (still pretty sure he didn’t choose for
Russell to stake him, Salome). Salome tried to look upset about Roman's death,
but Bill wasn’t buying it. Bottom line, Salome wants to stop the spilling of
vampire blood and have them all share Lilith's power. Nora begged Eric to join
them, knowing the true death awaits those who don’t. “Never, you Bible-banging
c---s,” he said. Salome told them she’d give them one more chance at the
following evening’s initiation ceremony.
At
that ceremony, Salome said the book tells them that staking a Guardian is to
turn your back on Lilith, but what do you do when theGuardian has
already turned his back on her? Salome said she believes Lilith forgives
Russell for what he’s done, and so does she. Russell professed his faux love
for Lilith, and Nora explained that while Roman thought the bottle of Lilith's
blood was merely symbolic, it was actually her blood collected by her progeny
after her death. Salome said everyone in that room would drink some that night.
Dieter, bless him, tried to speak up. Halfway through his speech, Russell
calmly undid the button on his jacket and took off Dieter’s head. “May Lilith
forgive me,” he said, after kicking an organ into a pool of blood. Suddenly, Cougar
Town’s Barb, the child-killer vampire, and Steve Newlin were ready to drink.
Salome
passed the bottle around. Drinking off their hands seemed oddly unceremonious.
Bill asked Eric if they were really going to do this, and Eric said it’s just
vampire blood, they’re vampires, it wouldn’t do anything to them. Cut to them
all walking down what I assume was a street in New Orleans, looking like a pack
of college freshman on ecstasy on their way to a frat party off campus. After
harassing a cabbie, Bill hopped on Eric’s back for a piggyback ride. Comedy. It
felt kinda "Band Candy" to me.
Lilith led them to a karaoke bar
where a bride and groom were throwing what I presume was a rehearsal dinner.
The bride was singing “You Light Up My Life” when Russell stepped out from
behind her to join in. How wrong is it that I totally would have finished the
song with him? The bride’s mother screamed when she realized who he was, and
the other vamps showed up. The feeding frenzy commenced.
I’m
not saying that one woman on the bar with Kibwe was at least getting a happy
ending... but it looked like she was. Even without recent events, the scene
would have been slightly uncomfortable. The vampire drinking from a young boy?
Just sad. Finally, a drop of blood descended from the air, like Good Witch
Glenda's bubble in The Wizard of Oz. A naked woman arose from the
blood/bad special effects, like Charlize Theron from her bath in Snow
White and the Huntsman. She let out a freaky screech, and began to walk to
Nora. She blew a blood-red cloud at Nora, and Nora began to feed again. They
all resumed their killing. Godric appeared to Eric and told him he knows this
is wrong but his sister doesn’t. He asked Eric to save her. When Eric looked at
Nora again, he no longer saw Lilith standing in front of her. So Lilith isn't
real? The promo for next week made it seem like Bill is the one who doesn't
want to pull back. Interesting...
As
for the hate crime story line, we picked back up at the anti-supe shop where
the coroner arrived late. He had to tear himself away from a lady friend. Was
it a fairy wanting to breed with him, or is every man -- like the retired
sheriff cheating on his wife with a woman and some experimental male
enhancement ointment -- just getting lucky these days? Sam really should have
been wearing gloves if he was going to be literally sniffing around in the
back, finding a box of Obama masks, and rolling around on the ground in the
scent of bad diets, hate, and envy.
Cut
to Hoyt, his old pal Joe Bob, and new buddies Ray and Tyrese waxing poetic
about how the lamestream media makes them feel inferior for just being human.
Hate groups, they said, are about more than hate -- they're about the love and
acceptance the members feel when they’re together. Joe Bob took a call from
"the Dragon," who we’ve yet to ID, and Ray and Tyrese assured Hoyt that
Jessica had essentially date-raped him while forcing him to care for her. Does
he hate her now? Yes. “Then we’re here to hate her with ya,” they said in
unison. The Dragon had told Joe Bob that Junior the shop owner had been killed.
(Could the coroner be the Dragon, and he was late because they’d been out
saving Hoyt?)
In
the fairy Moulin Rouge, Sookie was sassy as ever when Claude and “one of the
bitches that zapped me” woke her up after testing her luminescence, which is
depleting. Jason wanted them to just plug Sookie back in and charge her up, but
they can’t: Because she’s only half fae, her power is finite. If she’s not
careful about how and when she uses it, she’ll run out. We all knew, even
before Sookie tried to hide a smile on her face, that she would try to do just
that by episode’s end. She wants to be “normal.”
The
next day, Jason, being the sweetest he’s ever been, made Sookie breakfast
because he doesn’t know how to make lunch. He said he always assumed it was his
fault that his parents had died but she never made him feel that way, and he
loved her for it. So he wasn’t going to let her take on that guilt now. She
said she loved him, too, and yes, he could eat her bacon.
Sookie
took Luna some flowers, magazines, and Sonic (Bon Temps has a Sonic!), and she
bought Sam a cup of coffee. She asked him if he would choose to be normal if he
could. He said the man he wants to be would say no. You have to keep fighting
the stupidity in the world. But the man who’s tired of fighting can only think
that it would be better for the people he loves if he were normal. That’s what
sealed Sookie’s decision. But there was that other question she asked him:
Wouldn’t they still notice the hate, even if it wasn’t directed at them? What
she’s forgetting is that her power is also a way to save those people she cares
about now that the wheels of annihilation are in motion. And the fairies had
said she could do things she hadn’t even tried yet. It’s like Sam being able to
smell Joe Bob, who was posing as an orderly in the hospital on a mission from
the Dragon while Hoyt, Ray, and Tyrese went off somewhere in their Obama masks.
(Another sign pointing to the coroner? He would have sent Joe Bob there to
finish off Luna?)
Jason went to see Jessica to tell her
about his parents, and to try to come to terms with the idea that he could care
about a vampire when his parents were killed by one. She tried to tell him
they’re not all the same and kissed him. He tasted blood on her lips from the
guy whose thigh she was draining before Jason arrived unannounced. They got
into a fight. Jason was mad that Jessica didn’t even know the guy’s name, and
Jessica asked him if he knew the name of every cow he’s eaten. “What the f---
kinda question is that? I ain’t never f---ed a cow!” he said. She called him an
idiot. He called her a fanger. She bit his neck. He shot her in the head. The
honeymoon period is definitely over. She told him to get out of her mansion,
which was good: He saw the light show coming from Sookie’e house as she tried
to fire off all her power, and he went running.
On
to Alcide. He was busy half-heartedly training for his fight with JD. How many
times did you rewind that scene? His sexy second Rikki, whose name I had to
look up, did a fair job of kicking his ass, but he was more concerned with
starting the halftime show -- a roll in the hay on the barn floor. Kudos to her
for such focus when so many of us would have given in the first time we were
pinned. Alcide thinks there’s no way he can win, so he’s prepared to lose
and wants Rikki to be, too. She suggested they get him some V, just to even the
playing field this one time, but he won’t do it because he knows it’s like
swallowing death. Eventually, Rikki could not resist his logic/pecs/abs/biceps,
and she gave him the go ahead for halftime. Marcus’ mother walked in before the
show got good.
Martha
said JD swore on Marcus’ grave that he wasn’t on V. “Respectfully, Martha, your
son doesn’t have a grave because y’all ate him,” Alcide said. Totally
nominating that for a sound bite in EW this week. “Don’t get literal on me,
Rambo!” Martha snapped. My first headband thought was the Karate Kid, but then,
Joe Manganiello’s body mass is closer to Sylvester Stallone’s than Ralph
Macchio’s, so point to Martha. Martha said when her husband died, JD was next
in line for packmaster, but out of respect for her and her husband, he devoted
himself to Marcus instead. It wasn’t until Martha later walked in on JD telling
the pack his vampire friend says a war between vampires and humans is coming
while trying to feed Emma some V that she believed Alcide. So what now?
Let's
move on to Tara and Lafayette. I miss seeing Eric at Fangtasia. Pam is sitting
on his throne now, still on her ‘80s kick with her hair crimped. Tara,
wearing a patent leather bondage get-up that made her body look as fit as
Serena Williams’, was proving to Pam that she’s a better pole dancer than
bartender when her mother walked in. She said a minister’s wife couldn’t have a
vampire as a daughter and Tara was dead to her. Pam heard the whole thing and
later (gulp) comforted Tara in the office. She told Tara her mother's no longer
her mother (Pam is) and in 100 years, she wouldn’t even remember her. Then, she
let Tara hug her... for a few seconds. “Okay, break’s over. Time to get back up
on that pole.”
Lafayette
went to see Don Bartolo, Jesus’ grandfather. He had Jesus’ severed head with
his mouth sewn shut in his home. He tied Lala up and sewed his mouth shut, too.
That was more than a little disturbing. Was that a human baby or something else
moving inside his wife’s pregnant belly? He told Lafayette he’d stolen his
family’s magic from Jesus and locked it away, so he was going to take it back
from Lafayette and give it to his son by having his wife drink the blood from
Lafayette’s brain. Ewww. He told Lafayette even in death, he wouldn’t get to be
with Jesus. Lafayette flipped him off. Classic. As Don Bartolo raised the knife
to stab Lafayette, his wife attacked him. She grabbed the knife and stabbed him
repeatedly. Crazy-eyed, she went to Lafayette. Finally, she started to cut open
the ties on his mouth as a tear fell from his eye. Where is that story going
next?
Lastly,
we get to Terry and Arlene. The best part of this Ifrit story line has been
getting to watch their wedding video. We saw Jason lamenting Sookie's absence
then getting distracted, "Hello, out-of-towner." We saw Jessica say
maybe one day she and Hoyt would have this kind of celebration. Terry kissed
Arlene's pregnant belly. Arlene told Holly about Terry saying a spirit made of
smoke is chasing him around the country hunting him, and Holly said what we've
all been saying -- why would you assume he's crazy when you know what kind of
stuff has happened in Bon Temps? Holly asked if Arlene was going to be able to
live with herself if she gave up on Terry, and the Ifrit turned out to be real?
Terry
and Patrick meanwhile were sitting in a field, wondering if they were going to
freeze to death because they couldn't light a fire. The Ifrit appeared and
laughed at them. Terry couldn't take it. "Come on back, you Ifrit
pussy!" he yelled. He signed up for the Ifrit to kill him, not to taunt
him. He grabbed Patrick's gun and was going to shoot himself until Patrick said
the names of the kids and that they'd want to know Terry went down fighting, not
like this. Finally, Patrick apologized for giving him that order in Iraq and
they cried.
Your
turn, what did you think of the episode?
SOURCE: EW
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