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Thursday, 17 May 2012

¿SO WHAT WOKE THE 'SLEEPIN' BULL?


For the past few days, the bullish side of me (i.e. the me that can f&*k another just cause he can) show himself and it had me confused. You see from the moment I met Noel almost 5 years ago, I haven’t had any lingering thoughts of f&*king other men. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had offers, but just looked @ them like okay moving right along and I see sexy men all the time, so here I was sitting trying to figure out WTF is going on with me. I didn’t love Noel any less, our sex life is more than fine and I don’t cheat so I was lost because I could NOT figure out what was up with these thoughts of mine. I felt like the lion that crouches in silence as the victim prey sees the silence as his time to carelessly ‘sleep walk’, oblivious to the lurking danger. Silence is deafening to the truth.
Silence is truth, and yet a double edged sword because I couldn’t understand how I could feel like this after all this time when I NEVER made an effort NOT to be tempted. Was there a ‘conspiracy of silence’ afoot? Had the bull in me lull me into a false sense of who I was/am as a sexual being? People are mostly robots with readymade answers like a computer. Have I become that? Am I one of those persons? I am asking the question, and the answer is NOT there {confusing right}. I talked to my best friend about how I was feeling lately and he said maybe it some mid-life crisis and I am like huh? I am 34 think I have time for a mid-life crisis, right? Still what could this all mean?

All in all I've come to realize that what I was feeling means that I am human and that doesn't mean that the 'bull' within has to sleep forever. I don't think so because there is NOTHING wrong with having sexual thoughts about men I see out and about. Desires are natural and have no reflection on my relationship or anything else. There is no shame in feeling physical, sexual, emotional desires. They make you human. There is nothing shameful about sex and like I always tell my friends, I can window shop all I want, the problem ONLY exists when I attempt to go inside and bargain for the merchandise.

26 comments:

  1. Yeah... I think that's just being human. Window shopping and flirting is fine, in my opinion. Look, but don't suck/fuck. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't even though I was open to fucking someone and forgetting about it.

      Delete
  2. I say 'shop til u drop'. The BF doesn't like it much but that's his insecurity, not mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Noel doesn't have a problem with me looking, I even ask him what he would do if I do something, anything with anyone else he says, he doesn't know.

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  3. Replies
    1. I know, but my dick wants to do more than look.

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    2. Nothing wrong with that either, so long as you don't go where you are not supposed to;)

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    3. Of course, with us teasing you like this, it doesn't help the matter... lol.

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    4. You might have a point there, cause the men out here are teasing me.

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    5. oh wow. Call me "slow". I just realized mr. jamiessmiles is a fellow Canadian. Howdy. :)

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    6. He is gonna be my friend when Noel and I move to Canada.

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  4. I won't, the bull is sleeping again so I am okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What woke the bull up. It might work on C. I would love to have a little something extra some night. :)

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    2. Reading this makes me wonder if it has something to do with me wanting everything all @ once every time I have sex.

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  5. I'm beginning to consider that maybe monagomy (and this is a HUGE 180 for me) shouldn't be one of the defining factors in a committed male-male relationship. If I need and want more sex than my partner does, then why should I be forced to subordinate my needs to some archaic 'law' of Nature invented to keep heterosexual families intact that says I need to suffer in quiet desperation as proof of my undying loyalty?

    Yeah, it's me talkin.. I can 'see' all the eyes bugged out and jaws dropped to the floor.. maybe I'm in my second midlife crisis, but I am so fkin horny I coulld explode.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I masturbate almost twice a day everyday and it is not because Noel doesn't want sex, it is something I've been doing since I was young teenager.

      When I reflect on my relationship with Noel, he has never said no. I just feel like we should do something sexual daily it doesn't have to full on sex.

      I do know that if I wasn't with Noel I would date more than one person, I did it before so I know I could do it again.

      Delete
    2. Your dick's gonna fall off if you masturbate that much..... :)

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    3. Well it ain't fall off yet :-)

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    4. No tease sir, we can all 'party' in Canada.

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    5. Look me up if you coming to Canada;)

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  6. Is Noel open to threesomes ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No and neither am I, been there done that in previous relationships, it is NOT my thing

      Delete

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