¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Wednesday, 23 May 2012


Frustrated heterosexual males: are you tired of being alone? Sick of hearing "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? Well, up to now, you’ve only ever considered half the fish that are even out there, haven't you? What about the other half? What about the fish that are gay?
If there's a little gay in all of us, then here are nine good reasons why letting that flag fly could work if your hetero single life is in the dumps. Get ready to open your mind, among other things, to new horizons.

No Unwanted Pregnancies

This one’s pretty self-explanatory. We can have all the sex we want and never have to worry about the dreaded unwanted child down the line. Ok, sometimes you'll have some other serious s**t to worry about in regards to sex, but screaming babies won't be one of 'em.

When we’re finally ready for children, we’ll just adopt like those guys on "Modern Family."

Double Your Wardrobe

When we move in with our new lover we’ll immediately have access to a whole new closet full of clothes (and according to Queer Eye it'll all be trendy and fashionable).

So if you’ve been putting off buying a new pack of underwear, just consider what kind of money you could save by going gay and moving in with a dude you share more than just a bathroom with.

Even Playing Field

When you're gay, your partner will never, ever withhold sex as a punishment or use sex as a weapon.

There is no sex as a bargaining ploy to get something else. And oral sex is also never an issue. It's not for "special occasions" It is just a given.

You won't need to take them on a bunch of expensive dates to get some action. For gay guys, sex is like a handshake, and the "getting to know you" part comes afterwards. As it should be...

Get in Better Shape

Let’s face it, gay dudes are in much better shape than we are. I don’t know what it is exactly, but I had a friend who came out and had rock hard abs only six weeks later. Dudes just have really high standards and it's really hard to please us. Just ask any girl that reads Cosmo.

The pressure of having to please dudes is WAY better than any workout system you'll find on TV.

Make New Friends

Being gay is going to throw us into a whole new social network. The great thing about being gay right now is that the LGBT community is being persecuted by right-wingers over the marriage and military issues.

"But that’s not great at all!" - You, just now.

Wrong! Uniting against persecution has always formed the strongest bonds between people. Becoming gay will provide us with friendships that just might be the strongest we’ll ever know.

Have More Fun at Concerts

There’s something about being a proud gay man that strips down social barriers far more than being a repressed straight man does.

Being gay will mean we can get way more excited when our favorite band takes the stage, so much that we can belt out that scream we want to yell instead of just cheering, clapping over our heads and looking around for the nearest girl to "protect".

This will allow us to just tune out the world, DANCE (for a change) and have way more fun than we have ever had before at our favorite concerts.

Be Funnier

Gay guys are naturally funnier. What might get YOU slapped will just make everyone think a gay guy's ""sassy"".

If we become gay, then we can be guaranteed an increase of at least two humor points (which would help this particular column) as well as a FIFTY percent increase in invites to cocktail parties. That’s just simple math, folks.

Attract More Women

This may seem counter intuitive given that we’ll now be having sex with men, but hear me out: it’s a scientific fact that women like gay guys.

Women love that whole "hard to get" attitude and what’s harder to get than a gay guy?

Oh, and there’s the whole "since we're gay, we'll understand women". Not because we’ll be more like women but because we’ll actually be listening to them rather than trying to figure out how to get in their pants.

So "hard to get" plus being more understanding will equal more women if we decide to swing back. Back-up plans, my friend, is the name of this game.

Run Hollywood

We all know it's hard to make it down in Hollywood because it’s difficult to find an "in".

Well, according to this old guy I met while in the swamps of Georgia "Jews and gays run Hollywood."

Well we might not be Jewish, but we could possibly be gay if we tried it and liked it - and that transition takes a LOT less reading. Plus, those of us who are Jewish will suddenly have TWO avenues to pursue in our pop culture domination. Think about it.



  1. Now this is an interesting and novel concept! I like it! Here's another reason to consider: free dancing lessons! After all, remember the mantra: straight men can't dance! LOL! Here's to you, kid! :)

  2. Replies
    1. Now all we need is for heteros to take heed.

  3. Okay maybe there are some benefits such as: increasing wardrobe and the playing field.

    1. I got totally screwed on the wardrobe thing. I wouldn't be caught dead inC's clothes, even if they fit. But totally agree on the even playing field.

    2. I try dressing Noel, but he won't let me.

    3. I get the whole, "I'll save it for something nice" , when I try to buy him something. Never comes up, that something nice. I've almost given up. But he would look so much nicer if I could dress him:P

    4. How can we take over that for them?




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