¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Friday, 25 February 2011


When I read this entry, the one thing that pops out to me is how this thing called jealousy hinders relationships. SO many gay men live out other people’s perceptions of them that when the perception fades and they are revealed to be attached to what others think of them who is the blame? Just like beauty, riches, accomplishments, jealousy is merely a masquerade of who we really are. The illusion usually gets in the way of our relationships that it prevents us from seeing what can REALLY develop. We all know that it is important to confront life rather than let it get the best of us. It is owning the trying element of jealousy that builds the inner strength to rise further and further above the fray. So as you read this, do your best to NOT allow jealousy to steal your moment and keep you living in fear of relationships and love.

Ever notice how JEALOUSY is the demon with MANY heads when it comes to US gay men? I ask this question because the other night I was having a conversation with someone that I hadn’t heard from in a number of years. And before we began the catching up phase of our conversation, he asked me WHERE MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER WAS? I thought to myself what does he have to do with this conversation? Then he said HE DIDN’T WANT TO CAUSE ANY FRICTION BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW JEALOUS GAY MEN ARE. Now I thought to myself that is TRUE for most of us but NOT all. Furthermore, he should have remembered that I am NOT one of those gay men that behaved in a typical gay fashion NOR do I entertain that sort of behavior from ANYONE that I am in a relationship with. Nonetheless, he insisted on carrying on with this topic and I knocked down each AND every concern he threw my way. After about 7 minutes of this we had a GREAT conversation; and afterwards I couldn’t help but to ask myself WHY GAY MEN ARE SO JEALOUS. 

We are born with MUCH confusion AND misunderstanding when it comes to OUR sexuality, so WHY are we behaving this way with each other? As I sat and ponder this question I realized that the LEADING cause for JEALOUSY exists because of FEAR. Now this FEAR could be real OR a figment of the mind. No matter what fuels this energy, the over whelming feeling of being abandoned OR unloved is common for all human beings. Nonetheless, I find it AMAZING how MOST gay men allow JEALOUSY to take over their lives. This NEGATIVE energy only further divides AND hurt us with the intent of forcing us to become someone else entirely. And this WILL eat away @ the one thing that holds a relationship together: TRUST! For we GAY men, JEALOUSY takes away quality time with our partners AND it UNDOUBTEDLY lead to numerous fights that will showcase each other's negative qualities. Even more dangerous, we end up spending the bulk of our time foolishly thinking up scenarios in which our relationships are being hurt. Hence the GREATER part of the relationship is spent on what could be happening rather than what is happening. Therefore what we will have left is another relationship that did NOT work out…ALL BECAUSE OUR INSECURITIES

But have NO fear; I feel that we can get a handle on this NEGATIVE energy. For the most part, this energy is a byproduct of OUR issues with self-confidence AND self-esteem. Hence feeling that we are NOT good enough OR unworthy causes us to feel this way. If only we realize that the MATURE thing to do with JEALOUSY is to channel it in a positive manner. Therefore I say WE LEARN FROM PAST EXPERIENCES, DEAL WITH REALITY & RESPECT OURSELVES & OTHERS. Envy DRAINS the soul and will make us miserable; and truth be told life is NOT a contest. Hence the ONLY way to change a JEALOUS feeling, one has to change their PERSPECTIVE. While you may not be able to completely change the feeling that causes JEALOUSY, YOU can change YOUR perspective and eliminate it from your life. I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN AN ACHING SENSE THAT SOMEHOW LOVE HAS BEEN UNFAIR TO YOU, WHILE SEEMINGLY REWARDING ANOTHER. MOREOVER, IT IS WORST IF THAT SOMEONE IS THE THING THAT IS MAKING IT DIFFICULT TO GET THE SPACE NEEDED TO HEAL THIS PAIN. NONETHELESS, WHATEVER THE SITUATION, WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO NORMALIZE THIS EMOTION AS A COMMON HUMAN FEELING & NOTHING MORE. SO ADDING THIS ELEMENT TO A FRAGILE RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE TRYING TO BUY SOMETHING WHEN YOU HAVE NO CASH…IT MAKES NO SENSE! IS THERE ANY WONDER WHY WE ARE CONSTANTLY ALONE & OUR RELATIONSHIPS FAIL? ISN’T IT TIME WE GET OURSELVES TOGETHER & PUT THIS BABY TO BED?


  1. I'm going to nit-pick a little here.

    I don't think it's so much jealousy that fucks with our relationships as it is our insecurities and a lack of trust that is caused by them.

    I can be jealous of the shiny sports car you drive because I am stuck in my four door sedan that I need to have to take clients out in

    I can be jealous of the money you make because you excelled in the company while I fucked around and didn't do my job right

    I can be jealous of the house you live in because I fucked my credit up and can't qualify for a loan

    To me jealousy is more a feeling of "why not me?" It's centered more on achievement, material things and success. It's more of a pity party you throw for yourself because you don't have what you feel you are entitled to have or what you would like to think you have worked for and deserve. It's very close to envy.


    Rather than being jealous, I would be fearful and insecure about my relationship with you if I saw you talking to some fine-ass man and you didn't wave me over to introduce me as your boyfriend/husband. Or worse yet if you didn't even tell him about our relationship.

    Rather than being jealous, I would be fearful and insecure about my relationship with you if you were going out to dinner with your friends and I was pointedly not invited to come.

    Rather than being jealous, I would be fearful and insecure about my relationship with you if you stood me up or if you didn't return my calls.

    All of the above examples are hypothetical situations of course. I see fear and insecurity as being linked.

    In real life, I trust my husband implicitly. But occasionally my insecurities will rear their ugly head. He'll go hang with his old boyfriend in West Hollywood. If I call his cell and he doesn't pick up, sometimes that little devil will sit on my shoulder and whisper doubts in my ear about what's really going on up there in West Hollywood. And if you add a little alcohol into my system, it's even worse. It doesn't happen often - but it happens.

    The ex-boyfriend is no competition for me and I'm not afraid of him or threatened by him. It's my thoughts about what "might be" going on that I don't know about that gets to me. Is he really watching TV up there with the ex or is he somewhere else? It's my own fears and insecurities that fuck with my head.

  2. Never ever jealous of any man no matter what, there is no reason for any man to be jaelous of the next man. I know that all to often this transpires in our communities simply because some of our gay brothas seem to think that no one should have more, do more or attest to being more than the next gay man.

    The shit gets crazy for us and often ruins friendships and relationships. This is especially true when it comes to our partners or sex mates, there is always some muthafucka trying to get with them after we've done the ground work to get to this man, here comes another gay man trying to ease in on our hard work.

    Trust is probably the biggest factor of them all and not so much jealousy, these two things together and a tad bit of insecurities and you have a hot mess.





Related Posts with Thumbnails