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Wednesday, 10 June 2009

EASY TO BE MAN: A THUG IS A THUG...¿RIGHT?


Yesterday I was having a chat with Ian a.k.a. Darktomahawk on host of topics and one of them were on THUGS. I said my piece we both agreed on a few things and that was that…Fast-forward to an hour or so later, a friend of mine paid me a visit and he brought along a friend of his (unannounced I might add) and this blog entry is about him. So I put my annoyance aside and exercised etiquette and I soon realized that he was a confused individual that fancies himself as the type of man any man OR woman would want to get with. This man calls himself a Bi-sexual THUG that is down for whatever…He doesn’t have a job, he is rehab for drug use, he smokes weed and MOST of all he ONLY cares about his needs AND wants…His confidence was something to be hold, but after a few questions and observations, I noticed that his cavalier persona started to crack despite the fact that he tried to be indifferent. And it was then that I realized that it didn’t’ matter if I was feeling him because he knows there will be someone that will. So tell how exciting AND adventurous can man like this be when he has no sense of a good future? He reminds me of this one guy that wanted me to F&CK him so badly…He would call OR text me constantly. Now I would have indulged his fantasy, but I couldn’t because he has this notion that since I am not girlie (his words) that he has no problem rolling with me (again his words) he just couldn’t let a feminine man get his goods. Now I understand this internalized homophobic bullshit, but I can’t accept that this type of thinking…I don’t know about you guys, but I know that a man is man NO matter how you try to slice N’ dice him…So to take on a man that thinks of himself as a GOD among we gay men is such a shame in my book. If one were to look @ Wikipedia’s definition of a THUG, they would see that a THUG is a person, often a criminal, who treats others violently and roughly; this type of person is often a member of a gang. I fail to see the intrigue of man that stood before me AND I couldn’t fathom him getting with me despite his NOT so subtle advances. Meeting him made me wonder, how much is too much AND when is enough really enough? How many more of us will consider him the pot of gold @ the end of the rainbow? How long will we grant him sanctuary as he tells us to MAN UP with every stroke of his dick? I find it SO sad that we allow men like him to dehumanize some of us for mimicking Beyonce instead of 50 cent. But what is even sadder is the fact that some of us play apart in this wretched choice of a cat on a hot tin roof…Talk about jumping off OR burning…what a life this is huh? But who is the blame for this? I remember being thirteen and my uncle telling me that he would KILL me I grew up to become a sissy. So are these men simply taking on a persona that would keep them from such intimidations? I get that the being called a sissy OR gay is a UNIVERSAL device used to terrorize men into upholding an acceptable presentation of his gender, but to assert one’s masculinity and suppress their feminine side while trying to dominate those seen as less than is just too left of the middle for me. However, the connection is clear for me…From boys to men, our obsession with homosexuality is not just about a homophobia, although that is an inseparable element. Do you think that our crippling masculine anxieties cultivates fear AND disdain of women and all things feminine? I ask this because if we were to validate the link between homophobia and masculinity, and our belief that women, and by extension homosexual men, are inferior, we need look no further than the messages we transmit to boys…don’t we? In a patriarchal society rooted in the belief of male superiority and the exercise of male dominance, that is a demotion, a huge loss not only of status, but humanity. Gay men are HATED because they are seen as gender traitors for undermining the universal rules of patriarchy not matter how masculine they may be. Hence the THUG who lives among permanently AND irrevocably stained, he is a pure example of how difference and diversity are not respected in this world. So we MUST intervene to save our boys from a lifelong patriarchal crusade to control boys who are seen as not hard enough…BECAUSE WHAT I WITNESSED YESTERDAY IS THE CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING LITTLE BOYS TO MAN UP! WHEN A MAN HAS A PROBLEM WITH ANOTHER MAN BECAUSE HE IS SEEN AS FEMININE ARE WE GOING TO CONTINUE TO PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE OR ARE WE GOING TO SEE OURSELVES AS MEN NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE ON THE MASCULINE & FEMININE SPECTRUM?

17 comments:

  1. the THUG issue always bothers me. the word has a meaning that is not cute and negative to our community. to be a man, must let go of this word

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  2. Thanks for the shout out baby boy! And I think you and I agreed on a lot more than a little bit yesterday....

    I'm glad you spoke on this topic. As we both agreed yesterday, the Thug persona has become the standard image for what it "supposed to be" as Black men, transcending gay and straight sexualities. It bothers me that men who dabble with men, subscribe to the notion that if you don't fit the masculine profile, you're less than a man, and therefore, not worth their time of day.

    Believe me, I'll be the first to say I don't understand the complexity of masculine/feminine identification, but I agree there seems to be some degree of self-hatred involved as well...

    Excellent post my friend!

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  3. Excellent.

    I am torn. I like the bad boy types but hate the baggage they bring. I am not feminine in this lifestyle so I attract alot of these "kinds of men". They all have the same traits as you mentioned. Alot of the times, I can see through the bs and run towards the hills without looking back. Alot of the times, they are sexual play things that you hardly take serious UNLESS you find one that is serious.

    I'm still young so I am still exploring and weighing options.

    BTW - I'll take the guy in the picture. Thanks!

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  4. I will also say that if alot of the times, confidence trumps insecurities. They have no choice to follow if you KNOW you are a good catch and can leave them high and dry for the next hot man smoking.

    Alot of gay men are insecure and if you are insecure, they will feed off that. I know a few feminine dudes that have got thuggish guys at their beck and call. They all have the same thing in common: good self confidence, good sex, and a "i do not need you" attitude.

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  5. wow,I read this and wanted to
    scream. Why?because this is me
    sadly....the thug lifestyle is
    not a chosen one,those of us who
    live it do it for necessity to
    survive period....it wasnt till
    last year that I stopped with
    the bullshit and started tryin to
    change my shit...but even change
    is hard because peeps never let u
    forget. I guess I am lucky ,in that
    I dont hav a million babies or
    a drug habit,but my record is
    long and not good. I didnt change
    until a old head in my family sat
    me down and told me that ma dukes
    was not happy and wished I would
    carry my shit better. Sadly,many of
    us hav peeps in our life who wont
    do this ....we need tough love not
    just lov...we not hard truths and
    yes a kick in our asses. Everyday
    is new for me...and yes I hav even
    started to come out to some of my
    friends...some knew because of our
    personnal relationship,some even
    are still cool,but from a distance
    because of they're own baggage.
    So in closing ,thanks for ur
    truths...it is needed. But also
    know that this role is not one
    many of us wear gladly...we do it
    to survive because we dont know
    better..yes even today u hav
    brothers without basic knowledge/
    skills etc...and always remember
    that it could be u too.Peace.
    Manchild

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  6. Gate

    You inspired me to write about the "Thug" life. Mine is a little more graphic but you know it is in Jamari Fox fashion LOL

    I invite everyone to check it out.

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  7. EXCELLENT POST! I'm in complete agreement with you.

    Personally, I find those contrived hyper-masculine facades sexually alluring, but I have a zero respect for them as people.

    Therefore, in the past, I've taken what I wanted - wham, bam, thank you man - and left it at that.

    The way I see it, if you wanna act like a boy, don't expect to be treated like a man.

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  8. The thing I know is that not all thugs really are thugs. I have a couple of buddies who are mild and tame in private but if you see them on the street, you'd swear they were thugs. They put on this front because they know people like that side of them. I personally don't get into them that way. I mean, I'll befriend anyone who is respectful and treats me right, but when it comes to dating, thugs turn me off.

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  9. Good Stuff!

    I loved reading this and the comments. I really don't have much to add, but to say that I agree, and I agree with the anonymous poster who said some are thugs for survival.

    I think you'll see this more with those who are haven't had some of the opportunities that some of us have had. Let's face it, when you're poor...you do what you have to do to make it. Unfortunately, we see where that leads.

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  10. This post is the fucking truth!!!

    I personally feel that we, as men, need to learn to embrace femininity and learn that women are NOT inferior to men (which, in relation to the Black community no matter how much it's ignored, is perpetuated and even encouraged by the Black church). Masculinity is not only for men. Femininity is not only for women. There is power in both. Every human being needs to understand that and recognize each in themselves as a positive or a minus. It;s fine to recognize how much of either that we naturally possess, but the message that we should be sending our young boys (and young girls, too, because women have a way of perpetuating their own inferiority) is that a lack of either does not make you less than.

    As long as we continue to worship the "thug" and refuse to deal with our own issues of masculinity or in some cases lack thereof, thugs like your guest, will continue to feel themselves like they do. But you know, the real fools don't even know they're fools. But like someone once said, "He that knows something, knows that he doesn't know much at all."

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  11. Its wrong to put all the blames on "thugs", you only have to go to a club to watch to reactions and body language of those feminine dudes around them

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  12. Dont want to get down with a thug...but arent they the ones women seem to flock over anyways.....


    ok I need to find me a white blue collar man...lol

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  13. This is really a trip. I have friends that try to play that role as well. Bi-sexuals are just GREEDY damn it. but as the anonymous dude said sometimes thats what they have to do to survive. They cant just be out and proud because they would be in fear of their safety and they dont know any better. But having that fear doesnt make u a real man if thats the the role of the so-called masculine thugs are trying to play now does it. I always thought a real man was someone that was true to themselves no matter what anyone else thought about it. (i could be wrong)

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  14. Masculinity is judge by your actions and Being a man is base on your character. Just because a dude is masculine does not make him a man, and just because a man is feminine doesn't mean his not a man.

    Now I understand dudes have a preference which is fine, but when a dude decides to start equating masculinity with being a man then I have a issue. Just because a dude tops only and dress out in "thug" clothes doesn't make you a man. I thought my step father was a man, he always told be to "man up" (equating masculinity with being a man) It wasn't until I found out that after 13 years he decided to cheat on her, my mom kicked him out but wanted to know why he would do something like that. He wouldn't give her an answer. Made my mom feel like she cause him to cheat. Now is living off some other woman and using her to by him things.

    Sure he was masculine but a man, I think not. A man would have told my mom how he felt, a man wouldn't blame my mom for causing him to cheat, a man would have given my a reason on why he did it and a man won't use the other another woman for things he need. Some of these feminine men are more of man than those thugged out men out there.

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  15. 'Bisexual thug that is down for whateva' - So tired!

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  16. LOVE,LOVE, LOVE ur blog!
    This post in particular.
    Thx for putting me on ur blog roll!
    Myko-

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  17. WONDER MAN – I FEEL THE SAME WAY YOU DO…

    IAN – THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH HATRED…SELF-HATRED…

    J. FOX – AS YOU ARE STILL YOUNG YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT A MAN & WHAT HE ISN’T…BUT KNOW THAT WE ALL HAVE CHOICES & THIS TYPE OF MAN DOESN’T EXIST BECAUSE HE HAS NO CHOICE…YOUR SEXUALITY ISN’T A CHOICE, BUT HOW YOU ACT & CARRY YOURSELF IS…I AM GLAD THAT THIS BLOG ENTRY SPARKED SOMETHING IN YOU…

    ANONYMOUS – I AM HAPPY TO KNOW THAT YOU WANTED TO SCREAM WHEN YOU READ THIS…YOU SAY YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE THIS LIFE, BUT I BEG TO DIFFER BECAUSE I GREW UP IN AN AREA THAT WAS FILLED WITH THE ELEMENTS THAT BREATHE THIS LIFESTYLE, BUT I STAYED AWAY FROM IT…I GUESS I HAD A SENSE OF WHO I WAS & WHAT I WANTED FROM AN EARLY AGE…

    KA-OS – EXACTLY ACTING LIKE A THUG MEANS YOU SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH…

    WILL – THUGS ARE A HUGE TURN OFF & I DON’T BLAME YOU FOR NOT WANTING ANY PART OF THEM…

    SOZO – I GREW UP POOR & DIDN’T HAVE A LOT OF ADVANTAGES YET STILL I KNEW I WANTED TO MORE THAN A MAN THAT’S A THUG…

    FLIGHT – I LIKE YOUR TAKE ON THIS & AGREE WITH YOU 1000%!

    CASOU – WHO IS PERPETUATING THIS BEHAVIOR?

    OYIN – GET YOU A WHITE COLLAR MAN FAST!

    TRU3LOGIC – NAH YOU AIN’T WRONG @ ALL…IN FACT I’D SAY THAT THEY ARE LIVING IN FEAR & ARE NO MORE A MAN THAN A FEMININE GUY…

    LYRIC – I LIKE THAT HOW YOU PUT THAT & YES WE ALL HAVE OUR PREFERENCES LIKE YOU SAID BUT @ THE END OF THE DAY WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WE CAN HOLD FOR THE REST OF OUR DAYS…CAN A THUG DO THAT? YOU & I THINK NOT!

    MISS SHALLOTTE – THEY ARE SO DAMN TIRED!

    AAMYKO – THANK YOU, I LOVE YOUR BLOG AS WELL SO IT WAS PLEASURE TO PUT YOU ON MY BLOG ROLL…

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