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Wednesday, 10 October 2012


Nearly every time a marriage survey is taken, whether to determine why people get divorced, or why they stay together, it seems that having a healthy sex life (or the lack thereof) is near the top of the husband’s list – even for same-gender-loving married couples.

The overwhelming majority of husbands would agree that regular sexual intimacy is a top need in their lives. But why? Why is this such a dominant issue for men?

I don’t have to tell you (guys) that the primary reason is biological. Our God-created physiology creates a physical need for regular sexual release. If this need isn’t satisfied, we are less emotionally engaged with our partner, more emotionally tuned out to his needs and the needs of our family, and just overall – quite irritable. We are also much more susceptible to sexual temptation. Yes, we have choices to make, and are totally responsible for making the right or wrong ones – but the physical pressures are still very real.

The second reason is that we, like woman, have a real need to connect emotionally with the person we love. While the world tends to write us off as sex-starved cavemen – we are also endowed by the Creator with a deep emotional need to be loved, desired and connected to our spouse.

In numerous books written on the subject by tons of noted authors (including myself) underscore the fact that sex has a deep emotional impact on men. On every occasion when men are interviewed about different aspects of marriage. Not surprisingly, sex dominated their expressed needs and desires.

In study after study it has been confirmed that the vast majority of men indicated that being sexually fulfilled in marriage significantly impacted their confidence and their masculinity. Never forget that a healthy sex life gives your partner a sense of well-being and satisfaction with life.

Both gay men and lesbian women have strong emotional needs for intimacy. The act of sex remains the primary response that gives men the feelings of closeness, caring and romance that they greatly need. That is why the great majority of men would say they don’t just want an unemotional, “let’s get this over with” experience in bed. Their emotional needs are not automatically met by having a physical release. Men desperately need to know that their companion desires them, finds them attractive and gets great satisfaction through sexual intimacy. Your love, expressed through sexual intimacy, gives your companion a sense of well-being like nothing else can!


Are you married? If you are, you likely love your husband. With that said, love isn't always enough to keep a relationship going strong. Intimacy is very important to having a strong, happy, and healthy relationship.

How is your life in the bedroom? Do you think that your sex and intimacy can be improved? If so, you may be nervous about discussing the subject with your husband. After all, your husband may wrongly get the impression that he doesn't satisfy you anymore.

If you are interested in improving your intimacy with your husband, consider the approaches below:

1. Date

If you and your husband have been married for a while, there is a good chance that you haven't gone out on a date in a while. Many married couples get to a point in their relationship that is commonly called "the comfort zone." This zone is not one that you want to be in, as your relationship may feel more like a friendship. To prevent this from happening, ask your husband out on a date.

Don’t always leave it up to your husband to do the date asking, you sometimes have to take hold of the situation yourself. Now may be one of those times. Choose an activity that is romantic, such as a romantic comedy for a movie or a nice restaurant. This can help to spark a little bit of romance and passion in your relationship, which may lead to better and closer intimacy at home.

2. Show Romantic Gestures

When it comes to "wowing," in a relationship, we often make the mistake of thinking that our partner should be the one to do it.

You will also want to "wow," your husband, like you did the first time that you met. One of the easiest ways to do so is by performing a number of romantic gestures. When out shopping with your husband, grab his hand and hold it. I realize that we still live in a very homophobic world where it may not always be appropriate to do this publically, but when it is – do it!

When walking by him in the house, give him a quick kiss. Sending a love note to work with him is another romantic gesture that you may want to try.

3. Be Sexy and Seductive

If your marriage enters into the above mentioned comfort zone, sex and intimacy may seem like a thing of the past. If you do have sex, it may seem more like a responsibly, a chore, or even work. To help reduce these feelings, be sexy and seductive. Do not wait for your husband to initiate sex and do not ask if your husband is up for it first, just get right down to business. Strip for your husband or simply just remove his clothes. Snuggle next to him on the couch and just start massaging his whole body. You may be surprised just how easy and effective it is to be sexy and seductive.

4. Be Spontaneous

As it was previously stated, do not ask your husband if he wants to have sex and do not wait for him to start. Instead, take matters into your own hands. Whether you start with a little bit of foreplay or jump right into the intercourse, do so. Your husband should like the surprise. Also, remember that being spontaneous involves having sex at different times of the day, as well as in different locations of the house.

5. Offer to Experiment In the Bedroom

To improve sex and intimacy it is important to know that a change can do you good. You may want to suggest to your husband that you experiment in the bedroom or take him up on his suggestion to do so. Remember that experimenting in the bedroom doesn't have to mean getting an additional sex partner or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. A new sex position may be just what your relationship needs.

6 ways to get the sex you want from your man

Make feedback sexy, not strained

Improving your sex life doesn’t have to mean a stilted discussion. The change can come from in-the-throes encouragement rather than pointing out his flaws. Show him how you’d like to be touched by grazing his body gently with your fingers rather than grabbing. Moaning, increased urgency and verbal enthusiasm will let him know what turns you on, while gentle redirection with hand or body position will show him what doesn’t.

Prolong foreplay

Foreplay should be a progression, not a sprint. Watching a sexy movie together, flirting over a romantic meal, whispering compliments in the midst of a crowded party or cooking breakfast together can all be a prelude to more connected sex. Slow-burning foreplay isn’t only better for you: Longer foreplay helps men synchronize with their partners, giving them better control over ejaculation. And according to a “Men’s Health” survey, more than 75 percent of men said that they want foreplay to last 15 minutes or more.

Get the timing right

Most couples fall into a rut of having sex at bedtime, but the workweek is often the worst time for rock-the-firmament lovemaking. In a survey, 64 percent of men said that exhaustion, stress and packed schedules are the three biggest sex blockers and their No. 1 turn-off. So switch up your regular schedule: Order dinner in after a stressful day and canoodle while you wait, or indulge a lazy Saturday morning in bed — times when you’re both stress-free, well-rested and better able to focus on one another.

Foster a feeling of emotional closeness

A third of men say that feeling emotionally connected is the most important part of mind-blowing sex. Open your eyes and savor the moment. Pause to breathe and establish eye contact between kisses, be aware of every touch and caress and be open in conveying your pleasure. The more secure you both feel, the less guarded sex will become.

Quell his insecurities

While you may feel shy about stripping down, men are most insecure about pleasing you physically. Let him know what he’s doing right. What turns men on most in bed, according to 39 percent of the men surveyed, is not that you have a perfect body or sexy bedtime attire. It’s your unbridled enthusiasm. So grip the sheets. Beg. Plead. For men, there’s no better way to ease his fears than to show him you’re enjoying yourself.

Take the lead

According to a 2006 “Men’s Health”/“Cosmopolitan” survey, 66 percent of men wish their companions would initiate sex more often. Men want to feel wanted. And harnessing your sexual instincts may have a scientific basis as well. An Illinois State University researcher found that if you initiate sex as often as our husband does in your relationship, you will most certainly experience the joy, the thrill and fulfillment of having a more satisfying sex life; so don’t always leave it up to your partner to be the instigator when it comes to sex.


  1. every living creature wants to feel that they're needed and wanted, and sex just completes that especially from someone you love. when people say "sex is not that important" that means they're either a virgin or had a horrible sex experience. pffft! i love sex, and if i'm not getting enough of it "spirit fingers" haha!!! weekend is almost near again, happy humpday :)

    1. I know what you mean if I am not exercising my sexual right in my relationship I feel off.




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