REVIEW OF TOTAL RECALL (2012)

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About The Movie:

Douglas Quaid (presently played by Colin Ferrell) is the average factory worker, a blue-collar dude who married his high school sweetheart Lori (Kate Beckinsale) and lives day to day within the confines of the world’s limited inhabitable space – most of the planet was decimated by nuclear warfare, you see, and the only places left to live are the ultra-posh United Federation of Britain (the British Isles and most of main land Europe) or the dreg-ridden The Colony (Australia). Unhappy with his seemingly happenstance existence, Quaid gets the itch to get away and decides to go to Rekall, a company that implants your brain with memories. When he does go, he is interrupted by the cops and unwittingly yet quite efficiently kills them all. He runs home to tell his wife, who tries to kill him. And so starts the journey of Quaid figuring out that he is really an intelligence operative who had his mind wiped to eliminate him as a threat. With the help of his former partner (Jessica Biel) Quaid tries to restore himself to his former glory a freedom fighter against the big baddie capitalist Cohaagen (the incomparable Bryan Cranston).

What Is Good About The Movie:

The best thing that can be said about this movie is that it was kind of cool. There’s a pretty cool chase scene that involves plausibly futuristic magnetically levitated cars and a handful of crafty and hard-hitting hand-to-hand combat bits. 

There is actually a pretty clever gag, involving Obama.

The cars can fly.

What Is Bad About The Movie:

As Hollywood seems less and less willing to craft fresh and unique ideas to entertain its massive audience, the word “remake” has become increasingly dreaded especially as even the effort to make such movies any good wanes exponentially; and I was VERY excited for this movie but it didn’t deliver.

Besides the fact that the movie dragged on for TOO long (it was 2hr 1 min long to be exact) I have a few issues with this movie and they are:

Mars doesn't come into play at all. Instead, Earth's air supply has gotten so toxic that there are only two remaining inhabitable places: the United Federation of Britain and the Colony. The Colony is basically treated like Mars though; they're on the verge of being wiped out by the Federation, who are desperate to steal the Colony's real estate.

There are no mutants. Everyone is just boring, ordinary-looking humans... well, ordinary in the sense that when Quaid and Lori wake up in the morning, they are the chiseled, perfectly-styled Colin Farrell and Kate Beckinsale.

Since there are no mutants, that means there is no Kuato. Instead, the leader of the Resistance is some guy named Matthias, who's just a regular human without psychic powers.

Remember Quaid's friend Harry, the fat, bald, blue-collar guy who tells him not to go to Rekall? That part is played by the handsome, buff Bokeem Woodbine. Remember Dr. Edgemar, the fat, wormy spokesman for Rekall who messes with Quaid's mind by telling him that its all a dream? That part is also played by the handsome, buff Bokeem Woodbine.

Remember Michael Ironside's character of Richter, the right-hand man to Cohaagen, who has a personal axe to grind with Quaid and would rather kill him than capture him? That part is gone. Instead, Kate Beckinsale basically acts like Michael Ironside -- instead of Sharon Stone -- as she just keeps trying to kill Quaid.

Quaid doesn't use a hologram duplicate to trick people who are shooting at him.

There is no character of Benny, the wise-cracking, two-timing taxi driver.

There are no make-up or animatronic effects; instead there is a lot of CGI.

Replace all the fistfights with flying car pursuits and elevator shaft chases.

The tracking bug is in Quaid's hand, not his head, so we don't get to see Colin Farrell grimace as he pulls a weird, futuristic gadget out of his nose.

There is a lot more jumping.

They don't use the phrase "total recall" at all during the film.

Unlike the original, you know what's going to happen in each scene.

This new Recall is dull and dragging and hapless and offensive to it predecessor. A remake was NOT needed! 

Overall Grade:

C-