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So I was talking with my ex boss the other day and as usual she was expressing her joy about me finding employment; and it is @ this time she said to me NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY SEXUALITY. Now I get why she said this to me because when I was working with her, both she and my supervisor knew that I am gay. However, she seems to forget that I NEVER told any of them, she knew because she has a best friend that is gay and we know of each other.
Nonetheless, I find this thing about
sexuality SO interesting. Moreover, I find it STRANGE that there are persons SO interested
in what I do sexually. Though I don’t dread my sexuality, I don’t feel a need
to come out over AND over AGAIN! The thing about COMING OUT…AGAIN and to whom is one of
the most pivotal AND personal
decisions one will ever make. It's the first step in building relationships
with family and friends that are based on honesty and openness, instead of the
stressful and never-ending need to hide.
I find that BEING IN THE CLOSET is just that; it is a place of ISOLATION that has it many draw backs. Though a gay person knows that
s/he isn’t the only gay person in the world, it is STILL a dangerous thing to let
someone know about your sexuality. Though I am technically IN the closet, I am SURE that
my shoes are peaking out. I guess it is like they say WITH AGE COMES…so this time I will NOT be
dragged out like I was when I was 20. When I think about that time, I thank God
that I found who I was and stayed strong in that because something like this
can DEFINITELY break person. Even though I now live with the zeal AND enormous relief that I no longer have to suppress my sexual
identity, I rather NOT discuss it with
persons that can’t appreciate it. And when I say appreciate it, I mean learn to
leave well enough alone…
I know that one's degree of 'outness' varies with culture and political climate. For me, as a resident of a medium-sized city in the US and afforded a great amount of protection by the industry whithin which I work,I find that my degree of preoccupation over who knows and who doesnt totally reflects my comfort level within my own skin. ...and frankly Scarlet, I dont give a damn (anymore) ;>)
ReplyDeleteI SO don't give a damn right along with you.
ReplyDeleteI feel what you something. I hate that. You end up having to 'come out' many times in your life simply because you don't have GAY carved in your forehead. I blog about this on a kinda similar subject where I said something along the lines that I was a lil envious of the feminine gay man because they wear their homosexuality on their sleeve. So they don't have repeatedly 'come out' and don't have to deal with the drama of people changing their opinion of you once they Know about that part of you. See by me not being fem...I could walk into a room and people would just assume off the bat...I'm straight. And of course I may have to let them think that...not because I'm still deep closet case, but because its NOT EVERYBODIES DAMN BUSINESS! There was a lesbian co worker I used to have...she got on the subject of her thinking I was gay..did I tell her, No. Just because we BOTH gay...ain't your business. I am open with mines, but I don't feel the need nor want to 'come out' to random people. So because of THAT no matter how OUT you can be...as you said, I guess you are still technically considered IN the closet.
ReplyDeleteInteresting how there is always something good in the things we see as 'bad'.
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