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Monday, 16 April 2012

WE ARE CO-WORKERS, NOT FRIENDS...


How many of you have encountered that colleague at work who, for whatever reason, thinks that working together entitles them to information about your personal life. These people are the ones who have to be quickly reminded that you two are co-workers and not friends.
It is true that we spend the majority of our time with the people that we work with, but it doesn’t mean we have to be the best of friends. Any job I start I maintain this approach to keep work and my social life separate. Some people get upset because when they ask me about how my weekend was I simply say, “It was fine,” and leave it at that. That is all the information I feel needs to be given and I shouldn’t be made to feel like an outcast because I don’t want to discuss every aspect of my life.
People usually will find someone they become friends with at work or a click that they hang out with during lunch, but it is not mandatory. Being polite, keeping to yourself and doing your work is all that matters. All the friendship stuff can be a waste of time and end up with you being in the middle of office politics or drama. It amazes me how many work places are more like high school cafeterias with the amount of gossip and back biting that goes around. I rather be seen as anti-social and keep to myself then trying to be the cool person at work.
Business and pleasure usually don’t mix well and this is especially true in the work place. You should never feel pressured to share more information about your life than you have to with people that you work with. If they want to call you boring that is fine because your REAL friends know the truth.

22 comments:

  1. Tricky sitch. Being friendly doesn't mean you're actually/factually friends. With some people, proximity & the sheer amount of time spent in another's presence is viewed as being close. BUT in some cases familiarity only breeds contempt.

    One.

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    Replies
    1. It sure breeds contempt in MOST cases.

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  2. so what's the worst thing that could happen ?? that you will confirm what they more or less already know?

    I began my coming out process with some of the people I worked with and for ... some of the remarks were hilarious, such as 'so, duh, tell me something I didnt already know" and everyone down to the last was supportive and genuinely happy for me.

    When I settled down with my BF, there was nothing short of rejoicing in the hopes that since I was finally gettin it regular like, I wouldnt continue to be such a biatch. (wrong.. I'm still a biatch).

    Bottom line is that it was much easier to just come out than continuing to play dodge-the-question with the people I spend over a third of my life with. It also illustrates to 'them' that Gay people pretty much have the same interests, problems and dreams that str8's do.

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    Replies
    1. "so what's the worst thing that could happen ??" They could judge your personal experiences or beliefs instead of your work capabilities. It's the same reason why if I go to the Christmas party it's 2 drinks at the most and I'm gone in 40 mins before I start to shake my money maker and hear about it the following week. Work is work and just as they wouldn't expect my private life to intrude at the workplace, I wouldn't expect work to intrude in my private life.

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    2. I should have prefaced my remarks by stating that I work in a highly diverse and 'protected' environment where every employee knows that there is zero tolerance for even the slightest hint of prejudiced or improper behavior.

      Had I been employed in another business sector at the time I came out, I probably would not have been as forthcoming with my colleagues.

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    3. I have NO problem 'coming out' to my co-workers, I just don't want ppl in my business asking me does gay do this or that?

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    4. Having a well-honed Anti Semite/Gay detector, I can easily pick out the sincerely legitimate questions and I always answer them to the best of my ability. To the obvious bigots, I respond with "why do you need to know that?", which shuts them right down.

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    5. I LOVE asking are you interested?

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  3. I've learned that people at work are "friends" up until they see you as competition. Then not so much. I've made friends at work before, but I have to say my new experience at work now very definitely will have me putting up a barrier when talking to coworkers in the future.

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    Replies
    1. My boss believes that we all should hang out and do stuff together which is like huh? I LOVE co-workers being just that coworkers.

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    2. I think that would too depend on if the job requires or works better in a team atmosphere. Mine seems to work like a back biting pack of dogs after the same bone:D. But I definitely can see how some jobs would require more of a team centric dynamic that a boss would want to foster. And the being out in the work place has never been an issue for me, I just find it a competition thing. Once competition is there any concept of friendship is a joke.

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    3. COMPETITION + FRIENDSHIP @ WORK = A BIG JOKE!

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  4. AMEN! So true! The reward for the job is a paycheck, not popularity.

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    Replies
    1. I would say that depends on the job.

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    2. Give me the paycheck ANY day!

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  5. I suppose I'm just to damn private because I work very hard to seperate my personal life from my work/career life. Now there are times when one or the other trickles into personal or work time, but I do not make it happen of having my co-workers think that we are friends.

    Every single work day I hear about what has transpired in certain co-workers private lives. The gossip can down right nasty, and yall know I have very little tolerence for bullshit, I've experience way to much from these folks already, and to allow co-workers to add to the equation no sir not this brotha.

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  6. Correction: My entry should have read line (4)
    I do not make a habit of making my co-worker thing we're friends.
    (7) be down right nasty
    (8) tolerance

    Excuse me I'm on Metro heading home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe in keeping them separate as well.

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  7. OMG I KNOW! I hate nosy ass people like that at work. Although there are many of my co workers I am cool with, only ONE even has my #. Just because you work with them you DONT have to have other conversations with them if its not work related. My mon said it best when I was off to college, "Just because he your roommate [if you have 1] don't mean you have to hang out with him." Even if we are cool with each other at WORK... When I clock out and leave I ain't worried about NON of those people, so we definitely are not on the level of friends.

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  8. Good grief I struggle with this dilemma every-damn-day! My coworker keeps telling me I'm the most mellow, down to earth person he's ever known, and that's there is a second side to me he wants to see. I've tried everything under the sun to avoid contact with this dude but to no avail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe you should show him what he wants to see and he just might leave you alone. I feel your pain, TOTALLY!

      Delete

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