¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Sunday, 22 April 2012


“Parents are our blessing; parents are our burden.”  Whenever I make a new connection with a gay individual one of the questions I usually ask is if they have told their parents that they are gay and if so how did their parents react.  I am amazed at the variety of responses that people share.  The reactions from parents are varied, insane, and are as numerous as the drops of water in the ocean.  Some parents could care less about their child’s gayness- they were hippies in their own time, believe in free love, and just want their child to be happy.  Other parents completely ignore the idea that their child is Gay- they know it but they don’t acknowledge it. These parents just try to convince themselves that everything is going to be ok as long as they never talk about it.  Some ultra Christian parents plead the blood of Jesus all over the place and pray that their child is “healed” or “delivered” from being gay.  The angry parents try to force their child to just stop being gay and frown upon or even forbid certain mannerisms, clothes, or anything else they deem “too gay.”  My mother’s way of dealing with my coming out to her was convenient amnesia.  She acts like she forgets that I’m gay.  Some parents experience a combination of the aforementioned responses and the child must deal with their reaction accordingly.  As a parent, no matter how you respond to your child’s coming out one thing I know for sure is that you can never “Un-say” any negative statement once you have said it.  Spoken words are concrete.  So I offer the following advice to parents.  
Think before you speak.   I understand that you are worried about your child, you fear the bullies in the classroom as youth and in the board room as adults.  I realize that the gay life for your child is not the plan you had for them.  I know that you are worried about depression, HIV/Aids, and perhaps their souls or relationship with their faith.  I know that in your mind you have their best interests at heart and are concerned about what people will say.  I’m sure you question the idea of grandchildren.  I get that you are confused and lost because you have no idea what it means to be gay.  You have watched too many news stories, read too many articles, and have held too many prejudices to try to be content with your child’s gayness.  I know that you are hurt, upset, worried, afraid, and confused.  I also know that you love your child and that one day the love for your child will strengthen you to see past their sexuality.  When that day comes your relationship with your child will be hindered because of the negativity you spoke.  Don’t speak rashly, think before you speak!  Think of the courage it takes for them to live their truth.  Think of the worry, the guilt, and the fear that your son has had to overcome as he tries to figure out if you will still love him.  Imagine the thoughts that he constantly endures as he wonders if he is allowed to come to family functions and how he will be treated once there.  Close your eyes and visualize him crying every night beating himself emotionally because he doesn’t have the power to change who he is.  Picture him begging God to change him.  See him trying to figure out why he is being punished.  Think of how alone and afraid he is as he determines that the very people who should love him unconditionally seemingly don’t.  Put yourself in his shoes and think of how you would feel at his age having to tell your parents the same thing.  Think, feel, and imagine your child’s pain, grief, and worry.  It is pathetic that we live in a world that would rather see someone sacrifice their own happiness so that others could feel better about themselves.  

Moreover, it is sad that some parents have expressed more hate to their children than a stranger ever could.  If you have already talked crazy to your child please remember exactly what you said.  Not what you intended or meant- REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID.  Remember how you said it.  Remember the moment you said it.  Unless it was positive, unless in substance it reflected unconditional love and acceptance you were wrong.  If you said anything mean, hurtful, or hateful to your child- you were wrong!  If you have ever called him a sissy or worse yet a faggot-you were wrong!  If you ever told your son to stop walking a certain way, or saying things a certain way- you were wrong!  If you ever allowed a family member to berate or belittle your child- you were wrong!  If you ever told him that God hates him- you were wrong!  If you ever told your child you did not or would not support him in this “lifestyle”- you were wrong!  If you called him nasty or unnatural- you were wrong!  If you told him that he needs to be straight and change- you were wrong!  If you told him that being gay is a choice- you were wrong!  As a parent your job is to love your child.  Your job is not to like or even agree with everything they do but it is your job to love the way no one else can.  It is wrong to hurt them and say you are trying to protect them.  Love is patient.  Love is kind.  You are wrong if you purposely hurt someone in the name of love.  Your words cut deep and cannot be taken back once you have said them.  I do suggest you apologize and pray that they forgive you.  Unfortunately, while they may forgive they will never EVER forget- they always remember what you said, how you said and when you said it.  Speak responsibly.  1Luv, DL 


  1. Awesome post. Sadly many parents do mean the things they say to their kids in that moment. I know a few people who are not welcome to see their family. But a lot of times I can see how some hurts are not intentional. It is sad to see people estranged from their family because of words that cannot be forgotten, and taints the relationship for years, if not the rest of their lives.

  2. Thinking before one speaks is a learned art that most of us have trouble mastering and it kind of doesnt make much sense to expect that parents should be held to a higher level of expertise. Unfortunately though, our brains dont have erase/rewind buttons no matter now unintentional the comments were or how many times the speaker apologizes.

    1. I find myself doing that a lot these days {thinking before speaking} it saves me a lot of unnecessary heart ache.

  3. Every circumstance is different taht is for sure. I tend to think before speaking, but there are those moments when I don't give no Fu*k! Eliminating heartache and pain.




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