¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

FAMILY: ¿DID I ABANDON THEM FOR MY GAY DESTINY?


Mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles…these words send a low current of guilt through many of us. They bring memories of our last, dramatic days of living at home and how very far away life has taken us. When I think of this, I think of my own family, are we close? NO! Do we communicate? Somewhat…I do know that I have a better understanding of my family and my place within that. When I left home after being dragged out of the closet, I now wonder: Did I leave because of my destiny or did I flee? I can now say the truth it is a little of both. I know that I would have DIED had I stayed but, I do wonder did I abandon them, or did they abandon me? After all, I was the one that ‘changed’, I was the one that was ‘different’, and I was the one that was ‘going against god’s plan for me.’

Family is important, and I know I kept my distance for a LONG time out of some deep shame, as if it would simply be better for all concerned if I stayed away. Or perhaps it was pre-emptive. Who knows for sure, it isn’t an easy venture trying to figure out who you are while you are trying to be yourself. Through my journey I collected a few friends here and there, and I even accept catch phrases like “we choose our own families” because maybe it’s true. And then again, I now wonder: was I comforting myself with substitutes?

12 comments:

  1. Sadly, nothing replaces your biological family.
    I was kicked out and all that good stuff, and ended up with a foster family, whom I consider my *family* family.
    But still.... there are days I wish that things happened differently.....

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  2. CUP: ARE YOU IN CONTACT WITH YOUR BIO FAMILY?

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  3. gayte: w/ one sister, once in a blue moon. Both parents have passed away a while ago.

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  4. If you don't remember anything do think of this: Love has to be unconditional and it is a two way street.
    It does you no good to agonize over the inability of some individuals to accept you the way you are. Nor can you divorce yourself from your family because of the way they think.
    You can only do your best to be honest with them and re-educate them to some extent to where they at least understand where you are coming from or where you are going...rather than having their religion tell them where you are going and where you have been is sinful.
    I am fortunate that even at her old age of 96 my mom is very accepting and even supportive, lives with us as does my partner's mom. My daughters couldn't be more liberal and loving to both of us.
    great post, makes you think.

    saludos,
    raulito

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  5. TRICKLE: THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, NICE THAT YOUR FAMILY IS ACCEPTING.

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  6. My 92 y/o Dad lives with me and that's about all the "family" I can handle, barely.

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  7. All of us come from different family environments and have different experiences and stories to share. Each one of us need to arrive at our own conclusions to the questions that you posed, my friend.

    Personally, being myself was never a problem, at least publicly, for my family, immediate and extended. If anything was said, it was behind my back and never conveyed to me. Our collective view on any situation has always been, family is family, first and foremost. Trust, some of the predicaments that we've faced, being queer was one of the simpler issues that we've dealt with.

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  8. ROGER: IT IS SIMPLE NOW, I WONDER THAT'S WHY WE DON'T DISCUSS IT?

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  9. After many years of chasing after my relatives and them not being there for me when I needed them (including my own mother), I find that my partner is all the family I need.

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  10. JEFF: PARTNERS ARE GOOD LIKE THAT!

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