¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Monday, 05 September 2011


So not surprisingly, Sookie survived being shot with a wooden bullet in the cemetery. At first, she was too far gone to take Bill’s blood, but after Bill and Alcide prayed offscreen (“Werewolf and a vampire, who’s gonna listen?” Alcide asked) she did. She eventually woke up, and I found myself wondering whether Bill had asked Alcide to go get a washcloth so he could clean his blood off her face. Thoughtful. Sookie’s first thought was of Eric, who Bill said was missing. Alcide had enough of Sookie risking her life for fangers and left. Sookie thanked Bill for giving her his blood, and he said anytime. I should have been anticipating a lust-filled dream, but mainly, my mind was still on how close Alcide’s head was to the ceiling when he walked out of her living room. It reminded me of studying abroad in London my junior year of college, and my flatmate Amy watching an NYPD Blue episode and suddenly addressing the TV: “Jimmy Smits, you a big tall man. Well alright." (That was 15 years ago, and I still impersonate her.)

The next time we saw Sookie, she was on her couch, but dressed in red lingerie. We knew from the slo-mo and dreamy jazz that it was a dream sequence. She rose to answer the door in stilettos, and it was Eric, dressed like Real Eric with heavage. He didn’t speak, he just walked in and started kissing her. Oh, how we’ve missed you Real Eric, or at least your fashion sense. As he kissed down her body, we saw Bill sitting at the table.

Bill wanted her to tell Eric that she never stopped loving him, and that’s why he was in her dream. She couldn’t help herself, she told Eric. She’d had Bill’s blood. The boys prepared to fight, with Eric shouting that he was 10 times Bill’s age, and Bill yelling that he loved Sookie 20 times as much. She ordered them to the living room to have a talk. Ultimately, she explained that she could be dreaming about anything -- swimming with dolphins, eating a whole pie without the calories counting -- so the fact that she was dreaming about the two of them must mean something. She’s in love with both of them. Bill said she couldn’t be, that’s not who she is. Sookie said she was putting that self-conscious little girl who was too scared to think outside the box behind her. New Sookie doesn’t have to be Bill’s or Eric’s. Bill and Eric could be hers.

The men protested. “I’m the king of Louisiana, I do not share,” Bill said. Eric told her she had to choose. But Sookie played hardball. Why is it a man wanting to be with two women he doesn’t even know is an acceptable idea, but a woman who tries to have her way with two men she’s totally and completely in love with isn’t? She was asking them to love her back, together. “It’s either both of you or nothing at all,” she said. Then, with Gran turning over in her grave, Sookie joined them on the uncomfortable sofa. I thought/hoped she was going to make them kiss -- which would have been amazing -- but instead, she grabbed their heads and pulled them to her neck. That’s when she woke up. I know the takeaway from that dream was that Sookie still has feelings for Bill (and presumably would even without his blood in her system), but I find it even more fascinating that Eric looked like Real Eric.
Perhaps that was meant to signify that Sookie truly does love Eric, and will even if/when he gets his memory back. Or, she could have just dressed him like that because it felt appropriately naughty for the dream. Real Eric is even more outside the box than Nice Eric. Before me move on, for whom do you think filming that scene was the most awkward: Anna Paquin, her husband Stephen Moyer, or Alexander Skarsgard? I’m sure they laughed their way through it, but still, a threeway isn’t something married actors are asked to shoot every day. I wonder if they cut it short because going farther would’ve made the idea uncomfortable (though the three have done at least one nude magazine photo shoot together), or if it’s because they wanted to leave a place to go to the next time Sookie has a fantasy….

Back in reality, Eric was with Antonia and the other surviving witches at the Moon Goddess Emporium. Antonia wanted them to form a circle for a protection spell, and Tara, along with everyone but friendless Roy, refused. This wasn’t what they’d signed up for. They wanted to leave, but Antonia wouldn’t let them. She’d brought Eric back with them because she wanted to show the cameras at the following night’s Festival of Tolerance what vampires are capable of, and what witches are capable of doing to them.

At Bill’s, Jessica had spent hours crying to Nan about Hoyt, just like the teenager she technically is. She wished she was dead, then remembered she was and it didn’t matter. Nan said the experience made her happy that she’d never put her career on hold to become a maker. Successful female vampires: they’re just like us! “You’re nothing like you are on TV,” Jessica told cold Nan. When Bill returned home, they went down to the cell to be silvered for daylight. While Jessica continued to whimper, Bill and Nan fought. Bill wanted to cancel the tolerance rally in case Eric was now under Antonia’s control as Luis had been. Nan wouldn’t allow it. What would she tell the TV networks and bloggers? Bill suggested she blame it on the witches, which humans had happily done in the past. No, she said. He could increase security, but the event would happen and the cameras better find him in a “festive and tolerant f---ing mood.” I’m torn: Part of me wants Nan to pay for her poor decision-making and inability to see beyond the next day’s headlines, and part of me wants to see Nan be the one to do Antonia in after Antonia tries to pet her like she’s a four-legged bitch.

Sam, meanwhile, was still at Luna’s while all this was going down. She wanted him to leave incase Marcus came back, but Sam is reclaiming his title as Best Boyfriend Ever from Alcide. Luna is trying to teach Emma not to run from her problems, but, Sam insisted, camping was a loophole because it’s just getting back to nature, which is always healthy. Plus, Emma would be too distracted in the morning when she awoke in the woods to piece together why no one had mentioned to her that they were going camping. You’re a good man, Sam Merlotte. I thought he underestimated Emma, but he was right: She was consumed with trying to catch a rabbit to pet. She told her mom and Sam that she hoped she’d grow up to be a shifter instead of a werewolf so she could shift into a bunny and pet herself. Sam, guaranteeing he’d get laid that night, pretended to be catching the rabbit and shifted into one himself so Emma could pet him. Smooth, Sam. I’m trying not to dislike Luna for the trouble she’s causing Sam, and her parenting skills are helping. She doesn’t use the word “fat” around her daughter, and she told her that whatever she turns out to be is what she's meant to be and it’s perfect.

Luna did end up crawling into Sam’s tent that night as he was reading by flashlight (swoon), and we got to cut back-and-forth from them to Tommy as Sam getting his ass kicked by Marcus’ pack. I understand that the advantage of running with a pack is people always have your back. But I’m sorry, Marcus having all that backup when he invited Sam over to intimidate him into not dating Luna made him look weak to me. After that night in the cemetery, and sneaking back into bed with Debbie (did Alcide not know she’d smell Sookie’s blood on him?), Alcide decided he wanted to move up in the Shreveport pack ranks. It was important to Debbie, he told Marcus, so it had to be important to him. I think it’s dangerous for Marcus to know Alcide will do anything for Debbie, don’t you? Especially after all that happened this hour. Alcide agreed to be there when Marcus talked to the shifter screwing his wife, but only because Marcus said all he was going to do was talk. He’d gone to Merlotte’s looking for Sam and found Tommy instead. Tommy was there writing a goodbye note to Sam when Marcus gave him his card and said to tell Sam to be there tonight or he’d have an even bigger problem.

I’m not sure why Tommy went there. I’d like to think he was protecting Sam and thought he should be the one paying for sleeping with Luna. I assume he didn’t know that Sam was still seeing her and genuinely believed the bad blood would end after that night. (If he'd heard they were dating, what did he think would happen the next time Marcus saw them together, even if he took this beating for Sam?) I also don’t think Tommy cared if he got killed. Why else would he mouth off to Marcus? Fortunately, Alcide is enough of a man not to beat on a guy he has no issue with and to growl and stop others when they’re going too far. When Tommy turned back into himself, Marcus ordered his men to get rid of him, but Alcide picked him up and carried him out. He made Tommy look like a child in his arms. Are we hoping Tommy lives? I feel like he’s a character that just exists to die. We’ve had so many scares. Was this a big enough moment for producers to pull the trigger? (The promo for next week shows Alcide holding one of the guys who kicked Tommy’s butt so Sam can have at him. Maybe he does die.)

We know Marcus won’t be happy with Alcide, nor will he be happy with Debbie if word gets back that she went to Antonia and pissed her off by tricking her. Debbie is a frustrating character but also an interesting one. We saw her buy V and down a vial, which made you think she'd lost her mind, and it was a gun she’d pulled out of her car and was holding behind her back at Sookie’s door. Instead, it was flowers. Tired of Debbie rambling over iced tea, Sookie told her to be quiet so she could listen to her thoughts: Debbie was saying she’d do anything for Alcide, and she wished Sookie would see that she wanted to help her. Not knowing Alcide had washed his hands of Sookie, Debbie thought doing anything for Alcide meant helping her. Way to take advantage of her, Sookie, but all is fair in love and war. I think the first time I truly liked Debbie was when she said even if Sookie thinks reading minds is a curse, it’d be nice to know what people are thinking every once in a while. There was a genuine vulnerability that made you forgive most of the crazy. Sookie told her Alcide loved her. Friends!

The plan, apparently, was for Debbie to distract Antonia at the door of the Moon Goddess Emporium while Sookie snuck in through a window and found Eric. Debbie played it cool at first: She said she knew who and what Antonia was up against and she was there on behalf of the Shreveport wolf pack to pledge allegiance to her cause and offer support. Sookie found Eric, and he wouldn’t or couldn’t move. He told Sookie to leave. She knew he was under Antonia’s spell, which, if Antonia was smart, would’ve included an order not to reveal his orders to anyone. But he was able to tell Sookie he’d been charged with killing the king.

Tara stumbled upon Sookie and drew a gun on her. I assume Debbie was trying to save herself when she pointed out that she’d brought telepathic Sookie, who aids vampires, to Antonia. Or was she smart enough to know that Antonia wouldn’t want Tara to shoot Sookie because Sookie could be useful? Regardless, Tara told Sookie her coming there was the stupidest thing she’d ever seen and pointedly asked her if she was even listening to her. Sookie listened to Tara’s thoughts, which told her they were being held captive and Bill was at the Dorchester hotel. She told Sookie to charge her, so she could make it look like she wasn’t letting her escape when she hit the ground and fired shots. Smart move, Tara. Antonia took only Roy and Eric with her to the hotel and locked the rest of the witches inside. When Tara touched the door knob, it burned her hand. The same thing happened to someone who tried another door.

Debbie got back in her car and wasn’t exactly happy to see Sooke running toward her. Debbie’s work wasn’t done. She had to drive Sookie to the Dorchester. I assume we got that quip from Sookie calling out Debbie’s slow driving (“I have to say, for a badass werewolf, you drive like a girl”) so we’d buy that Antonia could have beat them there. The only other vampires at the tolerance rally besides Nan, Bill, and the sister of the girl who’d started the LSU chapter of the Living Dead Alliance, were the three remaining Louisiana sheriffs, which Bill likened to holding a Civil Rights protest without any African-Americans present. Eric got the sheriffs to chase him and led them into a trap -- Antonia gained control of them as well.

After Nan, in a suit inspired by Jackie O., spewed some facts I didn’t care enough about to rewind and jot down, it was Bill’s turn to speak about how they needed to be vigilant -- a message of hate is more seductive than a message of love. Sookie yelled his name, and Nan’s “Oh, Jesus f---ing Christ” was priceless. Then, in the balcony, the vampire sheriffs made Bill’s human guards' intestines come out the front of their bodies and dropped them to the floor below on Antonia’s command. “They’re comin’ for you, Bill. Run!” Sookie said, as the sheriffs tossed bodies in the crowd on their way to the stage and Eric zoomed toward Bill from a box seat. I can’t wait to see how those next few moments play out. Watching the promo for next week, it looks like Eric is the one who ends up getting shot with a wooden bullet?

So much drama, we needed a little levity. Cue Hoyt waking up the morning after his breakup with Jessica, stumbling upon a Taylor Swift CD, and deciding to pack up a box of her belongings, which included a Twilight book. We didn’t see Hoyt put the CD in the box at first, so I choose to believe it was their CD, and he hadn’t decided whether or not to give it to her… until Jason found out.

This episode was the most action Hoyt’s house has seen. Mavis, in Lafayette’s body, showed up there thinking it was still her home. She pulled Andy's gun on Hoyt, and Hoyt ran out of the house in his boxers and called Jason, who was at the Bellefleurs investigating Mikey’s kidnapping. Again, I love the actors who play Terry and Andy and want to see more of them, but if Andy’s V addiction exists simply so Terry can accuse Andy of being jealous that he has a wife and child -- lame. Andy downed a vial of V, forgot to bring Hoyt a pair of pants, then broke down the door of Hoyt’s house and nearly got himself shot in the head by Mavis. Jason tackled Andy back outside. Terry and Arlene showed up, and Andy tackled Terry before he could get inside. That’s when Terry accused Andy of being jealous.

Andy, realizing he was in no condition to be calling the shots, put Jason in charge. Jason’s first order of business was asking Jesus, who Arlene had called, if Lafayette ever turns into a woman named Mavis when they roleplay. Oh, Jason. Jesus went into the house and explained the situation to Mavis. She only began to believe Mikey wasn’t her son and she was dead when Jesus said she’d entered his boyfriend’s body. Boyfriend? She felt her man parts and knew she couldn’t have birthed a baby.

Jesus did some magic, and Mavis recounted her last night alive. She wanted to know why she couldn’t hug her baby one last time, and the lover who'd killed him said it was because he’d already buried him. He stabbed Mavis, and her spirit floated up and watched herself die. She saw the man shoveling and couldn’t take anymore and left. They knew where to look for the body of her baby.

Terry is such a good guy: when Mavis apologized for taking Mikey, he told Lafayette these things happen and they still love him. Hoyt was doing the digging when they found the remains of both Mavis and her baby. Mavis held her son and sang to him. Jesus said it was time to go, he needed his Lafayette back, and as he did a spell, Mavis' spirit left Lafayette’s body. Somehow, they all saw that happen, which you could tell from Terry’s “Holy f---.” We got to see Mavis holding her baby’s adorable spirit and they were gone -- but not before she thanked Lafayette. “You got it, bitch,” he said. Ha. Anyone else thinking Lafayette spinoff? With Medium and Ghost Whisperer off the air, there is a hole. Though truthfully, I would settle for Lafayette’s storyline converging with the witch and vampire war next episode. Presumably Sookie will tell him and Jesus about Tara being held prisoner, and they’ll team up with the vampires.

When that mess was over, it was time for Jason to drink some Bud and help Hoyt put his door back up. Yes, Jason, minus the bullet holes, it looked great. Jason found the Taylor Swift CD, which Hoyt placed in a box labeled “For you, monster.” He asked Jason to drop it off at Bill’s on his way home. Jason tried to get out of it, but as Hoyt’s best friend, he had to do it if Hoyt never wants to see Jessica again. All Hoyt got out of their year together was fang marks, he said. But apparently, all she got out of it could fit into a box -- where were her clothes? -- so quit your bitchin’, Hoyt.

It was nice that Jason scratched out “For you, monster” on the box, wasn’t it? He could tell she was upset. She guessed he paraphrased Hoyt’s words (how impressed were you that Jason used the word “paraphrasing?”). Jason said if she ever needed to talk… She invited him in, but he didn’t think it was a good idea. It was like he thought he’d be safe if he stayed in the doorway. But he hesitated too long before leaving. He should have dropped and done pushups, but once you heard the dramatic string intro to Taylor Swift’s “Haunted” you knew he hadn’t. Outside, the camera panned through the grass to Jason’s truck, in the bed of which Jessica popped up straddling a naked Jason. I guess they didn’t want to stay inside incase Bill came home? And all of Bill’s guards had gone with him? (Seems like someone should have stayed behind to guard the King’s grounds.) I love this storyline: I love that they got a Taylor Swift song, age-appropriate for Jessica, instead of an epic instrumental like Sookie has with her immortal lovers. I love that it’s manwhore Jason and eternal virgin Jessica. The only thing I don’t love is the feeling that Jason wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t have Jessica’s blood in him. It’s sad that his friendship with Hoyt will be ruined over something he had no control over. Then again, Sookie had Real Eric’s blood in her and resisted him.

Your turn. What did you think of the episode? Were you satisfied with the Mikey/doll payoff? Is anyone else worried that the only way Andy's V addiction storyline is worth the screentime it’s received is if an angry Andy (gulp) kills Terry? How will Bill and Eric escape the Festival of Tolerance alive? How great will it be to see Alcide and Sam have scenes together? What the hell is Debbie doing with Marcus? And which Taylor Swift song do you hope Jason and Jessica get it onto next? There will be a next time, right?



  1. I am a fan of True Blood but since they introduced his character I am team Alcide all the way...lol.






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