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Wednesday, 26 January 2011

GAY DATING: ¿WHO PAYS?

Last night I went out on a date — and let me tell you, it had been a very long time since my last one — and I have to say I really enjoyed it.  His name was Stephen, and well, he was not only cute, but he was funny and I felt really good around him.  Stephen asked me out to dinner and after a while of figuring out where we would eat we decided we’d have Thai.  He gave me the details for our little date and instead of getting ready, I laid on my sofa and was on the phone.  And as usual, I was late.  Because it was my (as Stephen joked) “first Thai“, he ordered for the both of us.  It was cute, and he actually chose some great dishes.  It was very good.  We talked, laughed, and kept staring at each other… signs of a good time (at least in my book).  But I was a little disappointed at the end of our date.

I don’t exactly know what I was expecting after dinner, but I didn’t expect that the dinner was going to be the entire date.  I thought we’d at least go have coffee or something afterwards, talk more.  But that didn’t happen.  So I was left wanting more.  But the thing that caught me off guard the most was the fact that we split our dinner bill.  Seriously?  Don’t get me wrong, I can pay my way, but he’s the one that asked me out, he picked the restaurant, he has a good job, and he’s older than I am.  I know if a guy and girl were in this situation, the guy would pay.  The guy would probably pay as much times as possible, if not every single time.  Now, I understand it could be different if they’re in relationship for years and share an account, but when you’re dating, doesn’t the guy get the check?  But then again, when gays date who gets the check?  Both of them are men.
[Side Note:  No, there is no "woman" in a gay relationship.  Both are men.  There's no "female" role.  Yes, there's bottoms and tops, but that has nothing to do with being a "woman".  I do enjoy a dick up my ass, and can be a bit feminine sometimes, but that does not make me the "woman" in the relationship.  At the end of the day, I have a fucking dick.  And I will also, kick the living shit out of you and bash your head in.  All men act differently, but it doesn't make them any less of a man.  Get it through your head, or please allow me to use my dick to beat it into you.]
So who pays?  Is it the one that asked the other out?  Do we take turns?  Does the one that is older pay?  Do we split the bill?  Does the one that makes more money pay?  Who pays?  I’ve had this conversation with my BFFE (best fucking friend ever) Annie a few times before and we’ve considered every scenario, and don’t exactly know who pays.  The best that I’ve come up with is taking turns paying; I’ll get it this time, he’ll get it next time.  Or if they’re a bit low on cash, I’ll pay without making it awkward and without letting them know I know they’re strapped on cash at the moment.  But, make sure you do so carefully, because I know money is one of those things that can break up friendships and even families…  However, if you ask someone out on a date, you (since you asked) should pay.  But if it’s one of those scenarios where you both are the type that feels like you should pay, just insist on paying and if he does the same, let him pay and tell him the next time is you’ll get it.  Don’t argue about how you want to pay it, because if you’re both masculine kinds of men, you might break out into a arm wrestle in the middle of the restaurant.  That could be hot, but inappropriate.  No matter what though, always carry some cash and plastic on you, because like what happened with me last night, you never know if the bill will be split.
It’s a little different when you’ve been in a relationship for a while, because eventually you figure out if there’s that one person that prefers paying, or you have a system that works for both of you.  Maybe you’re in a relationship and you’re guy would rather pay all the time.  If that’s so, I’d make sure I get him presents to show I appreciate him, or I’d cook dinner for him.  And if we lived together, I’d be sure to have our home clean and tidy, dinner (or reservations) ready for him when he gets home, and I’d just make sure he’s comfortable.  Also, you will probably figure out each other’s financial standings and might take that into consideration when choosing a restaurant, as not to go somewhere too expensive.  And if it is somewhere you really want to go, then you pay for it.
That’s just my take on the world of gay dating and who pays.  But what do you think?  Who should pay? 

21 comments:

  1. I always say split on the first date - after that either take turns or continue to split until either of you are comfortable with the other always paying

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  2. The one who takes the least time getting ready should be the one to pay.
    If you are dating a high maintenance type guy (like myself...I admit it.)then please rest assured that he is putting in a lot of time to look fly for you. The least you can do is pay for food.

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  3. This can be a sticky situation for most first dates; I strongly feel that the person whom asked the other out should at least be prepared or offer to pick up the tab, and maybe allowing the date to pick up the tip.

    First dates should always be 50/50 then there is no strain on either party. Keep reserved cash in your wallet at all times, just in case.

    The person who earns the most monies shouldn't necessarily pick up the tab unless he knows that his date earns less and may be struggling to make ends meet, then he should pay and allow the date to leave the tip.

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  4. I've been missing for a while, obviously. But... a date?

    At any rate... split 50/50 on first date. After that, take turns.

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  5. Let me add:
    And by the time you live together, then it doesn't matter anyway, cuz y'all would have a joint account. Right????? Yes!!!

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  6. I say pay 50/50 on the first date. On the second date offer to pay and tell him he can pay the tab on the third date. If there's a fourth date, then talk about how you two want to handle future dinners.

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  7. I'm with DigitalGreg. As for dinner being the extent of the date and not doing anything afterward - the writer could have easily suggested going for coffee or dessert instead of waiting for the other guy to suggest it. He did make a point of telling us he's a man, didn't he?

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  8. ®‡ø - DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS FROM PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY DATE?

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  9. CUP-O-NOODLES - I LIKE THE TAKE TURNS IDEA...LOVE THE JOINT ACCOUNTS IDEA EVEN MORE...HOPEFULLY MANY GET TO THAT POINT.

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  10. DIGITAL GREG - HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO CHET & CUP-O-NOODLES?

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  11. CALI-P - I LOVE THAT NOTHING ESCAPES YOU!

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  12. I don't really like going dutch. I think it is corny. One person should pay and the other should offer to pay the next time. I like taking turns. I always assume I am going to pay. Do I always pay? No! But, I am ready to do so.

    I did a post about this recently, check it out: http://lesbianbrooklynite.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/who-pays-when-dating-someone-new/

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  13. LESBIAN: I LOVE TAKING TURNS IN RELATIONSHIPS. I ADDED YOUR BLOG TO MY LIST!

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  14. I've never met a guy who paid for a date until my current bf, but then our first few dates he made me dinner at his place, so I don't know what would have happened on a first date, but I've always gone dutch. Not really a choice thing.

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  15. JAMIES: WOW THE MEN YOU MET SUCK! :-)

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  16. Well, most of them are poor students like me. Now my boyfriend on the other hand has a good job. He best be paying when we go anywhere:)

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  17. JAMIES: WHEN I MOVE TO CANADA, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOU AND YOUR BF OUT...I WILL PAY OF COURSE.

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  18. Where in Canada are you planning on moving too? Maybe you can just come over and I'll make you dinner.

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  19. JAMIES: THE HUBBY & I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET, SO KEEP OUR PLACE @ THE TABLE!

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