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Tuesday, 09 June 2009

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS: ¿DO THEY WORK?

What happens when your committed partner grows bored with your sex life and desires to see other people? He doesn't exactly want to break up; he'd just like to sleep with other people from time to time. Some gay couples (and straight couples, actually) have open relationships, but do they really work?

28 comments:

  1. I will post my comment on this once I get in a relationship.

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  2. I think that almost anything can work in a relationship as long as both people are aware and willing participants.

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  3. Hmmmm..... I Dunno How id feel about something like this if I were to be bought up to me by someone I was with..... I Dunno.... Im very territorial over what's mines tho....

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  4. I am very selfish when it comes to my man and his meat. Unless I am joining in, that is a "no bueno".

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  5. Personally I think they can work, but then again that probably only means that it could work for me or others like me. In other words....people who tend to get bored with sex with the same person.

    But here is the question.... if two people can get it to work and in so doing they keep their relationship alive and well... then despite maybe the initial pain that could be caused by such a situation... would it not be considered to have been worthwhile at the end of the day?

    Sorry to answer your question with another question ;-)

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  6. i just want to say i was happy with some of the responses so far, they are not typical. But i will say it is not always about being bored with your partner, maybe it is about an experience or one wants to try something and the other does not. or my favorite, the couple both fall in love with someone else and invite that person to join them in their relationship, which is where i am right now.

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  7. i think that for a few it can work, but for most it ends up being the source of a lot of heartache. how do you deal with it if one is out getting it on with others and the other is not...lots of room for jealousy.

    i know i am one that would not want to be in an open relationship. if my man wants to spice things up we can come up with something, but i don't want to share his d**k with a stranger.

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  8. Honestly the term itself is an oxymoron. Like really who thought of the idea of an open relationship? It sounds more like giving permission to have cut buddies on the side. Do they work? They can but I question if they last.

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  9. I think Keith Jones makes a good point - "Do they work? They can but I question if they last."

    Over time, I think open relationship result in physcologically and emotionally damaged people. Of course I'm sure there's exceptions to the rule, and there's different types of "open relationships" but I don't think they're a mentally healthy option.

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  10. Btw TG-K - great choice of picture. Can never have enough Belasco!

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  11. *Good question!* *Ponders* I dont know!! I'm still searching for my first one...

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  12. I dont think the term is an oxymoron at all. Relationships are about more than sex. I have been in relationships in the past that were both open and while those relationships did eventually come to an end the end had nothing to do with sex with each other or other people.

    You know what causes a relationship not to last? Not being honest with your partner. As a leatherman i have seen many relationships , long term relationships that were open but they were honest.

    I would like to know Ka-os why you think they result in being mentally healthy.

    I have found that folks that are prone to be jealous are jealous weather they are in a open relationship or not.

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  13. I think we need to define what works first. Sure they can "work" for a little bit, but eventually someone's going to get hurt in the process. What's stopping them for getting more attached to the person they've been dippin out with? What's making the relationship that they are currently in last?

    If you relationship is so bad that you have to have another relationship on the outside be it sex or not, than it's time to get a set, and end it.

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  14. Sozo saying someone will get hurt eventually is a huge assumption. The truth is you cane be in a "closed" relationship and one person can still wind up having feelings for someone else.

    I think when this question comes up people put too much emphasis on sex. My first relationship was open, we talked about it a lot. We had rules in place like not in out bed unless we were both party to that event. That relationship ran for 5 years and in the end all the things we fought and argued about had nothnig to do with sex or open relationships. In our subsequent conversations since sex was still never the issue...in fact we have refrained from having sex with each other cause that was the one place we met 100% together.

    The relationship was not open because one was tired of the other or because the sex was boring. I had been into leather for a few years at that point and he was curious but shy about it.

    I know two couples that have been together over twenty years and are open, they dont go out and screw every night, in fact they usually only play at events.

    Jealousy is jealousy and will always be there weather the relationship is open or closed if that is the type of person you are.

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  15. this pic.....all I can say is " WELL GOD DAMN". Shorty is swanging....lol

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  16. Hell to the no! There is no way an open relationship can be successful, not even if both parties agree especially if they honestly love each other, yeah you might agree to it, but the thought
    of your mate screwing someone else can be a painful experience.

    I tried that once and damn near lost my mind, and refused to have sex any further with that particular mate. I regret that I agreed to such a thing, but now I have a better understading of what an open relationship is all about, and no way can I accept such an act.

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  17. Hmm tough one. I guess it depends on the couple. I dont think I could stand it.

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  18. Maybe it can works, when the partners don`t speak about it...I will get crazy when my partner tells my something about sex with other mens..no, it can not work, its hurts too much

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  19. D.J. - to address your question, I just feel that human beings aren't built that way, and no matter how much you talk about it, how honest you are, feelings will end up getting hurt. I've tried it before and it didn't work - but that was just me.

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  20. @ D.J.

    Regardless of how much emphasis you want to put on sex or not, sex is a bonding agent. When you love someone, you want to be with them and them alone.

    I know you'll baulk at this, but when you are in an open relationship and you're doing your business with others (however you agreed to do it) you are not giving yourself 100% to the other person.

    Feeling will get hurt no matter what, jealousy will happen, fighting will happen, etc, etc and you're right...it's not going to be about sex it's going to be about the small stuff...it's where it always happens.

    Look at any couple who are having problems...it's the same thing. The problems start small, the bitching starts small, and 99% of the time they bitch about the stuff that isn't the real problem after all.

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  21. I think it depends on the individuals and what they can and cant handle in their relationships. Variety is supposed to be the spice of life. But having too much of anything can be hazardous.

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  22. yes it can!!! But it needs probablely some distance.

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  23. I don't know, it sounds sort of contradictive. How can someone say I'm committed to you, but I want to sleep with other people from time to time? That defeats the purpose of having a "committed partner."

    Some people can have polygamous relationships and be fine with it. To those people that can, power to them! I just feel like if someone loves you, that's it. It's only you. If someone just lusts you, than that's where the promiscuity comes in.

    I'd feel like if I let my man sleep with other people, than that's just what I am too. A fuck. There has to be a line between making love, and fucking. Once that other person wants to sleep with other people, than you know what's more important of the two.

    If you're facing this issue personally, I'd suggest tell him no. There's too many risk factors in opening your relationship up, and too many opportunities for you to suddenly become that "other person."

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  24. Well I love the conversation that this post has invoked.

    I am a little disturbed that people place so much importance on love when it comes to sex. I have had some great sex in my life, where every part got touched just right, but it has never compared to the sex I have had with someone I was in love with. That touched me on parts that nobody else could.

    That is the difference between sex and love, not the act but the feeling behind it. The connection those two (or sometimes three) people have.

    I have two partners and at the end of the day I dont care what they do during the day just so long as at the end of the day I can roll over and see those faces. That is what is important to me.

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  25. I know I'm going to get called out on this.

    When I was single and a slut I had lots of three ways with couples. I stipulated that I would be the "playtoy in the middle", with no kissing or emotion directed towards me. I was strictly a toy for them to use temporarily and they both had to be there and participate or I'd leave. One couple had been together for 25+ years but the others were no more than a couple of years together.

    Now that I'm married, I have no interest in playing with anyone but my husband. We've been together for seven years, it's the best sex I've ever had (and believe me, I've had a helluva lot of it) and he maintains it's the same for him.

    Frankly I'm too insecure to introduce an outsider into our relationship. I admit that I fear that he might like the newer, younger model better and my marriage would wither and die.

    Call me selfish if you want. I don't care. We both have a lot invested in this relationship and I'm not willing to risk it all being thrown out the window because we invited a "playtoy" to the party.

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  26. THADDEUS – I WILL LOOK OUT FOR THAT COMMENT…

    JIMMY – YEAH BUT HOW LONG CAN THEY AGREE ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

    PRIMO – I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM…

    J. FOX – I DON’T YOU’D BE ABLE TO DO IT…

    CONN3CTION – IT IS COOL, BUT I AM WONDERING YOU GET BORED WITH SEX BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE A REAL CONNECTION WITH YOUR PARTNERS?

    D. J. – I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT I RATHER THE ONE MAN WHO I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH…

    CLINT – I KNOW OF A COUPLE THAT MAKES IT WORK, BUT THEY PLAY TOGETHER…

    KEITH JONES – I AGREE WITH KEITH IT IS SO AN OXYMORON…

    KA-OS – I AGREE WITH YOU A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS CAN’T BE HEALTHY IN THE LONG RUN…GLAD YOU LIKE THE PIC…

    JAMAR – KEEP SEARCHING FOR THE “ONE”

    D. J. – RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE THAN SEX YES, BUT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP IN MOST CASES IS ABOUT WHAT EXACTLY?

    SOZO – GOOD QUESTIONS…I DON’T THINK MOST PERSONS THAT PARTICIPATE IN THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP CAN REALLY ANSWER THAT QUESTION…

    D. J. – I AGREE WITH YOU, BUT IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP AREN’T YOU TELLING YOUR PARTNER THAT YOU WANT THAN HIM?

    OYIN – GO GET IT GIRL!!!

    CHET – I AGREE WITH YOU…I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY…

    JEREMY – I COULDN’T STAND IT EITHER…

    BJORNS – WELL THAT ISN’T OPEN IF YOU DON’T SPEAK ABOUT IT…RIGHT?

    KA-OS – I AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT…GUESS THAT’S JUST ME TOO…

    SOZO – I LIKE YOUR RESPONSE…SOMETHING LIKE AN OPEN RELATION IS OBVIOUSLY FOR THE SELECTIVE FEW AMONG US…

    TRU3LOGIC – YEAH IT CAN, SO CAN YOU DO IT?

    MR BABEL – I LIKE THAT RESPONSE…

    MIKEL – THAT’S WHAT I AM THINKING…

    D. J. – I THINK THEY PLACE IMPORTANCE ON LOVE BECAUSE SEX IS SOMETHING THAT IS SACRED EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T ALWAYS TREAT IT THAT WAY.

    PDQ – WELL @ THAT POINT IN YOUR LIFE YOU WERE SIMPLE HAVING FUN & IT WASN’T ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS @ ALL…HOWEVER YOU’VE GROWN & SEX WITH OTHER PERSONS TEND TO BE FUN, IT CAN’T TAKE THE PLACE OF THAT ONE SPECIAL PERSON YOU CAN GET TO SO MANY LEVELS WITH…

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  27. I guess anything can work if both people are truly in it to win it. I do, however, believe that after a while, it can get old particularly when and if jealously creeps in.

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  28. FLABRUH05 - I FEEL THAT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP ISN'T FOR EVERYONE...

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