¡We can no longer be a bunch of empty minds living in critical times refusing to recognize real lies!

Thursday, 25 January 2007


I find it so very interesting how the RHYTHM OF LIFE gets us, talk about universal vibrations. Now as if life isn’t complicated enough I arose out of my bed @ exactly 4: 47 am with no rhyme or reason; it was as if I’d never been asleep. Crazy how when I ask questions, answer soon follow and amazingly I got the answer to something that has been plaguing my soul for some time now. I’d met him about a year ago and from that moment something inside of me knew I wanted to date this man but I held back. At the time I knew it was because I loved another and knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t fully commit to him. So as anyone could expect he got frustrated and our communications with each other ended and in scheme of life ALL things left opened will soon find themselves closed. So said so it was done only I didn’t know it yet and I think that I talked this man back into my life because I felt that he was someone that missed out on, someone that I could take a journey with. Hence I promised myself that if given a chance I wouldn’t let it pass me by, funny I should have because it was obvious that it wasn’t meant to be. We connected and I really that we both have a genuine LOVE for each other…only our definitions of that concept isn’t the same. So back to awaking in more ways than one, I soon came to realize that this man was on a hunt and his lust lead him to my door; only it wasn’t me he sought it was one of my room-mates. Now the F&CKED UP thing about that situation is I don’t have a problem with him getting his but the problem comes when he knew he was outside of the house that had me in it. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that the only that separated us was the walls of my sitting area (I HAVE THE INTERNET CHAT MESSAGE TO PROVE IT!). So me being the MAN I am I couldn’t believe that this man who seems to possess principle and integrity decided that his SEXUAL APPETITE was more important than the feelings we had for each other…guess that means that things aren’t what they seem. So it was up to me to inform him that I knew about what he did and of course I did. He almost died, apologized profusely and begged for my understanding; the thing is I understood completely I only wonder if he does? How can he think that I didn’t know he was getting his? I mean he is a man and needs to get his. I can’t understand why come to my place? Why bring that energy to my place? Why show me such disrespect? Guess in grand scheme of things this is how it was meant to be, I can stop wondering if this man and I will be, I have to let go him, I have to dig deep into my soul and remember the signs. I can’t let him take LOVE away from me, I can’t let him make me HATE him, I can’t let him take me for anything less than a MAN. For my sanity I say thank you, raise my glass and tip my hat I no longer will pine away for this man. I know that we met for a reason; I get it now…I wonder if he gets it? So on behalf of my future happiness, I will remove myself from this situation, I know that I am meant for better things…a better man than he! I am seeking that REAL man, that true LOVE; you know that LOVE that never dies?…that LOVE that is from GOD? So now when I think about him I allowed myself to feel whatever emotion I was feeling when I thought of him. Be it anger, love, sadness, etc. No matter how many times I said "get over it!" I had to process it in my own way and this is my first step. I own the fact that we will always have a connection and now I understand why I cried the last time we made LOVE…I understand why I didn’t fall into your soul…I understand why I you are so lost…U DON’T RESPECT YOURSELF & NOW I KNOW WHERE THAT LEAVES ME…

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