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Tuesday, 08 May 2012

¿WHERE ARE THE GOOD GAY MEN?


I'm 39 and I've been out of the closet for a number of years now. I've met some gay guys but it didn't seem like we ever had much to talk about, much in common, or they just didn't seem like they wanted any interaction, from me anyway.

I'm really tired of going at things alone, talking to friends who really don't fully understand what I go through. There are clubs and events I go to, but I can't say I've found any men that interest me and the last thing I want to do is become just the one night stand kinda guy. Time and time again I find myself just lusting and having fantasies about men I know can't be gay only to find that the second they open their mouths I figure out they were just physically enticing. I suppose that's another problem, since I haven't really been able to get to know too many guys on a friendly level I usually just lust from afar.

So my real question is this: How in the world do I figure out how to find someone I can connect and communicate with? 

16 comments:

  1. When we finally decide to stop looking for "Mr. Perfect" and begin to search the eyes, hearts, minds and souls of those around us, we'll discover that the good same gender loving men are all around us. This may seem like a tired cliche` but experience has opened my eyes and taught me the truth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tell gay men all the time that when you stop looking, checking in with yourself, he will find you.

      Delete
  2. My question is: why are all the decent guys hiding out while I'm single but as SOON as I get in a serious relationship, they spring up out of the wood-works?

    No, but really: tell him to try match.com or something. I hear they have high success rates

    -_Cogito

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    Replies
    1. I SO know what you are talking about, but hey you only need one right?

      Delete
  3. why was this written in the first person?

    As painful as it was, the only successful way I found to meet people and ultimately, THE ONE, was to keep trying. I would retreat to lick my wounds and recover after each disappointment or total disaster, but I was determined to find HIM or be found by HIM and I eventually did.

    What I gained along the way was a better understanding of what was important in Life, what was ultimately going to fulfill me and what my responsibilities would be to keep a relationship going.

    BTW, I encountered more vicious liars and cheats on the commercial 'fall in love and get married' sites than I did on places like Silverdaddies and Manhunt; the most notorious, expensive and full of crap being 'Match.BOMB'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have NO clue why it was written that way, I came this way to me.

      I keep telling folks there is NO magic bullet and you have to keep @ it, but...

      Delete
  4. I think whoever wrote this question needs to take a good look at himself.

    He says his friends "don't understand what he is going through." That is bullshit -- the human condition is pretty common.

    He needs to ask his friends and family to honestly tell him how he appears to others. From what I read he seems to be a bit pretentious or even standoffish. Ask them if this is how you come off to others.

    Roger is also correct. Stop looking for Mr. Perfect. You will never find him.

    Also join organizations where there are gay people. Adam4Adam and BGC and other online web sites aren't the only answer. There are gay vacation groups, hiking clubs, bowling leagues and on and on.

    Find one and get out and just have fun. A mate will come along.

    And work on yourself. Keep yourself healthy. Go to the gym. Do yoga. Eat right. Build self-confidence.

    The nicer and more confidant person you are the more people you attract.

    Immanuel
    www.dlconfessionssequel.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I TOTALLY agree with you what you say. However when I tell men that I get them, I am told that I don't because I have someone so I just leave it alone because you ONLY show someone the path, you can't make them walk it.

      Delete
  5. gee, where have we heard THAT before :>)~

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  6. As my friend tells me they are guys you pass by for their little imperfections.

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  7. You find it unexpectedly. I know it sounds cliché, but I found mine that way. 17 years ago, while looking to turn a trick, nonetheless. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I remember your telling me of this a while back, ain't life AMAZING?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I I can agree with you there C-O-N, when I met my bf I was not looking for a relationship at all, and he was honestly not who I would look for to start a relationship with. Sometimes not looking seems to work well.

      Delete
    2. I met Noel on Black Gay Chat.

      Delete

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