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Thursday, 09 December 2010

A MAN IS MAN...¿RIGHT?

Every week as I sit in the barbershop, I look around @ the hetero and homosexual men alike and often think about how amazing it is that we are all different, yet we are the same; and it is such a pity that what allow these ‘’ differences’’ to get in the way of us finding some common ground. The connection between gay men and straight women is SO familiar to the point of cliché, but friendships between gay and straight men are practically non-existent! Why is that exactly?

The REAL work for us bridging the gap lies NOT in political force, but in building alliances; and I’d like to think that I have some sort of friendship with a straight guy that I used to work with (though he is suspect). Somewhere in my mind I often think as he calls or texts to find out how I am doing that he MUST know about me. Straight men aren’t that clueless…right? Maybe he is a part of that (small) group of forward thinking men who get the variability of sexuality. I know all of the straight men in the barbershop would NOT stand up and say they do not have a problem with gay men, can you imagine anyone of them claiming a gay man as a friend? I get it, but @ the same time I find it to be crazy because in my opinion a gay man is very much an ally for a straight man. His energy is a force to be reckoned with and I DARE SAY THAT ALL HETERO MEN CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK! We are NOT competition so there is NO need for fear or hatred. I see this as learning experience for both of us, because as we can learn from each other. I get that male friendships have their own character and their own rules, and when you add that to the complexity of male collective process, is it any wonder that a friendship between a gay and straight man would be overestimated, while a straight one would be underestimated? I wish that I found this surprising, but I know, we know that men are ALWAYS feeling each other out in one way or another.

I suppose that men will behave with each this way until the end of time and the strain between heterosexual and homosexual men will remain where it has always historically been. And if the barbershop is any indication of the future, I do NOT see any reconciliation on an interpersonal level. How can we? The hetero men in the barbershop find it difficult to be buddy-buddy with us and treat us like ‘regular’ men. Wouldn’t you, if you had to pretend that your gay friend’s sexual advances are all in the name of “harmless fun’’? Nonetheless, if we are going to maintain meaningful male friendships, we homosexual men are going to have to demonstrate some respect for the sexual boundaries of straight men. We are going to have to start thinking of straight men as being “off limits.” Then maybe, just maybe we can see the flip side of homophobia and the hetero male can finally get that a MAN IS A MAN no matter what he does with HIS dick N’ ass. 

15 comments:

  1. I'm hopeful times are changing. I have alot of heterosexual male friends and I've made no secret of my sexuality. We're on common ground until its time to go clubbing then the battle of 'who'll be dragged to the club they have no interest in' begins....It's a give and take situation

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  2. TOY COUTURE - GLAD THAT YOU HAVE THAT TYPE OF FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP WITH HETERO MALE.

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  3. OMG AMEN!! Especially what u said @ the end about boundaries. THAT IS a BIG part of the reason for homophobia...they think WE ARE ALL out to "turn them out" I for one DNT believe in that BULLSHIT. But pitifully there are BUTT LOADS(No pun intended lol)of gay that do...What makes u soooo ARROGANT to THINK u actually have the power to turn out a SINCERELY str8 man. Respect MUST be GIVEN to be TOOK. Gay men CANNOT COMPLAIN bout Homophobia, when they CAN'T respect a the FACT that there ARE str8 men out there who WILL NOT participant in MALEonMALE action. Str8 wouldn't and cant befriend gay men 'cause ppl are gonna THINk he is GUILTY by ASSOCIATION AND its the fact that he's GONNA feel like his gay friend is tryna GET AT HIM.

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  4. DONN M. - YOU ARE THE SECOND PERSON TO TELL ME THAT YOU LIKE THE ENDING OF THIS ENTRY...SO DO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAINTAIN A FRIENDSHIP WITH HETERO MAN?

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  5. G.K.-Yes, if the gay men can understand he IS off limits and if the str8 man can be comfortable with him as his friend and Not ashamed. But like I said most are scared off by the guilty by association thing. I know there is GOTTA be some hetero/homo friendships out there somewhere.

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  6. Sometimes, I think that we just create our own imagined barriers to open communication. We think we are supposed to act/react a certain way so, therefre, we do. I think we are set in a mode to feel the way we assume we are prejudicially thought to feel. If my neighbor needs my help, do I deny it because I know he's republican conservative and I'm not?

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  7. DONN M. - I AM SURE THERE ARE SOME HETERO/HOMO FRIENDSHIPS OUT THERE...

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  8. ROGER - EXCELLENT POINT! @ THE END OF THE DAY I FEEL THAT IT BOILS DOWN TO SIMPLY BEING GOOD PEOPLE TOWARDS EACH OTHER.

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  9. I've been fortunate to have STR8 Men as friends, it is the Gay Men that friendship can be problematic. I do have a handful of gay and str8 men friends. I think the reason many str8 men can't get along with gay men is because the personalities often clash as oppose to sexual orientation.

    Hopefully Gay and Str8 Men will some day form an alliance of some sort in the near future; yeah right.

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  10. CHET - I WOULD LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS!

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  11. I'm not fully out, but even if I was, I'm just as average as an average due can be. I mostly stick to myself. Even in the barbershop, the barbers try to engage in convo with me more than I do with them. LOL . . .Usually the decorum 'round my parts is usually cool. I totally feel ya on finding a balance, and I think some gay guys try. I have straight male friends, they don't know about me, but they aren't the type I want to even flirt with; however, I still try to be myself as far as checking on them and offering the type a friendship (although at times it can be quite "fatherly" -and they are my age lol) to them. Meh' lol

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  12. BAMA BOI - HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR FRIENDS WOULD REACT TOWARDS YOU IF THEY KNEW OF YOUR SEXUALITY?

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  13. I really don't know honestly. I'd think it'd be cool. My male friends are usually older, so I don't have to deal with too much craziness, and the majority of them are on some type of artistic scene, so it shouldn't be a big hoopla. Really, i think a lot of men have misconceptions of how gay men carry themselves. I really don't think of myself as contributing to the stereotype of what the media portrays, but I'm still not going around high on testosterone either. Overall, they should be cool, but people are unpredictable. How did you straight male friends react?

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  14. I don't know if you've seen this one: http://bamaboiblues.blogspot.com/2010/10/conflict-of-manhood-precursor-to-other.html

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  15. This is my last comment, I swear LOL, but I just wanted to thank you for your comment that you placed on my blog. You hit it on the head where you said that men CANNOT be men w/o one another. . .that's interesting within itself, and so true!

    I look forward to your take on it all, and I'm very glad I've stumbled upon your blog in some way.

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