OLDIE, BUT GOODIE:¿BUT I AM GAY?

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THIS ENTRY MAKES ME SMILE BECAUSE WHEN IT WAS WRITTEN, I COULDN’T DO WHAT I AM DOING TODAY & THAT’S SMILE ABOUT HER THOUGHTS N’ NOTIONS ABOUT ME. I THINK SHE WISHED THAT I FELT BAD THAT I WAS GAY, BUT DIDN’T THEN & I DON’T NOW…AS I RE-POST THIS, I AM WONDERING WHAT BECAME OF HER? YOU KNOW DID SHE GET IT…ME? NO MATTER I SUPPOSE…RIGHT?

As we move forward in the quest to understand our universe, our sexuality and ourselves, we walk the fine line of PERCEPTION and REALITY. We have trouble comprehending what the people we come across and LIFE is all about. For this very reason there exist a fundamental difficulty in comprehending one’s sexual identity much less someone else’s. Therefore, when it comes to SAME-SEX individuals like me the world is left to wonder and scratch their heads because we do not fit the mold of what they is meant to be, especially when it comes to WOMEN.

It is comforting to know that our world has a fixed understanding of SEXUALITY that forces them to rethink their position. When I cross paths with a FEMALE that express some interest in me, I immediately have a strange a look on my face and in my mind I am thinking…BUT I AM GAY. I wonder how she cannot tell. What is it about me that tell her otherwise? It is obvious that that her PERCEIVED REALITY of what this HOMOSEXUAL MALE is about is not on point. I find this COMFORTING and DISHEARTENING to know that she is naturally only able to perceive a small portion of MY REALITY. Somewhere in her brain, she has formed notions about the basic concepts of MY SEXUALITY and did not stop to think what it actually meant. It is obvious that HER greatest fallacy of SEXUALITY is that ALL GAY MEN ARE EFFEMINATE and that the PERCEIVED MACHO ones are not. Since I fit neither category she should realize that SEXUALITY does not prescribe the nature of MY BEING, it is merely a reasonable description of it.

But how can I blame her when she tells me that I am all the things she would need in a man? SENSITIVE, GENTLE, COMPLETELY HONEST, VERY UNSELFISH, INTELLIGENT, WELL-EDUCATED, ARTICULATE, SEXUALLY DYNAMIC and HIGHLY SPIRITUAL. Nonetheless, I need her to understand that I am this MAN because of the mere fact that I had to go DEEP within. BECAUSE I AM GAY, she has to now question herself and open up her mind to who I am. She cannot limit me to just MY SEXUALITY because of SOCIETY’S thoughts about what I am. I DO NOT live MY LIFE through MY SEXUALITY. I AM GAY and MY SEXUALITY is apart of MY LIFE and myself. There is more to me than what can be seen…I AM MADE FOR MAN BECAUSE I AM WAY TOO STRONG FOR A WOMAN…